anxious or nervous about dating again?

[LivingDol1]

i haven't dated in almost a year. proly thanks to winter laziness/blues and being pessimistic since my last relationship. i've been turning down guys who ask me out... i just wasn't feeling in the mood to date... or getting to know someone who would just wind up being my future ex boyfriend...

i used to use online dating sites like yahoo or match (although i've never really had a successful relationship come from it... only a few dates) but i quit using those and only now use okcupid.com b/c it's free. i emailed one guy who seemed to share some of my interests. he's an artist and i'm creative so i asked him about his artwork. he wrote back and suggested an exhibit i should check out and then he suggested that perhaps we make it an art date.

sounds casual, so i felt OK with that, but the more i think about it, the more i want to shy away from meeting him!

i hate having this attitude b/c it will prevent me from meeting some potentially great guys...

how did you get out of your dating slump??!

 

[LoveLiLi]

I haven't gotten out of my slump yet. But I haven't been single all that long either.

I do feel anxious because I don't feel like I'm meeting the right type of men. I don't go to clubs because I don't want to meet party guys, but the men who approach me are either youngins with nothing going on or guys who are too old for me (and I suspect may be married).

I sometimes see cute guys who look about my age and look as if they have it all together and I wonder if I should approach them and strike up a conversation. However, I've never approached a guy and I don't want to go up to a guy who has a good reason for not asking me out (not interested/taken/gay...).

I have a friend who approaches guys left and right and she always gets burned. Most of the time they're married or engaged but conveniently leave that information out and date/have sex with her anyway .

 

[LivingDol1]

I haven't gotten out of my slump yet. But I haven't been single all that long either.

I do feel anxious because I don't feel like I'm meeting the right type of men. I don't go to clubs because I don't want to meet party guys, but the men who approach me are either youngins with nothing going on or guys who are too old for me (and I suspect may be married).

I sometimes see cute guys who look about my age and look as if they have it all together and I wonder if I should approach them and strike up a conversation. However, I've never approached a guy and I don't want to go up to a guy who has a good reason for not asking me out (not interested/taken/gay...).

I have a friend who approaches guys left and right and she always gets burned. Most of the time they're married or engaged but conveniently leave that information out and date/have sex with her anyway .

ITA with the bolded. i don't go to clubs, and if on the rare occasion that i do, i definitely do not plan to meet a potential date there. i just feel like the options are limited. i do go to museum parties in my area or concerts... i try to stick to my interests. but it's not easy. i can't rely on friends to introduce me to guys. that would be ideal since if they're already in the circle, i wouldn't be as nervous about getting to know them.

i think it's the online dating thing that weirds me out. every relationship i've had resulted from a guy approaching me at a party or social event out of the blue when i wasn't expecting it.... and me feeling unusually open. perhaps they did have that "special something" that broke a barrer but i think b/c i am slowly creeping towards 30(2 more years...), i feel like i should be putting more effort into dating.

 

[LoveLiLi]

ITA with the bolded. i don't go to clubs, and if on the rare occasion that i do, i definitely do not plan to meet a potential date there. i just feel like the options are limited. i do go to museum parties in my area or concerts... i try to stick to my interests. but it's not easy. i can't rely on friends to introduce me to guys. that would be ideal since if they're already in the circle, i wouldn't be as nervous about getting to know them.

i think it's the online dating thing that weirds me out. every relationship i've had resulted from a guy approaching me at a party or social event out of the blue when i wasn't expecting it.... and me feeling unusually open. perhaps they did have that "special something" that broke a barrer but i think b/c i am slowly creeping towards 30(2 more years...), i feel like i should be putting more effort into dating.

Lol, I am 30, so I'm getting a bit panicky about finding 'the one'. I feel like time is running out and I'll have to start collecting cats, decorating with doilies and buying knick knacks.

These will be my only companions:

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I have given it up. They don't seem to be intersted in the same things I am so I don't even care. I am 35.

 

[LoveLiLi]

I have given it up. They don't seem to be intersted in the same things I am so I don't even care. I am 35.

Girl, we're going to have to practice the law of attraction because we're acting like we have one foot in the grave. We are in our thirties, not our seventies - I'm sure we have time to find someone worthwhile.

But I certainly know what you mean about the (poor) quality of men out there. *shudders*

 

[gabulldawg]

I definitely feel you, OP. I just started dating again myself for the first time since I broke up with my ex. At first I was also turning down dating opportunities because I didn't feel that I was ready, or I thought that me and my ex would be getting back together. But I've had to come to terms with the fact that we will probably not be together in that way.

It's very WEIRD! It's weirder for me because I've only been in one serious relationship (with my ex). So it's hard for me to think about being with someone new in that way. I'm definitely nervous and anxious when I think about kissing someone else or doing other things with them... erplexed I'm hoping that with time things will get better and easier.

 

[Nyssa28]

Think of dating as a means of making friends, not relationships. Maybe this will ease the tension until you are over the slump.

 

[Son26]

I definitely feel you, OP. I just started dating again myself for the first time since I broke up with my ex. At first I was also turning down dating opportunities because I didn't feel that I was ready, or I thought that me and my ex would be getting back together. But I've had to come to terms with the fact that we will probably not be together in that way.

It's very WEIRD! It's weirder for me because I've only been in one serious relationship (with my ex). So it's hard for me to think about being with someone new in that way. I'm definitely nervous and anxious when I think about kissing someone else or doing other things with them... erplexed I'm hoping that with time things will get better and easier.

This is exactly how I feel. It's good to know that there is someone out there who feels the same way I do. There is this guy who is interested in me, but I'm so afraid of taking things to the next level. I've only had one boyfriend my entire life (we were together for 5 years) and the thought of being with someone new (kissing, sex etc) makes me very nervous.

 

[gabulldawg]

This is exactly how I feel. It's good to know that there is someone out there who feels the same way I do. There is this guy who is interested in me, but I'm so afraid of taking things to the next level. I've only had one boyfriend my entire life (we were together for 5 years) and the thought of being with someone new (kissing, sex etc) makes me very nervous.

I agree. It does feel better knowing that other people are dealing with this. Maybe someone can chime in who was in our position before and successfully got over it. I was with my ex for about 4 years. It's weird starting over with someone else!

 

[tinkat]

Think of dating as a means of making friends, not relationships. Maybe this will ease the tension until you are over the slump.

That is how I have been trying to look at it. I was with my ex for almost 6 years and we broke up a few months ago. He was my only relationship. The thought of someone new is weird, especially when my ex randomly calls me (I am going to start letting it go to voicemail) because he wants us to work it out in the end. I also feel guilty for some odd reason about wanting to get to know others. Maybe I need to take some more time on my own, IDK.

 

[LivingDol1]

I definitely feel you, OP. I just started dating again myself for the first time since I broke up with my ex. At first I was also turning down dating opportunities because I didn't feel that I was ready, or I thought that me and my ex would be getting back together. But I've had to come to terms with the fact that we will probably not be together in that way.

It's very WEIRD! It's weirder for me because I've only been in one serious relationship (with my ex). So it's hard for me to think about being with someone new in that way. I'm definitely nervous and anxious when I think about kissing someone else or doing other things with them... erplexed I'm hoping that with time things will get better and easier.

it is definitely weird to think about being with someone new. although for me, the thing with exes is very opposite. i don't keep in touch with my exes and have like no desire to or wonder if we'd get back together. my exes are usually "dead to me". so i feel like putting effort into dating is silly because i feel like the person will eventually be out of my life and it will be like as if we had never known each other. sort of like a waste of my time and a waste of a relationship. it's a pessimistic way to think, i know...

 

[gabulldawg]

it is definitely weird to think about being with someone new. although for me, the thing with exes is very opposite. i don't keep in touch with my exes and have like no desire to or wonder if we'd get back together. my exes are usually "dead to me". so i feel like putting effort into dating is silly because i feel like the person will eventually be out of my life and it will be like as if we had never known each other. sort of like a waste of my time and a waste of a relationship. it's a pessimistic way to think, i know...

I definitely feel you. After my last relationship I have since lost a little bit of faith in dating/relationships as well.

 

[LivingDol1]

I definitely feel you. After my last relationship I have since lost a little bit of faith in dating/relationships as well.

i guess the way to go is to just try to build friendships and you never know who will turn into a relationship? i don't know...

so, where are the ones who've gotten out of the dating slump? cuz we are just a bunch of slumpers over here. lol! we need some encouragement! or better men! haha.

 

[Kalani]

but the men who approach me are either youngins with nothing going on or guys who are too old for me (and I suspect may be married).

I sometimes see cute guys who look about my age and look as if they have it all together and I wonder if I should approach them and strike up a conversation. However, I've never approached a guy and I don't want to go up to a guy who has a good reason for not asking me out (not interested/taken/gay...).

This is exactly my dilemma! I just can't bring myself to make a move. Meanwhile I haven't been on a date in 8 months. What to do, what to do...erplexed