Been going out with this guy for a couple of weeks. We went out twice this weekend: Friday night we went to dinner and had a great time, talking and laughing. Went to his house later and played several games of pool...just good wholesome fun. Sunday, he invites me to a party he's taking his daughter to. She's 9 years old and the party is "supposedly" for a girl that his daughter performs with(they are involved in dance). We get to the party and it is not what was presented. Turns out, the adults at the party are all peers of his ex-wife...they all belong to the local black bar assoc. Also, his daughter and the guest of honor are not members of the same dance group...the little girl is only 3 years old. This all came to light when he decided to point out the guy his ex left him for. I was heated and feeling like how dare he insert me in this mess. As it turned out, I knew some folks there and the hostess was super hospitable. I wasn't uncomfortable at all but peeped his game and questioned his motives. I'm ready to peace him out and fade him from my phone, fb and everything. To me, it was sneaky. Am I trippin' or was he?
About To Cut Him Off...chime In
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daydreem2876
carpe diem
deuces dude... that was a ***** move and an insult to your intelligence. The scene on Sunday was all about him and had absolutely nothing to do with you. There is no reason for you to be used so he can raise his self esteem regarding his ex and child. He did that so the party goers can go back and tell the ex all about you.
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prettyinpurple
Well-Known Member
That's way too early to meet his daughter and go out as a trio IMO. The other stuff doesn't sound great either.
Go with your intuition on this one.
But I hope you got some cards from some handsome single males at that party though
. Or maybe you took some mental notes of where you might run into them or some other black lawyers again, I'm just saying.
Go with your intuition on this one.
But I hope you got some cards from some handsome single males at that party though
. Or maybe you took some mental notes of where you might run into them or some other black lawyers again, I'm just saying.
RUBY
Well-Known Member
So the guy his ex left him for was there and a lot of the adults there were his ex's friends/peers, hhmmmm.
Did he introduce you to people and what as?
Could it be that he knows that you being there will get back to his ex and that was his intention. Playing games with his ex.
Did he introduce you to people and what as?
Could it be that he knows that you being there will get back to his ex and that was his intention. Playing games with his ex.
summertimewine
*sips tea*
Looking back at one of my exs, one of the biggest red flags in the beginning was him putting me in a similar situation as you were put in. A man should want to protect you, and uplift you. Not feed you to the wolves.
That's way too early to meet his daughter and go out as a trio IMO. The other stuff doesn't sound great either.
Go with your intuition on this one.
But I hope you got some cards from some handsome single males at that party though
I met his daughter about a week after we started hanging out and I felt like that was way too soon. So, I'm with you about the trio stuff. I got desperation vibes from this dude when we first started going out and faded back after the first date. He wanted ALL of my time. Trying to schedule date after date after date...I was like hold up! Then he hit me with wanting to host a bday party for me at his house. Huh? After one date? I got the impression that he was trying to put US out there when US hadn't happened yet.
So, I second guessed myself and thought am I being selfish with my time? So I gave him another shot. We had a couple of good dates where he seemed less pressed and then yesterday happened. I think I'm finished and I'm done. I don't want to have confusing energy around me when that is not my style.
By the way, the dude his ex-wife cheated on him with is married with a new baby and FINE. No single guys at this party...dude might have been in some trouble had there been any.
He introduced me to the hostess by my name. We aren't anything, so there was no need for title. What I observed is that he did not have a relationship with these people and that pissed me off even more. Why was he making it a point to come to this gig when it was clear that he barely knows the folks? All he did was sit under me 95% of the time. I only saw him have one conversation with one other person the whole time we were there. And guess what his daughter did? Sat right up under us moping the whole time because she didn't want to come...she said out of her own mouth " Dad, this was your idea." I was done then.
A guy friend said the same thing. Good thing I wasn't feeling him or my heart would be hurt. Just a little peeved that I disturbed my peaceful Sunday by entertaining his foolishness.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
This happened to me before. I was flattered to be used in such a capacity. I pointed out what the guy did, requested a fancy trinket for making him look great and cut back contact after I got my trinket.
Atthatday
Every knee shall bow...
Why do men, and people, have to lie? I'm sick and tired of liars! For the life of me, I can't fathom why folks have to lie.
We are ALL adults now, I wish some folks would grow up and quit playing games. If a person has low self-esteem, that's on them and their agenda.
His daughter sounds more mature than him.
I agree, drop him like a bad habit.
We are ALL adults now, I wish some folks would grow up and quit playing games. If a person has low self-esteem, that's on them and their agenda.
His daughter sounds more mature than him.
I agree, drop him like a bad habit.
Keen
Well-Known Member
He is definitely using OP to make the ex wife jealous.
Yeah this is what I thought
Like look at me I have a new beautiful woman... He wanted it to get back to the ex
Yuck!
Childish and petty.
Op I'm a bit petty I would return the favor by having him fix things around my house, run errands, take me to an expensive dinner
You need to be compensated for this fluckery
Like look at me I have a new beautiful woman... He wanted it to get back to the ex
Yuck!
Childish and petty.
Op I'm a bit petty I would return the favor by having him fix things around my house, run errands, take me to an expensive dinner
You need to be compensated for this fluckery
Yeah this is what I thought
Like look at me I have a new beautiful woman... He wanted it to get back to the ex
Yuck!
Childish and petty.
Op I'm a bit petty I would return the favor by having him fix things around my house, run errands, take me to an expensive dinner
You need to be compensated for this fluckery
Lol, it kinda worked out like that. He mailed me two birthday cards last week, one to open last week and another marked "do not open until 7-21." I went on and opened the second card today since I told him to kick rocks earlier and it contained a gift card to my favorite day spa. Thanks, *****.
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
He really wanted to show you off to prove he is "somebody" too. He was really pressed to have a beautiful woman on his arm. He is going to hound the heck out of you. I've been in situations like this.,.,.....
seems like he suffers from low self-esteem , guys like this are very fragile . They want all of your time, so they can tell folks "I'm with my girl"and it makes them feel wanted. The moment you need space to do you own thing they act out showing all the signs of being sad and broken because it's a blow to their ego.
Broken men need love too. He may be a great guy just in a bad place. If you decide to continue just tread lightly .
seems like he suffers from low self-esteem , guys like this are very fragile . They want all of your time, so they can tell folks "I'm with my girl"and it makes them feel wanted. The moment you need space to do you own thing they act out showing all the signs of being sad and broken because it's a blow to their ego.
Broken men need love too. He may be a great guy just in a bad place. If you decide to continue just tread lightly .
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Bingo. Sounds like him to a tee. He is a nice guy and though very, very premature, was already talking marriage(smh). I can see him going to the ends of the earth for whatever woman captures his heart. In this short time he gave me a bouquet of roses in my favorite color, cards and was just very thoughtful overall. When I broke it off yesterday(after he was trying to invite me to NY with him and his daughter...ugh!) , I told him to ditch that trying to "see and be seen" bs when the next woman comes along and create new experiences with her as opposed to traveling in the circles he and his ex traveled in. I started seeing that he was using his daughter for leverage too, saying "She really likes you. She gave you the thumbs up." Not to be mean but I wasn't at a place where that meant a whole lot to me because I didn't even know him that well or where I wanted things to go.
Atthatday
Every knee shall bow...
Hugs and bless your heart! You're taking it better than me.
Again, enough of the low self-esteem for brothers. I pray that people learn how to deal with their hurt/pain and stop bringing everyone else into it. I can do bad by myself, and I have done bad by myself, I don't need any help.
Again, enough of the low self-esteem for brothers. I pray that people learn how to deal with their hurt/pain and stop bringing everyone else into it. I can do bad by myself, and I have done bad by myself, I don't need any help.
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
What did he say to all of this ? You told him some things that can really help him. He isn't going to give up that easily tho, lol. Be prepared .
If he still talking about ex wife cheating and showing you the guy he cheated with, he has some healing to do. He is still holding on to hurt from the past. He probably thinks you can heal him..
Again, you've hit the nail on the head. I'm a very good listener, so he shared a lot with me about his marriage, other relationships, etc and I think he appreciated having someone that listened without judging. To answer your question about what he had to say, he really doesn't see what he did wrong and probably blew off what I said. IMO, he's been operating in such a dysfunctional manner for so long that none of this registered as inappropriate to him. I said that exact thing to him as well and he just didn't get it. I really don't have the time...
Though we dated only recently, I've known him for maybe two years. He said that he wanted to embark on something two years ago but knew he had to get himself together after the divorce. These were his words: "I had to get my manhood back because I had lost it." Though I appreciated his vulnerability, that was such a huge turnoff to me.
sj10460
Don't Come for me unless I send for you!
so why are you making it seem like you just met this guy? It sounds like he's wanted you for a while, and it finally at a place where he feels he's able to be a man for you. He's proud to be with you and wants to show you off. I agree Sunday was to boost his ego and make his ex know he's moved on, so I'm with you on that- I hate liars, he deceived you to get you to attend the party, but all the other stuff seems normal considering the amount of time you've actually known each other.
LiftedUp
Well-Known Member
I think you didn't want him in the first place either
Hopefully he's able to pull his manhood together again for his new lady.
I think you didn't want him in the first place either
Hopefully he's able to pull his manhood together again for his new lady.
Lol, girl that didn't help. I was giving him a shot but who wants to hear a man say that??
Nah, we've "facebook" known each other, if that makes any sense...not "known" each other. We have mutual friends but we didn't really talk or have face to face interaction until these past few weeks. ETA: I presented that wrong in my other post...my bad.
JerriBlank
Well-Known Member
His self esteem sounds shot. He forced his daughter to go to that silly get together? I am so disgusted. People really need to take the time to get themselves together before trying to bring other people into their bs. He has so much work to do. Smh. How pathetic, to try and upstage the man they your ex cheated on you with. Get a life dude. Way too much effort into another man.
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
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