Am I wrong for feeling this way??

[A856]

Ok long story short......

We had a 13yr connection/relationship. The last 3 years I'd been trying to seperate myself from him (16yr age difference), but he always found his way back to my heart, and I as always let him back. We've had major ups and downs through out the years and I'd just come to the conclusion he was always gonna be there, deal with it.
Last Friday, I got the dreaded phone call from his friend telling me that he passed away. I was stunned, lost for words to bawling out of control.

Then a breath of fresh air came and I was somewhat happy because I didn't have to worry about him coming back into my life interferring with my current relationship. But I'm also sad/hurt that I'll never see him again. Deep in my heart I wanna believe that he's not gone, I know he is, I know I would've gotten a phone call/text from him by now if he was still alive.
I still have recent voicemails and text messages from him professing his love for me.

Is it wrong for one to be "relieved" that one has died?

 

[Windsy]

Is it wrong for one to be "relieved" that one has died?

I really don't know how to answer that question Op.....I've never encountered anything like this....I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

My condolences to you!!!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I think I'd feel relieved if he moved to Russia and got married. I would feel sad that he died - only because of the long connection we had.

I actually have someone like this in my life, but we do not have this type of age difference. Even though I don't want any type of relationship with him, I would feel very sad if he passed away.

 

[Windsy]

I think I'd feel relieved if he moved to Russia and got married. I would feel sad that he died - only because of the long connection we had.

I actually have someone like this in my life, but we do not have this type of age difference. Even though I don't want any type of relationship with him, I would feel very sad if he passed away.

I can agree with this...Op, it's a delicate issue because you finally have relief but it's the "how" you got relief....while I do believe that death can be a blessing for individuals that have extreme sufferings..it just feels weird to feel that you are now at peace because he's dead.

I'm not condeming your feelings because they are valid, yours and I don't know what you experienced during the 13 years....it's just the feeling of finally due to a death, just seem so weird to "me".

Anyways, I say pray about those feelings......if you feel that they are wrong, pray and ask for help with dealing with those feelings....if need be talk to somone about those feelings.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I don't think you're "wrong" for feeling this way. But I do think that your feelings reveal how you really felt about the relationship you had with him. You're not a murderer so there is no need to feel guilty. I am sorry for your loss though


It definitely is a touchy issue, but death isn't an abhorrent thing to everybody. So I can be relieved that someone is out of my life even though they went to the "other side".

 

[A856]

Ok maybe relieved isn't the correct word, forgive me. But I feel like his passing is my reassurance that we re officially over. It's unfortunate it takes a death for me to get it...

 

[Windsy]

Ok maybe relieved isn't the correct word, forgive me. But I feel like his passing is my reassurance that we re officially over. It's unfortunate it takes a death for me to get it...

this I can certainly understand...I think most women has that 1....Lord knows everytime mine creep back up I cringe...

 

[ThickHair]

I actually have someone like this in my life, but we do not have this type of age difference. Even though I don't want any type of relationship with him, I would feel very sad if he passed away.

Same with me and he is 23 years older than me. Right now we are on the outs but I would be crushed if he passed away.

His birthday was last month and he turned 63 and even though we are not speaking, I still sent him a card and I sign it as I always do, "From your favorite pain in the a$$".

 

[A856]

Same with me and he is 23 years older than me. Right now we are on the outs but I would be crushed if he passed away.

His birthday was last month and he turned 63 and even though we are not speaking, I still sent him a card and I sign it as I always do, "From your favorite pain in the a$$".

This is a good way to put it. We weren't on the outs, his last voicemails to me were about how much he loved me and wanted to make things work. I'm happy and comfortable knowing that the last time we talked it ended with I love you and not me hanging up the phone or cursing him out!

 

[CurlyMoo]

@ A856

I think what you are feeling is normal. Part of the stages of grief actually, especially since you have had a longterm relationship with this man and felt an enormous since of burden throughout the relationship. Many children who care for sick parents tend to feel this way when the parent eventually passes on. But later find themselves experiencing sadness and depression.

So do keep in mind it's only been a week. A week from now, month or so; you may need someone to help pick you up off the floor. Because the routine of this relationship has been disturbed and apart of you will start to miss the good qualities that he had. I hope you have someone to talk to and is there for you.

I'm sorry for you loss, I will keep you in my prayers.