Do you not want children?

[MaintaintheSexy]

I'll be 25 in six months and while I do yearn or a family of my own, I am in no rush to have children. From since I was a little girl, I've literally watched people STRUGGLE to raise their children. My mom and all of her sisters are single parents, the young girls around the neighborhood who have babies are all uneducated or unemployed and their baby's father are null and void. Seeing these things have literally scared me to have children. I take care of my sick mother and I can't even picture taking care of her and a child. Not to mention that the dude that I am with is a complete loser. We always talking about babies and children and I make it clear that I am in no rush to have any. He comes from a big family and all of his friends have kids so he feels out of the loop. That is not my business or problem. Besides that, I would like to get married and have a more stable life and household before I have children. Until then, Im not interested.

 

[hopeful]

I have 4 and had I known ALL that it would entail, I wouldnt have had any. Thats keeping it 100.

But seriously, I have never understood why people care so much about other people's personal choices. It's really ridiculous. I used to have a friend who was married and they decided to not have children. She said people pestered them for years and acted like they were strange until she turned 50, then I guess people knew that it just was not happening. Now she was a very selfish person but again that's her business too.

 

[Minty]

That's keeping it 100% my love.

Although you can't imagine life without them (well you can but what's the point) you would really like to go back in time and smack the so and so who said "so when are you two going to have some kids" or after the first one, "when are you going to have another," or the one who said "don't you want a little girl/boy," and so on.

The pressure people put on you to have, or to have more kids is ridiculous. I know a woman who has one and is suffering. We don't have a village cause no body wants to watch somebody else's kids.

If you don't want kids ladies, stand your ground and protect your womb.

 

[locabouthair]

I don't know. I go back and forth. They're a lot of work.

 

[ThickHair]

I have said for almost 20 years that I did not want kids. The God's honest truth was that I though no man was good enough for me to give birth to his child. Even my 1st husband, I made sure all the time that I would not have a baby by him (dependable contraception). Yes, I did love him, but no, I didn't want to have kids by him. Now at nearly 40, I found a man that I would have a child by, but if he decided that children were not in his future my feelings would not be hurt. I say that we will start next year, if it didn't happen, I believe that both of us wouldbe fine and still live a wonderful life.

 

[nappystorm]

Meh. I can give or take children

 

[Imani]

I have said for almost 20 years that I did not want kids. The God's honest truth was that I though no man was good enough for me to give birth to his child. Even my 1st husband, I made sure all the time that I would not have a baby by him (dependable contraception). Yes, I did love him, but no, I didn't want to have kids by him. Now at nearly 40, I found a man that I would have a child by, but if he decided that children were not in his future my feelings would not be hurt. I say that we will start next year, if it didn't happen, I believe that both of us wouldbe fine and still live a wonderful life.

I could definitely see my story playing out something like yours. I do not see myself having children, but if I did, it would have to be with someone truly truly special. And I would probably be around 40.

 

[ThickHair]

I could definitely see my story playing out something like yours. I do not see myself having children, but if I did, it would have to be with someone truly truly special. And I would probably be around 40.

Some have said that I am a bit conceited. Well call me conceited then, I am proud that I have some standards and didn't just procreate with any ole sperm, including an exhusband. It has sorta been like, "Who do you think you are?" "How dare you?" I am like, I am me, I make the final decision, so far as how dare I, how dare I not. Come on people, it is 2011.

 

[Mortons]

I've noticed something as well:

The ones who get mad at people who say they don't want kids are the ones who just want you to have kids because they have them. :/

I also wonder how long will folks keep seeing, "When you get older, you'll change your mind." Will they be saying this when I'm 46? I mean, really?

This lady a friend of mine works with once admitted she used to encourage her girlfriends to have a baby cause she wanted them to be as miserable as she was. After I heard that, I'm not listening to anyone.

I'm on the fence about kids

Sent from my SPH-M910 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

This lady a friend of mine works with once admitted she used to encourage her girlfriends to have a baby cause she wanted them to be as miserable as she was. After I heard that, I'm not listening to anyone.

I'm on the fence about kids

Sent from my SPH-M910 using Long Hair Care Forum App

wow that really tops my friend who got preggo as a teenager. She told me to get preggo just so I can get welfare like she does.

 

[LivingDol1]

This lady a friend of mine works with once admitted she used to encourage her girlfriends to have a baby cause she wanted them to be as miserable as she was. After I heard that, I'm not listening to anyone.

I'm on the fence about kids

Sent from my SPH-M910 using Long Hair Care Forum App

that is pure evil.

*shudder*

 

[Katherina]

I don't want them right now - that's for sure. I'm on the fence about the future though. I really like kids. Lately I've been leaning toward none or adoption.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I really don't know, for years I knew I didn't want children. But recently I've been thinking about it. I actually like children and sometimes see myself with them. But the fears of raising them and all the drama and annoyance really turns me off. I like a quiet drama free life.

 

[Carisa]

I really dont want any children either and like you OP people are always telling me I'll change my mind if I met the right person.....I say no thanks to all that lol

 

[CurlyMoo]

that is pure evil.

*shudder*

When people find out I don't have children they say, WOW, GOOD KEEP IT THAT WAY! erplexed Not to encouraging.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I really dont want any children either and like you OP people are always telling me I'll change my mind if I met the right person.....I say no thanks to all that lol

Actually I met someone and I can see me having his children, the first time I ever had this feeling.

 

[anon123]

I have 4 and had I known ALL that it would entail, I wouldnt have had any. Thats keeping it 100.

At what point did you find out all it would entail? Not trying to attack, but I don't understand. If it was something you weren't enjoying, why did have another after the 1st? Then the 2nd? Then the 3rd? Did it only get difficult after the 4th?

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

When people find out I don't have children they say, WOW, GOOD KEEP IT THAT WAY! erplexed Not to encouraging.

Woooooowwww....I knew I wasn't the only one. Iget this from the one who got kids, too.

I've had this happen to me too as well. I get very few who say, "When I'm gonna have some," but then I get a lot more who will say:
Them: How old are you?
Me: 26.
Them: You married?
Me: No.
Them: Got kids?
Me: No.
Them: Good. Don't have ANY! Enjoy your freedom, for real!

 

[chocolat79]

Well, when I was younger I wanted 3 kids. THEN, I worked at a behavioral health center while in college and decided on 0 for years. I'm just now contemplating MAYBE 1, but I'm not that pressed. My mom thought I'd be all "woe is me" when I turned 30, but that didn't happen. Kids are ok, but I won't die if I don't have any. If I ever had more than one, I'd have one biological and one foster child.

Right now, I'm still on the fence, I guess.

 

[TamedTresses]

People look at me like I have two heads when I say that I don't want kids. My family is trying to pawn off my uterus even as I type this.

 

[Thiends]

I have said for almost 20 years that I did not want kids. The God's honest truth was that I though no man was good enough for me to give birth to his child.

This is probably what it comes down to for me. I have yet to meet a man so wonderful that I wanted to have his child, and this was the case even with the wonderful man I was very much in love with. I have mused aloud with serious boyfriends/fiances as they dreamt about our children, but deep in my heart, I was just engaging in an intellectual "what if" exercise; I had no intention of letting them impregnate me. Right now, I just enjoy the thought of an adorable child with a cute fro and sweet ways, but shudder at actually having one forever. Part of it is that I don't know anyone who I enjoy being around all the time - not even my siblings, who I adore. I love people the most when they are far from my personal space and I can think on them in the abstract. I don't think being a mother would be compatible with my love of "alone time" and doing what I want when I want.

Edit: In writing this post, I realize that I am not fond of committing to anything permanently. I like to always have an "out" in all things great and small. In motherhood, there is no "out", unless one is a shameless, terrible mother.

 

[Imani]

I swear I feel the EXACT same way ^^^

 

[Sade']

This lady a friend of mine works with once admitted she used to encourage her girlfriends to have a baby cause she wanted them to be as miserable as she was. After I heard that, I'm not listening to anyone.

I'm on the fence about kids

Sent from my SPH-M910 using Long Hair Care Forum App

Hmph misery sure does love company.

 

[Sade']

Check out the article on pg. 1 of this thread ladies: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/off-topic/523031-saying-no-motherhood.html

 

[sj10460]

23 years old and I have no desire to have natural children. When I was younger I wanted three children, two boys and one girl, I even had names picked out. Throughout high school and college, I've had so many friends and associates end up with children, even my best friend, who's son is my Godson. I love him dearly, but I have no desire to have any children of my own. Sometimes when I see children, I smile and think, "oh there's a cute kid" but once they start talking, or crying I get annoyed. I realize that I have no patience nor tolerance to have any children. I love kids, but they are not for me. I like the fact that I can take my little cousins or godson out to the park, museums, etc then once they get on my nerves I can give them back to their parents. With your own child, you can't do that.

Once I'm married, if my husband does have children, I would learn to love and accept them, although I would rather a man without children and one whom doesn't want any. I have no desire to become pregnant or go through child birth. I don't feel not becoming a mother would make me less of a woman than one who has children. However, I would entertain the thought of becoming a foster parent. My mother just thinks I’ll change my mind. I think a lot of people think I’ll change my mind, but I won't. I disagree in not telling your mate you don't want children. I don't believe in wasting my time. Knowing that the person I'm with wants kids, is a waste of both of our time since I won't have any.

 

[Minty]

At what point did you find out all it would entail? Not trying to attack, but I don't understand. If it was something you weren't enjoying, why did have another after the 1st? Then the 2nd? Then the 3rd? Did it only get difficult after the 4th?

I can't answer for her, but in general - no, the real difficulty doesn't begin until school age. That is, unless your child is born with or suffers from some sort of illness or autism diagnosed very early. The dynamics of family life changes, your needs change as a mother/person, and support systems change. The lions share of the 'work' falls to the mother (that is if you are in a traditional family - if you are a single parent, then it all falls on you).

So what if for instance one of your children, who is in the 2nd grade, is not doing well in school (or has a combination of grades/behavioral issues). You get them tested, doctors, teachers, and so on. Their grades are not improving, their attitude gets worse and you as a parent worries of course. Perhaps the option to send them to a private school or hire private tutors are not available, and so as a parent you decide maybe the best option is to homeschool your child. These are all decisions - but certainly unforeseeable while you were happily pregnant or were caring for that young child.

The stress of parenthood rarely occurs while they are young is my point. It often times comes later in life, and if you are like most parents you have children closely together (2-4 yrs apart).

Everyone is there when there is a baby and at graduation - but the inbetween years, you're on your own. Its not a negative or positive - just is.

 

[SimJam]

I'm 34 and I don't want children. I have felt this way since I was a child.

I tend to not take younger people who say they don't want children seriously because 9 times out of 10, they change their minds. Even though I hated when people didn't take me seriously when I was younger, I see now why they didn't.

Just not interested in all that goes with being a mother. Never have been.

this is me exactly, Im 35 and in a longterm relationship.

I love my life the way it is ... get up when I want, cook IF i want to, if I feel bored @ 1 in the morning I can get up and go without even thinking abt it.

My nieces are enough for me, I love them to death but Im overjoyed to hand them back to my sister/bro in law

and when I visit my sister it works out great because I dont see my nieces often (we dont live in the same country) so I literally want to spend every minute for the week or two weeks Im there. And at that time my sis and bro in law get to go out midweek or whenever, b/c they dont have to hunt for a sitter

but I think its important for ladies how feel this strongly to tell their partner, Ive always told my b/f that Im not interested in children and I was really shocked recently when he asked if I'm not thinking abt starting a family with him ... I was lik ,,,, have you not heard me all these years????

he said he thought I wasnt serious, well I told him that if thats what he wants then he may have to rethink the longivity of our realtionship ... its that serious

 

[NaturalLibra]

but I think its important for ladies how feel this strongly to tell their partner, Ive always told my b/f that Im not interested in children and I was really shocked recently when he asked if I'm not thinking abt starting a family with him ... I was lik ,,,, have you not heard me all these years????

he said he thought I wasnt serious, well I told him that if thats what he wants then he may have to rethink the longivity of our realtionship ... its that serious

That's one of my fears, that everything would be cool at the beginning and then all of a sudden one of us would change our minds or start trying to change the other persons mind. LOL maybe I need to bring a contract to the first date!

 

[LovelyNaps26]

That's one of my fears, that everything would be cool at the beginning and then all of a sudden one of us would change our minds or start trying to change the other persons mind. LOL maybe I need to bring a contract to the first date!

This reminds of that episode of Girlfriends when Joan had to break up with Brock. It was so sad.

Skip to 3:10 YouTube - Girlfriends(S04E09) - "Between Brock and a Hard Place" [Part 2]

ETA: watching that clip reminded me of how much i like Girlfriends.