Are Men Able to See...

[LifeafterLHCF]

Having been and still am to a degree a low confidence chick I know that some men can feel it..I have observed too often a loser type dude talking to some females bc they look easy and don't have it together.all my relationships with men have been epic fails because of my lack of confidence..male and female..I guess to gain confidence you have to figure out what is it exactly disgust you about you then fix it if possible or hire someone who can

For instance if I could get a hold of a plastic surgeon and alots of money I would have a number done to my face and body..for me that would boost my confidence..same with me and jobs..if I could find a good job at a good company my confidence would go up alot.

You just have to get either comfy with yourself either I can change what I don't like or not if not then I will embrace me and be proud and if not change it to the point that you can embrace it.

 

[JustKiya]

Soooo, maybe this all begs the question...if you don't got it, howdaya get it?
Confidence, that is? Or how do you at least "fake it until you make it?" I'll take either one...

Think about how you would want a man to treat your 18 y/o daughter. Just pretend. How would you want him to interact with her? How would you want him to approach her? What boundaries would you like for her to have?

Then act that way.

If you wouldn't want her giggling up in the face of some dude whose first comments to her focused on her physical - don't do it.

If you wouldn't want her sleeping with some dude raw after knowing him for only a few weeks - don't do it.

Figure out what you want your relationships - and your men - to aspire to, and then act in a manner that only accepts those who are on that path.

Heck, make a list if you need to. Confidence, really, is all about knowing what YOU want and what YOUR boundaries are and what YOU are worthy of. Once you know that, and your behaviors fall in line with that - even if all you want is a new dick every week - you'll be confident about it, because you have examined yourself and your own motivations.

 

[ThickHair]

For instance if I could get a hold of a plastic surgeon and alots of money I would have a number done to my face and body..for me that would boost my confidence..same with me and jobs..if I could find a good job at a good company my confidence would go up alot.

IMHO that gives false confidence. Confidence is a thing grown from the inside to be shown on the outside.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

^^^So true....so true.

 

[hopeful]

Soooo, maybe this all begs the question...if you don't got it, howdaya get it?
Confidence, that is? Or how do you at least "fake it until you make it?" I'll take either one...

I think a good place to start would be focussing on the positive. Focus your thoughts and energy on all of your good traits and your wonderful accomplishments. I very rarely compare myself to others. I find that those who lack confidence compare themselves to others which can get you in trouble. The better you feel about yourself, the more grateful you are to be you, the more likely that energy will radiate and attract others.

 

[lushcoils]

I thought this thread was about how to tell someone is confident by just looking at them, not after interacting with them.

 

[Kimbosheart]

I thought this thread was about how to tell someone is confident by just looking at them, not after interacting with them.

I reread the OP and it doesn't seem to make a distinction.

 

[Kimbosheart]

I think a good place to start would be focussing on the positive. Focus your thoughts and energy on all of your good traits and your wonderful accomplishments. I very rarely compare myself to others. I find that those who lack confidence compare themselves to others which can get you in trouble. The better you feel about yourself, the more grateful you are to be you, the more likely that energy will radiate and attract others.

ITA with this. Also, I just recently "remembered" that the point of dating is to see if you will be compatible with each other. That means he has to impress you, not just the other way around. Being confident in yourself should also include knowing what you want in a guy and holding him to that standard as well. It's not just the ladies who need to impress or convince. He needs to show me he's worthy of my fabulousness , I want him to convince me too and show me why he's worthy to "wife" me. Men are like children (or even puppies ), they ultimately appreciate rules and being held to standards.

ETA: The "confidence" kicks in when you realize that you are worth it, and that you should have a guy who has the qualities on your list. If you believe you deserve it, then its much easier to hold men to your standards.

 

[Makenzie]

I think a good place to start would be focussing on the positive. Focus your thoughts and energy on all of your good traits and your wonderful accomplishments. I very rarely compare myself to others. I find that those who lack confidence compare themselves to others which can get you in trouble. The better you feel about yourself, the more grateful you are to be you, the more likely that energy will radiate and attract others.

Great advice, especially on not comparing yourself to others. I love to watch people who are comfortable in their own skin. They are who they are and they are fine with it. Plus, you never really know what is going on with the person you compare yourself to. Are they really as happy or successful as they seem? Could be, but then maybe not.

I have a list in my head about what I like about me. When I feel down or less than, I think about the traits and qualities I have that I like. I look at my close friends and try to emulate the positive I like about them. This boots my confidence and helps make me a 'well rounded' individual.

 

[Makenzie]

ITA with this. Also, I just recently "remembered" that the point of dating is to see if you will be compatible with each other. That means he has to impress you, not just the other way around. Being confident in yourself should also include knowing what you want in a guy and holding him to that standard as well. It's not just the ladies who need to impress or convince. He needs to show me he's worthy of my fabulousness , I want him to convince me too and show me why he's worthy to "wife" me. Men are like children (or even puppies ), they ultimately appreciate rules and being held to standards.

Excellent post, especially the bolded. Sometimes we forget that and over analyze everything we do and say. More focus should be placed on whether he is worthy of me. Love it.

 

[Ediese]

Great question.

We had a thread a couple months ago talking about the 'IT' girl. The one that's not necessarily above average in looks, but still manages to have men flocking around her. I actually asked a guy friend what he thought about it. He said one of the biggest qualities with this kind of person is the confidence that she exudes. He asked if I've ever been in a room when a group of women walked in, and I just couldnt' stop staring at one them. It's funny because I knew exactly what he was talking about. I could never put my finger on why that was the case before he mentioned it. The woman's not always gorgeous, but it seems like she possesses a quiet confidence. I know I usually think, 'wow..she has her stuff together!'. It's definitely the way she carries herself.

Oh yea, I was watching Half and Half yesterday. The two sisters were at a bar/club. All of the guys were coming up to Mona, which is not a normal occurance, and ignoring Deedee. Mona said well maybe it's they could tell that she was more confident since she was in a relationship, and they smelled DeeDee's desperation. lol They could definitely tell.

 

[lushcoils]

Are they going to approach the girl who looks like she has it all together? Or are they going to give that "Oh, she's intimidating" or "she has everything, why does she need me?" excuse?

 

[JustKiya]

Are they going to approach the girl who looks like she has it all together? Or are they going to give that "Oh, she's intimidating" or "she has everything, why does she need me?" excuse?

If they give that excuse, they aren't worthy of her. *shrug* Let em.

 

[Makenzie]

Are they going to approach the girl who looks like she has it all together? Or are they going to give that "Oh, she's intimidating" or "she has everything, why does she need me?" excuse?

Would you really want a man who is intimidated by a woman who has her stuff together? That right there says shows he is lacking. Plus, I don't believe men get intimidated. If they really want to meet you, they make it happen. Not let excuses get in the way.

 

[lushcoils]

Would you really want a man who is intimidated by a woman who has her stuff together? That right there says shows he is lacking. Plus, I don't believe men get intimidated. If they really want to meet you, they make it happen. Not let excuses get in the way.

Then a lot of men here are lacking then.

 

[Kimbosheart]

Are they going to approach the girl who looks like she has it all together? Or are they going to give that "Oh, she's intimidating" or "she has everything, why does she need me?" excuse?

If they give that excuse, they aren't worthy of her. *shrug* Let em.

Would you really want a man who is intimidated by a woman who has her stuff together? That right there says shows he is lacking. Plus, I don't believe men get intimidated. If they really want to meet you, they make it happen. Not let excuses get in the way.

Then a lot of men here are lacking then.

Ain't no way in hecK I'm playing myself down so some sorry brother can feel more comfortable about approaching me.

Confidence doesn't mean snobbery or acting bougie. But be real, do you really want to waste your precious time on some loser like that anyway? I don't want a man with self-esteem issues. So if the best he thought he could do was getting a girl who didn't value herself, he ain't good enough for me. I want a man who thinks he deserves the best and pursues that. That man won't be intimidated by a girl who's friendly and has her stuff together. And he'll be willing to come correct when he sees a girl who knows her worth.