Am I the only one who can only date one guy at a time ???

[tatje]

If I talk to more than one, I get confused and I just don't have the energy to be juggling many people around. Also I don't like repeating myself and I get confused to what I know about who. Anyone feel the same way? That at times could be just too much?

 

[gone_fishing]

In order to answer this question, I have to first clarify that I don't believe in dating just for the purpose of dating. If I did, then I probably wouldn't carry this line of thought with me. I believe that dating or courting (semantics in my opinion) ought to lead somewhere...otherwise, imo, it's pointless. I would never date someone if I already KNEW that it was going to lead nowhere. To me that would be a waste of time and I might be blocking my opportunity to meet my mr. right by spending time with mr. ain't-gonna-quite-cut-it.

I know it's unpopular to say that you would date with the goal of marriage but that's what I believe in. If some people date with the goal of bedding a lot of people and that's okay, I don't see why me wanting the opposite should be 'not okay' (not saying anyone said it wasn't). Anyway, if you're dating towards the goal of marriage, (for me) I wouldn't recommend dating more than one person at a time.

These are the issues that I feel can stem from it. I may like more than one man and have trouble deciding between them. I may compare them to one another, and that isn't fair for me or for my dates. Each of us has to be looked at on our merits. What I can forsee happening and I've seen it with my friends is that that they end up with no one because they think, "Well, he's okay, but the next person may be even better."

A lot of people believe that they will know if someone is right for them very soon. I don't believe that though (although obvious red flags need to be adhered to). Very few people have an instant connection. Movies have taught us to look for that "love at first sight" but it's not very realistic. From experience, I can tell you that the majority of now-happily married couples gradually developed their emotional connections over the length of their courtships. When someone juggles more than one dating partner at a time, they tend to rush to judgment too quickly and give up on a promising relationship simply because it isn't moving as fast as they (mistakenly) believe it should.

Another problem with dating more than one person is that you don't devote the emotional energy and time that is needed to enable a a true relationship to develop. I believe that if a courtship seems promising, the partners should concentrate their energies into getting to know each other well and building an emotional connection.

My life is chaotic enough; another dating partner in the picture is too distracting and confusing.

Finally, I think that it can also backfire when one or more of the people someone is dating, each of whom is probably concentrating on developing the relationship and believes you are doing the same, then discovers what is going on. I realize people well say well...you should have sorted that out in the beginning but I just think it can cause great emotional anguish, as the person feels "two-timed" even if they technically weren't. The person is not likely to tell you that out of the 5 people they are dating you rank 3rd on the list...

Anyway, those are my biased opinions...as usual...

 

[Divine_Order]

If I talk to more than one, I get confused and I just don't have the energy to be juggling many people around. Also I don't like repeating myself and I get confused to what I know about who. Anyone feel the same way? That at times could be just too much?

I'm the same way! Same sentiments exactly...who has that kinda time?! The thing is, how can one fully get to know a person if they have someone else on the brain?

 

[tatje]

I don't date to date. My time is precious. I date for the purpose of a mate i.e. marriage. I hear what your saying.

 

[tatje]

I'm the same way! Same sentiments exactly...who has that kinda time?! The thing is, how can one fully get to know a person if they have someone else on the brain?

Is this a sign that we aren't the type of people to cheat?

 

[gone_fishing]

Is this a sign that we aren't the type of people to cheat?

Someone's going to come in here who is a double dater or triple dater and be mad that you said that.

 

[tatje]

I am the type to answer the phone in my sleep saying the wrong name and such. I really wouldn't be able to have a focus on anyone. So sad.

 

[tatje]

Someone's going to come in here who is a double dater or triple dater and be mad that you said that.

Oh Gosh, here we go. Everyone is entitled to there thoughts and questions and could help me see different sides to things. No drama this Monday morning.

 

[Lindy]

I was having this conversation with a co-worker recently. I've never dated more than one guy at a time.

It has always been my experience that if I'm dating someone, by the third date or so, the guy has always made it clear that he wants to be exclusive, and that's always been fine with me, because if I've been on more than 2 dates with someone, it means that I'm "into" them. I don't date just to have someone to go out with... And I'm not into playing games and dating a bunch of guys at once. Number one, there aren't that many guys out there that I find worthy of my time so when I find one, I'm not about to jeopardize it by playing childish games.

IMO, with *most* women who are dating multiple men, it's because the guy has not mentioned that he wants exclusivity, and so they're free to do whatever they want, (as well they should!!) and they continue on to find someone who's ready to "commit".

 

[Divine_Order]

Is this a sign that we aren't the type of people to cheat?

Now that, I don't know about. I just know that I typically have alot on my plate. And all that serial dating would just seem like another chore to me. Though I can appreciate the reasoning as to how some women swear by having at least three men (random number) that they can call on for different things (ie. money man, fun man, ummm...the one that can do that "special thing"). It's just not for me. I have a hard enough time trying to pick out what I'm going to wear in the morning...I don't need to be trying to figure out who I'm gonna date this week!

 

[tatje]

I was having this conversation with a co-worker recently. I've never dated more than one guy at a time.

It has always been my experience that if I'm dating someone, by the third date or so, the guy has always made it clear that he wants to be exclusive, and that's always been fine with me, because if I've been on more than 2 dates with someone, it means that I'm "into" them. I don't date just to have someone to go out with... And I'm not into playing games and dating a bunch of guys at once. Number one, there aren't that many guys out there that I find worthy of my time so when I find one, I'm not about to jeopardize it by playing childish games.

IMO, with *most* women who are dating multiple men, it's because the guy has not mentioned that he wants exclusivity, and so they're free to do whatever they want, (as well they should!!) and they continue on to find someone who's ready to "commit".

This is so true. It happens so fast. So sometimes I'm left to think, well what about the other guys. Now what do you tell them, especially if there taking it slower than others. One guy at a time. That's good for me.

 

[tatje]

Now that, I don't know about. I just know that I typically have alot on my plate. And all that serial dating would just seem like another chore to me. Though I can appreciate the reasoning as to how some women swear by having at least three men (random number) that they can call on for different things (ie. money man, fun man, ummm...the one that can do that "special thing"). It's just not for me. I have a hard enough time trying to pick out what I'm going to wear in the morning...I don't need to be trying to figure out who I'm gonna date this week!

We must be the same people. For me to find something to wear in the morning, just forget it because I would have changed more than 3 times. Yeah, maybe I should take back what I said about cheating because it could be a number of factors, and I guess you should never say never. It is like a chore, because I don't see the fun in it.

 

[Allandra]

Nope, you are not the only one.

In order for me to go out with Mr. Aries, I had to put Mr. Pisces on the curb (for good).

I just can't date more than one guy at a time (although I don't knock anyone that does).

I'm actually dating Mr. Aries for a purpose (which he knows).

 

[Syrah]

If I talk to more than one, I get confused and I just don't have the energy to be juggling many people around. Also I don't like repeating myself and I get confused to what I know about who. Anyone feel the same way? That at times could be just too much?

I actually wish I could date more than one guy at a time (and I'm talking CASUAL dating)...but I'm not that girl.

I'ma keep it real - I just don't meet that many men who actually interest me (my friends say it's me and I'm starting to think that they're right). So I'd never really had the opportunity to actually go to dinner on Monday with Man-A and dinner on Thursday with Man-B.

I don't see anything wrong with casually dating more than one person. I mean really - I change my shoes multiple times during the week - why do I have to see the same man every day, when he's CLEARLY out doing the same thing?!?!

Maybe the problem is us - do we put too much emphasis on exclusivity too early on in the relationship??

 

[tatje]

Yeah. I have no problem with any female who dates more than one guy at a time. That's there business and to each there own. I just noticed many are able to do that and I just felt like, am I the only one not comfortable with that.

I like stability and consistancy in my life. Always have. So I like to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it, how I'm going to do it, with who I am doing it with. I'm personally not the be with Johnny on Monday from 5-7pm and Chris from 8-10. It's just not me. Not knocking anyone else, like someone said.

I have a lot to do and to fit one more person in my life is cool, but to fit 2,3,4 people in my life at the same time causes me confusion.

 

[Divine_Order]

Yeah. I have no problem with any female who dates more than one guy at a time. That's there business and to each there own. I just noticed many are able to do that and I just felt like, am I the only one not comfortable with that.

I like stability and consistancy in my life. Always have. So I like to know what I'm doing, when I'm doing it, how I'm going to do it, with who I am doing it with. I'm personally not the be with Johnny on Monday from 5-7pm and Chris from 8-10. It's just not me. Not knocking anyone else, like someone said.

I have a lot to do and to fit one more person in my life is cool, but to fit 2,3,4 people in my life at the same time causes me confusion.

Exactly! Though I applaud anyone that CAN juggle men like that. I have a girlfriend like that. Yeah, she stays pretty busy, for the most part!

 

[CurliDiva]

If I talk to more than one, I get confused and I just don't have the energy to be juggling many people around. Also I don't like repeating myself and I get confused to what I know about who. Anyone feel the same way? That at times could be just too much?

IMO if a guy says that you should "date" other people - HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! A man with developing feelings will not want you going out (with even a chance of you kissing goodnight) with another man and same for a woman.

I would gather focus on one person at a time, but be realistic if and when it is time to move on.

 

[tatje]

IMO if a guy says that you should "date" other people - HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! A man with developing feelings will not want you going out (with even a chance of you kissing goodnight) with another man and same for a woman.

I would gather focus on one person at a time, but be realistic if and when it is time to move on.

Oh of course. I agree completely. I mean as just for yourself. You can have plenty of guys that are interested in you and want more from you. I'm just trying to wonder how is it possible to juggle those type of guys.....not the ones who want to play around because I don't waste my time on that. I never had a guy tell me I should date. He better not say that to me. Then there would be some problems like "what you got me here for then? Why are you even talking to me?"

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I only date one guy at a time. Mostly because the pickings are slim and there's usually only one guy around though.

 

[Lindy]

I only date one guy at a time. Mostly because the pickings are slim and there's usually only one guy around though.

Precisely... You should consider yourself BLESSED if there is more than one guy around who you actually WANT to date more than once!!

 

[simplertimes]

I usually "date" more than one guy at once....then whichever guy holds my interest more gets all my attention...It just happens naturally