Advice Please: Married Six Months and still a Virgin

[awhyley]

I'll add an over identification with the status of virgin to the long list of possible issues. Some women get really attached to the notion of being pure and untouched and it becomes core to their identity. She might be one of those women because It's odd to me that she would share this problem with so many people....unless on some level it's something she's proud of.

Even though I can see this being a problem, its really strange because after the wedding, what do these women think would happen? Did they think that they would be 'trollops' even though they were married women? If this is how OP's friend is viewing herself, then she's never going to have true companionship.

 

[crazytrish75]

Hot and Heavy before marriage and then nothing right after is Bait and Switch selfish behavior. Almost everyone I knew who waited for marriage while "touching" was watching the time clock at the wedding waiting for the reception to end. One even moved the wedding six months early because the tension was too much. She took him to meet her grand parents for the first time and didn't notice the hickey on his neck. She was so embarrassed when Nana pointed it out to her on the sly.

She can only control him with sex for so long. Sister Tina in the choir will soon begin smiling at him and he'll be gone sooner than she thinks and she'll have no one to blame but herself.

I died!

 

[ambergirl]

Even though I can see this being a problem, its really strange because after the wedding, what do these women think would happen? Did they think that they would be 'trollops' even though they were married women? If this is how OP's friend is viewing herself, then she's never going to have true companionship.

Beats me. Virginity makes them feel special so having sex and maybe kids is only attractive in the abstract. I also think they fear that their men won't see them as special any more either. I actually know women who mourned the loss of their virginity....for a good long while.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think that something is deeper going on. Being a married virgin just does not make sense. Part of being married is consummating your marriage, at that point, any ideals of being a virgin goes down the drain. She needs to start being honest with herself and her husband. Her husband is good, after 6 months I would begin looking into an annulment.

 

[aribell]

TBH I blame the church for this, they spend so much time brainwashing women into thinking that sex is bad and dirty and then expect everything to switch off the night the woman says I do. It's unrealistic, unhealthy and strange.

In the next post someone will complain that all the churchgoers they know are hypocrites because they are sleeping around. Clearly this girl is the exception, as her friends can't make heads or tails of her issue. This is hardly a common issue in the church or otherwise.

 

[LiftedUp]

TBH I blame the church for this, they spend so much time brainwashing women into thinking that sex is bad and dirty and then expect everything to switch off the night the woman says I do. It's unrealistic, unhealthy and strange.

I really don't know why people continue to attend churches that preach these type of things. In fact I have never been to a church preaching this nonsense. It's all about marriage and children. Celebrating marriage, wedding anniversaries, birthdays, baptisms, christenings and the anniversaries of the latter.

"The church" is against premarital sex, however, if anything that is celebrated is getting married, remaining married, and having children in wedlock (which can only be achieved by sex, lots of it).

 

[Kookookiwi]

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[Kookookiwi]

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[UmSumayyah]

This is like one of those situations where a guy says he's large and skilled but when it comes to proving it, he deflates like a pimple. Reality has sunk in that she now has to walk the walk. I'm sure in the heat of the moment she was like "We need to stop. We have to wait until marriage." Well the marriage is here. She needs to pull up her grown woman drawers and act like a married woman. That means coming to a common ground to make things work for the benefit of the relationship. She has to meet him in the middle otherwise she has doomed the marriage even before it has truly begun.

Sex has "cured" plenty of minor issues in marriages. I'm sure for this dude something minor as a dirty dish in the sink or an empty toilet paper roll feels like the world is over unlike the non issue that it is.

You've got that backwards.

Anyway, just reading the title of this thread makes me angry. I would be filing those annulment papers at this point.

 

[PretteePlease]

Whatever is going on she better pray on it and fix it fast. I think it's immoral to withhold sex. You go into a marriage with certain expectations. If he didn't fill her expectations for 6months I don't think folks would be so understanding. How bout if he had a job then as soon as they got married then he decided to take a 6month vacation.

Bate and switch is immoral. Just like saying yes we can have kids then always using condoms and pulling out.

 

[Lymegreen]

You've got that backwards.

Anyway, just reading the title of this thread makes me angry. I would be filing those annulment papers at this point.

I know... I was quite annoyed by this scenario Annulment and call it a day.

 

[lenu80]

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[FemmeFatale]

In the next post someone will complain that all the churchgoers they know are hypocrites because they are sleeping around. Clearly this girl is the exception, as her friends can't make heads or tails of her issue. This is hardly a common issue in the church or otherwise.

Well I think it's the extreme messages that have folks going far left or right. There was a thread here on modesty and it was another case of extreme kookiness. If being feminine and alluring (not vulgar) is highly discouraged. I don't get how women are supposed to turn those messages off and feel sexual within themselves once they say I do.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I know... I was quite annoyed by this scenario Annulment and call it a day.

I'm saying... I wouldn't have made it to six months. After two weeks I'd have been ready to cut someone, I'd have to leave. I didn't get married to remain a virgin.

 

[Kookookiwi]

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[Kookookiwi]

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[awhyley]

^^^ Thanks for the update. Even though I think that there's more to this story, I'm happy that she's aware that this isn't normal, and that she needs to take steps to correct this. Hopefully, she'll get in step in short order. (P.S. You need to tell her that that pain is temporary, esp. if hubby does it right)

 

[Farida]

I wonder if recognizing this is ample reason for a quick annulment would change her tune at all. If i were him I would have already sought one tbh

Honestly, if it were my friend I would tell him to get an annulment and KIM. 7 months?

 

[Kookookiwi]

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[lux10023]

listen if she pop the cherry let us know..if not we good.

 

[Kookookiwi]

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[Shimmie]

Kookookiwi


You are a wonderful friend. Sometimes the 'Truth' takes time to process, especially when it's the truth about something deep in a person's soul.

Your friend has truly gone too far by involving so many outside of her marriage with this issue. How can one marry a man that she cannot be open with, especially sex which is what 'married people' do. Sex between a husband and wife is what consummates the marriage, however communication is the number one requirement to secure intimacy.

I can understand being somewhat 'shy' about being naked for the first time and things like having him see you on the toilet (by accident)).... I mean, there's still modesty.

However, communication is still key for intimacy and she has involved way too many folks on the outside of her marriage to know their personal business. She needs to be working this out with her husband.

I still wish them well and my prayers are most definitely with them.

Happy Valentine's Day to you. :Rose: