2011 - Christian Random Thoughts

GoddessMaker said:
In my reflection time today I came to some conclusions for me.One is I'm like the worst person ever esp to myself.I often am unable to smell the roses so to speak because I'm too frustrated by all my flaws.I get messages here where people say I'm positive and what not and I'm like :blush:.I often feel they are :spinning:.However I do notice that I am able to give others plenty of encouragement but I can't seem to give myself any as I feel its undeserved and nor am I able to receieve any.

My next thought is I more than likely will either have to make the choice of continuing to be unhappy as a Christian or stop.My rationale is most of my issues come from Christianity and the people who profess it.At least with no believers I know what they are about and that most are foul but when it comes to Christians you never know and it makes this whole go to church every Sunday not attractive.I have it on my wall as goal for 2012 but I sorta laugh because it just doesn't seem to occur.There is only 2 churches I want to attend one is out of the state and the other is way to far to drive every week.I know church esp black church and its a perplexing ordeal.Not to say other churches aren't but I know black church more than I care to.

All I know in my life of 26 years I have never experienced love from others,joy from God,happiness etc.I know pain,suffering,lack,depression,suicidal thoughts,and anger.I know how it feels to be forgotten,to be looked over for not fitting into societies mold both non and believer.I know how it feels to not be able to get close to people because it would be easier to be alone then to be in pain bc of others.

Last thought and probable the most important I want to thank you ladies for putting up with me and not just discarding me like yesterdays lunch like so many have.I'm not the easiest,prettiest or even most charming but you all have continued to pray and be encouraging.I truly am thankful for Shimmie,Laela,TraciChanel,Prudent1,Iwanthealthyhair67 and crlsweetie912.You ladies have me scared to come out but in the same breathe if I do get the courage to step out I know there are some good people out in the world.
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GoddessMaker ...

We love you so much. You are our precious Baby Sister :love5: Forever Love...
 
Ladies you all pray please.Not for me but for this youth thing Im trying to do.I'm having to ask for money since my check dont' run long.I need money for food for the young adults.I want to do healthy as many don't eat right and need to get into a habit of eating correctly.We can do a search on this board about the unhealthy factors of our youth.

I'm preparing my own material since college,resumes,interviewing and life in general for young adults is so important to me.If I knew what I know now at the age of 19 things would have been so different.My life would have been dramatically different.I wouldn't be in the bind I'm in now at least.

So pray and any things you would like to tell your 19 year old self I would greatly appreciate it.I would incorporate them into my last session which will be able life in general.
 
I'm grateful that the Lord don't give us what we deserve....Lord, help me to be as forgiven to others as you have forgiven me countless times
 
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And the signs continue. Left work at exactly 1:11, bought lunch, which came to exactly $4.44, then when to the convenience store and the total was $2.22. Came here to post and the last one was at 3:33.

I'm at an ambiguous place with respect to the Lord's leadings. There are lying spirits, too. May His will be done-whatever that might.be.

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We don't know what we say at times.We speak life but then death which conflicts.I honestly fill this is the feeling of depression besides those who have a true mentally issue which hopefully in a few years I will be Psych and can help with that too.

I'm looking through this site and so many are more powerful than they know.I was blown away tonight bc I have never been called this one phrase "Woman of God".I have been called so many things but never that.That felt strong to me.When your think of a woman who is die heart about God's word its something unmovable something so intense.

I will take up my cross,cut the bs out of my life and move.It will be hard and there will be test but it is what it is.There are more waiting on me if I don't and I wish I would have spiritual blood on my hands for not going all the way.There were ppl before me who had to do the same.This is why my last attempt at death and all the rest didn't work but the last was so profound.In that jacked up thing I learned so much and was able to observe things I desire to do.I want to be that black male psyc who was using tough love but the Word to help his clients..
 
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Life is competitive. Day by day you have to wake up earlier, pray longer, work harder. You never know when or how that extra effort will put you ahead; but as with all things, we reap what we sow. If you want to reap more, then sow more! :yep:
 
Promotion comes from the Lord Ps 75:6
For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. But God is the judge: He putteth down one, and setteth up another."

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,

Proverbs 3:6
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
 
I feel so much peace right now I can't even explain.I will think optimistic and not allow the worry to over come.I love you ladies beyond words support is so strong here you can't cut it with a knife.
 
Got this in an e-mail:

Here are the L-I-G-H-T-S to the Word of God:
Literal Interpretation, Illumination by the Holy Spirit, Grammatical Principles, Historical Context, Teaching Ministry, Scriptural Harmony.
 
The reason Jesus isn't black...For G-d so loved the world...He didn't want the non-black folks today who trust Him but are prejudiced to have rejected Him. Lucky them. Being Jewish didn't help much...but being Black, that would have condemned so many more. :perplexed

Eh, nevermind me, I'm responding with emotion to racist stupid folks. G-d love em...cuz I find it hard to.
 
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He that began a good work will see it to completion.This is my constant prayer for myself.I know there alot wrong with me probable more than most folks.There a constant battle for my life.There a constant battle for me to be able to be effective in society.I'm always have to battle my anger and how I respond to things.I have to always be conscious of how I perceive things.I have to constantly keep my worrying under control along with the inadequacy thoughts as well.In my mind I should be alot farther along in life.Finances,social standing,spiritually,physically and romantically.No area of my life can I feel good in.Yes I make strides but to me there has not been one good solid thing about my 26 years on earth.Its like all of it is a dream.I know one must be constantly be aware of their thoughts bc of the attacks.I'm just a but tired of always having to be aware.I wish I could be like some who are so oblivous to things and they are able to just live.

Now on to a different topic.Is there anyone with any good recommendations for a daily devotional that is not all sappy and overly peppy? As you might can tell I'm a bit rough around the edges but I want the Word to be a more focal point in the up coming year.

I hope that anyone reading this if your out there and the holidays are making you sad please don't let it.I hate saying the phrase your not alone bc it doesn't matter if anyone else is going through when you are bc honestly your pain is what is hurting and if your deeper you hurt even more bc others are going through similar.I pray you are able to find solace and peace and know holidays can be good if you want them to be..it doesn't have to be the traditional.
 
^^^ LOL. Traditional. We're going to barbecue a brisket, have a pot of baked beans, buttermilk pie, go to mass Christmas Eve and wearing pajamas ALL DAY LONG. Tonight, the holidays are getting to me...but I've resolved myself to be happy. This is a first.
 
Ahhhhhhhhh......but God!

He keeps on revealing to me how much He loves and adores me! From the smallest things to things that are grand! He shows Himself strong!

I'm so grateful for another year that is approaching...what an incredible time 2010 has been for me. I look forward to 2012 because God's promise to me 12 years ago that He will launch me....his promise is coming to pass!

May this Christmas bring good tidings and much joy for all of you and may you always be reminded of the Real Meaning of Christmas!!!
 
I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colourless dreams tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.,

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labour by power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problems recognizing me - my banner will be clear!

Anonymous African Pastor
 
For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. - Isaiah 9:6
 
I can't sit around feeling sad and hopeless all the time. I have to remember who's child I am and the power I've been given.

Things have to get better in 2012. I have to make it better, of course with Jesus on my side. I claim it.

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BostonMaria I say this with all the love in the world but what do you have to be sad about.Your a knockout-you were crafted that way by the ulitimate designer,your have beauitful girls,your married,almost done with school,your killer body,I mean I could go on.I know we all have things to be sad about but you I always look to you and a few other ladies of the life I want one day..all beauitful and awesome..

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Today I sit and just dig deep in myself to find the greatness in today.I'm glad its over bc I don't like the holidays.To me its for the have's or those with great tight families.I opted out of going to my friends house bc well I don't want to see gifts.I don't want to see certain things.I'm ready for the new year new opportunities,new people and hopefully new revelations..I love you ladies and if your one of those who are blessed enough to get gifts don't forget to share with others not saying your gifts but your time and your smile..
 
GoddessMaker said:
@BostonMaria I say this with all the love in the world but what do you have to be sad about.Your a knockout-you were crafted that way by the ulitimate designer,your have beauitful girls,your married,almost done with school,your killer body,I mean I could go on.I know we all have things to be sad about but you I always look to you and a few other ladies of the life I want one day..all beauitful and awesome..

***********************************************************************
Today I sit and just dig deep in myself to find the greatness in today.I'm glad its over bc I don't like the holidays.To me its for the have's or those with great tight families.I opted out of going to my friends house bc well I don't want to see gifts.I don't want to see certain things.I'm ready for the new year new opportunities,new people and hopefully new revelations..I love you ladies and if your one of those who are blessed enough to get gifts don't forget to share with others not saying your gifts but your time and your smile..
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Thanks GoddessMaker
My sadness doesn't have anything to do with my accomplishments. I should, however, pay attention to those things that God has given me and be thankful and happy every day. I have a few things I have to take care of that is bringing negativity into my life.
 
I can't sleep.Im up thinking.I wanted a daddy for a long time.My step father abused me mentally and physically to the point I did anything for male attention.When I was 18 I found my biologcal father.It was a good time we talked often he sent gifts he was my daddy flaws and all.Now I'm thinking maybe he came for a reason and a season.I haven't spoken to him since July.I can't do one sided relationships where I do all contact.It was good so I at least know who helped make me.I know he is struggling I don't care about money,I just want a call.He isn't a believer which is fine.I just want a daddy but I know I'm 26 and must move on.All I want is to hear I'm pretty,lovely,great.I know the Word says this but I want to hear it from a man that loves me.I believe this is why when my boss speaks to me it stirs something in me.I see him like a dad sadly.I know I'm too old to need anyone.I just long for loving strong support only a daddy and mom can provide.My next step in education will be hard,PhD and I say a old classmate fb pic of her parents and it makes me sad I won't ever get that.Let me go to sleep.
 
I said a prayer yesterday to St. Anne concerning intercession for a good mate. Within hours, the devil reared his ugly head and a guy I had befriended on FB with whom I have had no communication - certainly not romantic...we joined in a thread on Black Indian folk - suddenly comments on a benign post of mine and had the snarkiest, most arrogant and insulting comment. I explained to him why I removed it because I expected him to say it was something else and he's sorry for the misunderstanding. I mean, it was UGLY. Why did this nasty man contact me at all, let alone, post on my wall? The devil. :look:

I remember another time I was praying over my unknown future spouse and this documentarian I know just suddenly started going off, freaking nuts and accusatory. :look::look::ohwell: Um, it was so unnecessary. The evil one again. Such has happened several times before. Out of the blue, these horrible men appear.

Leaves me now knowing that when I pray, the devil tries to send all manner of ugliness my way. I'm not giving up, I'm going harder! I also know that those types of males are NOT what I desire in my life, in any manner. Geez! I must be close to something. :grin:
 
Wow, these times are very dangerous for us. Keeping my right eye open cuz I can't believe this! They will be sending us off again and this time.... Trust Christ only, I'm telling you.
 
Such Powerful Verses

Romans 5:3-5
King James Version (KJV)
3And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

4And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

5And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
 
Worshiping God in Spirit and in truth (definitely including the arts, but not entertainment and not emotionalism)
Meaningful Fellowship (including righteous lifestyles and church discipline, as well as seeking the Scripture and God's face together; and space given for the "charismatic" gifts)
Works of Charity (oriented outside of the church, not only inside)

I think this is essentially what I'm looking for in church. It's actually kinda difficult to find. :( Torn because I respect specific individuals in my current church because of their faithfulness; and yet I have clearly different convictions about praise & worship, church discipline, church governance, tithing, and just how ministry is conducted overall--esp. regarding the degree to which certain "secular" things are incorporated into the church. Many of these could be tolerated as a passive congregant, but active participation in ministry is difficult if not impossible when you disagree with all of the above. More prayer is necessary.
 
God is gOod! Especially when The Holy Spirit reveals truths within minutes instead of havin me wondering if I am misundertanding...
 
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