Any Couples Who DON'T Fight?
- Thread starter CORBINS
- Start date
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
DH and I were like that until about a year after we moved in.
We still don't argue that much, and when we do, it's more humorous and debateful, not fighting and disrespectful. All couples have disagreements, it's how you manage conflict resolution.
We still don't argue that much, and when we do, it's more humorous and debateful, not fighting and disrespectful. All couples have disagreements, it's how you manage conflict resolution.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
I firmly believe that a relationship in which there are no disagreements is a relationship in which someone is stifling and/or ignoring their needs/boundaries..... of course, I'm not an expert in everyone's relationships - but that's how I feel about it.
How you handle those disagreements can range from the healthy and loving to the unhealthy and borderline abusive - but I believe that they need to be handled and worked through - no matter how 'minor' it might seem to be.
How you handle those disagreements can range from the healthy and loving to the unhealthy and borderline abusive - but I believe that they need to be handled and worked through - no matter how 'minor' it might seem to be.
lala
Well-Known Member
Disagreements don't have to handled in a confrontational manner IMO. Nor, are our needs ignored/unnoticed. I've been happily married for many, many years, so my philosophy on this issue works for me and the people I have counseled.
I don't believe in stifling my opinions. In fact, I'm very opinionated. We just communicate our concerns in a very respectful and considerate way. It takes two committed people of course and self diligence. My DH and I just know how to handle our differences without taking it to the twilight zone.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Definitely - that's why I specified disagreements vs. arguments - they are two very different things, to me. DH and I used to have arguments - now, we've learned (and worked - cuz its HARD work!) to have disagreements, and we are working on making them as respectful and loving as possible - conversations about differing opinions, is our ultimate hope.
We are on the same page, definitely.
freshlikemoi
Well-Known Member
We have disagreements but we don't fight. Not with names none of that crazy stuff. oh! but we disagree like a ****.
lala
Well-Known Member
Definitely - that's why I specified disagreements vs. arguments - they are two very different things, to me. DH and I used to have arguments - now, we've learned (and worked - cuz its HARD work!) to have disagreements, and we are working on making them as respectful and loving as possible - conversations about differing opinions, is our ultimate hope.
We are on the same page, definitely.
You said it...it is HARD work. Not an easy task, but practice does give you the expertise to communicate in a more positive and productive manner.
CORBINS
Active Member
I agree. I was married and I fought with him constantly. Now, I'm in a new relationship with someone who values peace and harmony like I do. We are definately individuals and have our opinions/differences, but we have a deep respect for each other. We value each other so much that our differences make our relationship stronger.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
But it's sooo worth it - esp. coming from our backgrounds? Wow! To be able to disagree and still build love at the same time? It's amazing, truly.
Tee
Active Member
ITA and this is why i used the word DISAGREEMENTS also.
Definitely - that's why I specified disagreements vs. arguments - they are two very different things, to me. DH and I used to have arguments - now, we've learned (and worked - cuz its HARD work!) to have disagreements, and we are working on making them as respectful and loving as possible - conversations about differing opinions, is our ultimate hope.
We are on the same page, definitely.
Two People will not agree on every issue in their relationship.
Having a few disagreements are normal. If you fight about everything, that's when you need to wonder what the heck you are doing in that relationship.
Likeyouneverseenme
New Member
Not yet, it has been smooth sail.
he lets me know what he expects from me or if I have done something he does not appreciate and so do I with him.
We have never raised our voices or called each other names.
We are pretty much alike when it comes to our values and what we expect out of a relationship.
Neither of us comes from families where voices have been raised, I guess that is just the way we were brought up.
My SO jokes and says we have to try and have a fight so we can have make up coloring
he lets me know what he expects from me or if I have done something he does not appreciate and so do I with him.
We have never raised our voices or called each other names.
We are pretty much alike when it comes to our values and what we expect out of a relationship.
Neither of us comes from families where voices have been raised, I guess that is just the way we were brought up.
My SO jokes and says we have to try and have a fight so we can have make up coloring
CORBINS
Active Member
The main reason I asked the question is because my ex-husband believed that fighting and arguing was a representation of the "passion" that you have for a person. I didn't agree with this at all. I know some people think that is true. We used to fight constantly and I hated it. I would ask him to stop arguing with me, especially in front of the kids. If I refused to argue he would follow me around the house and blame me for his anger and frustration.
My current relationship is NOTHING like that! I love what I have now. I feel at peace with having differences with my honey. I feel like I can tell him anything without him blowing up or becoming offended. It's so nice and I was hoping others were in the same type of relationship.
Anger does not equal passion in my opinion.
My current relationship is NOTHING like that! I love what I have now. I feel at peace with having differences with my honey. I feel like I can tell him anything without him blowing up or becoming offended. It's so nice and I was hoping others were in the same type of relationship.
Anger does not equal passion in my opinion.
My husband and I rarely argue. We have disagreements but it always in a respectful manner. We had to learn to be like this. We both can from disfunctional homes were fighting was something to be proud of. Cussing your other half out was something the brag about. It took some time for the the both of us/ me to not be like that.
isawstars
Well-Known Member
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
Me and my ex argued loudly maybe once a year in 4 years. It's definately possible to have a calm, smooth relationship even if you make your opinions known 
~*Tigget*~
Well-Known Member
Great thread OP!
In my marriage we respect the differences. But we have our disagreements.
In my marriage we respect the differences. But we have our disagreements.
HisBestFriend
Well-Known Member
DH and I had our 1st real deal argument about 5 1/2 yrs into our relationship. The ugliness that ensued shook us to the core of our relationship.
We had let our expectations of one another exceed our patience for one another. We've since returned to a place of agreeable disagreements and are much happier now.
We had let our expectations of one another exceed our patience for one another. We've since returned to a place of agreeable disagreements and are much happier now.
GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
if people don't argue then someone is not EVER stating their opinion. I'm not saying people have to argue often but if you have never argued with your SO then I'm sure at one point or at many points someone is being walked on. And suppressing feelings is never a good look
*Michelle*
Well-Known Member
We never "fight"...but we do disagree in a peaceful harmonious way. We agree to disagree and we also have a 72 hour rule. If you are hurt, sad, pissed whatever, then you have 72 hrs, max, to let it be known. We have been doing this for ten yrs and it works wonders FOR US. Also once it is resolved/squashed that's it, IT IS OVER!
Why bring up old BAD stuff???
Why bring up old BAD stuff???
Farida
Well-Known Member
I think it is a matter of semantics.
In my critical thinking class, my prof would put it like this
"people quarrel because they don't know how to argue."
Arguing is a logical exchange of differing opinions in the attempt to find a middle ground or convince the other person to come to your side of things.
Quarreling is just shouting at each other, and just taking AT each other.
Couples who never argue or disagree or discuss or whatever issue you want to call them are not healthy, because you never agree 100% and are never happy 100% of your life.
Now couples who quarrel all the time or talk at each other, it depends. Some people are like that and happy. But for the most part, many aren't.
In my critical thinking class, my prof would put it like this
"people quarrel because they don't know how to argue."
Arguing is a logical exchange of differing opinions in the attempt to find a middle ground or convince the other person to come to your side of things.
Quarreling is just shouting at each other, and just taking AT each other.
Couples who never argue or disagree or discuss or whatever issue you want to call them are not healthy, because you never agree 100% and are never happy 100% of your life.
Now couples who quarrel all the time or talk at each other, it depends. Some people are like that and happy. But for the most part, many aren't.
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
Dh and I have never had a fight.
Neither one of us are argumentative, there has never been a raised voice, slammed door or stomp away.
If we don't agree about something, we talk it out, if we still disagree, we do it peacefully and move on.
We may have a healthy debate from time-to-time but those get settled with a hug and eye roll (from the person who was proven wrong). LOL
Neither one of us are argumentative, there has never been a raised voice, slammed door or stomp away.
If we don't agree about something, we talk it out, if we still disagree, we do it peacefully and move on.
We may have a healthy debate from time-to-time but those get settled with a hug and eye roll (from the person who was proven wrong). LOL
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
72 hours is too long for me. I give 4 hours MAX, because best believe if something bothered ME, I'm waiting ZERO hours.
My husband and I have been married for 2 years and we don't fight. We rarely even disagree. I think its a couple of things: 1) We both know that there wont be anyone who agrees 100% of the time - this includes spouses and twins (of which he is one. 2)Our background: we are both from families that don't believe in fighting. My family is more quiet and my sibs are much older . . . he is very close to his and they can be rowdy . . . but we agree to fighting doesnt help.
3)We talk - A LOT!!!! So he is attuned to my moods or if there is something one does that the other doesn't like, we talk about it. For instance we have "keywords" for certain things. So if I come from work and I am wiped out he is excited to chat about business . . . I let him know with a keyword.
I use to wander if something was wrong with us . . . if we were repressing things, until I started thinking if there are things I would like to talk about and don't feel comfortable: no.
3)We talk - A LOT!!!! So he is attuned to my moods or if there is something one does that the other doesn't like, we talk about it. For instance we have "keywords" for certain things. So if I come from work and I am wiped out he is excited to chat about business . . . I let him know with a keyword.
I use to wander if something was wrong with us . . . if we were repressing things, until I started thinking if there are things I would like to talk about and don't feel comfortable: no.
*Michelle*
Well-Known Member
72 hours is too long for me. I give 4 hours MAX, because best believe if something bothered ME, I'm waiting ZERO hours.
I understand what you are saying. I do.
With that said I use to wait ZERO hours and what that sometimes meant was I said things that I may have regretted later or that were unnecessarily hurtful. Sometimes it is best to gather your thoughts and emotions BEFORE you speak.
72hrs means (today) we don't want to hear about some petty mess that happened last year.
honeycomb719
New Member
GREAT THREAD!! Im at the 96hr point with my fiance about a argument we had this weekend. He's one that like to brush things under the rug, and its still eating at me. Ive decided to get this off my chest tonight. If I thought we could have talked about this and resolved it sooner I would have, but he's not easy to talk to (sad to say) especially when we disagree....
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