"A female's intelligence etc. is irrelevant to me..."

C

chronicity

Well-Known Member
"....I don't even care if she talks to me. All that matters to me is that I'm physically attracted to her and she is nice."

A guy I have been dating for a month or so told me this on Sunday. This actually wasn't the first time he said this; during our first date, he expressed something similar. Except that time, he wasn't talking about himself per se but rather what he thought men in general want from women. Or "females" as he frequently refers to them.

He maintained that as long as he has football and guy friends, he doesn't have a need to seek out deep conversation with the woman he's seeing. It is enough for her to sit there and be quiet in his company or listen to him talk.

Obviously, hearing him express this view point has turned me off and I am no longer seeing him. I can't even remember how we got on that subject, but the fact that this is the second he has brought this up has sealed in my mind that we have radically different value systems (on top of the sexism). There are other issues that have me turned off him, but this is the nail in the coffin.

Have you ever heard a guy voice this sentiment to you? If so, what was your reaction to it? I haven't ruled out the possibility that there may be women out there who would be fine with their mate having such a preference.
 
He's 32.

When I called him out on his shallowness (rather nicely, I might add...being fatigued of foolishness has mellowed me out over the years), you could tell he hadn't really thought about what he was saying. He was just being honest.
 
chronicity said:
He's 32.

When I called him out on his shallowness (rather nicely, I might add...being fatigued of foolishness has mellowed me out over the years), you could tell he hadn't really thought about what he was saying. He was just being honest.
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I don't believe his age is relevant. There are men that are 62 that think this way....many are in Hollywood, and frequently trade in their aging wives, for younger, prettier ones. (sigh)

At least this guy isn't pretending to be someone and something he's not. He accepts that he's a shallow pr*ck. :lol:
 
I have never heard anyone say that to me yet alone someone I was talking to because I would have left with the quickness. But I do think a lot of men think this way sadly, for conversation they have their boys, that's why they say women talk too much. They only time some want to have a conversation is when it's time to get it on smh. I think these are the ones that weren't raised around too many females or the females they were around we're obedient to males
 
A guy I am friends with on Facebook posts questions everyday. One of the guys that answers regularly says things like this. I actually think the guy I am talking about is bitter from previous relationships. Do you think that the guy you are dating is somewhat bitter or believes that women are below him?
 
He knows that a woman with an IQ at or above average would have no interest in him. He needs a woman he can relate to while he sits around watching TV with his mouth open.
 
The first date stuff was a clue. I filed his comment away in my memory bank, but didn't consider it a deal breaker by itself because the rest of the date was pleasant.

But I did point out to him that I consider my intellect and sense of humor to be my best qualities and I would hate to think I wasted those traits on a man who didnt appreciate them. He didn't disagree with me when I said that, so I took that as a positive sign.

You know what the irony is, though? We have had some interesting conversations since we started talking. He's said multiple times that I've told him things during our little debates that has made him seriously think. I also have made him laugh every time I've seen him. But despite all of this, he has made it plain through his words that he doesn't really value women based on their internal attributes. He is not curious about them as human beings.
 
i can see where he's coming from.:duck: not even sure if i'd say it was shallow. intelligence is not the only non-physical attribute. i like smart guys but if i met someone who was nice, treated me well, successful, good-looking etc. but not really super bright i would be fine with it.

not everyone feels the need to have deep, philosophical conversations with their partner.
 
chanjune80 said:
A guy I am friends with on Facebook posts questions everyday. One of the guys that answers regularly says things like this. I actually think the guy I am talking about is bitter from previous relationships. Do you think that the guy you are dating is somewhat bitter or believes that women are below him?
Click to expand...

I don't think he's bitter, just sexist and too stupid to realize when to censor himself.
 
Oasis said:
i can see where he's coming from.:duck: not even sure if i'd say it was shallow. intelligence is not the only non-physical attribute. i like smart guys but if i met someone who was nice, treated me well, successful, good-looking etc. but not really super bright i would be fine with it.

not everyone feels the need to have deep, philosophical conversations with their partner.
Click to expand...

It goes beyond intelligence. Even if I was with a man who was slower and/or more ignorant than me, I would still want someone who can hold a conversation and talk to me about themselves. Them being less intelligent or whatever wouldn't stop me from being curious about them, their experiences, or their opinions.

So while I can kind of understand being indifferent to intelligence, I don't understand not wanting 2-way conversation with your mate.

"A man's intelligence, sense of humor, etc. is irrelevant to me. I don't even need him to talk to me. All that matters to me is that he has money and is nice."

How many dudes would be okey dokey with this opinion from a woman?
 
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chronicity said:
It goes beyond intelligence. Even if I was with a man who was slower and/or more ignorant than me, I would still want someone who can hold a conversation and talk to me about themselves. Them being less intelligent or whatever wouldn't stop me from being curious about them, their experiences, or their opinions.

So while I can kind of understand being indifferent to intelligence, I don't understand not wanting 2-way conversation with your mate.

"A man's intelligence, sense of humor, etc. is irrelevant to me. I don't even need him to talk to me. All that matters to me is that he has money and is nice."

How many dudes would be okey dokey with this opinion from a woman?
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Meh....far too many men presume that this is all women are looking for, anyway. Their money...a nice car, possessions, etc. Even the broke a** idiots that don't have anything.

:perplexed
 
He's the type of guy where if you were with him and if something about your looks or physical appearance suddenly slacked off then you'd be history to him. Like the others said, he'd just trade you in for another one.

Although I beleive a lot of men feel that way I still can't believe he had the nerve to tell you that.
 
I think a lot of men feel this way. A lot of men don't want conversation. They do want to just sit in front of the tv and zone.

I had a date with a guy who told me something similar. He told me I thought too much. And there was some more too it that I don't remember. So I silently enjoyed my dinner and kept my thoughts to myself. He asked me something but since thinking was overrated I felt no need to respond. That was our first and last date.

I appreciate people who are honest about what they like. It saves us both a lot of time. I think men who think this way can easily find women to date. I meet women all the time that have no real conversation :ohwell: I think it goes the other way as well.
 
I believe it. I've been told numerous times how smart I am by men. Now ask me how many of them have ever asked me out? Zilch.
 
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Some men feel like this, but who cares.

If they all liked uber intelligent women then who would the non-smart, but beautiful women date. :look:

I have a friend that does the dippy act, beautiful blonde type. She does well with intelligent, eligable guys wanting to have relationships with her. Shes very pleasant, bubbly and nice to be around. The lack of in depth conversations doesn't seem to bother the guys who gravitate. I know the types that tend to attract to me wouldn't like it though.
 
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I have learned that intelligence is not important to everyone and that's ok. That is sooo impt to me but we are all different. The key is to find someone who matches up with your values.
 
faithVA said:
I think a lot of men feel this way. A lot of men don't want conversation. They do want to just sit in front of the tv and zone.

I had a date with a guy who told me something similar. He told me I thought too much. And there was some more too it that I don't remember. So I silently enjoyed my dinner and kept my thoughts to myself. He asked me something but since thinking was overrated I felt no need to respond. That was our first and last date.

I appreciate people who are honest about what they like. It saves us both a lot of time. I think men who think this way can easily find women to date. I meet women all the time that have no real conversation :ohwell: I think it goes the other way as well.
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I agree. I think alot more men think like this than we want to believe..but most have the common sense not to vocalize it.
 
chronicity said:
"....I don't even care if she talks to me. All that matters to me is that I'm physically attracted to her and she is nice."

A guy I have been dating for a month or so told me this on Sunday. This actually wasn't the first time he said this; during our first date, he expressed something similar. Except that time, he wasn't talking about himself per se but rather what he thought men in general want from women. Or "females" as he frequently refers to them.

He maintained that as long as he has football and guy friends, he doesn't have a need to seek out deep conversation with the woman he's seeing. It is enough for her to sit there and be quiet in his company or listen to him talk.

Obviously, hearing him express this view point has turned me off and I am no longer seeing him. I can't even remember how we got on that subject, but the fact that this is the second he has brought this up has sealed in my mind that we have radically different value systems (on top of the sexism). There are other issues that have me turned off him, but this is the nail in the coffin.

Have you ever heard a guy voice this sentiment to you? If so, what was your reaction to it? I haven't ruled out the possibility that there may be women out there who would be fine with their mate having such a preference.
Click to expand...

Ugh....I just came in here to say that I can't STAND it when men refer to women as "females". :nono: SUCH a turn-off! :wallbash: :wallbash: A "female" WHAT?? A female deer?? GOOHWTM :hardslap:



Girl........................run! Run FAAAAAAAAAAAAR away from this dude. :roadrunner:
 
sunnydaze said:
I agree. I think alot more men think like this than we want to believe..but most have the common sense not to vocalize it.
Click to expand...

But if I go out on a date with you then I do want you to vocalize it. I want to know what dumb stuff you are thinking so I can move on. I know this is a personal preference. But I like the cards out on the table. State is plain and direct. Then I can choose to stay or go. I don't want a man to pretend that he's interested because at some point it all comes out. Now I've wasted time on you :nono:

Like I said its just my preference.
 
My only thing is that looks fade, weight fluctuates, accidents and illnesses happen where someone's looks and disposition changes, what happens then?

I would want someone deeper. Someone who I know that if my legs were amputated or if I got gravely ill, that he would be there because there's more to me than the physical or being nice.
 
I love when men put their cards on the table. Makes life easier for me.

Different men prefer different things. What I've observed (this cuts across cultures) is that men who are concerned about leaving some sort of legacy via their children, consciously pick intelligent/smart women. Since pretty/attractive are not mutually exclusive, they usually pick women with this combination.

For men who don't care about such things then beauty will outweigh intelligence for them.

Honestly, I've seen some major differences in family life in relation to children of men who put more emphasis on beauty when picking a mate. Women are still the primary nurturers of children when younger.

The children of men who picked smart wives (whether average or above) in looks do 10x better than children of men who picked not-so-smart wives.
 
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