A Man Tried To Choke Me During Sex Without Warning

[Crackers Phinn]

Porn got these dudes out here acting a whole fool.

A man tried to choke me during sex without warning

Violence during consensual sex has become normalized, campaigners have warned.

It comes after more than a third of UK women under the age of 40 have experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex, research for BBC Radio 5 Live suggests.

Of the women who had experienced any of these acts, wanted or otherwise, 20% said they had been left upset or frightened.

Anna, 23, says she has experienced unwanted acts of violence during consensual sex on three separate occasions, with different men.

For her, it started with hair pulling and slapping. Then the man tried to put his hands around her neck.

"I was shocked," she said, "I felt extremely uncomfortable and intimidated. If someone slapped or choked you on the street, it would be assault".

It wasn't until Anna spoke to her friends about it that she realized how common it was.

"From then on, pretty much all the guys would try at least one, if not multiple combinations, of these acts."

On another occasion, she says she was choked by a man during sex - without consent or warning.

Anna, who graduated from university this year, also says she had a partner who handled her so forcefully, that she was left bruised and in pain for days.

"I know some women will say they like this. What is problematic is when men assume that every woman wants this."

Research company Savanta ComRes asked 2,002 UK women aged between 18 and 39 if they had experienced slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex, and if it was ever unwanted. The sample was weighted to be representative of all UK women by age and region.

More than a third (38%) had experienced these acts and said they were unwanted at least some of the time, while just under two-thirds of women had either experienced it and said it was never unwanted (31%), or they had no experience, didn't know or preferred not to say (31%).

The Centre for Women's Justice told the BBC the figures showed the "growing pressure on young women to consent to violent, dangerous and demeaning acts".

It said: "This is likely to be due to the widespread availability, normalization and use of extreme pornography."

Adina Claire, Acting Co-Chief Executive of Women's Aid, said it indicated "how frequently sexual violence is being experienced by women under 40, with partners they consent to have sex with going on to humiliate or frighten them.

"Consenting to have sex with someone does not lessen the seriousness of slapping or choking someone."

'I felt terrified'
'Emma' is in her thirties and had just come out of a long-term relationship when she had a one-night stand.

"We ended up in bed and during sex - without warning - he started choking me. I was really shocked and felt terrified. I didn't say anything at the time because at the back of my head, I felt vulnerable, like this man could overpower me."

She also puts this down to the influence of pornography.

"It felt like this was stuff he had seen online and wanted to play out in real life."

The research also suggested that of those who had experienced slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex, 42% felt pressured, coerced or forced into it.

Violence becoming 'normalized'
Steven Pope is a psychotherapist specializing in sex and relationships.

He told 5 Live that he deals with the negative impact of the rise of acts of these kinds "day in, day out".

"It's a silent epidemic. People do it because they think it's the norm but it can be very harmful. What we see is that for many, it devalues the relationship but - at its worst - violence becomes acceptable."

He is concerned that those who engage in these acts are not aware of the risks.

"People come to me when they've had 'near misses'; when strangulation or 'choking out' has overstepped the mark, and they were unconscious for a long time.

"The thing with strangulation is that it's always high-risk, but that's literally the last thing people are thinking about."

Campaigner Fiona McKenzie described the survey findings as "especially frightening".

"I regularly hear from women who had been choked, slapped, spat on, verbally abused and punched by men they were having otherwise consensual sex with. In many cases women weren't initially able to recognize this as the traumatic assault it is."

She set up a campaign group, We Can't Consent to This, after she noticed a rise in the number of cases where women had been killed during a so-called 'sex game gone wrong' - and where consent was used as a defense or mitigation.

Anna said sex has become "very male-centric... It has become so 'pornified', there isn't much in it for women."

And she said violence during sex has become normalized: "They were just ordinary guys. There was nothing unifying about them, although I assume they are fairly frequent consumers of porn. They watch that and assume that's what women want, but they don't ask."

The research comes in the wake of recent cases that have heard defenses of 'rough sex' - such as that of murdered British backpacker Grace Millane.

If you have been affected by sexual abuse or violence, help and support is available at BBC Action Line.

 

[NijaG]

It’s porn, the rise of hate/resentment (specifically cross subsets Western men) towards women mixed in with this hookup culture and plus false security of social media insta-friend generation.

My advice to girls/women is to state clearly what you are willing and not willing to do and get a clear acknowledgment of the guys understanding.

I did that with any guy I knew I was going to get physical with on some level.

 

[blessedandfavoured]

The UK government recently dropped a plan to ban porn for those under-18, but clearly it's not just the under-18s that need protection from this insanity. It's like porn is a gateway to hell and women are always the ones who suffer the consequences. God help us!

It’s porn, the rise of hate/resentment towards women mixed in with this hookup culture and plus false security of social media insta-friend generation.

My advice to girls/women is to state clearly what you are willing and not willing to do and get a clear acknowledgment of the guys understanding.

I did that with any guy I knew I was going to get physical with on some level.

One hopes that the men will follow through and respect the women's choices.

What I really don't understand is how a man (or anyone, really) can just assume a woman wants to be choked or slapped or beaten in any way at any time, but especially during what should be an intimate and safe situation. Like, are these men mentally handicapped or are they just deranged and waiting for a chance to express their depravity? Has the porn damaged their brains? And spitting? Seriously, WHAT??

Like I said, God help us.

ETA: I don't think hatred towards women is on the rise, I think that with the internet there are more avenues for those who hate women to speak about it. I also think that a lot of rubbish that women tolerated in the past is now being called into question. Example: some of those rom-coms from years ago presented abusive behavior and ignoring a woman's words as 'romantic', but now people will say, nah, that's not on. I reckon things like that have a certain sort of man feeling like he has less power - 'I can't even stalk/berate her and call it love,' lol.

Also, I believe that pornography fuels hatred towards women in that it presents women and women's bodies as commodities that exist for men's pleasure. Then when men find out that <gasp> women have minds and wills and agency, and they don't have to do what men want, the men get extra salty. Just my thoughts.

 

[mrselle]

The UK government recently dropped a plan to ban porn for those under-18, but clearly it's not just the under-18s that need protection from this insanity. It's like porn is a gateway to hell and women are always the ones who suffer the consequences. God help us!


One hopes that the men will follow through and respect the women's choices.

What I really don't understand is how a man (or anyone, really) can just assume a woman wants to be choked or slapped or beaten in any way at any time, but especially during what should be an intimate and safe situation. Like, are these men mentally handicapped or are they just deranged and waiting for a chance to express their depravity? Has the porn damaged their brains? And spitting? Seriously, WHAT??

Like I said, God help us.

ETA: I don't think hatred towards women is on the rise, I think that with the internet there are more avenues for those who hate women to speak about it. I also think that a lot of rubbish that women tolerated in the past is now being called into question. Example: some of those rom-coms from years ago presented abusive behavior and ignoring a woman's words as 'romantic', but now people will say, nah, that's not on. I reckon things like that have a certain sort of man feeling like he has less power - 'I can't even stalk/berate her and call it love,' lol.

Also, I believe that pornography fuels hatred towards women in that it presents women and women's bodies as commodities that exist for men's pleasure. Then when men find out that <gasp> women have minds and wills and agency, and they don't have to do what men want, the men get extra salty. Just my thoughts.

Most men are able to separate feelings and sex, especially when it comes to one night stands or being with someone who is just a friend with benefits. In those cases it is not surprising to me that a man would assume that choking, pulling hair, slapping and spitting is ok. I'm not saying it's right, I just think that for some men creating an intimate and safe space for their partner isn't a concern.

 

[blessedandfavoured]

Most men are able to separate feelings and sex, especially when it comes to one night stands or being with someone who is just a friend with benefits. In those cases it is not surprising to me that a man would assume that choking, pulling hair, slapping and spitting is ok. I'm not saying it's right, I just think that for some men creating an intimate and safe space for their partner isn't a concern.

I can't tell you how disgusted this makes me feel. The sexual revolution may be one of the worst things to happen to women. In a way, it took away our protections, or at least made them seem unreasonable/unnecessary and further devalued sex and women's safety.
Still, may we overcome by God's grace.

 

[Lylddlebit]

Unfortunately, the first example was a woman who had already his this experience with 3 different men at 23(not three partners which is a lot at 23...three of these particular experiences with three different people).
The other example was a woman who experienced this during a one night stand.

People may not like it but the realty is that it is extremely easy for people to be disrespected who haven't earned respect. It is very easy for people to be victimized who have not identified protection in those they are vulnerable with. Blaming porn is a distraction not a cause. This article is really about how lack of respect and how low standards manifest in sexual encounters by diminishing the quality of sexual experiences. It's too bad, there is so much that self respect and standards protects you from. This isn't to say you wont have exception moments but this is not acceptable or normal in healthy relationships, yet I don't identify one actual relationship described in the article above...please catch that. This is not the experience of women who have sex with men who love value and respect them. This is not the experience of women under God's grace as @blessedandfavoured mentioned or God's will (and although God's grace is invaluable God's will helps you avoid a lot that is toxic to us). I feel like people get tricked into the hype of toxic stuff and are left holding the bag of the consequences before they recognize the lie. Don't let that be you. Casual sex and sex with men who don't respect you is dangerous and had always been dangerous. Most men do not treat women they have no respect for well. Believing you can state standards that the person you are speaking to can clearly see you don't live is a fool's game. Be real with yourself and recognize the dangers of dangerous activities.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I also think aside from porn, I have read about the whole choking thing in several articles as the new kink on the rise. It used to be anal sex, now that's moved mainstream.

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

this is really scary and crazy...the Brits are so out there when it comes to sex.

 

[NijaG]

Most men are able to separate feelings and sex, especially when it comes to one night stands or being with someone who is just a friend with benefits. In those cases it is not surprising to me that a man would assume that choking, pulling hair, slapping and spitting is ok. I'm not saying it's right, I just think that for some men creating an intimate and safe space for their partner isn't a concern.

There is no assumption. The men know it’s not okay. They get off on these power games.

What they are counting on is many women’s (especially younger) inability to stand firm and object, especially when the sex was consensual to begin with.

They men will play it off and the women feeling ashamed or whatever, will not make a fuss generally.

If you are having a one night stand/causal sex..... why go from zero to 180.

 

[NijaG]

this is really scary and crazy...the Brits are so out there when it comes to sex.

Onyibo people and some other groups are just sicker with their sexual habits than others. They just like taking things to unnecessary extremes.

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

Onyibo people and some other groups are just sicker with their sexual habits than others. They just like taking things to unnecessary extremes.

I just cant comprehend how the 'extreme' gives some people pleasure.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

Unfortunately, the first example was a woman who had already his this experience with 3 different men at 23(not three partners which is a lot at 23...three of these particular experiences with three different people).
The other example was a woman who experienced this during a one night stand.

People may not like it but the realty is that it is extremely easy for people to be disrespected who haven't earned respect. It is very easy for people to be victimized who have not identified protection in those they are vulnerable with. Blaming porn is a distraction not a cause. This article is really about how lack of respect and how low standards manifest in sexual encounters by diminishing the quality of sexual experiences. It's too bad, there is so much that self respect and standards protects you from. This isn't to say you wont have exception moments but this is not acceptable or normal in healthy relationships, yet I don't identify one actual relationship described in the article above...please catch that. This is not the experience of women who have sex with men who love value and respect them. This is not the experience of women under God's grace as @blessedandfavoured mentioned or God's will (and although God's grace is invaluable God's will helps you avoid a lot that is toxic to us). I feel like people get tricked into the hype of toxic stuff and are left holding the bag of the consequences before they recognize the lie. Don't let that be you. Casual sex and sex with men who don't respect you is dangerous and had always been dangerous. Most men do not treat women they have no respect for well. Believing you can state standards that the person you are speaking to can clearly see you don't live is a fool's game. Be real with yourself and recognize the dangers of dangerous activities.

I definitely agree with a lot of what you said.

But I do feel that porn has a big influence on young men even when they get into a monogamous relationship. Those ideas that they are presented with, most often the first sexual images they are exposed to, end up shaping them permanently.

 

[blessedandfavoured]

Unfortunately, the first example was a woman who had already his this experience with 3 different men at 23(not three partners which is a lot at 23...three of these particular experiences with three different people).
The other example was a woman who experienced this during a one night stand.

People may not like it but the realty is that it is extremely easy for people to be disrespected who haven't earned respect. It is very easy for people to be victimized who have not identified protection in those they are vulnerable with. Blaming porn is a distraction not a cause. This article is really about how lack of respect and how low standards manifest in sexual encounters by diminishing the quality of sexual experiences. It's too bad, there is so much that self respect and standards protects you from. This isn't to say you wont have exception moments but this is not acceptable or normal in healthy relationships, yet I don't identify one actual relationship described in the article above...please catch that. This is not the experience of women who have sex with men who love value and respect them. This is not the experience of women under God's grace as @blessedandfavoured mentioned or God's will (and although God's grace is invaluable God's will helps you avoid a lot that is toxic to us). I feel like people get tricked into the hype of toxic stuff and are left holding the bag of the consequences before they recognize the lie. Don't let that be you. Casual sex and sex with men who don't respect you is dangerous and had always been dangerous. Most men do not treat women they have no respect for well. Believing you can state standards that the person you are speaking to can clearly see you don't live is a fool's game. Be real with yourself and recognize the dangers of dangerous activities.

Whilst I agree with you on the bolded and am 100% pro-celibacy and proper vetting (and spiritually speaking, prayer and discernment), @Lylddlebit, I acknowledge that certain deviant behaviors have risen (most likely) due to easy access to all sorts of porn. And women can have high standards but that doesn't change the fact that there are men out there consuming pornography, harbouring dangerous/life-threatening fantasies and looking for someone to practice that on. They may not do these things to their wives but these sorts of lusts/fantasies don't usually stay contained.

Spoiler

The group mentioned in the article, We Can't Consent to This, has a website detailing deaths of women at the hands of men who claimed 'rough sex' as their defense. Some of those men were in relationships with and married to their victims. Did the disrespect start early on? I can't say but it's not just one-night stands that this is happening with (although I think that's probably more common that not).

I wish women would respect themselves and their bodies and vet who they allow access to the most sacred places, but I wish even more that men would respect their own selves and bodies, AND respect women and stop trying to hurt them in the pursuit of 'pleasure'. And I know it's not all men, and it seems like the media put a lot of energy into spreading fear and suspicion and focusing on negative things which may be unusual... but the fact that things like this happen at all disturbs me. Sigh.

On another note, even though there are women who watch pornography, I don't hear of them slapping and choking men. I wonder if this is due to physical strength or if porn affects women in a different way than men, or if the men hated women to begin with. Thinking out loud...

this is really scary and crazy...the Brits are so out there when it comes to sex.

Sadly, this is not just a British problem. A British girl was choked to death in New Zealand by a New Zealander after she went back to his hotel room after a date (it's on the website of the group named in the article) and he claimed it was rough sex. Disposed of her body and everything. It seems like things like this happen worldwide.

 

[Lylddlebit]

I am avoiding a long post today but I hope my point isn't lost ladies.

How a man respects a woman dictates how he treats her(and vice versa). A role(wife, girlfriend, one night stand, prostitute), an influence(porn, childhood, self worth, respect towards others) are easy to look at as factors but how person treats you will tell more of the truth. No matter how a relationship is packaged if there isn't a basis of mutual respect and self respect or there is no depth it is a lot easier for stuff like the article to manifest. Just because two people are married doesn't mean they respect each other. I don't want to conflate roles with respect or influences with decisions. Valid points just not the perspective I targeted. However I do hope that my original post shows that certain scenarios are more risky than others.

 

[blessedandfavoured]

I am avoiding a long post today but I hope my point isn't lost ladies.

How a man respects a woman dictates how he treats her(and vice versa). A role(wife, girlfriend, one night stand, prostitute), an influence(porn, childhood, self worth, respect towards others) are easy to look at as factors but how person treats you will tell more of the truth. Not matter how a relationship is packaged if there isn't a basis of mutual respect and self respect of there is no depth is it is a lot easier for stuff like the article to manifest. Just because two people are married doesn't mean they respect each other. I don't want to conflate roles with respect or influences with decisions. Valid points just not the perspective I wrote about. However I do hope that my original post shows that certain scenarios are more risky than others.

Gotcha! Thanks for making the delineation.
I guess the thing that I find really disturbing is why this disrespect manifests itself in physical violence/degradation/humiliation. You know? Why does disrespecting a woman have to mean causing her harm? Why does it mean you don't take her humanity into account in the way you treat her? You may not respect her but strangling her and/or spitting on her? Really?? Why does disrespect mean a man abuses the fact that he has more strength than a woman?
The Fall of Humanity, I guess!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

The uptick in violent or extreme sex of questionable consent level is not just a western white people kink. When I read this article I immediately thought about this 20 year old song.

You can find the same sentiment throughout the diaspora in words and deeds.

I don't blame porn. I blame men. Nobody is forcing men to make porn or watch porn, they want to see it because demeaning women is built into being a man. There's no one type of dude wanting to do this, it's all of them. Yes, even your sweet lovely husband or boyfriend who loves you wouldn't say no to doing some foul deprave sexual pooh if you gave him an inkling it was on the table. That's how what used to be a jail house joke got black women sticking their tongues in dudes booty holes in the name of "what you won't do another chick will".

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

The uptick in violent or extreme sex of questionable consent level is not just a western white people kink. When I read this article I immediately thought about this 20 year old song.

You can find the same sentiment throughout the diaspora in words and deeds.

I don't blame porn. I blame men. Nobody is forcing men to make porn or watch porn, they want to see it because demeaning women is built into being a man. There's no one type of dude wanting to do this, it's all of them. Yes, even your sweet lovely husband or boyfriend who loves you wouldn't say no to doing some foul deprave sexual pooh if you gave him an inkling it was on the table. That's how what used to be a jail house joke got black women sticking their tongues in dudes booty holes in the name of "what you won't do another chick will".

And it sneaks into mainstream culture via "advice" aimed at women, music, movies,etc.

 

[NijaG]

I am avoiding a long post today but I hope my point isn't lost ladies.

How a man respects a woman dictates how he treats her(and vice versa). A role(wife, girlfriend, one night stand, prostitute), an influence(porn, childhood, self worth, respect towards others) are easy to look at as factors but how person treats you will tell more of the truth. No matter how a relationship is packaged if there isn't a basis of mutual respect and self respect or there is no depth it is a lot easier for stuff like the article to manifest. Just because two people are married doesn't mean they respect each other. I don't want to conflate roles with respect or influences with decisions. Valid points just not the perspective I targeted. However I do hope that my original post shows that certain scenarios are more risky than others.

I understand were you are coming from. My thing is those men in the article don’t respect women though. They may treat you (general you) better due to the Madonna-Whore complex they are have if you follow whatever subconscious internal guideline they have due to upbringing and various factors.

The men themselves are not even comfortable with their own sexual desires. That’s why they have to use some criteria (like a woman willing to have a ONS) and make her bad person, so they can do what they want (punish and dominate) to justify in their mind a non-consensual act, that they know she most likely wouldn’t have agreed to in the first place.

Gotcha! Thanks for making the delineation.
I guess the thing that I find really disturbing is why this disrespect manifests itself in physical violence/degradation/humiliation. You know? Why does disrespecting a woman have to mean causing her harm? Why does it mean you don't take her humanity into account in the way you treat her? You may not respect her but strangling her and/or spitting on her? Really?? Why does disrespect mean a man abuses the fact that he has more strength than a woman?
The Fall of Humanity, I guess!

Exactly.... some men (individual and in groups will always find ways to justify their immoral and bad actions).

I don’t care how gentlemanly a man treats his wife/so. If he has the above mindset and has expressed it before, then I 100% that there will be problems in that main rlsp. It may not express itself as physical violence towards the wife/so, but that disrespect and/or not seeing women as autonomous beings will surface somehow.

 

[NijaG]

The uptick in violent or extreme sex of questionable consent level is not just a western white people kink. When I read this article I immediately thought about this 20 year old song.

You can find the same sentiment throughout the diaspora in words and deeds.

I don't blame porn. I blame men. Nobody is forcing men to make porn or watch porn, they want to see it because demeaning women is built into being a man. There's no one type of dude wanting to do this, it's all of them. Yes, even your sweet lovely husband or boyfriend who loves you wouldn't say no to doing some foul deprave sexual pooh if you gave him an inkling it was on the table. That's how what used to be a jail house joke got black women sticking their tongues in dudes booty holes in the name of "what you won't do another chick will".

That’s the difference. If a woman is okay with it fine. That’s her decision. (Eg.... I’m not against AS, or even chocking and some other stuff, but have never done. DH doesn’t push for it or bring it up. I’m 100% sure when I do bring it up and I’m ready he will all gung-Ho about it).

Lots of Women have their own kinks to.
It’s the non-consensual actions coupled disrespectful harmful treatment that is the problem.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

That’s the different. If a woman is okay with it fine. That’s her decision. (Eg.... I’m not against AS, or even chocking and some other stuff, but have never done. DH doesn’t push for it or bring it up. I’m 100% sure when I do bring it up and I’m ready he will all gung-Ho about it).

Lots of Women have their own kinks to.
It’s the non-consensual actions coupled disrespectful harmful treatment that is the problem.

See that's the thing, I don't think the majority of women are okay with all of this nasty (literal) pooh and aggression becoming the standard. IMO, a lot of it is just going along to get along, claiming that it's about agency when really it's about low hanging fruit competition for men. I agree that women have their kinks but I've observed that women's kinks that don't play into male fantasies are often ridiculed by both sexes as unrealistic, unnatural or boring which is meant to get those women back in line with male fantasy.

Consider this:

And it sneaks into mainstream culture via "advice" aimed at women, music, movies,etc.

What one pop culture reference got black women on a set pedicure schedule to directly indulge black men's foot fetishes? I appreciate your use of the word "sneak". Just because they didn't outright say that's what this was, that's what this was.

 

[Layluh]

See that's the thing, I don't think the majority of women are okay with all of this nasty (literal) pooh and aggression becoming the standard. IMO, a lot of it is just going along to get along, claiming that it's about agency when really it's about low hanging fruit competition for men. I agree that women have their kinks but I've observed that women's kinks that don't play into male fantasies are often ridiculed by both sexes as unrealistic, unnatural or boring which is meant to get those women back in line with male fantasy.

Consider this:

What one pop culture reference got black women on a set pedicure schedule to directly indulge black men's foot fetishes? I appreciate your use of the word "sneak". Just because they didn't outright say that's what this was, that's what this was.

Can you give some examples of the bolded?

Kinks and stuff are fun every once in a while. But like you said, the problem is men want it to be the standard. Meaning every time we have sex, i get choked, slapped, called names etc. that ish gets borriiiiinnng after awhile. Like chris rock said, you gotta have a choke out tuesday or some ish. You not supposed to be getting choked out every time you have sex (i mean, unless you actually get off from that). Vanilla sex is really unappreciated these days. Just because you switch it up doesn't mean it has to stay switched up.

And I like the way the gays engage in sex. I remember hearing they tend to ask each other what they're into before engaging in sex for example, are you a top? bottom? etc...

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Can you give some examples of the bolded?

Non penetrative sexual encounters.
While I'm sure that some women will get a happy ending as part of this massage, I think that Troy touch is catering to the female fantasy of just being naked or near naked and sexually caressed by an attractive male without the burden of reciprocity. When the average person looks at this the only thing they can think about is him getting or not getting some at the end.

 

[Layluh]

Which reminds me...I dated a guy in college who liked to hear stories about things I'd done in the past. At the time i was like 22 and hadn't done a lot of stuff. So I mean, it was only like 4 or 5 stories I could tell. After that I aint got ish for you. NBut he wanted to hear a story everytiiimmmee we had sex. Bruh. I DONE TOLD THIS STORY 3 TIMES ALREADY. wtf else you want me to say?

At the time I didnt know that some men like to hear stories told over and over again cause they get somethng different from it each time and i was unfamiliar with that sort of kink (theres even a reddit dedicated to men telling stories of their wives/girlfriends sexual past and getting off from it).

 

[intellectualuva]

Non penetrative sexual encounters.
While I'm sure that some women will get a happy ending as part of this massage, I think that Troy touch is catering to the female fantasy of just being naked or near naked and sexually caressed by an attractive male without the burden of reciprocity. When the average person looks at this the only thing they can think about is him getting or not getting some at the end.

I've seen an serious uptick in these videos or rather advertisements of these massage services. I wonder what's going on there. Are milder women fantasies becoming mainstream? Are men simply taking advantage of the high number of single black women with larger disposable incomes? I just have so many questions. Lol.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

Can you give some examples of the bolded?

Kinks and stuff are fun every once in a while. But like you said, the problem is men want it to be the standard. Meaning every time we have sex, i get choked, slapped, called names etc. that ish gets borriiiiinnng after awhile. Like chris rock said, you gotta have a choke out tuesday or some ish. You not supposed to be getting choked out every time you have sex (i mean, unless you actually get off from that). Vanilla sex is really unappreciated these days. Just because you switch it up doesn't mean it has to stay switched up.

I like the way the gays engage in sex. I remember hearing they tend to ask each other what they're into before engaging in sex for example, are you a top? bottom? etc...

There are logistical reasons for that; less about kinks more about what role we are playing when we get to it.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I've seen an serious uptick in these videos or rather advertisements of these massage services. I wonder what's going on there. Are milder women fantasies becoming mainstream? Are men simply taking advantage of the high number of single black women with larger disposable incomes? I just have so many questions. Lol.

That lol at the end is what I’m talking about. Right or wrong, after giving an intimate massage to a naked or nearly naked woman the average dude is going to try to beg, guilt and whine if they are denied intercourse. Also, right or wrong many women will just give in just to shut them up or because they are guilted into penetration they don’t want.

These masseuses are being paid to give only what is asked for and go away (hard penis or not) without the drama. I look at erotic massage as the next step beyond professional cuddling.

 

[Chicoro]

The UK government recently dropped a plan to ban porn for those under-18, but clearly it's not just the under-18s that need protection from this insanity. It's like porn is a gateway to hell and women are always the ones who suffer the consequences. God help us!


One hopes that the men will follow through and respect the women's choices.

What I really don't understand is how a man (or anyone, really) can just assume a woman wants to be choked or slapped or beaten in any way at any time, but especially during what should be an intimate and safe situation. Like, are these men mentally handicapped or are they just deranged and waiting for a chance to express their depravity? Has the porn damaged their brains? And spitting? Seriously, WHAT??

Like I said, God help us.

ETA: I don't think hatred towards women is on the rise, I think that with the internet there are more avenues for those who hate women to speak about it. I also think that a lot of rubbish that women tolerated in the past is now being called into question. Example: some of those rom-coms from years ago presented abusive behavior and ignoring a woman's words as 'romantic', but now people will say, nah, that's not on. I reckon things like that have a certain sort of man feeling like he has less power - 'I can't even stalk/berate her and call it love,' lol.

Also, I believe that pornography fuels hatred towards women in that it presents women and women's bodies as commodities that exist for men's pleasure. Then when men find out that <gasp> women have minds and wills and agency, and they don't have to do what men want, the men get extra salty. Just my thoughts.

Extremely well said and eloquently presented.

 

[Chicoro]

I am avoiding a long post today but I hope my point isn't lost ladies.

How a man respects a woman dictates how he treats her(and vice versa). A role(wife, girlfriend, one night stand, prostitute), an influence(porn, childhood, self worth, respect towards others) are easy to look at as factors but how person treats you will tell more of the truth. No matter how a relationship is packaged if there isn't a basis of mutual respect and self respect or there is no depth it is a lot easier for stuff like the article to manifest. Just because two people are married doesn't mean they respect each other. I don't want to conflate roles with respect or influences with decisions. Valid points just not the perspective I targeted. However I do hope that my original post shows that certain scenarios are more risky than others.

This is so true.

 

[secretdiamond]

The "Sex Explained" documentary on Netflix I just watched a few weeks ago says that, supposedly, one of the most common sex fantasies of women is actually to be choked, spanked, manhandled, feel like it's a rape, etc. I forgot how they worded it, but I was shocked.

Their disclaimer is that women don't actually want to be raped or abused in real life, but during sex they like to feel dominated. They said it's like with famous stories in history (or of romance novels, movies) where the woman ends up falling for her rapist or abuser. Like they end up falling in love. The one storyline that came to mind is Luke and Laura from General Hospital back in the 70's. I could never understand why they were such a beloved couple and their wedding was the most watched TV event at the time, when I learned he had raped her as a teen or something.

 

[Chicoro]

Non penetrative sexual encounters.
While I'm sure that some women will get a happy ending as part of this massage, I think that Troy touch is catering to the female fantasy of just being naked or near naked and sexually caressed by an attractive male without the burden of reciprocity. When the average person looks at this the only thing they can think about is him getting or not getting some at the end.

Is Troy a professional or is this a friend? I've been confused a lot these last 5 days.