Anyone meet their SO/DH when he was already in a relationship?

[Ozma]

It can be either that you:

A) Straight up pursued/stole him from his wife/girlfriend

-OR-

B) He was stuck in a bad situation when you came along or he was going to end it soon anyway, and you met and fell in love.

I just want to know how it happened and how did it work out for you? There is a man at my job who I have heard from other workers is getting a divorce, and he is obviously interested. Let me make it clear that I have gone out of my way not to appear overly friendly towards him; I don't want to be accused of anything immoral. I don't flirt, hang around him, find excuses to talk to him, etc. I already know what the right thing to do is; I just want to hear some stories, if you don't mind sharing.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Nope. I'm don't believe in sidehoedom.

I would not advise you to entertain the advances of this married man.

oh and

 

[Amcd]

Mh DH had a girlfriend when I met him. I did not find out about it until a couple of months later after he had broken up with her. We met in May my sophomore year of college. That summer he went home to Chicago and broke up with her while I was in Atlanta. He called and told me ( I think in July, but it could have been sooner) to confess and let me know that he had broken up with her. According to him they were on the rocks when we met. Had I been older (I had just turned 20) it would have made me pause, but it didn't. He has never given me reason to doubt his faithfulness in the 22 years we have been together, so I am glad I forgave him so long ago.

 

[Ozma]

Nope. I'm don't believe in sidehoedom.

I would not advise you to entertain the advances of this married man.

oh and

Sorry there's nothing to see here folks, so you can put the popcorn down and back away. I am not a ho, or jumpoff, sidepiece, what-have-you.I am not going to respond to this married man's flirting, but I am just curious to know if anyone has had a successful relationship come out of a situation like this

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I remember dating this guy for 6 months in Chicago after 3 months we were "exclusive" until his so-called-fiance called...Now mind you I lived on the west side of Chicago and was always between the west side and downtown.

This man was fine ya'll...brown-skinned, gorgeous curly black hair, big pretty brown eyes, 6'4, 235lbs, he was fit, sexy and very respectful...and lovemaking was B-O-M-B...so anywho, we always were going out to the movies, to restaurants, to the park...I mean we were so cute and falling in love that people would literally stop us on the street and tell us that we were a beautiful couple. That we were just made for each other...

So I had no reason to believe that this man was engaged to someone else because he truly spent all of his time with me. Like we would go to lectures, shows, games and stuff...all the time. We were very active and hell he even met my ex-boyfriends family because me and my ex family were close like that...so ya'll get the picture on how close me and this man was getting....

Also, he had a son which I knew about and from my understanding when he wasn't with me which would be like 2-3 days out the week he was spending with his son.

So like a couple days later of us celebrating our 6 months anniversary I was awakened lik 2 am in the morning by a phone call...and I'm like "Hello...who the f**k is calling me at this time (yeah, I can be pretty direct)...and ya better be dying"...and they hang up...She calls 15min later and I don't even say anything but my 1st mind said to shut up and just listen...so the woman introduced herself and told me she found her number in her fiancee's phone and wanted to know if I was someone that he was dating/relationship status and all this...

At this time I am still quiet...so she goes into this story of how long they been together and its like to me...so she talked for a full 45 mins talking about her son and her have been at the house waiting for him to come home and telling me dates of when he was supposed to be taking her son to this place, that place and family get togethers. So while she was talking I was writing and looking at my calendar and I waited to get finished....so finally she did...let me say

1st you calling me at 2:00am for some drama
2nd I gotta go to work
3rd I'm finding out someone I just got close to has lied

So she went to work on me and I went to work on this retarded ***...So she had no choice to listen and I told her everything she wanted to hear I told her how long we been together, where we met...all the dates that she had given me I gave her the dates back and where we were (I live by planners...so it was fairly easy)...I told her where I stayed, all the people he
s met, how we go out on dates with other couples and how often we make love (yea I was cruel)...I mean I was hot-pissed and don't apologize for any of it...By the time I finished she was just crying and I'm like so... I don't care...and I then I cussed her a$$ out for calling any woman at 2am and let her know she got what she asked for and that I don't give a two cents about the crying but did she have any other ?'s...

He must've just walked in cause he like why are you crying? and she either gave or he snatched his phone outta her hand and he's like Arianna why is she crying and I went off on him as well......he kept apologizing and I think because he wasn't paying attention to her but apologizing to me she went ballistic...they started fighting and just really going at each other verbally so I hung up and took my a$$ back to sleep to go to work in the morning...

So the next day they start...yes...I said THEY...both started calling me...she told me how she called the police and lied to them about him hitting her and how she had him put in jail and he called me right when he got out of jail and how she lied...all while I was at work...at this particular job I was very close to my co-workers and I could receive calls on my cell and answer them at my desk so they were listening to all the drama go down as well so I kept instigating (you live you learn) and let him know that she told me about the incident and that she lied and let her know that he got out of jail so I went back and forth all day and when I got off of work I walked into Sprint and changed my number since it was down the street from my job.

I never heard from them again until he showed up with flowers at my job apologizing...I walked right past his a$$ and told him he should have been embarrassed and no you can't have my new number...Good day! Looking back on it all and thinking about the conversation she had with me a day later...she was nothing but a crazy baby momma that he was still getting it with and he just never was honest with her

And to those who would like to say that I was mean to her...I feel like this...first kick rocks and...you get what you ask for...if you are not ready or cannot handle it don't call me at 2am because I will give you what you want and hand you a new a$$ all at the same time... Side note***if you notice my name starts with an "A" so when I meet a guy my name is usually at the top of his contact list and what will happen is that after going out and meeting people I will have a rash of GF/SO/wives calling me and asking me how I know their BF/SO/husbands...so all you nosy go through your other phones...keep up the good work because thats usually how I find out about ya'll***

 

[FlowerHair]

Most men are attached to one or a few women at all times...

Very few are actually single in the sense that they aren't sleeping with anyone.

My sister met her ex husband when he was living with someone else.

 

[newbiemom]

I remember dating this guy for 6 months in Chicago after 3 months we were "exclusive" until his so-called-fiance called...Now mind you I lived on the west side of Chicago and was always between the west side and downtown.

This man was fine ya'll...brown-skinned, gorgeous curly black hair, big pretty brown eyes, 6'4, 235lbs, he was fit, sexy and very respectful...and lovemaking was B-O-M-B...so anywho, we always were going out to the movies, to restaurants, to the park...I mean we were so cute and falling in love that people would literally stop us on the street and tell us that we were a beautiful couple. That we were just made for each other...

So I had no reason to believe that this man was engaged to someone else because he truly spent all of his time with me. Like we would go to lectures, shows, games and stuff...all the time. We were very active and hell he even met my ex-boyfriends family because me and my ex family were close like that...so ya'll get the picture on how close me and this man was getting....

Also, he had a son which I knew about and from my understanding when he wasn't with me which would be like 2-3 days out the week he was spending with his son.

So like a couple days later of us celebrating our 6 months anniversary I was awakened lik 2 am in the morning by a phone call...and I'm like "Hello...who the f**k is calling me at this time (yeah, I can be pretty direct)...and ya better be dying"...and they hang up...She calls 15min later and I don't even say anything but my 1st mind said to shut up and just listen...so the woman introduced herself and told me she found her number in her fiancee's phone and wanted to know if I was someone that he was dating/relationship status and all this...

At this time I am still quiet...so she goes into this story of how long they been together and its like to me...so she talked for a full 45 mins talking about her son and her have been at the house waiting for him to come home and telling me dates of when he was supposed to be taking her son to this place, that place and family get togethers. So while she was talking I was writing and looking at my calendar and I waited to get finished....so finally she did...let me say

1st you calling me at 2:00am for some drama
2nd I gotta go to work
3rd I'm finding out someone I just got close to has lied

So she went to work on me and I went to work on this retarded ***...So she had no choice to listen and I told her everything she wanted to hear I told her how long we been together, where we met...all the dates that she had given me I gave her the dates back and where we were (I live by planners...so it was fairly easy)...I told her where I stayed, all the people he
s met, how we go out on dates with other couples and how often we make love (yea I was cruel)...I mean I was hot-pissed and don't apologize for any of it...By the time I finished she was just crying and I'm like so... I don't care...and I then I cussed her a$$ out for calling any woman at 2am and let her know she got what she asked for and that I don't give a two cents about the crying but did she have any other ?'s...

He must've just walked in cause he like why are you crying? and she either gave or he snatched his phone outta her hand and he's like Arianna why is she crying and I went off on him as well......he kept apologizing and I think because he wasn't paying attention to her but apologizing to me she went ballistic...they started fighting and just really going at each other verbally so I hung up and took my a$$ back to sleep to go to work in the morning...

So the next day they start...yes...I said THEY...both started calling me...she told me how she called the police and lied to them about him hitting her and how she had him put in jail and he called me right when he got out of jail and how she lied...all while I was at work...at this particular job I was very close to my co-workers and I could receive calls on my cell and answer them at my desk so they were listening to all the drama go down as well so I kept instigating (you live you learn) and let him know that she told me about the incident and that she lied and let her know that he got out of jail so I went back and forth all day and when I got off of work I walked into Sprint and changed my number since it was down the street from my job.

I never heard from them again until he showed up with flowers at my job apologizing...I walked right past his a$$ and told him he should have been embarrassed and no you can't have my new number...Good day! Looking back on it all and thinking about the conversation she had with me a day later...she was nothing but a crazy baby momma that he was still getting it with and he just never was honest with her

And to those who would like to say that I was mean to her...I feel like this...first kick rocks and...you get what you ask for...if you are not ready or cannot handle it don't call me at 2am because I will give you what you want and hand you a new a$$ all at the same time... Side note***if you notice my name starts with an "A" so when I meet a guy my name is usually at the top of his contact list and what will happen is that after going out and meeting people I will have a rash of GF/SO/wives calling me and asking me how I know their BF/SO/husbands...so all you nosy go through your other phones...keep up the good work because thats usually how I find out about ya'll***

I pray for your sake the shoe is never on the other foot.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I pray for your sake the shoe is never on the other foot.

Let me also state for the record....

1. I was much younger and the attitude then was I did not care.
2. No regrets...I don't live life that way.
3. You live you learn
4. Shoe has been on the other foot...not same exact scenario.
5. I don't allow just anyone praying for me, so I rather you not. Sorry but true.

And let me add a...

6. These two were an exception in my book and if that phone call was placed in order for me to see what I was heading into...I Thank God it was 6 months and not 2 yrs or marriage because we were going down that road as we had looked at rings and everything...and it woulda been a bigger mess.

 

[Ramya]

Why would you call someone at 2am? I wouldn't have been diplomatic either.

 

[Keen]

If the guy was going through a divorce and they weren't living together anymore. I'd wait it out. I wouldn't get in a relationship with him until the divorce was final though.

 

[newbiemom]

Let me also state for the record....

1. I was much younger and the attitude then was I did not care.
2. No regrets...I don't live life that way.
3. You live you learn
4. Shoe has been on the other foot...not same exact scenario.
5. I don't allow just anyone praying for me, so I rather you not. Sorry but true.

And let me add a...

6. These two were an exception in my book and if that phone call was placed in order for me to see what I was heading into...I Thank God it was 6 months and not 2 yrs or marriage because we were going down that road as we had looked at rings and everything...and it woulda been a bigger mess.

Since you live and you learn I doubt now as a mature adult you would have had such a cold hearted approach to her plight so even though you don't regret your actions you have grown from them. And I will keep my prayer to myself but hope that you never have the misfortune again of being put in that type of situation on either side. However, I can't imagine any woman calling out of concern if her husband was with another woman. I don't know anyone that evolved myself included.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

Since you live and you learn I doubt now as a mature adult you would have had such a cold hearted approach to her plight so even though you don't regret your actions you have grown from them. And I will keep my prayer to myself but hope that you never have the misfortune again of being put in that type of situation on either side. However, I can't imagine any woman calling out of concern if her husband was with another woman. I don't know anyone that evolved myself included.

You know, I won't say that I wouldn't have had the same approach as far as the call...because now when I get these phone calls from females I still tell them how I know their SO/husband/boyfriend...I don't beat around their bushes and I feel if you can call and ask/tell/inquire you can get an answer/response and most will say okay, thank you and move on...that was the only situation I can think of where my SO at least I thought was already in a relationship...But I currently with my FH and I don't see this being an issue in the future.

@bolded...you would be surprised how many women go through their SO's cell phone/cell phone records and begin to call numbers/names they don't recognize.

 

[Supervixen]

Let me also state for the record....

1. I was much younger and the attitude then was I did not care.
2. No regrets...I don't live life that way.
3. You live you learn
4. Shoe has been on the other foot...not same exact scenario.
5. I don't allow just anyone praying for me, so I rather you not. Sorry but true.

And let me add a...

6. These two were an exception in my book and if that phone call was placed in order for me to see what I was heading into...I Thank God it was 6 months and not 2 yrs or marriage because we were going down that road as we had looked at rings and everything...and it woulda been a bigger mess.

@ #5, I thought that was just me!!!

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

@ #5, I thought that was just me!!!

Nope...its something that I've always been funny about for as long as I can remember...also when people say "Please bow your head" I don't...I look up......but thats a whole new thread!...

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

If the guy was going through a divorce and they weren't living together anymore. I'd wait it out. I wouldn't get in a relationship with him until the divorce was final though.

My friend was in a situation like this....tried to tell me the only reason he married wife was b/c she was preggo (like this in 1955) and then tried to forward me emails that put him in a positive light. She waited it out and is still waiting...

 

[Almaz]

I dont see what the problem is I would have been salty is someone called me at 2:00 am also. And secondly YOU did not know that he had this woman like this. He could have played you for a very long time. Glad you both compared notes. At least you knew and she knew what was going on. She should have been VERY angry at him. You had not a clue. Women sometimes always want to go after the women instead of the man who is causing the problem.

Nope...its something that I've always been funny about for as long as I can remember...also when people say "Please bow your head" I don't...I look up......but thats a whole new thread!...

 

[ArrrBeee]

OP- A newly divorced man is bad news. He needs time to defrag from being in a marriage. You probably don't want to be the rebound chick.

 

[Ozma]

OP- A newly divorced man is bad news. He needs time to defrag from being in a marriage. You probably don't want to be the rebound chick.

You are so right.

 

[LookingandListening]

I know women who have gotten their men when they was seeing someone else. They are either still sleeping with and "familying" with their previous wives/girlfriends, or, in case the previous boo isn't feeling them anymore, seeing someone else...or both.

 

[Bunny77]

OP- A newly divorced man is bad news. He needs time to defrag from being in a marriage. You probably don't want to be the rebound chick.

Yes, I avoid newly divorced/getting a divorce men like the bubonic plague.

THEY don't even know what they want.

 

[Browndilocks]

You know, I won't say that I wouldn't have had the same approach as far as the call...because now when I get these phone calls from females I still tell them how I know their SO/husband/boyfriend...I don't beat around their bushes and I feel if you can call and ask/tell/inquire you can get an answer/response and most will say okay, thank you and move on...that was the only situation I can think of where my SO at least I thought was already in a relationship...But I currently with my FH and I don't see this being an issue in the future.

@bolded...you would be surprised how many women go through their SO's cell phone/cell phone records and begin to call numbers/names they don't recognize.

Forget what you did and how you feel about that situation. My question is - how is it that you continue to get these types of phonecalls from females? Who in the world are you dating? erplexed erplexed

Look deep before you leap girl.

I could see something like that happening once or maybe twice in a lifetime, but if this is a recurring episode in your life then you may want to evaluate a few things. Might want to start planning a killer offense instead of a cut throat defense.


ETA: Okay I read a little closer. Must have been the purple font throwin me off. Best wishes with you and your fiance. Hope you dont ever feel the need to go through his phone.

 

[Theresamonet]

Might want to start planning a killer offense instead of a cut throat defense.

1st you calling me at 2:00am for some drama

Seriously?! Who gives a s**t what time it was? She calls you to tell you that you are sleeping with her man (doing you a favor, btw) and your response is "you calling me at 2:00am for some drama." You may have well just said "F**K your life B***H!"

This is how people get killed over petty mess...You don't know what state of mind that woman was in or how much info she knew about you. You obviously had no sympathy so she could have felt justified in showing up at your house armed...

I don't know what westside of Chicago ya'll were on.

 

[DragonPearl]

It can be either that you:

A) Straight up pursued/stole him from his wife/girlfriend

-OR-

B) He was stuck in a bad situation when you came along or he was going to end it soon anyway, and you met and fell in love.

I just want to know how it happened and how did it work out for you? There is a man at my job who I have heard from other workers is getting a divorce, and he is obviously interested. Let me make it clear that I have gone out of my way not to appear overly friendly towards him; I don't want to be accused of anything immoral. I don't flirt, hang around him, find excuses to talk to him, etc. I already know what the right thing to do is; I just want to hear some stories, if you don't mind sharing.

OP, though it has not happened to me, I know people to whom it has happened, and for some of them it has worked out. Personally, if I met a man who was about to sign divorce papers or was newly divorced, I am not saying I would never go out on dates with him, but I would definitely wait before I allow myself to fall in love because I would want to make sure that he no longer has emotional ties to his ex.

 

[Browndilocks]

Yeah OP - it does happen though. I'm not quite the advocate but who am I right?

Earlier this year I went to a good college friend's wedding. At the rehearsal dinner and reception, they made it a point to announce to everyone to please not post any pictures at all on facebook. I tought it was a little odd but whatever.

I later found out that my friend (the bride) met the groom while he was still married to his ex wife. I'm not saying that she was a homewrecker or anything because I really don't know. But after finding that out, the "no public pictures" request made a little more sense.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have a friend who went from jumpoff to wife. The guy was dating & living with his GF when my friend met him. She did lots of sneaking around with him and he did finally dump his live-in GF....but he met & dated someone else NOT my friend. She continued to sneak around with him.

They are married & have 2 kids.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

Forget what you did and how you feel about that situation. My question is - how is it that you continue to get these types of phonecalls from females? Who in the world are you dating? erplexed erplexed

Look deep before you leap girl.

I could see something like that happening once or maybe twice in a lifetime, but if this is a recurring episode in your life then you may want to evaluate a few things. Might want to start planning a killer offense instead of a cut throat defense.


ETA: Okay I read a little closer. Must have been the purple font throwin me off. Best wishes with you and your fiance. Hope you dont ever feel the need to go through his phone.

As far as who I am dating...which I am presently not is not anyone's concern...I am a very social person...meaning I go out with friends/family, party, at volunteer functions, sport games and so on...I constantly network/meet people...I have over 450+ contacts in my phone for various reasons and I cannot help who lies and who does not...Even my own brother fiancee called and was like "Who are you?" when I got a new number...because they way he entered my name had her thinking I was some strange chick...so...I am not searching for anyones married/involved man and while dating/socializing I ask those ?'s so I can avoid such situations..but liars will be liars...I mean get real...its called life and it is what it is...

Thanks for the wishes...not needed we don't do fairly tales ova here...and I hope you don't ever feel the need to go through your BF/SO/DH phone...as far as me and mine are concerned I don't do going thru phones/internet pages/bills/emails...not my style and neva has been...For fact...that everything that is done in the dark...will ALWAYS come to light......in due time...

Gurl...good day..."Might want to evaluate some things"...its cute advice...but one that I am gonna make an example of and leave it where its at...on this forum...Life is great...not because I live in a fairy tale but this real world and take it for what it is...thanks...but no thanks...

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

[/COLOR]

Seriously?! Who gives a s**t what time it was? She calls you to tell you that you are sleeping with her man (doing you a favor, btw) and your response is "you calling me at 2:00am for some drama." You may have well just said "F**K your life B***H!"

This is how people get killed over petty mess...You don't know what state of mind that woman was in or how much info she knew about you. You obviously had no sympathy so she could have felt justified in showing up at your house armed...

I don't know what westside of Chicago ya'll were on.

First "F**K you life B***H!"...Your words not mine...sound very I don't know...I really think you typed it because you just wanted something to say...because I just said that I didn't care it was her who called and God did me the favor I wouldn't credit her and as I stated I gave her what she asked for and on top of that I never gave you word for word what she had to say w/in that 45 mins...believe me I was the umpteenth number she called and I struck a nerve because of our texts...and we got a "Silver Visa Card" and had a "Chrome Master Card" back then...so she wouldn't have been able to make it...and by the way you don't need to know what westside of Chicago we were on...when its relevant to let you know I will...plus I don't know how many people who would've done something and spent 45 mins talking to me about it vs. doing it in Chicago...besides...I will be back with an update because I just talked to someone about these two...

 

[aribell]

Slightly OT...I didn't realize that if a woman calls you in the middle of the night, cursing, yelling and accusing you of something, that you owe her something. I'm not understanding because 1) Phone calls can't be made in the daytime?? And 2) How would you know that this person is who she says she is anyway?

Honestly, I'd probably hang up on someone calling me with something like that. It'd be different if she genuinely just called to ask, but the late night drama? Not at all. I think that's being nice enough.

 

[Browndilocks]

As far as who I am dating...which I am presently not is not anyone's concern...I am a very social person...meaning I go out with friends/family, party, at volunteer functions, sport games and so on...I constantly network/meet people...I have over 450+ contacts in my phone for various reasons and I cannot help who lies and who does not...Even my own brother fiancee called and was like "Who are you?" when I got a new number...because they way he entered my name had her thinking I was some strange chick...so...I am not searching for anyones married/involved man and while dating/socializing I ask those ?'s so I can avoid such situations..but liars will be liars...I mean get real...its called life and it is what it is...

Thanks for the wishes...not needed we don't do fairly tales ova here...and I hope you don't ever feel the need to go through your BF/SO/DH phone...as far as me and mine are concerned I don't do going thru phones/internet pages/bills/emails...not my style and neva has been...For fact...that everything that is done in the dark...will ALWAYS come to light......in due time...

Gurl...good day..."Might want to evaluate some things"...its cute advice...but one that I am gonna make an example of and leave it where its at...on this forum...Life is great...not because I live in a fairy tale but this real world and take it for what it is...thanks...but no thanks...

Your abrasive demeanor speaks volumes. Best example of what's needed to be made an example of and left on this forum yet.

 

[sky_blu]

Wow! LOL this thread is getting OT but to answer the OP question I would not entertain a man unless he's fully out of a relationship.