Alpha Male, Alpha Female and Dating: Need these questions answered (Come on in)!

[cocoberry10]

What are the characteristics of the Alpha Male?
Why do women like the alpha Male so much?
What type of women is the Alpha male attracted to?
What makes a woman an Alpha Female?

According to a fun quiz I took:
You Are an Alpha Female

Powerful, confident, and successful - you are definitely a dominant force.
You control social and dating situations. It's clear that you're always in charge.

Okay, so here’s my question. We hear the topic of the “Alpha Male” and the “Alpha Female” a lot. Supposedly the Alpha male is the most coveted male by women. I would never have considered myself an “Alpha female,” however, my friends always say that I’m an “Alpha Male” magnet, and they hate it, b/c that’s usually the type of guy they are attracted to (I actually usually like the more “quiet” types, but since I don’t approach guys, some of the shy guys will be my “friend” whereas the “alpha male” will ask me out).

 

[cocoberry10]

Famous Alpha Males???

Famous Alpha Female???

Famous Alpha Couples???

 

[sonce]

What are the characteristics of the Alpha Male?

According to Wikipedia:

In humans, the expression refers to a man who is powerful or high on the social ladder, similar to hegemonic masculinity. In Western cultures, the term is usually pejorative and describes a man who is overtly or affectedly masculine to the point of rejecting any affront to his ascribed status.

I think I'd do better by starting with types of men who claim to be Alpha Males but who are really just d*cks. An Alpha Male is not to be confused with the following:

A rude azzhole
A bully
An arrogant jerk
A contemptuous snob
A chronic cheater
A Machiavellian social climber

99% of men who call themselves Alpha Males are really immoral, vile, Rasputin-type beta/omega males. I've only come across one or two Alpha Males in my life, and neither announced himself. When you meet one, you know one, I think.

I think that a definition all can agree on is one that revolves around status. But to me, an Alpha Male is one not because of his status but because of his supreme control of himself, his situation, and those around him. It is this rare personal power and control that gives him the social status (measured in finances and deference shown him by others) that many associate with Alpha Males. This is why not every rich man is an alpha male and many men who do not have money walk into a room and radiate power. Control and personal power are what make an Alpha Male to me.

Why do women like the alpha Male so much?

Because despite all the shyt we talk about needing no man, being as strong as men, yada yada, we still want a man we can defer to and submit to. I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I think it is true. I am a tough lady. I am very smart, very capable, mentally strong and flexible, with a lot of self-discipline, and I've always been this way. There are strong men who are happy to lick my boots and let me run circles around them...but those are not the types I want. I want a man who is even more powerful than I am. A man who I instinctively recognize as having even tighter game, even more control, even more presence than I do. A truly strong man. I'm about to lose all the feminists here but I think that the need to submit only to a stronger man is a primal one (stemming from the way males in nature have to fight and overpower the female in order to mate with her), and who is stronger than an Alpha Male? His strength is why panties fall off when he enters the room.

What type of women is the Alpha male attracted to?

I'm not an Alpha Male, so I can't say.

What makes a woman an Alpha Female?

Same thing as an Alpha Male: personal power and supreme control.

 

[sonce]

Cocoberry, can you remove the picture of Angelina Jolie or replace it with a smaller one? It is distorting the page so that it is hard to read this thread.

 

[cocoberry10]

Cocoberry, can you remove the picture of Angelina Jolie or replace it with a smaller one? It is distorting the page so that it is hard to read this thread.

No problem!

 

[cocoberry10]

According to Wikipedia:

In humans, the expression refers to a man who is powerful or high on the social ladder, similar to hegemonic masculinity. In Western cultures, the term is usually pejorative and describes a man who is overtly or affectedly masculine to the point of rejecting any affront to his ascribed status.

I think I'd do better by starting with types of men who claim to be Alpha Males but who are really just d*cks. An Alpha Male is not to be confused with the following:

A rude azzhole
A bully
An arrogant jerk
A contemptuous snob
A chronic cheater
A Machiavellian social climber

99% of men who call themselves Alpha Males are really immoral, vile, Rasputin-type beta/omega males. I've only come across one or two Alpha Males in my life, and neither announced himself. When you meet one, you know one, I think.

I think that a definition all can agree on is one that revolves around status. But to me, an Alpha Male is one not because of his status but because of his supreme control of himself, his situation, and those around him. It is this rare personal power and control that gives him the social status (measured in finances and deference shown him by others) that many associate with Alpha Males. This is why not every rich man is an alpha male and many men who do not have money walk into a room and radiate power. Control and personal power are what make an Alpha Male to me.Because despite all the shyt we talk about needing no man, being as strong as men, yada yada, we still want a man we can defer to and submit to. I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but I think it is true. I am a tough lady. I am very smart, very capable, mentally strong and flexible, with a lot of self-discipline, and I've always been this way. There are strong men who are happy to lick my boots and let me run circles around them...but those are not the types I want. I want a man who is even more powerful than I am. A man who I instinctively recognize as having even tighter game, even more control, even more presence than I do. A truly strong man. I'm about to lose all the feminists here but I think that the need to submit only to a stronger man is a primal one (stemming from the way males in nature have to fight and overpower the female in order to mate with her), and who is stronger than an Alpha Male? His strength is why panties fall off when he enters the room.

I'm not an Alpha Male, so I can't say. Same thing as an Alpha Male: personal power and supreme control.

I agree with your entire post. I am going to link it to the discussion going on in off topic (I posted the same thread there!)

 

[Keedah]

I agree with sonce 100%. I consider my SO an alpha male. I havnt met one person that will step on his toes even when first meeting him just by the vibe he gives off. Im a dominant female but I like that masculine power.

We stopped talking briefly and I went out with someone that was more mild mannered. It didnt last long because I felt he was a total pushover. Not to mention guys would hit on me when we went out and he didnt even have the balls to say anything. The last straw was when I was at a club and this drunk guy wanted to feel me up. Im arguing with the guy and ex SO was standing there watching. That definately is not alpha male behavior and I just kept thinking if D was here this would not be happening.

 

[cocoberry10]

Here is some other info!


http://www.themodernman.com/how_to_b...lpha_male.html
Feminine guy
Doesn't really know what he wants in life
Feels intimidated by beautiful women, possibly even a little scared around them
Cries when life gets tough
Feels uncomfortable taking the lead in social situations

Masculine guy
Knows exactly what he wants and is going after it
Feels confident around beautiful women, knowing that no matter how masculine a woman may behave, she can never be more of a man than he is. "She's just a girl dude…"
Feels the emotion, but remains in control of himself. Focuses on learning from the experience, rather than looking for pity
Comfortably and confidently takes the lead when appropriate

 

[cocoberry10]

I agree with sonce 100%. I consider my SO an alpha male. I havnt met one person that will step on his toes even when first meeting him just by the vibe he gives off. Im a dominant female but I like that masculine power.

We stopped talking briefly and I went out with someone that was more mild mannered. It didnt last long because I felt he was a total pushover. Not to mention guys would hit on me when we went out and he didnt even have the balls to say anything. The last straw was when I was at a club and this drunk guy wanted to feel me up. Im arguing with the guy and ex SO was standing there watching. That definately is not alpha male behavior and I just kept thinking if D was here this would not be happening.

I’ve been in a similar situation, and it’s funny b/c the guy’s name (the alpha male) started with a D also! I don’t mind a mild mannered guy, as long as he knows how to handle his business when it’s appropriate (and your example is a good one of protecting the woman you are dating)! Some guys are quiet on the outside, but do not step up to them, b/c they know how to handle it!

 

[sonce]

ISome guys are quiet on the outside, but do not step up to them, b/c they know how to handle it!

Yup. A guy I am seeing right now is mild-mannered and reserved but his aura is one of a rattlesnake minding its own business. I've never seen him raise his voice or get mad, and he is such a wise, kind man but errybody see him chillin' and they just know instinctively that they don't want none of him, no way, no how. It's kinda eerie actually. People automatically treat him with respect. He's one of the very few people I've met in my life who didn't have to say a word to me or do anything before I realized I was in the presence of someone inherently stronger than me.

 

[TCatt86]

I agree with Sonce 100%. After breaking up with my ex, I dated a few men and realized what was the right type of man for me. I like to argue, I grew up around a bunch of lawyers and I dated men that let me go incredible far with it, to the point where I thought is he really okay with this? I can't have a man I cuss out and he still wants to cuddle up to me or make amends the same day. I dated a guy like that and I almost felt like I was dating a woman. Needless to say he got kick to the curb. And I'm single again, because it's easy for an Alpha male to date a non-alpha female, not the same for a female.

 

[sonce]

I can't have a man I cuss out and he still wants to cuddle up to me or make amends the same day.

I know exactly what you mean!

 

[cocoberry10]

Yup. A guy I am seeing right now is mild-mannered and reserved but his aura is one of a rattlesnake minding its own business. I've never seen him raise his voice or get mad, and he is such a wise, kind man but errybody see him chillin' but they just know instinctively that they don't want none of him, no way, no how. It's kinda eerie actually. People automatically treat him with respect. He's one of the very few people I've met in my life who didn't have to say a word to me or do anything before I realized I was in the presence of someone inherently stronger than me.

This is exactly the type of man I want. A lot of women think they want the "thuggish" type, but in reality, I think this is more reflective of the type of guy they really want!

 

[sonce]

This is exactly the type of man I want. A lot of women think they want the "thuggish" type, but in reality, I think this is more reflective of the type of guy they really want!

I'm crazy about this fellow (he'd be my one and only if he wasn't so, so busy). About thugs, I think you're right. I think that most women who claim to want thugs probably just don't have the vocab/experience to really articulate what they want. Most don't want a deadbeat criminal type (real thug), they want a strong man (Alpha).

 

[SEMO]

I agree with everything sonce has said . It's nice to hear unashamed honestly like that. I think that women want to know that their man is stronger than them b/c it makes them feel safe. You know that if something goes down he will be willing to step up and handle it.

The kind of man who will hear a suspicious sound downstairs at night and will go down to investigate it (to protect you and his family), rather than being as scared as you are clutching the sheets.

 

[TCatt86]

The kind of man who will hear a suspicious sound downstairs at night and will go down to investigate it (to protect you and his family), rather than being as scared as you are clutching the sheets.

I know you're right. I was dating this man, unfortunately things didn't work out. But his house was being renovated and he wanted to show it to me, well we pass around the house and the window is open. Me being me, I'm oblivious to my surroundings, I get out the car with him. Well he looks back at me and tells me to get back in the car, I could tell he was serious and that if somebody would have tried anything he would have gone toe to toe with them. I knew that he was genuinely trying to protect me and keep me safe. I fell in love with him that day. I wanted him to be my baby's daddy

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

My problem is I like the feminane guy, but he get's on my nerves when he doesn't act when he should. So i end up causing issues in the relationship. I'm an alpha girl but I'm trying to calm down.

 

[cocoberry10]

My problem is I like the feminane guy, but he get's on my nerves when he doesn't act when he should. So i end up causing issues in the relationship. I'm an alpha girl but I'm trying to calm down.

I think knowing where your strength as a woman lies is the key! We are strong emotionally. Let them be strong physically. Also, contrary to popular belief, even alpha males have their emotional side. I’ve gotten guys that are alpha males to show emotion, but only to me! They don’t show it to everyone else! This is how you know you’ve got him!

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

People automatically treat him with respect. He's one of the very few people I've met in my life who didn't have to say a word to me or do anything before I realized I was in the presence of someone inherently stronger than me.

That sounds soooo sexy to me I love men like this!

Coco...can you post the link to the quiz? I want to take it too.

 

[Keedah]

Ive called my Alpha Male over several times to kill bugs for me!! And he lives about 20 minutes away.

He also comes over and fixes stuff in my house without me even asking.

He opens doors and watches my back when we're out and I leave to go to the restroom.

Im definately an Alpha Female and Im pretty independent but he's the only man I will depend on for anything. When we first got together he used to get mad when I didnt let him open my car door. Now Im just used to it.

 

[Syrah]

See I don't consider "powerful, confident and successful" traits of an alpha female. Those are just the basics. Alpha (fe)males run sh!t. They're not managers and VP's. They're board of director members and CEO's. They can't handle positions of "subordination" or taking direction from others because it is contrary to how they view themselves. Venture Capitalists and Hedge Fund managers. HIGH profile attorneys ($1000+ per hour).

From Wikipedia:
alpha male or alpha female is the individual in the community whom the others follow and defer to. Where one male and one female fulfill this role, they are referred to as the alpha pair. In some groups, the alpha males and females are overrepresented in the genetics of a population if they are the only ones who breed successfully.

In humans, the expression refers to a man who is powerful or high on the social ladder, similar to hegemonic masculinity. In Western cultures, the term is usually pejorative and describes a man who is overtly or affectedly masculine to the point of rejecting any affront to his ascribed status.

There's a difference between a high profile couple and an alpha pair.

High Profile Couples vs. Alpha Pair
Brad and Angelina - High Profile Couple
Old Kimora and Russ - High Profile Couple
Beyonce and Jay-Z - High Profile Couple
Will and Jada Pinkett Smith - High Profile Couple
Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore - High Profile Couple

Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson - Alpha Man
Kelsey Grammar & Camille - Alpha Man
Old Bob and Sheila Johnson - Alpha Man
Barack and Michelle Obama - Alpha Man
Bill and Hillary Clinton - Alpha Pair. A TRUE Alpha Pair. And look at them... Would anyone CHOOSE their relationship??

Just 'cuz a man is masculine, can fix things, makes you feel sexy, safe and secure does NOT mean he's an alpha man. That's just a masculine man.

 

[Syrah]

:
You Are an Alpha Female

Powerful, confident, and successful - you are definitely a dominant force.
You control social and dating situations. It's clear that you're always in charge.

See, everything there describes the so-called "independent" woman. I'm sure 80% of the sisters in here would consider themselves "alpha females" based on this description, but that simply isn't the case.

And "being in control" is totally subjective. If you tell a man where you want to go, and when you want to be there - and he takes you there at that time, and pays for it - Who's REALLY in charge?? If you're debating something with a man and ya'll are really getting into the discussion - is that really a display of WHO is in charge?

Alpha Male + Alpha Female = BAD relationship. That's competition. That's a constant battle to show who's in charge and who isn't. That's a constant one-up challenge.

In Alpha relationships, one partner has to be content NOT being the one in the spotlight - it doesn't mean that they are subordinate but that one is "allowed" to outshine the other in certain social situations.

JMO.

Ya'll are describing MASCULINE men. Men that let you feel in control. Men that cater to your needs and desires, while still being able to kill the spider in the corner and fix the breaks on the car (the RIGHT way). A man that comes home and surprises you with a dinner date AND something to wear. A man that gets you all "hot and bothered" when discussing something that ya'll disagree on. A man that brings home the bacon and knows how to cook it.

 

[STLCoverGirl]

I agree with everything sonce has said . It's nice to hear unashamed honestly like that. I think that women want to know that their man is stronger than them b/c it makes them feel safe. You know that if something goes down he will be willing to step up and handle it.

The kind of man who will hear a suspicious sound downstairs at night and will go down to investigate it (to protect you and his family), rather than being as scared as you are clutching the sheets.

ITA, I love alpha males. For me I was raised solely by an alpha male and I think I expect that from a man I am with. I am not an alpha female, but I love feeling protected and safe with my man.

I want a manly man...a man that hunts, can fix things, that's a little messy..a man that is all man.

 

[Much2much41]

ITA, I love alpha males. For me I was raised solely by an alpha male and I think I expect that from a man I am with. I am not an alpha female, but I love feeling protected and safe with my man.

I want a manly man...a man that hunts, can fix things, that's a little messy..a man that is all man.

Did it just get hot in here, or is it just me?

 

[Keedah]

See I don't consider "powerful, confident and successful" traits of an alpha female. Those are just the basics. Alpha (fe)males run sh!t. They're not managers and VP's. They're board of director members and CEO's. They can't handle positions of "subordination" or taking direction from others because it is contrary to how they view themselves. Venture Capitalists and Hedge Fund managers. HIGH profile attorneys ($1000+ per hour).

From Wikipedia:
alpha male or alpha female is the individual in the community whom the others follow and defer to. Where one male and one female fulfill this role, they are referred to as the alpha pair. In some groups, the alpha males and females are overrepresented in the genetics of a population if they are the only ones who breed successfully.

In humans, the expression refers to a man who is powerful or high on the social ladder, similar to hegemonic masculinity. In Western cultures, the term is usually pejorative and describes a man who is overtly or affectedly masculine to the point of rejecting any affront to his ascribed status.

There's a difference between a high profile couple and an alpha pair.

High Profile Couples vs. Alpha Pair
Brad and Angelina - High Profile Couple
Old Kimora and Russ - High Profile Couple
Beyonce and Jay-Z - High Profile Couple
Will and Jada Pinkett Smith - High Profile Couple
Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore - High Profile Couple

Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson - Alpha Man
Kelsey Grammar & Camille - Alpha Man
Old Bob and Sheila Johnson - Alpha Man
Barack and Michelle Obama - Alpha Man
Bill and Hillary Clinton - Alpha Pair. A TRUE Alpha Pair. And look at them... Would anyone CHOOSE their relationship??

Just 'cuz a man is masculine, can fix things, makes you feel sexy, safe and secure does NOT mean he's an alpha man. That's just a masculine man.

My SO is a Sergeant in the Army and does have men that look up to him and follow him. His family owns a large part of the town he lives in (on the street he lives on his grandmother owns several houses on the block and so does he) and in his family when situations arise he's the go to guy to get it straigtened out. In our area people know who he is by his family last name. I think hes an Alpha Male.

We do have our problems when it comes to competiton...particularly with our careers.

 

[Syrah]

Actually my SO is a Sergeant in the Army and does have men that look up to him and follow him. His family owns a large part of the town he lives in (on the street he lives on his grandmother owns several houses on the block and so does he) and in his family when situations arise he's the go to guy to get it straigtened out. In our area people know who he is by his family last name.

See, but is he an ALPHA male or a high profile individual in his community (and I'm asking not because I know - I honestly have no idea)??

Folks act like high profile is a bad thing and being an ALPHA male is necessarily a good thing.

Donald Trump - Alpha Male
George Soros - Alpha Male
Bill Gates - NOT an Alpha Male

Omarosa - Alpha Female...and for no good reason.
Karrine "Supahead" Steffans - I think in her head, she sees herself as an Alpha Female.

Shoot... as far as I'm concerned, you can keep the alpha men. Give me a high profile successful man who knows how to pick and choose his battles. A man who doesn't have to be right all the time, only when it really matters... and who does his homework to try and make sure he gets it right.

I don't want the shot caller. I want the man who PAYS the shot caller to make the decisions he doesn't want to be bothered with.

 

[sonce]

See I don't consider "powerful, confident and successful" traits of an alpha female. Those are just the basics. Alpha (fe)males run sh!t. They're not managers and VP's. They're board of director members and CEO's. They can't handle positions of "subordination" or taking direction from others because it is contrary to how they view themselves. Venture Capitalists and Hedge Fund managers. HIGH profile attorneys ($1000+ per hour).

I agree with you to a degree. I'm with you on the independence and refusal to follow, but I think that your examples reveal a conceptualization of Alpha (Fe)Maleness that is too strongly tied to finances.

There's a difference between a high profile couple and an alpha pair.

Totally agree.

Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore - High Profile Couple

See, I think you got this one wrong. Demi has been a classic Alpha Female type since she hit the scene. To me, she is the prototypical Alpha Female.

Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson - Alpha Man
Kelsey Grammar & Camille - Alpha Man
Old Bob and Sheila Johnson - Alpha Man
Barack and Michelle Obama - Alpha Man

By what criteria did you decide that these pairings involve an Alpha Man?

Bill and Hillary Clinton - Alpha Pair. A TRUE Alpha Pair.

Yes! Bill Clinton is the other definite Alpha Male I have personally been around (the other is the man I am currently dating). Just like the guy I am dating, Bill is personable, coolheaded, charismatic, fun, and has impeccable manners...yet he dominates everyone around him. Being in a room with him is like witnessing The Cult of Bill Clinton's Person in full effect. I have been around politicians who are just as successful as he is, I have been around people who have been famous longer than he has, I have been around people richer than he is and I have been around men more handsome than he is. None has commanded the kind of raw authority that Bill Clinton exudes. People call it charisma, others call it manipulativeness, but everyone who has been around that man knows that apart from his success, fame, and money, he by himself is a different sort of man. And yes, Hilary too is a classic Alpha.

Just 'cuz a man is masculine, can fix things, makes you feel sexy, safe and secure does NOT mean he's an alpha man. That's just a masculine man.

Exactly. That is why I feel that the power Alphas exert is rooted in instinct and the primitive urges of people. You can gather a room of Who's Whos and Top Dogs, yet just only a couple will have the kind of whoooooa that makes everyone around them baddafucup and not talk back automatically. It is about more than finances, it is about more than manhood, and it is definitely not about deliberate domination of others. Never met an Alpha Male who announced himself with the breast-beating arrogance that characterizes the bevvy of poseur Beta/Gamma males running about claiming Alpha Maleness in my city.

 

[Syrah]

...actually, I was just trying to choose people that folks would be able to identify with (hence why I stuck with movie stars and other well known people).

Kelsey Grammar is very similar to Bill Clinton in his demeanor and the way in which he engages with people (c'mon he's a comedian). But at the same time, his alpha male "dominance" translates into ACTUAL power (not just perceived power). He is a force to be reckoned with in the television and publishing industries. I think some degree of Ecomonic success comes along with being an alpha male. You don't have to be a billionaire, but I can't see Tommy the cable guy being classified as an alpha male - 'cuz a true alpha male isn't going for that.

Walking around puffing out your chest with nothing to back it up does not make one an alpha male. Nor does having a pocket full of money (hence why I mentioned Bill Gates). On Demi Moore - you might be right.

I'm just saying, wanting a man that can wire up a stereo system and isn't a punk doesn't mean you necessarily want an alpha male. And being confident, successful and "powerful" doesn't make one an alpha female. Being that dude in the room who's presence EVERYONE is aware of, regardless of whether or not he's talking is an Alpha Male. Alpha Males don't have to talk the loudest - cuz folks are already listening (sometimes for no good reason HAHA). And like you mentioned -they're not necessarily the most accomplished, successful or physically attractive people in the room. But for some reason, every is still listening.

Most pimps = alpha males. They ooze masculinity and "control". They ooze dominance and for whatever reason, the people around them seem to fall in line. They know how to be in a room and make the men feel like men and the women feel like women. They're captivating - hence why they are able to convince people to do the things they do. I think some of the chicks on HBO's "the Cathouse" are the same way - they give men the perception of being in control, while deep down everyone participating knows who's REALLY in control.

I think Ivanka Trump is an Alpha Female. The Donald - not so much. The respect he commands come more from his persona and WHO he is as opposed to what he is.

 

[Syrah]

And you bring up a good point. Being an alpha male isn't just about THAT particular individual - but about the others in their presence who have placed them in that position. It's a combination.

 

[Syrah]

Yup. A guy I am seeing right now is mild-mannered and reserved but his aura is one of a rattlesnake minding its own business. I've never seen him raise his voice or get mad, and he is such a wise, kind man but errybody see him chillin' and they just know instinctively that they don't want none of him, no way, no how. It's kinda eerie actually. People automatically treat him with respect. He's one of the very few people I've met in my life who didn't have to say a word to me or do anything before I realized I was in the presence of someone inherently stronger than me.

THATS alpha male.

It's Frank Lucas minus the temper and the heroin.