anybody watch Oprah Today?? John Edwards..

[Ladybelle]

No, but if cheating is a non-negotiable, then if he cheats, you walk. Full stop. You can't control anyone's actions, you can only control your responses to those actions.

If I have to depend on "sisterhood" to keep my man from cheating, that is a man I DO NOT WANT. So I will not say to any woman, "If my man comes to you looking for somewhere warm and wet to put it, don't give him any - please, sister, help me keep my man." What i would say to her is, "If my man comes to you looking for somewhere warm and wet to put it, (whether you give him any or not), let me know so I can dump his arse." Why? Because her response to his approach is IRRELEVANT. All that matters is the fact that he would make those approaches. *That* tells me what type of man I have, and gives me all the info I need to make a decision about my relationship.


look:
I agree with a lot that you have said in this thread, but we will have to part ways on this one. IMHO, this is just a story made up by sexist theocrats, who for centuries (in all the Abrahamic religions) have sought to blame female sexuality for males' lack of self-control. all i have to say about that is- the flesh IS weak, so unless there is a sound mind/spirit behind that flesh , the flesh WILL give in to temptation.



The thing is, this goes without saying. Is there even a debate that the "home wrecker", male or female, is a very very very bad person??

But can you control her? No.

That guy Covey that wrote "The Seven Secrets of Highly Successful People" speaks about making sure that your "Circle of Concern" matches your "Circle of Influence", i.e. before you get yourself in knots over something, ask your self if it's something that you can *possibly* impact / influence. If not, don't waste your energy worrying about it.

Applying this:
Can you control the beauty or sexiness of women out there? No.
Can you control any low morals and standards they might have? No.

What can you control? You can control whether or not you choose a particular man, and you can control your reaction if you discover that he is cheating.

Asking women to join hands, all have high standards and never get with a cheating man is like asking all black people to raise themselves up, asking all nations to cooperate and stop all wars, asking OPEC to stop fixing oil prices and cooperate with fuel consumers, asking everyone to never drop litter, recycle and take care of the environment, etc etc. I.e. it is a nice ideal, a sweet PSA, but you will *never* get everyone on board.

I agree with not worrying about things one can't control, but i do think the state of "sisterhood" can be impacted by each of us. @ The bolded, i would ask for both. Let me know, I promise- i won't be mad at any female who come at me on the real with some foolishness if my dh were ever bold enough to do it ( as I have said before, I have a faithful husband).

the sentiment to "each his own" rings true when it comes to finding your own man, but I don't think it should apply to how we treat each other as women.

I wouldn't tell anyone to rely on "sisterhood" alone to keep ya man from cheating, it's not that simple. But, I do think sisterhood contributes to the overall state of relationships. You can tell if a woman lives at a house, she makes it a home. You can tell if a woman is raising her kids, and so many other precious things we contribute--- we bring something to the table when it comes to relationships and i think that value is greatly diminished when we stoop to sleeping with any old random man for the sake of feeling ironically valuable.

I know my value- so I don't fret about the hoze - my dh has never been attracted to those, but I would like for us as women to change our attitudes about relationships and how we treat each other.

as of late, I've heard terms like "you know how women are- put a bunch of 'em together and it's gonna be problems" " you can't trust NO woman around your man." and so on and so forth- i know it has come to that, but does it have to stay that way?

the homewrecking type women should be few & far between- not so rampart as it is now. those type of women used to be so disgraced once upon a time- now they are embraced with high fives and 'ish.

i think that' s pathetic. maybe it's a stretch for me to hope this is a trend that will & can change- either way, I remain optimistic.

 

[tiara76]

I will remain optimistic with you as well asuperwoman....women can definitely come together and when that does happen there will be a big overall change in the collective of men and women and the nature of relationships........no need to worry about whether other women will change...be the change you want to see...that will make an impact upon the whole...when women truly empower themselves they can't help but to empower and lift other women, it will be an inner drive to do so

 

[envybeauty]

It is hard for me not to be sympathetic to the wife in this case. I do not ever condone cheating, or staying with a cheater, but her situation pulls at my heart strings.

It is one thing to say leave, take the kids, and find another man to move on to better things. It is another to say that to a woman with a terminal illness. A woman who is faced with her own mortality and the thoughts of leaving her children -- kids -- forever due to death. Leaving them with their father. So yeah, in that case she has to stay bc she has to make sure that the person she leaves them with will be/continue to be a good FATHER even if he is a lousy husband. She has to prepare him to tell them so much about the world bc it is hard when you have to learn it on your own without your mother around. The first kid probably remembers when her brother died so her mother's illness has to be hard on her, especially so.


The whole situation is painful.

 

[Ladybelle]

I will remain optimistic with you as well asuperwoman....women can definitely come together and when that does happen there will be a big overall change in the collective of men and women and the nature of relationships........no need to worry about whether other women will change...be the change you want to see...that will make an impact upon the whole...when women truly empower themselves they can't help but to empower and lift other women, it will be an inner drive to do so

absolutely-
I do have an inner drive to impact those who i can, especially women. I appreciate your sentiments, as it as been said before - hope floats!

.Tiara, the way you write makes me want to go write a poem or delve deeper into every thought - i promise! I was an English major, so I certainly admire those who are able to use words with power & eloquence.

 

[Ladybelle]

It is hard for me not to be sympathetic to the wife in this case. I do not ever condone cheating, or staying with a cheater, but her situation pulls at my heart strings.

It is one thing to say leave, take the kids, and find another man to move on to better things. It is another to say that to a woman with a terminal illness. A woman who is faced with her own mortality and the thoughts of leaving her children -- kids -- forever due to death. Leaving them with their father. So yeah, in that case she has to stay bc she has to make sure that the person she leaves them with will be/continue to be a good FATHER even if he is a lousy husband. She has to prepare him to tell them so much about the world bc it is hard when you have to learn it on your own without your mother around. The first kid probably remembers when her brother died so her mother's illness has to be hard on her, especially so.


The whole situation is painful.

Yeah, your heart can't help but to go out to her. She has so much more to be concerned with right now that I think although John's indiscretions troubled her, they did not keep her from remaining focused on what is most important: the life you live and the legacy you leave behind. Everything else would seem to be a very distance thought under her circumstances.

Your comment makes me wonder if she is in denial like I suggested before or if she has too much going on to let her husband's indiscretions keep her from focusing on the bigger picture.

 

[jada1111]

It is hard for me not to be sympathetic to the wife in this case. I do not ever condone cheating, or staying with a cheater, but her situation pulls at my heart strings.

It is one thing to say leave, take the kids, and find another man to move on to better things. It is another to say that to a woman with a terminal illness. A woman who is faced with her own mortality and the thoughts of leaving her children -- kids -- forever due to death. Leaving them with their father. So yeah, in that case she has to stay bc she has to make sure that the person she leaves them with will be/continue to be a good FATHER even if he is a lousy husband. She has to prepare him to tell them so much about the world bc it is hard when you have to learn it on your own without your mother around. The first kid probably remembers when her brother died so her mother's illness has to be hard on her, especially so.


The whole situation is painful.

Yes, in this respect I feel bad for her.

I guess they're taking the phrase "for better or worse" or "til death do us part" literally.

Is she STILL terminal? She's been "dying" for a couple of years now.

 

[Ladybelle]

Yes, in this respect I feel bad for her.

I guess they're taking the phrase "for better or worse" or "til death do us part" literally.

Is she STILL terminal? She's been "dying" for a couple of years now.

yeah, she's still terminal. the doctors haven't given her a set time a to live though. She takes some kinda med everyday and goes to weekly chemo.

 

[DragonPearl]

If I have to depend on "sisterhood" to keep my man from cheating, that is a man I DO NOT WANT. So I will not say to any woman, "If my man comes to you looking for somewhere warm and wet to put it, don't give him any - please, sister, help me keep my man."

Real talk.


................................

 

[beaux cheveux]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Izp1m9lBs_M