Am I Doing Too Much Or No? Update- I Ran Into Interview Bae At An Event Today

[LovinLea]

How old is he?

28

 

[LovinLea]

View attachment 389939

 

[LiftedUp]

He just told me that he doesn't know if he can take on the responsibility and it was never his plan to date someone with a child and he needs time to think.

I admit that men can be confusing, however, he has made it clear why hes behaving the way he is. He's not playing games, being weird, manipulating anyone or whatever negative things people are saying about him. He was into you but was thrown for a loop and is unsure if he wants to proceed with a relationship because of the recent development.

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

I matched with him online right before I went on a week long vacation. The whole time I was on vacation we talked first thing in the morning, midday, and last thing before sleeping. At this point, he didn't know I had a daughter. He wanted to "be friends first, take it slow, remain celibate only kissing allowed, and invited me to his church". He also had places he wanted to take me out to eat, movies, shows.

When I came back a week later, I met him in person, not a date, just a meetup. Great chemistry. Then I told him I had a daughter. He said he's not willing to stop talking to me although he did not plan on dating someone with a child.

Now, he has never taken me out. Only tries to Netflix and chill. Yet tells me I'm an amazing person and that he loves me. Never brings up me going to his church anymore.

He just told me that he doesn't know if he can take on the responsibility and it was never his plan to date someone with a child and he needs time to think. He said he told me he loves me too fast, because while he has strong feelings for me, he doesn't know ALL of me (my daughter, my home life). He doesn't know what he's taking on.

I called him once since he said that and it felt like "why are you calling?" He told me that I need to wait until he's finished thinking about if he willing to take on the responsibility and when he's done thinking he will let me know what he decides. Also that I'm pressuring him. I told him I'm going to give him space.

So after he found out you had a daughter he didn't feel that you were worth wining and dining. He made it clear that he didn't plan on dating someone with a child. He isn't taking time to decide how to proceed. He is moving on to find what he is looking for. I think you ahould just move on. Even if he "decides" to date you anyway, that fact that he openly expressed his doubts are enough for me to know it's not a match.

 

[LovinLea]

So after he found out you had a daughter he didn't feel that you were worth wining and dining. He made it clear that he didn't plan on dating someone with a child. He isn't taking time to decide how to proceed. He is moving on to find what he is looking for. I think you ahould just move on. Even if he "decides" to date you anyway, that fact that he openly expressed his doubts are enough for me to know it's not a match.

It's funny. He just called and everything I said was argumentative or attitude to him. I was in "patient and understanding" mode so the fact that he took everything I said with attitude just let me know that he did not like me anymore. Then he told me straight up that he wasn't interested in me anymore.

Everything you said was absolutely right. Instead of just saying "I don't want to date you", he put me in time out for a week just to tell me that he doesn't want to date me.

Then he tells me that he still wants to text me and call me. I said no, don't call me anymore.

 

[giigii613]

It's funny. He just called and everything I said was argumentative or attitude to him. I was in "patient and understanding" mode so the fact that he took everything I said with attitude just let me know that he did not like me anymore. Then he told me straight up that he wasn't interested in me anymore.

Everything you said was absolutely right. Instead of just saying "I don't want to date you", he put me in time out for a week just to tell me that he doesn't want to date me.

Then he tells me that he still wants to text me and call me. I said no, don't call me anymore.

 

[Damaris.Elle]

It's funny. He just called and everything I said was argumentative or attitude to him. I was in "patient and understanding" mode so the fact that he took everything I said with attitude just let me know that he did not like me anymore. Then he told me straight up that he wasn't interested in me anymore.

Everything you said was absolutely right. Instead of just saying "I don't want to date you", he put me in time out for a week just to tell me that he doesn't want to date me.

Then he tells me that he still wants to text me and call me. I said no, don't call me anymore.

Good, cut his weird arse off. His feelings changed once he found out you had a daughter, but he beat around the bush with telling you instead of just being straightforward. The fact that he tried to "put you in time out" and said he "needed time to think about things" was him telling you he was done without actually saying it (wimp). Then it seems like he tried to create a conflict or a reason to end things by saying you had attitude when you two were talking on the phone.

 

[LovinLea]

View attachment 389973

That's right.

Good, cut his weird arse off. His feelings changed once he found out you had a daughter, but he beat around the bush with telling you instead of just being straightforward. The fact that he tried to "put you in time out" and said he "needed time to think about things" was him telling you he was done without actually saying it (wimp). Then it seems like he tried to create a conflict or a reason to end things by saying you had attitude when you two were talking on the phone.

He was a wimp. I should have cut it off from the time he said I need to think. Shouldn't have give him so much power. Another man who thinks he's the prize.

 

[michelle81]

@LovinLea

I think I may see it a little differently than some of the other posters. You talked to him 3 times a day for a week and never let him know you had a child in those conversations? Children can and usually are a huge deal breaker to someone without them (even for someone with them depending on the ages of the child). He should have asked and I'm sure he won't make that mistake again. Don't most of those online dating sites have a question about being a parent? As a mom, I don't see how one can talk or even text with someone that much without the topic of a child coming up. He probably took a week break to see if he could get used to the idea of dating a mom, then decided he couldn't.

Kids/no kids is usually one of the 1st topics we have with new coworkers, so I couldn't imagine not sharing that with a dating prospect.

 

[LovinLea]

@LovinLea

I think I may see it a little differently than some of the other posters. You talked to him 3 times a day for a week and never let him know you had a child in those conversations? Children can and usually are a huge deal breaker to someone without them (even for someone with them depending on the ages of the child). He should have asked and I'm sure he won't make that mistake again. Don't most of those online dating sites have a question about being a parent? As a mom, I don't see how one can talk or even text with someone that much without the topic of a child coming up. He probably took a week break to see if he could get used to the idea of dating a mom, then decided he couldn't.

Kids/no kids is usually one of the 1st topics we have with new coworkers, so I couldn't imagine not sharing that with a dating prospect.

It didn't come up. I don't have a problem with him not wanting to date a mom.

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

It didn't come up. I don't have a problem with him not wanting to date a mom.

Really? How long was it before you told him? That's one of the first things I ask a man and they ask me. It's also the first thing I look at when looking at someone's datung profile. That's an important piece if information IMO, especially if you are looking for something serious.

 

[LovinLea]

Really? How long was it before you told him? That's one of the first things I ask a man and they ask me. It's also the first thing I look at when looking at someone's datung profile. That's an important piece if information IMO, especially if you are looking for something serious.

Yeah, thanks.

 

[caribeandiva]

@LovinLea

I think I may see it a little differently than some of the other posters. You talked to him 3 times a day for a week and never let him know you had a child in those conversations? Children can and usually are a huge deal breaker to someone without them (even for someone with them depending on the ages of the child). He should have asked and I'm sure he won't make that mistake again. Don't most of those online dating sites have a question about being a parent? As a mom, I don't see how one can talk or even text with someone that much without the topic of a child coming up. He probably took a week break to see if he could get used to the idea of dating a mom, then decided he couldn't.

Kids/no kids is usually one of the 1st topics we have with new coworkers, so I couldn't imagine not sharing that with a dating prospect.

You do have a good point

 

[bklynbornNbred]

@LovinLea

I think I may see it a little differently than some of the other posters. You talked to him 3 times a day for a week and never let him know you had a child in those conversations? Children can and usually are a huge deal breaker to someone without them (even for someone with them depending on the ages of the child). He should have asked and I'm sure he won't make that mistake again. Don't most of those online dating sites have a question about being a parent? As a mom, I don't see how one can talk or even text with someone that much without the topic of a child coming up. He probably took a week break to see if he could get used to the idea of dating a mom, then decided he couldn't.

Kids/no kids is usually one of the 1st topics we have with new coworkers, so I couldn't imagine not sharing that with a dating prospect.

This. Children are an absolute deal breaker for me and no matter what excuse others come with for not being forthcoming ultimately their double talk becomes a waste of my time. He was wrong for not just coming out and saying that but I don't understand how any quality type conversation occurred where a child didn't come up.

 

[LovinLea]

This. Children are an absolute deal breaker for me and no matter what excuse others come with for not being forthcoming ultimately their double talk becomes a waste of my time. He was wrong for not just coming out and saying that but I don't understand how any quality type conversation occurred where a child didn't come up.

I guess you never will. @ me next time.

 

[LovinLea]

Also, I told y'all the problem was not that I had a child. I told him after four days of talking on the phone while I was on vacation. And for the second time, I'll say it never came up.

For a second time, I'll say the problem was that he did not treat me well using that as the excuse. For example, he never took me on a date because according to him, I didn't have time because I'm a mom. I have the time so that was garbage.

We ended because I told him we had to go out on actual date. We had an argument about it. Then he tells me that he needs to think again about dating a single mom.

Instead of you ladies acting like I'm lying when I say it didn't come up (I don't know why I would need to lie to strangers on a website....................), it'd make more sense for you guys to come at me for dealing with a man (1)who told me loved me after a month, which was crazy and (2) who never took me on a proper date.

This is supposed to a supportive community of women, I don't know why y'all always without fail have to get nasty.

Back to ET. I have friends IRL to share these types of things with.

 

[TwoSnapsUp]

I don't recall anyone being nasty, but from your posts, it sounded like the issue was the child, which is why people focused on that. If you have to argue with a man for him to take you out on a date, he isn't worth it. Also, you sounded like you were waiting the week to find out if HE decided to continue dating you or not. If he wasn't treating you well, HE shouldn't have had the upper hand to be able to decide where you two stand. If he wasn't treating you well, it was probably best to leave him alone.

Anyway. Take care.

Also, I told y'all the problem was not that I had a child. I told him after four days of talking on the phone while I was on vacation. And for the second time, I'll say it never came up.

For a second time, I'll say the problem was that he did not treat me well using that as the excuse. For example, he never took me on a date because according to him, I didn't have time because I'm a mom. I have the time so that was garbage.

We ended because I told him we had to go out on actual date. We had an argument about it. Then he tells me that he needs to think again about dating a single mom.

Instead of you ladies acting like I'm lying when I say it didn't come up (I don't know why I would need to lie to strangers on a website....................), it'd make more sense for you guys to come at me for dealing with a man (1)who told me loved me after a month, which was crazy and (2) who never took me on a proper date.

This is supposed to a supportive community of women, I don't know why y'all always without fail have to get nasty.

Back to ET. I have friends IRL to share these types of things with.

 

[hopeful]

@LovinLea
I understood what you were saying. The guy was stringing you along and using you being a mom as an excuse to not take you on these fabulous dates he supposedly wanted to take you on. I'm just glad you finally realized what was going on. You certainly deserve to be treated well.

 

[LiftedUp]

He probably took a week break to see if he could get used to the idea of dating a mom, then decided he couldn't.

This was my thought. I tried putting myself into his shoes. I meet a guy and he's everything I've been looking for. We chat and we're on the same page with celibacy, spirituality etc. that is really not that easily found. Then bam you find out a child is involved (that's one of my deal breakers as well). Obviously you need sometime to think and figure out if this is something you can do.

If I were in this situation I'd chalk it up to it not working out vs thinking negative thoughts about someone who was not being malicious towards me.

 

[ivyness]

This was my thought. I tried putting myself into his shoes. I meet a guy and he's everything I've been looking for. We chat and we're on the same page with celibacy, spirituality etc. that is really not that easily found. Then bam you find out a child is involved (that's one of my deal breakers as well). Obviously you need sometime to think and figure out if this is something you can do.

If I were in this situation I'd chalk it up to it not working out vs thinking negative thoughts about someone who was not being malicious towards me.

I've been in this situation where we chatted for a week, made plans and then the day before our date he told me he had kids. Told him it was a deal breaker and asked that he either disclose it upfront or place it in his profile so as not to waste either of our time. I was lucky I'm that it was just a week and I hadn't gotten attached I can't imagine longer.

And OP I'm just giving my perspective not defending him not actually "dating" you.

 

[LovinLea]

@LovinLea
I understood what you were saying. The guy was stringing you along and using you being a mom as an excuse to not take you on these fabulous dates he supposedly wanted to take you on. I'm just glad you finally realized what was going on. You certainly deserve to be treated well.

Thanks for understanding.

 

[LovinLea]

This was my thought. I tried putting myself into his shoes. I meet a guy and he's everything I've been looking for. We chat and we're on the same page with celibacy, spirituality etc. that is really not that easily found. Then bam you find out a child is involved (that's one of my deal breakers as well). Obviously you need sometime to think and figure out if this is something you can do.

If I were in this situation I'd chalk it up to it not working out vs thinking negative thoughts about someone who was not being malicious towards me.

I've been there as well. I haven't always been a mom. But he claimed he loved me, wanted to be exclusive, gave himself the title of boyfriend in the weeks after he found out.

Our first "date" was just supposed to be him cooking dinner for me at his place, and he was an hour late because he was drinking with his friends, then he immediately fell asleep on me because of the alcohol, then when I woke him up to ask about dinner, he told me to order myself a pizza. I was peeved.

 

[Godsdaughter001]

This guy sounds like a world class jerk. The good thing is that you found out early enough so you weren't attached. I also believe that he would've ended up acting the same way with or without a child being involved. Glad to hear that he is out of your space so that you can meet someone who is worthy.

I've been there as well. I haven't always been a mom. But he claimed he loved me, wanted to be exclusive, gave himself the title of boyfriend in the weeks after he found out.

Our first "date" was just supposed to be him cooking dinner for me at his place, and he was an hour late because he was drinking with his friends, then he immediately fell asleep on me because of the alcohol, then when I woke him up to ask about dinner, he told me to order myself a pizza. I was peeved.

 

[movingforward13]

Our first "date" was just supposed to be him cooking dinner for me at his place, and he was an hour late because he was drinking with his friends, then he immediately fell asleep on me because of the alcohol, then when I woke him up to ask about dinner, he told me to order myself a pizza. I was peeved.

Anyone reading this- no first dates at home. Make him take you out at least 3 times before you agree to "cooking dinner for you at my house".
I swear- these men are becoming lazy as hell. This is like the 4th "I will cook you dinner at my house AS A FIRST DATE" I read this week.

@LovinLea - you dodged a bullet.

 

[Dee-Licious]

Our first "date" was just supposed to be him cooking dinner for me at his place, and he was an hour late because he was drinking with his friends, then he immediately fell asleep on me because of the alcohol, then when I woke him up to ask about dinner, he told me to order myself a pizza. I was peeved.

Yeah, when he came home smelling of liquor and falling asleep on you was the time for you to gone leave.... not even staying around to "wake him up to ask about dinner".

Set some standards on how you'll be treated and stick to them.

 

[LiftedUp]

I've been there as well. I haven't always been a mom. But he claimed he loved me, wanted to be exclusive, gave himself the title of boyfriend in the weeks after he found out.

Our first "date" was just supposed to be him cooking dinner for me at his place, and he was an hour late because he was drinking with his friends, then he immediately fell asleep on me because of the alcohol, then when I woke him up to ask about dinner, he told me to order myself a pizza. I was peeved.

Oh I didn't get that on the first post.

 

[LiftedUp]

I've been in this situation where we chatted for a week, made plans and then the day before our date he told me he had kids. Told him it was a deal breaker and asked that he either disclose it upfront or place it in his profile so as not to waste either of our time. I was lucky I'm that it was just a week and I hadn't gotten attached I can't imagine longer.

And OP I'm just giving my perspective not defending him not actually "dating" you.

I agree. I've realised that the older I get it is a question I have to start asking upfront.

 

[Browndilocks]

It didn't come up. I don't have a problem with him not wanting to date a mom.

This was my thought. I tried putting myself into his shoes. I meet a guy and he's everything I've been looking for. We chat and we're on the same page with celibacy, spirituality etc. that is really not that easily found. Then bam you find out a child is involved (that's one of my deal breakers as well). Obviously you need sometime to think and figure out if this is something you can do.

If I were in this situation I'd chalk it up to it not working out vs thinking negative thoughts about someone who was not being malicious towards me.

How does having a child not come up? I thought those types of things were revealed during the initial question phase of the online profile before you even get matches.

 

[CurlyMoo]

The interview is an interesting idea I think, and a good way to not only finish your project but put yourself on the radar of the guy you are interested in. Just because you are attracted to this guy does not mean you should sabotage your project.

But be very very conscious of body language, yours and his.
Smile and be professional and know that he is an option, there are other guys you are willing to date outside of this guy.
Furthermore, this could be a gateway to meeting other men of his caliber, he may connect you to other business ventures.
So many possibilities. Don't think 1 dimensional with this, see the many opportunities.

 

[Lucie]

@UniquelyDivine Where you at? Taking a homework break to chat and can't read this thread. So, I lost 10 LB, so what's good with my bridesmaid dress? The year is still young and you owe me a wedding. I got about 15 more pounds to go.