Ladybelle
New Member
No, but if cheating is a non-negotiable, then if he cheats, you walk. Full stop. You can't control anyone's actions, you can only control your responses to those actions.
If I have to depend on "sisterhood" to keep my man from cheating, that is a man I DO NOT WANT. So I will not say to any woman, "If my man comes to you looking for somewhere warm and wet to put it, don't give him any - please, sister, help me keep my man." What i would say to her is, "If my man comes to you looking for somewhere warm and wet to put it, (whether you give him any or not), let me know so I can dump his arse." Why? Because her response to his approach is IRRELEVANT. All that matters is the fact that he would make those approaches. *That* tells me what type of man I have, and gives me all the info I need to make a decision about my relationship.
look:
I agree with a lot that you have said in this thread, but we will have to part ways on this one. IMHO, this is just a story made up by sexist theocrats, who for centuries (in all the Abrahamic religions) have sought to blame female sexuality for males' lack of self-control. all i have to say about that is- the flesh IS weak, so unless there is a sound mind/spirit behind that flesh , the flesh WILL give in to temptation.
The thing is, this goes without saying. Is there even a debate that the "home wrecker", male or female, is a very very very bad person??
But can you control her? No.
That guy Covey that wrote "The Seven Secrets of Highly Successful People" speaks about making sure that your "Circle of Concern" matches your "Circle of Influence", i.e. before you get yourself in knots over something, ask your self if it's something that you can *possibly* impact / influence. If not, don't waste your energy worrying about it.
Applying this:
Can you control the beauty or sexiness of women out there? No.
Can you control any low morals and standards they might have? No.
What can you control? You can control whether or not you choose a particular man, and you can control your reaction if you discover that he is cheating.
Asking women to join hands, all have high standards and never get with a cheating man is like asking all black people to raise themselves up, asking all nations to cooperate and stop all wars, asking OPEC to stop fixing oil prices and cooperate with fuel consumers, asking everyone to never drop litter, recycle and take care of the environment, etc etc. I.e. it is a nice ideal, a sweet PSA, but you will *never* get everyone on board.
I agree with not worrying about things one can't control, but i do think the state of "sisterhood" can be impacted by each of us. @ The bolded, i would ask for both. Let me know, I promise- i won't be mad at any female who come at me on the real with some foolishness if my dh were ever bold enough to do it ( as I have said before, I have a faithful husband).
the sentiment to "each his own" rings true when it comes to finding your own man, but I don't think it should apply to how we treat each other as women.
I wouldn't tell anyone to rely on "sisterhood" alone to keep ya man from cheating, it's not that simple. But, I do think sisterhood contributes to the overall state of relationships. You can tell if a woman lives at a house, she makes it a home. You can tell if a woman is raising her kids, and so many other precious things we contribute--- we bring something to the table when it comes to relationships and i think that value is greatly diminished when we stoop to sleeping with any old random man for the sake of feeling ironically valuable.
I know my value- so I don't fret about the hoze - my dh has never been attracted to those, but I would like for us as women to change our attitudes about relationships and how we treat each other.
as of late, I've heard terms like "you know how women are- put a bunch of 'em together and it's gonna be problems" " you can't trust NO woman around your man." and so on and so forth- i know it has come to that, but does it have to stay that way?
the homewrecking type women should be few & far between- not so rampart as it is now. those type of women used to be so disgraced once upon a time- now they are embraced with high fives and 'ish.
i think that' s pathetic. maybe it's a stretch for me to hope this is a trend that will & can change- either way, I remain optimistic.
Last edited:
