Are religious beliefs a "Deal Breaker" for you?

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Gigi you are likely right but honestly I'm ok with that.

 

[kmn1980]

Hmm, interesting viewpoint.

I believe people are mocking their faith when they are heavily devoted to it and don't study it with any depth. If I had a nickle for every time I've taught I've "educated" a theist on something.

*steps to the side*

I agree but I was really speaking in terms of religious requirements for relationships. Seems like many times, people want the other person to be their own specialized version of the religion. I'm sure you know where I'm headed with that one

 

[Makenzie]

Not to be funny, but I'm wondering if/how this has limited your dating life? (This is not just directed at you JNSQ, but everyone who feels similarly.)

Yes, and that's ok. If I don't believe a certain doctrine or celebrate a popular custom, how am I going to get with someone who does? That would cause great conflict between one of two parties. Me and my SO/FH or me and my GOD.

So for the people who said that it's a deal breaker for them, do you require your mate to be on the same spiritual level as you? Meaning have as much knowledge about your faith as you or practice it to the same degree (i.e., church attendance, prayer life, volunteering/serving on boards, etc..)?

I'm really on the fence with this issue...maybe because of my experiences with dealing with people "supposedly" of the same faith as me in the past.

Yes. I have personal goals I would like to achieve and am working towards. I treat it like a career.

 

[daydreem2876]

The more I think about this question, the more I realize that religious beliefs would be a deal breaker. It's not so much of a matter where he is in his walk, but a matter of do you believe in God and are you actively working to live your life, accordingly. Because, I am and quite frankly I have come too far on this journey to allow a man to distract me from it (been there, done that ). As I wait for my husband to find me and eventually raise a family, it has become increasingly important to choose a husband who has a strong foundation in his faith so we can go forward as a united front. I truly believe and have in the concept of being "equally yoked". Its in the bible for a reason.

 

[Spiffy]

Differing faiths aren't a deal breaker for me, at all. I'm not down with religious indoctrination of children, so being married to someone of a different faith just makes that easier, as they will automatically be exposed to more than one religion.

What Kiya said. I'd put personal values over religious beliefs. Religious beliefs or lack thereof does not directly dictate a persons values.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Yes, it's a deal breaker for me. I'm an atheist and I simply cannot date someone who is religious. I sometimes mock religion (when someone tries to "preach" to me) and he may take offense to that.

Now if he is religious or spiritual etc., and can accept the fact that I have my views then we may date.

 

[Whimsy]

I couldn't date a very religions person of ANY faith. I am not religious, but am spiritual. I'd prefer dating someone similar, but have dated christians of different denominations in the past. I would NEVER go there again. I don't want any hardcore biblethumping in my life.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

T'is a deal breaker.

I want a peaceful home and I don't think that would be possible with someone who celebrates Christmas or Easter, even in the commercial sense.

I wouldn't rule out sensible Atheists or Agnostics though. The abridged focus of alot of Jewish holidays are "they tried to kill us, didn't accomplish it, now let's eat". So it's possible that someone who doesn't believe in G-d wouldn't find themselves conflicted, just depends on the person.

 

[ambergirl]

I've often found that a lot of brothers like devout Christian women for wives, even if they themselves are weak in their walk....anybody else found this to be true?

This has been one of my major hurdles in dating black men because I am not a Christian and this has raised the eyebrows of more then a few brothers.

 

[Bunny77]

The abridged focus of alot of Jewish holidays are "they tried to kill us, didn't accomplish it, now let's eat".

I love this.

 

[Enyo]

I've often found that a lot of brothers like devout Christian women for wives, even if they themselves are weak in their walk....anybody else found this to be true?

I found that to be true in the Muslim community as well.

 

[PopLife]

I've often found that a lot of brothers like devout Christian women for wives, even if they themselves are weak in their walk....anybody else found this to be true?

This has been one of my major hurdles in dating black men because I am not a Christian and this has raised the eyebrows of more then a few brothers.

Yes, I can relate to this.

 

[Seraphina]

It's a deal breaker based on past experience. I consider myself Agnostic but open-minded. It would take too long to go into my beliefs so I'll keep it at that. I could never be with a strongly religious man. I refuse to be held to a standard that I don't buy into. And if I were in a relationship with someone who took ANY religious text literally, we would drive each other crazy.

I've often found that a lot of brothers like devout Christian women for wives, even if they themselves are weak in their walk....anybody else found this to be true?

This has been one of my major hurdles in dating black men because I am not a Christian and this has raised the eyebrows of more then a few brothers.

Yes I have found this to be true. And if it's not him, it's his mother.

I found that to be true in the Muslim community as well.

I was engaged to a Muslim man once and he would get upset if I didn't behave in a way that he felt a good Muslim wife would. Problem was, I'm not Muslim AND he is very lax on his own faith. He drinks, fornicates, etc. but wanted to hold me to a religious standard that didn't even belong to me.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

It is very important that I date and eventually marry someone that shares my religious beliefs. That being said, I am an intellectual (which many mistakenly believe to be in contention with faith) so it is important to me that he be thoughtful and critical about the world...including our beliefs. Obviously, faith can not be completely rationalized and I do not try to do so. However, I think it is important to be with someone who thinks about how our faith intersects with social justice, collective responsibility and politics. For example, I think I'd have a hard time dating some men who I genuinely believe to be Christians, but who ascribe to political ideology that indirectly/directly marginalizes the oppressed.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

not surprising. if you think about the number of men raised in female headed households, whether it was a grandmother or mother, and that black women (esp. older black women) are at least semi- religious it makes sense. men want women like their mommas, esp. if she was a good mother. if he remembers momma taking him to church on Sunday then maybe that's what he wants for his children.

Ironically, brothers may want this but not all that it entails. I'll let a brother know in a minute I'm a woman of God and he'll be fine. Let me tell him that I'm for real, for real, which means his marker has to stay in the box until marriage. Brother will throw up the deuces and be out with the quickness

I've often found that a lot of brothers like devout Christian women for wives, even if they themselves are weak in their walk....anybody else found this to be true?

This has been one of my major hurdles in dating black men because I am not a Christian and this has raised the eyebrows of more then a few brothers.

 

[Godyssey]

I see...so what if he was of a "New Age" faith that encompasses/embraces all religious beliefs... a belief in God or "higher being"?

I'm a "New Ager, Agnostic". I don't embrace everyones religious beliefs. I feel that if you do your research that most religions have good, virtuous points. I don't believe in harming people, although I fail at times, in harming other beings.

What I believe is quite benign. But I don't take too kindly to people trying to convert me with their religious dogma. The way I feel is personal to me. I don't need or want to be converted.

To me religion isn't a deal breaker...depending on what it was and how it made them behave and wether or not they tried to put their beliefs on me or have like believers around me.

I think that spirituality is or should be personal, sacred, and respected by everyone...as long as no laws moral or otherwise are broken.

 

[Seraphina]

It is very important that I date and eventually marry someone that shares my religious beliefs. That being said, I am an intellectual (which many mistakenly believe to be in contention with faith) so it is important to me that he be thoughtful and critical about the world...including our beliefs. Obviously, faith can not be completely rationalized and I do not try to do so. However, I think it is important to be with someone who thinks about how our faith intersects with social justice, collective responsibility and politics. For example, I think I'd have a hard time dating some men who I genuinely believe to be Christians, but who ascribe to political ideology that indirectly/directly marginalizes the oppressed.

Unfortunately I run across the bolded all the time. It's fascinating to me how some of the most oppressive, politically selfish people claim to be the closest to God.

Your post reminded me a point I forgot to make which is about religion and social issues. My lifestyle is not conducive to a man who holds judgments based on faith. I have too many homosexual friends who are very dear to me and will forever be a big part of my life. My ex was very uncomfortable with that and that was a problem for us.

 

[HollyGolightly]

Yes, I refuse to date men that are hardcore Christians because they're usually homophobic and anti-feminist. I'm Buddhist.

 

[beans08]

DH started embracing the faith he grew up with after we got together. I'm not going to say it's been an easy road, in fact I wouldn't recommend it. DH and I have a pretty strong bond, but it's not a situation for everyone.

He's a devout non-denominational Christian. I usually say I am an atheist, which I am starting to re-think. But I will never accept Christianity as it is presented in the King James Bible, and therein lies the problem.

 

[Southern Belle]

I couldn't date a very religions person of ANY faith. I am not religious, but am spiritual. I'd prefer dating someone similar, but have dated christians of different denominations in the past. I would NEVER go there again. I don't want any hardcore biblethumping in my life.

Maybe it's the Ambien, but this made me snicker like a schoolgirl....

 

[Southern Belle]

Yes, it's a deal breaker for me. I'm an atheist and I simply cannot date someone who is religious. I sometimes mock religion (when someone tries to "preach" to me) and he may take offense to that.

Now if he is religious or spiritual etc., and can accept the fact that I have my views then we may date.

Yall I gotta get out of this thread. Yall are cracking me up!

 

[ambergirl]

not surprising. if you think about the number of men raised in female headed households, whether it was a grandmother or mother, and that black women (esp. older black women) are at least semi- religious it makes sense. men want women like their mommas, esp. if she was a good mother. if he remembers momma taking him to church on Sunday then maybe that's what he wants for his children.

Interesting. What I tend to see is that a lot of brothers want a wife who is more traditional. Some seem to want that because they feel it brings more stability and continuity into their lives, but others seem to like it because religious wives tend to be predictable and safe. I've heard more then a few married brothers boast about how all their devout wives do is go to church, cook, clean, take care of the kids, don't leave the house, etc while he on the other hand is out and about doing whatever.

 

[Bunny77]

Your post reminded me a point I forgot to make which is about religion and social issues. My lifestyle is not conducive to a man who holds judgments based on faith. I have too many homosexual friends who are very dear to me and will forever be a big part of my life. My ex was very uncomfortable with that and that was a problem for us.

It is very important that I date and eventually marry someone that shares my religious beliefs. That being said, I am an intellectual (which many mistakenly believe to be in contention with faith) so it is important to me that he be thoughtful and critical about the world...including our beliefs. Obviously, faith can not be completely rationalized and I do not try to do so. However, I think it is important to be with someone who thinks about how our faith intersects with social justice, collective responsibility and politics. For example, I think I'd have a hard time dating some men who I genuinely believe to be Christians, but who ascribe to political ideology that indirectly/directly marginalizes the oppressed.

I can relate to both of these things.

I consider myself to be a very critical thinker, and I don't just accept things at face value because "that's how it is." So, while I want my partner to be a man of faith, I also expect him to come at it with an intellectual and thoughtful approach. If I want to criticize what I feel is lacking in today's church (the institution) as a force for social change, I don't want him to throw a Bible verse at me to shut down discussion. He can disagree with me, but I need him to come up with a well-reasoned disagreement.

Because of this, I've found that the men I click with best aren't often regular churchgoers. However, we usually agree that as a married couple, we would be happy to attend a church together that fits both of us and how we believe.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Yall I gotta get out of this thread. Yall are cracking me up!

Girl I'm telling the truth. Some people just can't shut up for real. I tell them that everyone has thier opinion of religion and then that's when the preaching starts. Usually when i do that then they get even more p'issed and start tellin me how bad i am.

 

[ambergirl]

^^^ Okay!

Like, does all that harranging and condemning actually work? My favorite is folks who give you either the or the or the when you tell them you don't go to a traditional church....Oh yeah now that you've judged and dismissed me I'm heading straight to church.

 

[CrissieD]

It's a deal breaker based on past experience. I consider myself Agnostic but open-minded. It would take too long to go into my beliefs so I'll keep it at that. I could never be with a strongly religious man. I refuse to be held to a standard that I don't buy into. And if I were in a relationship with someone who took ANY religious text literally, we would drive each other crazy.



Yes I have found this to be true. And if it's not him, it's his mother.



I was engaged to a Muslim man once and he would get upset if I didn't behave in a way that he felt a good Muslim wife would. Problem was, I'm not Muslim AND he is very lax on his own faith. He drinks, fornicates, etc. but wanted to hold me to a religious standard that didn't even belong to me.

COSIGN COSIGN and COSIGN the bolded part

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

^^^ Okay!

Like, does all that harranging and condemning actually work? My favorite is folks who give you either the or the or the when you tell them you don't go to a traditional church....Oh yeah now that you've judged and dismissed me I'm heading straight to church.

Preach SISTA! No pun intended of course!

 

[Enyo]

Like, does all that harranging and condemning actually work? My favorite is folks who give you either the or the or the when you tell them you don't go to a traditional church....Oh yeah now that you've judged and dismissed me I'm heading straight to church.

The do that ish for them, not for us. It's all for show.

 

[BeautifulNameX]

yes it is. i need a man who can keep me spritually focus and pray together raise kids with out the but momma said but daddy told me. God has bought me through alot and if i wanna break out in a dance i wana do it with out him lookin like or sayin something smart

 

[YaniraNaturally]

Nope. Just as long as he's spiritual. Although I would like for my kids to go to church at some point though. But I wouldn't mind rotating between his church and mine.