Am I the only one getting on my friends nerve???

[Pheonixx]

I'm laughing right now.
My friends are all girly-girls and into their hair so I don;'t get on their nerves.
But I've never 'volunteered' info to anyone.
I give when asked and even them it's almost pointless.
They nod as you go into your hair schpeal. You can actually see their eyes glaze over.
Then they usually dismiss everything you said.
Which makes no sense because if you can't grow any hair and your hair is all chewed up then obviously your methods ain't working or your stylist doesn't know what their doing. Why not listen to someone who has a decent head of hair.

But ppl will do what they want. Ppl are ignorant. Some are stuck in their ways. Some ppl are just plain lazy. I run into a lotta females who have to be weaved up at all times because their hair looks a HAM. Then they ask you what you do to maintain your hair.
Try to tell them about hairwashing and DC-in and they tune you out because apparently 'you got good hair'--- which totally explains why your hair looks nice and theirs doesn't.

They don't know how to do their own hair but they also ain't interested in learning either.
Oh well....of course I will always tell ppl what I do.But, it ain't like half of them listen anyway...

 

[belleama]

you are definitely not the only one i offered sooo many people help but instead they accused me of being crazy and if i continue with what im doing all my hair will fall out ( from washing 1-2 weekly and using "chemcials" such as castor oil etc.)

OMG your post just reminded me of a member who's father made her keep the spoon and bowl she was using to mix up a homemade deep conditioner using natural stuff (foods and oils only). I was just like wow

 

[Pheonixx]

Nope you aren't the only one. We all want to help our friends and families but just like anything else if they don't ask for it you are wasting your breath. If I hear someone talking about something I have a little knowledge about I may give them a little bit of information. How they respond tells me whether or not I should continue or just nod my head and smile. I know a little bit about a lot of things so I do try to pass on my knowledge. Only to those who want to know. Everybody else just needs to learn for themselves.

COSIGN...that's where I am on a LOT of issues. Hair is one of them.
Sometimes 'spreading knowledge' is helpful and ---sometimes you're just wasting breath.

Sometimes ppl DO need to learn for themselves.
I'll be honest, I don't have a whole lot of patience for most ppl. Some ppl just need to be saved from their damn selves. Who has the time?
I don't take it upon myself to be 'enlightening' and 'educating' folks.

Cause--
If your way ain't working and you see progress, success or the 'right way' in front of you (in this case, a healthy head of hair) and still can't/won't get on board...

Well---if you don't care ,neither do I....so I guess we both gon be lookin at eash other like, 'Oh well....'


Anywho--some ppl just like to make their own mistakes.
...and I'm all for letting 'em.
Bad experiences are usually our best teachers, anyway.

 

[HoneyA]

I don't talk to anybody about hair anymore except the people on this forum.k sure but I'm not offering any information that is not requested.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Oh this happened to me when I was first joined this forum 4 years ago, and first started out on my hair care journey. My mom and sister used to look at me like I was crazy because I was washing/co-washing my hair ever 3/4 days. "You're washing your hair again??" Haha...they thought I was nuts!! They just KNEW that I was drying my hair out by putting too much water in it. Riiiight...like water really "dries" a plant out. Can we insert another EYE-roll here?? ---->

And when I switched to a mild relaxer, and started stretching my relaxers to 12-15 weeks instead of my previous 6-8 weeks, that's when all things went south. My mom used to say: "You need some PERM on that hair!" Or, "why don't you just put some heat on that hair....it's not straight enough!" Oh, and my personal favorite: "Honey, if you want to go natural, there's a better way to do it." Meanwhile, her hair is dry, short and breaking off, and my sister's hair doesn't grow past neck-length anymore.

But guess what?? When my hair steadily kept growing and getting longer than theirs, my mom and sister shut up real quick. LOL! Suddenly, my mom decided to go to the salon, do a BC, and get her hair "texturized" instead of bone straight relaxed like she used to. Also, my sister now goes to the same stylist I was going to (lol), and has started to wait a little longer in between getting relaxers. She doesn't even tell me when she's getting a touch-up anymore!

See, I used to try to explain to them why I was doing what I was doing regarding the health of my hair, and try to help people out, but now days I just smile and say: "different strokes for different folks I guess!" and just keep going on about my business caring for my hair the way I KNOW works for me.

These days I'm letting my HAIR speak for itself. People at work would tell me: "Oh wow.... I didn't know your hair was so long!" (I guess that's because I was always keeping it bunned or pinned up ).

I've had a few set-backs over the past year or so (bad relaxer, switching from a mild back to a regular strength relaxer, the weave disaster of 2007, etc), but now that I'm back to my true and faithful mild relaxer again, and I'm co-washing more regularly, my hair is steadily coming back. I'm letting my hair speak for myself now days.

 

[jasmin]

If they ask I tell. They can decide for themselves after that but I don't offer advice unless I'm ask. Don't expect them to always follow through.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I don't really get bothered because there are not a lot of Black people out here... and the Black friends I have actually know how to take care of their hair and don't need my help.

It's when I have to deal with bald headed eagles and my family that I have to hear comments about my hair. I've learned to ignore people and do whatever the flik I want. I don't give advice to anyone... and if you ask, chances are you really don't want to know what I'm doing anyway, so I won't waste your time or mine!

 

[NinasLongAmbition]

You are definitely not the only one who has annoyed friends. They tell me I need to go to "Dr.Phil".(Lol) Now Im trying so hard to not talk about hair anymore with anyone. But its soo hard because Im soo passionate about it. I love you ladies your the only people that truly understand.

 

[Tamrin]

Im sorry you are going thru this. Its sad when you ty to help people will role their eyes. Because of this and trying to help my best friend and I are no longer friends. So If I were you do you and let the find their own way. People will do what they want to. There is nothing you can do to help. Listen but do not get too involved.

 

[Christa438]

You are definitely not the only one who has annoyed friends. They tell me I need to go to "Dr.Phil".(Lol) Now Im trying so hard to not talk about hair anymore with anyone. But its soo hard because Im soo passionate about it. I love you ladies your the only people that truly understand.

I am the same way. It used to be so hard to try not to talk about the "H" topic around those I just knew would roll their eyes and smack their 'teef', lol. Now, it's gotten so much easier because I no longer care if they care, as long as I keep doing what Im doing. One day a while back some of my family were gathered together and sitting around talking and the subject of somebody's hair breakage came up and a few was like "Oh Lard...dont get her started!" I just looked at them and said "I aint got nothing to say ." They just looked like . shoot, im through tryna get through to people. you can lead a ***** to water...

 

[ChocoKitty]

I was super excited when I found LHCF! I had been on a quest to grow longer hair for a long time and I had finally found something full of useful information. Everytime someone would compliment me on my hair and its progress I would use it as an opportunity to share information.

Well... Here I am years later. I don't really tell anybody nothing no more... I feel it's a waste of energy. Even when folks ask I kinda look at them blankly. Because whatever I suggest won't really be taken seriously. I just tell them their hair can grow and be healthy too. They just have to figure it out for themselves. It's quite unfortunate some folks have to keep before they realize their methods ain't taking them no where. I would personally prefer to learn from other's experiences whenever possible instead of making mistakes of my own.

 

[coconow2007]

Ladies, since I've been on my hair care journey and I've been seeing more and more progress; I've been wanting to share this info with my mother and friends. Judging by the looks that I've been receiving...I'm getting on their nerves!!!!

I can't help it that I want to spread the joy! My mothers' hair is dry and breaking off like crazy. I offered to do treatments on her hair every week. She said no. Cause according to her jackleg beautician, she only needs deep conditioning once a month.

There's a lady at my job that did have a weave and the front ends of her hair were BREAKING BADLY!!! I offered to whip up a batch of my hair crack for her, do a couple of treatments on her hair to get her on the right track. Once again, I was informed that her beautician told her not to listen to me. Cause and I quote, "the ladies on that website are actually beauticians pretending to be regular women so that they can turn women against away from going to the salon?????????!!!!!!" Like I told her, the jacked up way they were doing my hair is what turned me away from going to the salon.

My family and friends are still believing the hype. According to them I wash my hair too much (which involves me washing out the perm), I no longer grease my scalp (which was in all actuality KILLING MY SCALP) and I make my home concoctions (which in some cases involves MN).

OH NO!!!!!!!!!! They're trying to fit me for a strait jacket now!

This blows my mind!!! They're constantly telling me how much healthier and longer my hair looks; but, when I fill them in on what it takes to make it look this way...they roll their eyes and look at me like I'm crazy!!!!

Are any of you other ladies going through this???

I so feel what you are going through. My mom is convinced that I must be going through some type of depression to have cut my SL hair to TWA in order to go natural. She and my father also think I am washing my hair way too much. My son is my main supporter he tells me he likes my cool natural hair

 

[Extremus]

When they are tired of their hair being hard and dry, then they will listen.

o-kay! even when they're clearly heading in that direction or already there, they STILL don't take advice whatever. their lose.

Which makes no sense because if you can't grow any hair and your hair is all chewed up then obviously your methods ain't working or your stylist doesn't know what their doing. Why not listen to someone who has a decent head of hair.

But ppl will do what they want. Ppl are ignorant. Some are stuck in their ways. Some ppl are just plain lazy. I run into a lotta females who have to be weaved up at all times because their hair looks a HAM. Then they ask you what you do to maintain your hair.

thank u!

I don't really get bothered because there are not a lot of Black people out here... and the Black friends I have actually know how to take care of their hair and don't need my help.

It's when I have to deal with bald headed eagles and my family that I have to hear comments about my hair. I've learned to ignore people and do whatever the flik I want. I don't give advice to anyone... and if you ask, chances are you really don't want to know what I'm doing anyway, so I won't waste your time or mine!

I been done with giving people advice, even my own mother when people ask I just say " I take care of it" and that's it. my mom is starting to develop a bald spot right in the front, center of her head all from overprocessing (relaxing every 2-4 weeks, but it's cool b/c it's a no-lye relaxer) my dad (her husband) even pointed it out while I was doing her hair saying, "your hair is thinning out huh? you gettin bald right here" she's so in denial, she goes, "No, it's growing back since I switched to no-lye relaxers" ok mom. even our hairstylist told her I know what I'm doing

 

[Vshanell]

I don't talk to my friends about hair stuff. No one listens anyway.....or cares which is sad.

It's funny because when I go to the bss I'm usually the only one looking at hair products.

 

[Cassandra1975]

IThey just looked like . shoot, im through tryna get through to people. you can lead a ***** to water...

Not a horse, but a *****...




I can't take it! You are about to get me in trouble at work!

On the topic at hand, I don't volunteer info. If people ask, I tell them what I do. And even when I do that, it's basic info. I had to chop my hair off back in September, and I chopped it again in November before I realized, I needed some hair for my best friend's wedding. People told me I would not be able to grow out enough by August to make a decent style (I am one of the bridesmaids). Now, they want to know how I'm growing it out. Whatever!

 

[Blackbird77]

I don't really get bothered because there are not a lot of Black people out here... and the Black friends I have actually know how to take care of their hair and don't need my help.

It's when I have to deal with bald headed eagles and my family that I have to hear comments about my hair. I've learned to ignore people and do whatever the flik I want. I don't give advice to anyone... and if you ask, chances are you really don't want to know what I'm doing anyway, so I won't waste your time or mine!

LOL! Bald headed eagles!

 

[tazzydennis]

Ladies, thank you so much for your responses! I now realize that I may have been a little over the top in trying to help family and friends in this hair adventure that I'm on. I thank God for finding this forum!!! I'll just conversate with you ladies on here about my hair journey!!!! This way I won't have to straight cuss someone out when they say "I can't believe you're putting coochie cream on your head!!!!" If I had a nickel for everytime someone had said that to me, I'd have at least $13.25 by now!

You ladies are awesome!

 

[kweenameena]

I was the same way when I first joined. I still am sometimes.

About a month ago I was in a room with about 4 other black female coworkers. They were all asking me about my fro and wanted to know how I "tolerated" being natural and why I had so many crazy hair practices. They told me I was crazy when I told them about MN but one fo them took my advice months ago and grew back her bald spot.

I was telling this one chick that if she stopped relaxing once a month and stretched the time in between it would be healthier for her hair. She had been complaining about how thin her hair was. But she said that her hair is not being damaged but for some reason her hair won't grow past shoulder length and not everyone's hair is meant to be past that length.

Don't use your words to tell them....show them with your progress. It will take time but it will be so worth it.
People are already in awe of my hair and mine isn't even that long.erplexed

 

[kweenameena]

One day a while back some of my family were gathered together and sitting around talking and the subject of somebody's hair breakage came up and a few was like "Oh Lard...dont get her started!" I just looked at them and said "I aint got nothing to say ." They just looked like . shoot, im through tryna get through to people. you can lead a ***** to water...

All of this sounds like me and my fam!

 

[spacetygrss]

I say absolutely nothing unless someone specifically asks me about it. I don't have time for foolishness.

 

[Blessed_Angel]

When my twin sister and I decided we would take the journey to take better care of our hair which involved us both going natural to learn about our REAL texture and then using that knowledge when returned back to relaxing and our hair was growing past SL we tried giving our family advice on how to better take care of their hair. We also went to cosmo school for a few months! Our family ignored or brushed off our advice and made comments that we were washing our hair TOO much and going TOO long without a relaxer.

Now that they see my hair now APL and my sisters hair past SL (my twin has bc her hair so many times due to going back n forth with wanting to be & stay natural) they are now asking us for the advice we prev tried to give them since they see our progress. The person who has taken in the most of our advice is our little sister who is in HS who wants longer and healthier hair.

Some people let things go in one ear and out the other and then once they see your progress they wanna pay attention but by then its like I don't wanna give you any advice now b/c you didn't wanna listen to me b4.

Pride is sometimes the biggest hurdle ppl need to overcome!

So true; and great point Neala. Pride has people missing out on so much.

But atleast your family humbled themselves and considered your advice. Some people won't even even if your hair grows to your feet! I have some friends and family who won't listen to me either; but I don't let it bother me anymore. I just don't want them to get mad when they see my hair blowing in the wind...lol.

 

[Christa438]

Y'all,
I can laugh about it now but after I first joined I used to really be bothered and upset because I really wanted my female family members and other ladies I know to join me on this journey. Who wouldn't want to share this kind of wealth? It may not be money, but I look at it as wealth of information. I had to remember the advice that my mama gave me, of course she was talkin about men, but it still applies: You can't change nobody, they have to Want to change. A while back, I realized I was the one being upset and irritated inside that they weren't listening to me and taking my advice so they can also have hair that's healthy and beautiful even if they didn't care to grow it long. Mama also said you have to forgive people and continue to live your life. And it makes so much sense. They sleeping good at night with thin edges to no edges and constant breakage and even dandruff from not moisturizing properly. I wised up--if they comfortable and satisfied, Im gon let them be. "This train has left the station, baby, chu chu!"