Anyone REGRET getting a divorce?
- Thread starter SelahOco
- Start date
STLCoverGirl
New Member
How long were you married? 3.5 years
How long you been divorced? Over 2 years
Did you regret the divorce immediately? Yes and No
Why did/do you regret it? I have regrets because I felt like I gave up a lot to be with my ex and he didn't reciprocate what I felt he should have. I still have guilt issues about it, because I know he has issues from war(PTSD). I feel like the person I married was taken from me and replaced with someone completely different. I miss the person I married, I really do, but the person he is now, I can't deal with.
How long you been divorced? Over 2 years
Did you regret the divorce immediately? Yes and No
Why did/do you regret it? I have regrets because I felt like I gave up a lot to be with my ex and he didn't reciprocate what I felt he should have. I still have guilt issues about it, because I know he has issues from war(PTSD). I feel like the person I married was taken from me and replaced with someone completely different. I miss the person I married, I really do, but the person he is now, I can't deal with.
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
Is he still "in there?" Counseling doesn't help that kinda stuff huh? Oprah did a show about this. I'm so sorry...but I'm glad you're moving on.
Are you happy? Ever going to remarry?
STLCoverGirl
New Member
No he's out, he does well and then gets back off track. He recently got VA benefits and his G.I. Bill, so he is back in school, getting medication, counseling and doing better.
He just took me through too much, and I know my limits. I am happy, sometimes it's hard because I will run into someone that knew us as "us" and they can't believe it. I also have failure issues...noone goes into a marriage thinking they will end up divorced. I definitely plan to remarry, I have a much better perspective on life.
How long were you married? 7 years, together 5, seperated 2. Together a total of 12 years.
How long you been divorced? 1 full year as of 12/07/08
Did you regret the divorce immediately? A little
Why did/do you regret it? I kept thinking he would wise up, want counseling and we would get back together. Wishful thinking. I love my exhusband but I know we would never be good together.
How long you been divorced? 1 full year as of 12/07/08
Did you regret the divorce immediately? A little
Why did/do you regret it? I kept thinking he would wise up, want counseling and we would get back together. Wishful thinking. I love my exhusband but I know we would never be good together.
kayte
Well-Known Member
I was married for 7 years but we were together in total for 10...
divorced longer than marriage
yes I regret the divorce and hated getting divorced
why regrets ..cas he was and is..an awesome man...a loving kind
non-judgemental..couragous.... wise...and cute guy ..when we met..
I remember him coming to pick me up at the airport once and some girl saw us
and said to me YOU LUCKY B****
we were very very young.....
divorced longer than marriage
yes I regret the divorce and hated getting divorced
why regrets ..cas he was and is..an awesome man...a loving kind
non-judgemental..couragous.... wise...and cute guy ..when we met..
I remember him coming to pick me up at the airport once and some girl saw us
and said to me YOU LUCKY B****
we were very very young.....
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
I was married for 7 years but we were together in total for 10...
divorced longer than marriage
yes I regret the divorce and hated getting divorced
why regrets ..cas he was and is..an awesome man...a loving kind
non-judgemental..couragous.... wise...and cute guy ..when we met..
I remember him coming to pick me up at the airport once and some girl saw us
and said to me YOU LUCKY B****
we were very very young.....
You still talk to him? Did you divorce in haste or because of youthful impatience?
It's interesting you post this because I have a friend who just re-married her ex-husband. They were married 6 years, separated then divorced for three. They both talk about how much they regret it. Weird.
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
I have in-laws that did the same thing. Relationships facinate me and I often wonder why it's so difficult for two people to stay together.
I've heard Will Smith and other people talk about removing divorce as an option in marriage. I think it's an interesting concept, which makes me wonder how many people wish they'd removed it as an option.
Anyway...an exerpt from an interesting study I read:
One study reported that the major reasons marriages failing are (in rank order) (1) infidelity, (2) no longer in love, (3) emotional problems, (4) financial problems, (5) sexual problems, (6) problems with in-laws, (7) neglect of children, (8) physical abuse, (9) alcohol, (10) job conflicts (11) communication problems, and (12) married too young. (Olson and DeFrain, p. 522.)
It is interesting to note that physical abuse was ranked as number eight in reasons for divorce, and “no longer in love” ranked as number two. Many marriages seem to end from burnout rather than blowout. A significant number of these couples could work through their problems, revive their love, and stay married if they desired and worked at it.
Source: http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:q_PyiTjIu4YJ:ce.byu.edu/cw/fuf/archives/2002/BrentABarlow2002.pdf+regret+divorce&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=us
miami74
New Member
How long were you married? 8 years total (4 years together & 4 years separated)
How long you been divorced? Less than a year
Did you regret the divorce immediately? Absolutely not! Best decision I have ever made
Why did/do you regret it? No regrets here. I married a man younger than me who turned out to simply marry too young. I found out later in our marriage that he was irresponsible, uncaring and easily influenced by others. He also had a gambling and drinking problem. There was also infidelity on his part and verbal abuse. It took me a while, but I came to my senses and got out of this relationship. I've since remarried to a real husband who very loving, supportive and caring. We have both been through similar bad relationships and can understand the importance of maintaining a good relationship.
How long you been divorced? Less than a year
Did you regret the divorce immediately? Absolutely not! Best decision I have ever made
Why did/do you regret it? No regrets here. I married a man younger than me who turned out to simply marry too young. I found out later in our marriage that he was irresponsible, uncaring and easily influenced by others. He also had a gambling and drinking problem. There was also infidelity on his part and verbal abuse. It took me a while, but I came to my senses and got out of this relationship. I've since remarried to a real husband who very loving, supportive and caring. We have both been through similar bad relationships and can understand the importance of maintaining a good relationship.
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
How long were you married? 8 years total (4 years together & 4 years separated)
How long you been divorced? Less than a year
Did you regret the divorce immediately? Absolutely not! Best decision I have ever made
Why did/do you regret it? No regrets here. I married a man younger than me who turned out to simply marry too young. I found out later in our marriage that he was irresponsible, uncaring and easily influenced by others. He also had a gambling and drinking problem. There was also infidelity on his part and verbal abuse. It took me a while, but I came to my senses and got out of this relationship. I've since remarried to a real husband who very loving, supportive and caring. We have both been through similar bad relationships and can understand the importance of maintaining a good relationship.
I love it! What are the key differences you notice between the two men? What makes this relationship work where the other one failed?
Is it an "easier" love?
kayte
Well-Known Member
no no not at all..we were separated for a while
before it was clear divorce was inevitable
youthful impatience...not sure what that means
young when we met..
the marriage ended but we continued to be together for a while
not intimately
the love could not seem to divorce!
I don't think it has..though he has remarried
I would talk to him and his wife ..with love and respect
and he knows it
his wife... my guess is....has wisely vetoed that idea
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Divine Inspiration
Well-Known Member
A good friend of mine got divorced over this too. Her husband had PTSD and flipped OUT...he had been struggling for a while, and he just never could get it right. He didn't want to go to counseling, and he moved out to sleep on a friend's couch. They were separated for a year, but they went to events/holiday gatherings together and behaved like a married couple so no one would know. When she told me the whole story, it was just really heartbreaking. She said the same thing you did, STL...that she felt like she was getting a bad deal because he stopped fighting against the PTSD and fighting for the marriage, and she couldn't carry it all on her own. The divorce was finalized this summer and she has moved on and is a seemingly better relationship with a good man.
I really think there should be support for the spouses and families of these men because how can you possibly begin to bridge all of the gaps PTSD creates? I mean, unless you're a licensed and trained psych, it can be incredibly overwhelming and feel hopeless.
Anyway, STL, I'm glad you are in a better place and that he is as well.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
Not divorced YET, but i am waiting to get one
How long were you married? 3 yrs
How long you been divorced? still married not legally separated, but we are separated
Did you regret the divorce immediately? i probably will b/c this is all i know for 3 yrs
Why did/do you regret it? b/c this is all i know for 3 yrs, having that "person" to talk to or be there for you (even though he aint here for me now and never really was there for me the whole freakin 3 years)
How long were you married? 3 yrs
How long you been divorced? still married not legally separated, but we are separated
Did you regret the divorce immediately? i probably will b/c this is all i know for 3 yrs
Why did/do you regret it? b/c this is all i know for 3 yrs, having that "person" to talk to or be there for you (even though he aint here for me now and never really was there for me the whole freakin 3 years)
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
in the air force there is support for the spouses of people with ptsd, they just have to go and ask for it.
also all branches can go to militaryonesource.com and get help
Divine Inspiration
Well-Known Member
Good to know there's something out there. My girl felt helpless because she was not aware of these resources (I'm assuming) and her family and friends just didn't understand. No one around her had dealt with it so it was difficult.
MissLawyerLady
New Member
How long were you married? 9 years
How long you been divorced? Currently in the process of divorcing. The divorce should be final by March 1, 2009. The property settlement may take a lot longer.
Did you regret the divorce immediately? I did not file, my husband did. But it is probably the best thing he ever did for me. Neither of us wanted the same things, but I believe in working things out- I'm loyal to a fault. However, sometimes God has to strip dead weight out of your life in order to take you where he wants you to go and I had known for a while that my husband and I were not good for each other.
Why did/do you regret it? No regrets so far and I don't anticipate any. I believe that God is sending a new husband my way. A man who wants to be a husband. I'm excited!
How long you been divorced? Currently in the process of divorcing. The divorce should be final by March 1, 2009. The property settlement may take a lot longer.
Did you regret the divorce immediately? I did not file, my husband did. But it is probably the best thing he ever did for me. Neither of us wanted the same things, but I believe in working things out- I'm loyal to a fault. However, sometimes God has to strip dead weight out of your life in order to take you where he wants you to go and I had known for a while that my husband and I were not good for each other.
Why did/do you regret it? No regrets so far and I don't anticipate any. I believe that God is sending a new husband my way. A man who wants to be a husband. I'm excited!
miami74
New Member
The key differences are like night and day. My new DH is so caring. He takes the time to actually listen to me and then think of ways we can deal with any issues or concerns I have. The ex DH could care less 
. What makes this relationship work is that we always work as a team. We support each other and encourage each other to strive for our goals. He is a family man who cares for my kids as much as his own. Unfortunately I didn't see this with the ex DH. My new DH is definitely my soulmate. 
sunnydaze
Well-Known Member
How long were you married? in total a little over 2 years, together on and off for about 8 years
How long you been divorced? Almost 2 years
Did you regret the divorce immediately? No, not at all. Financially, emotionally, spiritually..it was one of my best decisions made thusfar.
Why did/do you regret it? The only regret I have is for my daughter's sake. My ex went through some bad luck and self inflicted hard times in the beginning of our marriage and he never recovered from it. He went down the road of depression and drugs..which manifested itself as verbal and physical abuse towards me. We went to counseling..but in my heart, I knew it was over. He had turned into a self destructive person and with a brand new baby girl, I could not afford to go down that path with him. I went through so many changes during that short 2 year period..it was an absolute nightmare.
How long you been divorced? Almost 2 years
Did you regret the divorce immediately? No, not at all. Financially, emotionally, spiritually..it was one of my best decisions made thusfar.
Why did/do you regret it? The only regret I have is for my daughter's sake. My ex went through some bad luck and self inflicted hard times in the beginning of our marriage and he never recovered from it. He went down the road of depression and drugs..which manifested itself as verbal and physical abuse towards me. We went to counseling..but in my heart, I knew it was over. He had turned into a self destructive person and with a brand new baby girl, I could not afford to go down that path with him. I went through so many changes during that short 2 year period..it was an absolute nightmare.
We lived together as a married couple for 6 mos. (I know, I know)
We we're separated for 1 1/2 yrs.
We've been divorced for 6 mos.
Yes, I regretted the divorce. I felt that we didn't try hard enough to make it work. Now I know better.
ITA with poster who mentioned being loyal to a fault. Thats me as well.
We we're separated for 1 1/2 yrs.
We've been divorced for 6 mos.
Yes, I regretted the divorce. I felt that we didn't try hard enough to make it work. Now I know better.
ITA with poster who mentioned being loyal to a fault. Thats me as well.
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STLCoverGirl
New Member
I do agree with you, I got assigned a social worker and would talk to her once a week in the mornings before school. She was soo not equipped to help me, but it helped to just vent, because although I had friends where we were stationed, most couldn't relate. I don't know how many times I broke down crying in class and in front of my nursing instructors...I am pretty sure I was known as the girl who is always crying, lol.
It makes me angry because I feel like he gave a lot to the military, and they should have taken care of him. They gave him 10% disabilty(like 150 bucks a month) and other benefits but I don't think it's enough. I could go on for days....it's really a problem and as much as people are supportive of the troops and their families, it seems like the PTSD issues get swept under the rug.
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STLCoverGirl
New Member
czyfaith77
Well-Known Member
You know what? Something seriously needs to be done. I know people who have experienced the exact same thing. As a matter of fact, my former classmate said the exact thing, "He is not the same" and everytime he comes back he is worse. They divorced and I hear about that alot being that I live near Ft. Bragg. That or husbands coming back and going on killing sprees on their wives and/or families. It is crazy. For this very reason I have always been leery of dating (when I considered dating-now getting ready to get married) military men. All aren't bad, and I am not simple minded to think that but, if I were a dating woman I seriously would have to get to know this person for a very good while (and pray).
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