advice for those dating a man with a child
- Thread starter blah54
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snugglez41685
Well-Known Member
I am confused by your post. What exactly would you like to know? Give examples. The question I have is do you mind that he already has a child? Do you have a child yourself? Is he active in his child's life? Does the child live with him?
faithVA
Well-Known Member
Know how you feel about other peoples children. Some people easily love all children. Others easily love their own. Others don't love any of them.
Decide what you think is an appropriate time to be introduced to the child/children and stick to it.
Before meeting any children, learn as much as you can about his thoughts about his children and his thoughts about your role in their dating life and there after.
Find out what the relationship is like with the children's mother(s) so you can decide what you want to do.
Consider if he were to get full custody at any point if that would be ok with you.
As the previous poster mentioned, specifics would help. There are a lot of scenarios that come up when children are involved.
Decide what you think is an appropriate time to be introduced to the child/children and stick to it.
Before meeting any children, learn as much as you can about his thoughts about his children and his thoughts about your role in their dating life and there after.
Find out what the relationship is like with the children's mother(s) so you can decide what you want to do.
Consider if he were to get full custody at any point if that would be ok with you.
As the previous poster mentioned, specifics would help. There are a lot of scenarios that come up when children are involved.
Triniwegian
New Member
If he is not the type of hands-on father that is there 100% for his children (financially and emotionally) do not even bother because if it gets serious and you two get married, you become the person who have to pick up his slack and (in some states) become responsible for his child support.
Any **** from the child's mother - Move on and do not look back.
I have dated a guy with kids and I would NEVER in a million years do it again.
Any **** from the child's mother - Move on and do not look back.
I have dated a guy with kids and I would NEVER in a million years do it again.
MACGlossChick
Well-Known Member
My advice: Don't.
LuvlyRain3
Well-Known Member
beebellkel
Well-Known Member
Run girl! I wish i had
snugglez41685
Well-Known Member
blah54 said:
I think it's ok as long as YOU are ok with him having a child. Active is a good thing. Just be aware of any baby mama drama. First time you get a bad feeling about it leave.
snugglez41685
Well-Known Member
LuvlyRain3 said:
I agree with this. If you are in your early twenties try and stick to single men. I am older and have a child so for me it is different. I enjoyed my early twenties avoiding men with children. You might not be ready to take the step as potential step mom being so young.
Eiano
Well-Known Member
My step-mother, who loves me very much told me "Don't get into a relationship with a man with kids." Yes, she married my father and shares the same name as myself and my brother... but my mother put her through H E L L! I am so surprised she stayed, listening to the stories my mother told me on how she believe she exacted revenge. She loved my dad, my dad definitely loves her but for her to give me that advice tells me it isn't easy. There's a ton of baggage, and baggage to go along with that baggage.
My personal opinion: I'd do it... as long as he put his kids on the same, if not higher level as he put me. Also, it depends on the circumstance. Is the mother involved? Alive? Healthy? What were the circumstances?
In the end, do what feels right for you.
My personal opinion: I'd do it... as long as he put his kids on the same, if not higher level as he put me. Also, it depends on the circumstance. Is the mother involved? Alive? Healthy? What were the circumstances?
In the end, do what feels right for you.
Lucie
Dancin' on sunshine!
It all depends on the factors involved. My man has 2 sons. One is 14 and the other is 7. I personally do not prefer dating a man with young kids. I feel when the children are really young, the mother may still have her hopes on reuniting. Or, may use them as pawn to spite the father. Also, I need to know who the mother is and can we all work together? If she is bitter, full of rancor, et cetera? That would give me pause for the cause.
Fortunately, for me I do not have any drama from his ex-wife. He and I are still in the early stages of our relationship but I do believe he and I will go far. Also, my man is not the sort of man that would tolerate any guff directed towards me. To be honest, I actually like her and have nothing negative to say. I think she is a good person.
Now some questions for you are: Do you like kids? Are you okay not being #1? Do his kids like you? Would it bother you if they didn't? Have you met their mother? Would it bother you if she was not nice to you? Where do you see yourself with this man in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Would he want to have more children in the future?
Good luck.
Fortunately, for me I do not have any drama from his ex-wife. He and I are still in the early stages of our relationship but I do believe he and I will go far. Also, my man is not the sort of man that would tolerate any guff directed towards me. To be honest, I actually like her and have nothing negative to say. I think she is a good person.
Now some questions for you are: Do you like kids? Are you okay not being #1? Do his kids like you? Would it bother you if they didn't? Have you met their mother? Would it bother you if she was not nice to you? Where do you see yourself with this man in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Would he want to have more children in the future?
Good luck.
MzLady78
Well-Known Member
Most people focus on the potential drama with the mother, but I think this is a big one as well.
If you're dealing with a good guy and not a bum, his kids will ALWAYS come first (as they should). You have to be prepared to have your plans changed or cancelled because at any given moment, something can come up with the child. I find that frustrating as hell.
I've dealt with a few guys with kids and in most situations, this was the big problem for me, especially not having any kids myself. At this point, I'd STRONGLY prefer a man with no kids, whereas I used to judge on a case by case basis. Which means I might very well be single for the rest of my life.
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LuvlyRain3
Well-Known Member
MzLady78 said:Most people focus on the potential drama with the mother, but I think this is a big one as well.
If you're dealing with a good guy and not a bum, his kids will ALWAYS come first (as they should). You have to be prepared to have your plans changed or cancelled because at any given moment, something can come up with the child. I find that frustrating as hell.
I've dealt with a few guys with kids and in most situations, this was the big problem for me, especially not having any kids myself. At this point, I'd STRONGLY prefer a man with no kids, whereas I used to judge on a case by case basis. Which means I might very well be single for the rest of my life.
This was it for me! When your young you want to feel like #1. Also I hate baby momma drama. How old is the guy?? What's his relationship like with his child's mother?? When was the last time they were in an intimate relationship??
If hes a great dad and puts his kids first than you have to be prepared to come second. If he has a crazy baby momma who has him by the balls (women can... Well you know how some women be) than you need to be prepared for that as well. Also how he treats his kids will depict how you see him.
Triniwegian
New Member
Are you scared because you may get hurt or are you scared because you think the children will be the focus and not you?? What exactly are you afraid of. If you articulate your fear you will also be able to figure out what to fix.
Is it different from what you have felt scared about before?
blah54
Well-Known Member
its not for the kid i guess the fear of getting to close cause to think im dating two people in a way.
UrbainChic
Well-Known Member
I just met an older guy divorced with a child under 10. He seems drama free and I admire his dedication to his child and the seemingly very amicable way he and his ex wife have worked things outIf anything my only concerns would be:
1) how much time does he have for me?
2) how spontaneous can he be?
3) how much can we travel?
4) how will this affect long term financial planning?
4) will he ever want more kids in the future?
And then theres just the older man part of it...but thats not what this conversation is about.
1) how much time does he have for me?
2) how spontaneous can he be?
3) how much can we travel?
4) how will this affect long term financial planning?
4) will he ever want more kids in the future?
And then theres just the older man part of it...but thats not what this conversation is about.
daydreem2876
carpe diem
I am 36 so my frame of reference may be a little different but here are my personal rules
I dont date men:
- with children under 7
- who have not been separated from the mother for less than 3 years
- and I prefer not to be the next relationship after the mother
I dont meet/interact/hang out with the kids until its well established that I am going to be around (different factors determine that). I also do not interfere with his time with his children. I'm grown... I have the choice to either wait, work around, or go without him.
I pay attention to how he speaks of and how he treats the mother of his kids and I try to remember that she has a side to the story as well.
I dont date men:
- with children under 7
- who have not been separated from the mother for less than 3 years
- and I prefer not to be the next relationship after the mother
I dont meet/interact/hang out with the kids until its well established that I am going to be around (different factors determine that). I also do not interfere with his time with his children. I'm grown... I have the choice to either wait, work around, or go without him.
I pay attention to how he speaks of and how he treats the mother of his kids and I try to remember that she has a side to the story as well.
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