Advice? Invited to a party by a guy I am into

[sunshine91496]

Advice? Invited to a party by a guy I am into **UPDATE** VENT

I first posted this to this majority male forum I belong to, but they were of no help. . so hopefully the ladies on the board can give me some sound advice.

I was invited to a beach party on Saturday by this co-worker dude. . that I've been into. First he asks me if I could go I said probably, I get back to him to confirm a few days later.. and he's like oh you can bring whomever you want too (i.e., other friends, etc).

I think I get it but I just want to confirm with the experts on the board. I am thinking he wants me to go, maybe to see me in a more relaxed environment, hang out a little bit, see what happens, but he doesn't want to have to babysit me, and he doesn't want all his friends to think I'm his date, most importantly he probably wants a shot at the other girls at the party, so he says to bring some other people along does this sound right? the thing is I don't get why he just didn't say that (i mean bring whoever I want) in the first place. I also wondered whether he just invited so I could see him out with some other chick, I mean he says he doesn't have a girlfriend, but I know a lot of guys who say that and really do etc.

Anyway I snagged four of my friends to come with me 1 is a guy, so I will try to have fun whether co-worker dude steps up or not-- after all it is a beach party. But I still am trying to figure out what is the best way to approach this situation.. to figure out if he's really interested, just being friendly, having me around as a backup etc.

To recap my relationship with this guy: we do all this flirting etc at work, lots of KINO (slow progressive flirtatious touching,etc, but nothing really heavy) on his part, I usually just respond to him, on occasion I initiate, we go out a lot , after work cocktails etc, a few weekend activities over the last several months. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm interested, and I think he is, or he's a damn good actor if he isn't. The main issue is I don't want to look like an idiot in front of him.


Thanks for any advice

 

[WomanlyCharm]

To recap my relationship with this guy: we do all this flirting etc at work, lots of KINO (slow progressive flirtatious touching,etc, but nothing really heavy) on his part, I usually just respond to him, on occasion I initiate, we go out a lot , after work cocktails etc, a few weekend activities over the last several months. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm interested, and I think he is, or he's a damn good actor if he isn't. The main issue is I don't want to look like an idiot in front of him.


Thanks for any advice

You guys have already gone out several times over the last few months...he's never tried to kiss you or anything like that? I mean, flirting at work can be fun, but if he were truly interested, he probably would have tried something by now, right?

Either he's just really not agressive at all, or he's just not that into you.

Just go to the party and enjoy yourself...it doesn't sound like he wants you to be his date.
Who knows, you may meet someone else at the party!

 

[drasgrl]

You guys have already gone out several times over the last few months...he's never tried to kiss you or anything like that? I mean, flirting at work can be fun, but if he were truly interested, he probably would have tried something by now, right?

Either he's just really not agressive at all, or he's just not that into you.

Just go to the party and enjoy yourself...it doesn't sound like he wants you to be his date.
Who knows, you may meet someone else at the party!

This is my thinking. I think you are thinking too much about the invitation sounds like he's just being friendly. If you've been flirting and hanging out for months and he hasn't asked you on a real date or said he's interested then he's either slow or he's not that interested. If a guy is gaga for you you'll know right away and he won't be sending mixed signals.

 

[tmichelle]

I agree with the other responses, but watch out! As soon as you get "over" a guy and are comfortable with friends etc., the guy seems to all of a sudden want you again

 

[sunshine91496]

I guess that's what i was wondering.. I mean he's really touchy with me..gets obviouslyl jealous when the other guys are talking to me, we are together all the time, but maybe I've been coating his ego too much, probably feels great that I am giving him all this attention. Ugh the more I think about it the more embarrassed I feel. I guess I am guilty of liking this guy too much... thanks for the words of wisdom, sometimes, you have to hear from others what you may already know to be true..

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I first posted this to this majority male forum I belong to, but they were of no help. . so hopefully the ladies on the board can give me some sound advice.

I was invited to a beach party on Saturday by this co-worker dude. . that I've been into. First he asks me if I could go I said probably, I get back to him to confirm a few days later.. and he's like oh you can bring whomever you want too (i.e., other friends, etc).

I think I get it but I just want to confirm with the experts on the board. I am thinking he wants me to go, maybe to see me in a more relaxed environment, hang out a little bit, see what happens, but he doesn't want to have to babysit me, and he doesn't want all his friends to think I'm his date, most importantly he probably wants a shot at the other girls at the party, so he says to bring some other people along does this sound right? the thing is I don't get why he just didn't say that (i mean bring whoever I want) in the first place. I also wondered whether he just invited so I could see him out with some other chick, I mean he says he doesn't have a girlfriend, but I know a lot of guys who say that and really do etc.

First of all....I really don't think a guy would invite another girl to a party SIMPLY so that she could see that he has a girlfriend. I mean...what would be the point in that?? Why go through all of that trouble even inviting you in the first place? Especially if you have been giving him "interested" signals. I may not be a walking encyclopedia when it comes to guys, but in MY experience, I've never really known any guy to play the "jealousy card"....unless the woman played it on him first. To be honest with you, it's usually women (in my past observation) that I've seen playing that jealousy card if a guy that they are interested in doesn't step up to the plate. No offense, but I don't think most men are like that. And if he is, he's not someone you would want to be with anyway.

Anyway I snagged four of my friends to come with me 1 is a guy, so I will try to have fun whether co-worker dude steps up or not-- after all it is a beach party. But I still am trying to figure out what is the best way to approach this situation.. to figure out if he's really interested, just being friendly, having me around as a backup etc.

Trust me...I've been in this type of situation before with a guy friend that I'm into. I used to go through all the wondering etc. You know what??? It's better to just go to the party and....here's a thought......................have FUN!! It's a BEACH party for goodness sakes!! Don't worry about whether he's interested or not interested or what not. I think we women (myself included) do waaay too much OVERanalyzing and second-guessing ourselves when it comes to a guy we're into. Right now just be happy that he invited you, and you have somewhere to go for the weekend. If he invited you in the first place this at least lets you know that he must view you as a "cool girl" to be around. Just keep this in mind! Guys/men don't waste their time with a woman that they're not at least attracted to on SOME level (whether it's physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc.).

To recap my relationship with this guy: we do all this flirting etc at work, lots of KINO (slow progressive flirtatious touching,etc, but nothing really heavy) on his part, I usually just respond to him, on occasion I initiate, we go out a lot , after work cocktails etc, a few weekend activities over the last several months. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm interested, and I think he is, or he's a damn good actor if he isn't. The main issue is I don't want to look like an idiot in front of him.

Thanks for any advice

Trust me...if you go to the party looking nice, having fun, laughing, smiling, NOT being insecure, then you won't look like an idiot in front of him...TRUST ME. You can take that to the bank. There's nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is sure of herself, and fun to be around.

Did the thought ever occur to you that perhaps (*perhaps!*) he told you that you could invite "whoever you want" so that YOU wouldnt' feel uncomfortable if you're not really interested in him "like that"? Just a thought..... Your friends can be a nice diversion just in case you don't know anybody else there at the party. Besides, if this guy is worrying about your "comfort level" in the first place, then this means that you're somewhat on his mind.

Men are simple ladies...... we don't have to make them complicated.

Just go there with your friends and have fun!

Keep us posted on what happens!

 

[tarheelgurl]

This is my thinking. I think you are thinking too much about the invitation sounds like he's just being friendly. If you've been flirting and hanging out for months and he hasn't asked you on a real date or said he's interested then he's either slow or he's not that interested. If a guy is gaga for you you'll know right away and he won't be sending mixed signals.

What she said........

 

[Xavier]

Sunshine you are definitely over analyzing the invitation. Just go and enjoy yourself. I would also suggest that you let him do the pursuing. I have a male friend who is good looking, very flirty, and nice to women. I have accused him so many times of leading women on. They fall for him and when they pour out their heart he just tells them that he is not looking for a relationship. All I'm saying is don't get caught up girlie.

 

[sunshine91496]

First of all....I really don't think a guy would invite another girl to a party SIMPLY so that she could see that he has a girlfriend. I mean...what would be the point in that?? Why go through all of that trouble even inviting you in the first place? Especially if you have been giving him "interested" signals. I may not be a walking encyclopedia when it comes to guys, but in MY experience, I've never really known any guy to play the "jealousy card"....unless the woman played it on him first. To be honest with you, it's usually women (in my past observation) that I've seen playing that jealousy card if a guy that they are interested in doesn't step up to the plate. No offense, but I don't think most men are like that. And if he is, he's not someone you would want to be with anyway.




Trust me...I've been in this type of situation before with a guy friend that I'm into. I used to go through all the wondering etc. You know what??? It's better to just go to the party and....here's a thought......................have FUN!! It's a BEACH party for goodness sakes!! Don't worry about whether he's interested or not interested or what not. I think we women (myself included) do waaay too much OVERanalyzing and second-guessing ourselves when it comes to a guy we're into. Right now just be happy that he invited you, and you have somewhere to go for the weekend. If he invited you in the first place this at least lets you know that he must view you as a "cool girl" to be around. Just keep this in mind! Guys/men don't waste their time with a woman that they're not at least attracted to on SOME level (whether it's physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc.).



Trust me...if you go to the party looking nice, having fun, laughing, smiling, NOT being insecure, then you won't look like an idiot in front of him...TRUST ME. You can take that to the bank. There's nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is sure of herself, and fun to be around.

Did the thought ever occur to you that perhaps (*perhaps!*) he told you that you could invite "whoever you want" so that YOU wouldnt' feel uncomfortable if you're not really interested in him "like that"? Just a thought..... Your friends can be a nice diversion just in case you don't know anybody else there at the party. Besides, if this guy is worrying about your "comfort level" in the first place, then this means that you're somewhat on his mind.

Men are simple ladies...... we don't have to make them complicated.

Just go there with your friends and have fun!

Keep us posted on what happens!

Thanks for the advice. I am going to have fun no matter what.. but yeah unfortunately this guy is the type to try to make a woman feel jealous... he does it all the time (but I guess it could be the ladies around him insitgating).. sounds childish... but would you believe we are both in our 30s oy vey, I hate this single/dating mess. But thanks again ladies, and I will keep you posted.. .

 

[sunshine91496]

Maybe it's Murphy's law or maybe I had some sixth sense, but the fact that I was going to look like an idiot at this party manifested itself. Soo0 . . I show up to this late Sat afternoon before my co-worker so I could get a feel for the place, since I didn't really know the person throwing it etc.. about 30 minutes later my friend shows up, says hello, and then he doesn't talk to me for the rest of the party until I'm about to leave 3 hours later. To say I was mortified would be an understatement. Not so much that I expected anything since nothing has really happened between us other than what I originally posted. What bothered me more, is that I thought we were friends, i mean he was the one who invited me and he didn't invite any of our other co-workers.

I didn't even figure out who was throwing the party because I was not introduced to anyone ( I did talk to a few people on my own of course, just never met the owner of the house). Even my friends who I brought with me thought it was weird that he didn't at least come over to talk for a few minutes or introduce me to the party host. To add insult to injury, I got the courage to go seek him out to see if we could talk, dance etc, I see him in the hallway, i wave and about to go up to him ,and he zooms right past me. I was like what! I did have as much fun as I could and other guys did talk with me. But it certainly was an eye opener, I don't know if I can even call this guy a friend anymore. I know it sounds silly, but I honestly felt as if he were embarrassed to admit that he knew me. I looked great that day, got lots of compliments, so I know it wasn't how I looked, but when your supposed friend runs circles to avoid you, I think its not a good sign. It is going to be interesting when I go back to work tomorrow, because I don't know if he will say anything and how I should respond.

Maybe I'm being sensitive but I just needed to vent about this. .

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Maybe it's Murphy's law or maybe I had some sixth sense, but the fact that I was going to look like an idiot at this party manifested itself. Soo0 . . I show up to this late Sat afternoon before my co-worker so I could get a feel for the place, since I didn't really know the person throwing it etc.. about 30 minutes later my friend shows up, says hello, and then he doesn't talk to me for the rest of the party until I'm about to leave 3 hours later. To say I was mortified would be an understatement. Not so much that I expected anything since nothing has really happened between us other than what I originally posted. What bothered me more, is that I thought we were friends, i mean he was the one who invited me and he didn't invite any of our other co-workers.

I didn't even figure out who was throwing the party because I was not introduced to anyone ( I did talk to a few people on my own of course, just never met the owner of the house). Even my friends who I brought with me thought it was weird that he didn't at least come over to talk for a few minutes or introduce me to the party host. To add insult to injury, I got the courage to go seek him out to see if we could talk, dance etc, I see him in the hallway, i wave and about to go up to him ,and he zooms right past me. I was like what! I did have as much fun as I could and other guys did talk with me. But it certainly was an eye opener, I don't know if I can even call this guy a friend anymore. I know it sounds silly, but I honestly felt as if he were embarrassed to admit that he knew me. I looked great that day, got lots of compliments, so I know it wasn't how I looked, but when your supposed friend runs circles to avoid you, I think its not a good sign. It is going to be interesting when I go back to work tomorrow, because I don't know if he will say anything and how I should respond.

Maybe I'm being sensitive but I just needed to vent about this. .

Awww...wow..... Sorry Sunshine...

I was really hoping that your fears were going to be wrong.

That is so ODD!!! I wonder why he would do something like that? Whether I liked a guy romantically or not, if I invited him to a party where I knew he wouldn't know anybody, I would most certainly introduce him to people (at least), and chat with him during the party. Why invite someone to a party and then act like you don't know them? Maybe he didn't want you to get your hopes up or something. To that I would have said...."Umm....excuse me buddy...but I am NOT that pressed...because you are not all that" Who does he think he is??

Plus if this guy is known to be the type to try and play the "jealous card", then he's not even worth your time. I'm glad you at least went, brought your friends, looked nice, and had fun REGARDLESS of this co-worker of yours weird behavior.

I tell you, some guys really are strange. Is this guy shy by any chance? Just a thought...

The next time you see him at work, I would just say hello to him nonchalantly, and keep your mind focused on your work. No flirting or teasing or anything. Just act kind of cool....but friendly....and see what he does. I wouldn't give him too much of the time of day after a receptance like that at the party this past weekend. What probably happened was that he ended up seeing a girl at the party that either he is somewhat involved in, or maybe one that he was interested in, and so he didn't want to give the other girl the impression that he was there with YOU at the party. The reason I say this is because this has happened to me too. Guys don't really know how to act if they are around more than one girl that they may be interested in. It messes up their mind sometimes.

I hope I'm not right in thinking that this guy is a jerk...and I'm hoping that maybe he was just shy or was not himself at the party, but after your assesment at the party I would say be cautious of him. Take this guy with a grain of salt. A HUGE grain of salt.

 

[SisterGirl*]

maybe he got the wrong idea about the guy friend you brought

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

maybe he got the wrong idea about the guy friend you brought

Hmmmm....that's a possibility too! I didn't think of that. But usually if a guy knows that a girl likes him, if another guy is giving her attention, usually the other guy will try to "stake his claim", or "mark his territory" so to speak.

*shrugs* I really don't know what is up with this dude. I hope he has an explanation at work. Because that's just rude.

 

[gn1g]

Go and have FUN lots of fun meaning smile alot no matter who he is with and try not to pay him much attention.

The rule:

be kind with your words and cool in your actions (technique of the love affair) i think.

 

[LivingDoll]

My two cents...I think he said bring whoever you want to see who you were gonna bring. He probably didnt want to risk rejection if you have somebody. Like another poster said, he probably got the wrong idea about the guy friend you brought and ended up avoiding you to avoid the embarassment.

If he likes you and he thinks you're into someone else his feelings were probably hurt. I'm not saying you were wrong, I'm just trying to rationalize is erratic behavior.

IMO.

 

[sunshine91496]

Hmmmm....that's a possibility too! I didn't think of that. But usually if a guy knows that a girl likes him, if another guy is giving her attention, usually the other guy will try to "stake his claim", or "mark his territory" so to speak.

*shrugs* I really don't know what is up with this dude. I hope he has an explanation at work. Because that's just rude.

I don't think so, because the guy was a relative, and I introduced him. I guess he could have not really gotten it since he was really drunk. But still. Anyway he acted like nothing was wrong. I haven't been able to quite give him the cold shoulder yet, just trying to keep my distance though. It's really sad that guys can lead ladies on and then just toy with their feelings I know women do it too, but it just always seems like the guy is the one being the royal pain in the a..

 

[drasgrl]

How childish! How old is this BOY because a man certainly wouldn't act like such a jerk. He seems like one who is really into playing games. I say don't even bring it up if he wants to make an excuse say fine. He wants to act like nothing is wrong you do the same and just distance yourself from this child. He wants a reaction out of you. He wants you to chase him and be in his face about it. Don't even give him the satisfaction.