Age gaps...

[topsyturvy86]

Hi Ladies,

What's the age gap between you and your SO? and how do you think it affects your relationship?

I'm in the process if befriending a lovely guy that's about 10 years older than me (i'm 26 and he's 36). This concerned me at the beginning when I found out his age but the more I know and like him the more i'm getting used to the idea.

Just wanted to know how you feel age gaps affect relationships

 

[Fine 4s]

Ex-age gap about 10
Current gap about 9

Ex- superiority issues and didn't feel like he respected my intellect.
Current - none of those issues

There are pros and cons to a big age gap so it's up to you to decide what works best. But check to see if you don't have any daddy issues.
Baby making issues can be a deal breaker or when to marry etc.
Felt weird the first time I dated an older guy but now I'm ok with it and all that it brings.

 

[LivingDoll]

I am exactly 4 days older than my SO.

I've dated men who were 4-5 years older before but never anyone older than that. For some reason, I'm more attracted to younger men than older ones.

ETA: We are both 38.

 

[Lucie]

I am 33 and will be 34 in July.

He is 39 and will be 40 next week. Six years.

I think a man 10 years older is ideal as I minus 10 years (mentally) off their age anyway IMO.

 

[StLucianSweetie]

Ive been dating a guy 11 years older than me for about 3 mos now. It actually was a blind date introduction by someone we both knew. I met him 4 years ago, but the chemistry wasnt there, and we both had alot of other stuff going on. But we remained friends, and stayed in touch. And go figure, through a series of events, we have actually started dating ( temporary long distance, im in grad school for 2 years, but the distance is about 2 hrs, seeing each other about every 2 weeks or so).
So far, its been a really good (even with the fact its long distance). Now I truly understand what is means when they say men dont mature as fast as women do, and it works with older man/younger woman relationships. He is really the first 'grown *** man' Ive dated, he has his stuff together, I do have a feeling of security. And its a wonderful feeling. Ive tended to date guys within 3-5 years older than me most of my life. I always thought more than that, just didnt vibe all that well with me. But so far, its truly been different, and in a good way. But I think it can also just depend on the person ur dating, and not the age.
This is my first time dating a man 10 years + older than me. But he also takes care of himself, and has a really good diet of just eating fish, and vegetarian meals. Its making me think I should adopt that lifestyle. So I dont really feel thats he's a 'old man'. But discovering random gray hairs all over the place , definitely brings me back to reality. Lol.

ETA: Im 32, and if I remember correctly he should be about 43. Im not even going to ask again anytime soon. Ignorance is bliss for me now.

 

[MizAvalon]

He is 6 years older than me. That's not a big gap so it doesn't affect things at all.

 

[shespoison]

The man that I am dating is 12 years older. I met him about six months ago. I just turned 29 and he will be 42 this year. He is freaking amazing and is in the field that I am trying to break into. Knowing him has given me great insight and connections, just icing on the cake.

I am in a weird place right now but he is patient and understanding and I can not wait to see what the future brings us. He is the first older man I seriously dated and I could not ask for more from him right now.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Dh is one year older than me.

 

[DigitalRain]

My SO is 14 years older than me, I'm 36, he's 50. I think he's one sexy arse 50 year old, We've been dating for going on 2 years. Met him at a triathlon we were both racing in. Apparently he had been watching me the whole time, as I was the only black chick racing.

I do find that he's insecure about how he looks (even though he's extremely fit and looks better than a lot of dudes my age) and about whether I ever want to date someone closer to my age.

 

[MrsMe]

DH is 8 years older than me and we get along as if we were the same age. Despite our age gap he learns from me as much as I learn from him.

Sent from my iPad...excuse the typos.

 

[TayMac]

We are 5 years apart. He is older. I've dated someone up to 8 years older. Wasn't a problem.

 

[Lexsmarie]

I am 28 and my SO is 33. He is the oldest I've dated and I love it. He is by far the most mature, responsible, caring and loving man I've ever dated. My mom and aunties married older and when I was a teen I thought it was gross and weird but now I totally understand why they married older.

 

[Duchesse]

I've dated as much as up to 16 years my senior (23 and 39 respectively). The biggest gap I can do now I feel like is 10 years.. I like to have some cultural things in common like growing up around the same time. But I appreciate older men's intensity to settle down

My current love interest is two years younger.. I wish he was older though.. We are kinda on two different pages. I'm 30 he's 28..

 

[LovingLady]

Dating a man in his thirties will be will be a nice change of pace for you. Older men treat women they way they are suppose to be treated. They are more confident in themselves, have a better understanding of what they want out of life and a relationship, and they are more willing to settle down.

The ones that still insecure will treat you as if are a child (talk down to you, boss you around etc.), leave those men right where you find them.

I love older men. I would advise women in their 20's to serious consider men in their 30's for the reason I stated above.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I've dated older men for a while. Usually 4 - 6 years old but I did date a guy that was 12 years older (21 v 33) and one that was at least 16 years older (24 v 40+). I find that dating men the same age or younger is a challenge since they don't seem to have it together yet.

 

[silenttullip]

Any man I've dealt with has always been 40+ currently, uh lol lets just say well over 15 yrs older than me... The age doesn't get in the way we've been together almost a year off and on and none of the offs are due to age...
I love the maturity, protective nature, intellect, and stability of an older man.

 

[topsyturvy86]

Dating a man in his thirties will be will be a nice change of pace for you. Older men treat women they way they are suppose to be treated. They are more confident in themselves, have a better understanding of what they want out of life and a relationship, and they are more willing to settle down.

I'm really finding what you've said to be the case. It's almost like he's been there, done that and now wants to settle down and build a life together with someone.

Also, I'm finding it easier to respect him ... probably because the maturity gap is reduced (as men tend to mature more slowly) and also he probably has more experience in life than I do.

I'm only seeing the positives in my friendship/ very early stage relationship with him and from what i'm reading there aren't really any significant negatives so yay!

 

[LovingLady]

I'm really finding what you've said to be the case. It's almost like he's been there, done that and now wants to settle down and build a life together with someone.

Also, I'm finding it easier to respect him ... probably because the maturity gap is reduced (as men tend to mature more slowly) and also he probably has more experience in life than I do.

I'm only seeing the positives in my friendship/ very early stage relationship with him and from what i'm reading there aren't really any significant negatives so yay!

It is great that you two are starting things off as friends.

The fact that they are more experienced is another positive about thing them. They are usually very knowledgeable about the world about them.

 

[nubiennze]

Do you guys mind sharing where/how you meet older men?

Also, where do you all stand on dating divorced men/men with children? Is that presumed to come with the territory of dating older men?

 

[topsyturvy86]

Do you guys mind sharing where/how you meet older men?

Also, where do you all stand on dating divorced men/men with children? Is that presumed to come with the territory of dating older men?

I met my 'friend' at Church actually. We had mutual friends and now serve on the same team.. I was never open to dating anyone significantly older so can't comment on where best to meet but I would think the usual places you meet people - work, gym, social clubs, community's, etc.

I would never date someone divorced. If his wife passed away then maybe, but not divorced. With regards to men with children it really depends on the situation.. It's not anywhere close to my ideal but it really depends on the situation + the situation with his ex and probably situation with his children as well.

 

[shespoison]

Do you guys mind sharing where/how you meet older men?

Also, where do you all stand on dating divorced men/men with children? Is that presumed to come with the territory of dating older men?

I met him at a bar . He was staring at me so I walked up to him and asked him "what are you looking at?" He said "you" and I walked away....I was a little .

He later approached me and asked me for my number and I gave it to him

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

I think I need to start dating older(10 yrs). The oldest I've dated was 6 yrs but I don't think I got the full effect cause he had a lot going on. I've shied away from it cause my mind fast fwds to us being old an married and me having to change his adult diaper and I just CAN'T. Lol But I think older is what I need. Stable. Confident. Protective. Ready to settle dwn.

 

[Slicebread]

I think I need to start dating older(10 yrs). The oldest I've dated was 6 yrs but I don't think I got the full effect cause he had a lot going on. I've shied away from it cause my mind fast fwds to us being old an married and me having to change his adult diaper and I just CAN'T. Lol But I think older is what I need. Stable. Confident. Protective. Ready to settle dwn.

Let me put in older also means, controlling, baggage, bossy, wants their way more. More homebody like everyday!!! Protective of heir money. There is another side to going older and changing their Diapers. A whole lot is in between that. Younger is more teachable and less argumentative for me..

 

[deltagyrl]

7 years.
We met at a Chevron...lol
IA with most of what's been said here.
He is very bossy but we're working on that.

 

[belletropjolie]

Almost everyone I've dated has been in the 8-10 years older category. Just my comfort zone...10 years is ideal, 12 is more like my upper limit

Lately though I've been approached by those in the 12 to 15 year category and its throwing me off. I don't know if I want someone who has had so many more life experiences than I have, to the point where they think I'm a child. Not because I act like one but just because I haven't experienced certain things.

The other factor, is I'm always mindful of the thought that why would a man of a certain age still be single. It usually makes me wonder if they simply missed the boat or if there is something wrong with them that they haven't setteld down by a certain age. (Unfair I know)

My question to the others is do you ususally deal with negative reactions from family?? If so, how do you deal?

I am the youngest in my family so if they knew I was dating someone in the 10, 12, 13 years older range, they would FREAK THE F**K OUT!

Anyone dealt with this?

 

[topsyturvy86]

My question to the others is do you ususally deal with negative reactions from family?? If so, how do you deal?

Bumping

Would like to know this as well .. I'm yet to tell my family anything and not sure what reaction i'll get

 

[snugglez41685]

Ex SO me=19 him=31.
Current SO me=28 him= will be 35 in June.

First relationship I believe I was too young and immature to deal with that type of age difference. Thought I was going to marry him though. This was my biggest age gap.

Current relationship is the second biggest age gap. This relationship is going great so far. I am more mature and had many life experiences so I feel more prepared in this relationship. We each have a child so we are very understanding on this subject,both are girls

 

[Britt]

We're the same age.. if we don't work out, I'd ideally want 5 -7 years older, I'd even go as far as 10 years older tops, but 5-7 is ideal though.

I find that it's hard to find a man that has it together that's my age but I do like that we have the same things in common. I sometimes wonder if I go too much older will the man be too controlling and will we have silly things in common.