Almost fed up!

[Honey6928215]

No, after that incident, I only leave them with him (only if he is feeling well) or my parents. My children are my main priority so I aint gonna let nothing happen to them. That's why I struggled to find work at home so I wouldn't have to put them in daycare. I heard some bad things about the daycares in my area.

Let me clarify, the "incident" I keep referring to was about 6 years ago. My daughter was almost 1 and I decided to go back to work. My husband still had his transplant but had lost his job. I was able to find a job that paid well so I went for it thinking it would be okay for him to watch her, I even quit my work at home job. I called from work during my lunch hour and hear my baby screaming in the background. I asked him what was wrong and he sounded "a little off". He said he was combing her hair and that didn't sound right to me. Of course I rushed home and when I got there my baby was in the kitchen. playing under the cabinet with a long, sharp screwdriver in her hand. My husband was also acting strange and I later found out he hadn't eaten anything and his blood sugar level was way too low. His eyes were dialated and he looked like he was about to pass out. After he got something to eat, he got back to normal and felt really bad about the situation. After that, I felt guilty for leaving my baby and decided then and there not to let that happen again.

OMG! I'm glad you got there in time. I can understand you wanting your children to be safe.

 

[scorpio70]

Let me clarify, the "incident" I keep referring to was about 6 years ago. My daughter was almost 1 and I decided to go back to work. My husband still had his transplant but had lost his job. I was able to find a job that paid well so I went for it thinking it would be okay for him to watch her, I even quit my work at home job. I called from work during my lunch hour and hear my baby screaming in the background. I asked him what was wrong and he sounded "a little off". He said he was combing her hair and that didn't sound right to me. Of course I rushed home and when I got there my baby was in the kitchen. playing under the cabinet with a long, sharp screwdriver in her hand. My husband was also acting strange and I later found out he hadn't eaten anything and his blood sugar level was way too low. His eyes were dialated and he looked like he was about to pass out. After he got something to eat, he got back to normal and felt really bad about the situation. After that, I felt guilty for leaving my baby and decided then and there not to let that happen again.

It's funny how YOU felt responsible for this incident. Whereas it looks like he should've eaten something. I'm assuming he knew he had this condition and therefore knew what would happen if he didn't eat. He put your baby in jeopardy, not you.

You sound like a good mom and wife. And there is NOTHING wrong with making him take responsibility for his well being and pulling more weight around the house. You can't continue to take the 'L' everytime he falls short. That's not fair to you and its teaching him that he doesn't even have to try b/c you will fill in the slack.

 

[TrendySocialite]

I am sooooo sorry you are going through this.

I took care of my grandmother for 4 years (a series of strokes), so I have some small inkling as to what you're going through. And while I agree with others regarding prayer, you also need help!!!! Please do not be ashamed to ask for it.

IMO I would consider sitting down or emailing (however you feel best) and telling your husband that every day for 30 minutes, once a week for 3 hours and once a month for one day you are going to take some time for yourself.

Now hopefully he can watch the children everyday for 30 minutes. Whether he watches a TV show with them, read to them, talk to them while they eat dinner....he can handle that if he can sit at a computer for hours on end. And for that 30 minutes, you don't do anything you HAVE to do, you do what you WANT to do (take a bath, read, surft LHCF, watch TV, etc.). If you feel you can't do it while the kids are up, then take it after they go to bed. Stop what you're doing 30 minutes before bed and purposefully unwind...

On the days you have 3 hours, they can watch movies, go to the park, go to a museum, etc.

Also take advantage of times when your kids are away from the house (like at a birthday party) to do something for yourself.

On the once a month days, ask for help and/or assistance from family and/or friends.

Susan L. Taylor says, "You have to give to yourself before you give yourself away." I encourage you to adopt this principle. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you human.

No one expects you to shoulder this alone. Yes, Jesus can and will help, but it doesn't diminish your faith to ask for help. I believe it's Proverbs where it talks about friends bearing one another's infirmities...your friends and family will not mind being there for you.

God sends help in all sorts of ways...including sending other people to help lighten your load. Please see that as God's way of showing his love and care for you...not as a sign of weakness.

My prayers are with you....

 

[diamond42377]

It's funny how YOU felt responsible for this incident. Whereas it looks like he should've eaten something. I'm assuming he knew he had this condition and therefore knew what would happen if he didn't eat. He put your baby in jeopardy, not you.

You sound like a good mom and wife. And there is NOTHING wrong with making him take responsibility for his well being and pulling more weight around the house. You can't continue to take the 'L' everytime he falls short. That's not fair to you and its teaching him that he doesn't even have to try b/c you will fill in the slack.

Thank you for this. Yes, he did need to eat but back then he wouldn't really eat unless I made it. He can be real needy at time. He was a lot more independent before his transplant failed so I think it is part of the illness. He also gets depressed because the elderly people at the center keep passing away. I am trying to get him to understand that he can't just stop living. He has to continue with his life. I had a coworker that suffered with brain cancer and he was friendly and lived life to the fullest even through chemo and until the very day he died he was still telling jokes. I see a lot of people with major illnesses living happy and enriching lives so I know it can be don. He just needs a little encouragement. Now that I have completed my term paper, I am feeling a lot better. There is a pile of clothes that needs folding, but I a going to relax tonight. Heck, I might even grab a wine cooler

 

[diamond42377]

I am sooooo sorry you are going through this.

I took care of my grandmother for 4 years (a series of strokes), so I have some small inkling as to what you're going through. And while I agree with others regarding prayer, you also need help!!!! Please do not be ashamed to ask for it.

IMO I would consider sitting down or emailing (however you feel best) and telling your husband that every day for 30 minutes, once a week for 3 hours and once a month for one day you are going to take some time for yourself.

Now hopefully he can watch the children everyday for 30 minutes. Whether he watches a TV show with them, read to them, talk to them while they eat dinner....he can handle that if he can sit at a computer for hours on end. And for that 30 minutes, you don't do anything you HAVE to do, you do what you WANT to do (take a bath, read, surft LHCF, watch TV, etc.). If you feel you can't do it while the kids are up, then take it after they go to bed. Stop what you're doing 30 minutes before bed and purposefully unwind...

On the days you have 3 hours, they can watch movies, go to the park, go to a museum, etc.

Also take advantage of times when your kids are away from the house (like at a birthday party) to do something for yourself.

On the once a month days, ask for help and/or assistance from family and/or friends.

Susan L. Taylor says, "You have to give to yourself before you give yourself away." I encourage you to adopt this principle. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you human.

No one expects you to shoulder this alone. Yes, Jesus can and will help, but it doesn't diminish your faith to ask for help. I believe it's Proverbs where it talks about friends bearing one another's infirmities...your friends and family will not mind being there for you.

God sends help in all sorts of ways...including sending other people to help lighten your load. Please see that as God's way of showing his love and care for you...not as a sign of weakness.

My prayers are with you....

Thanks for your encouragement, it really helps. I am going to have to start living that Susan Taylor quote. I have always been such a giver that it is hard for me to give to myself at times. I gotta work on that.