2 out of 3......They get married after leaving me

FeelinIt

FeelinIt

New Member
Ohhh sigh....this is some bull@#$@#. So I get a text message (I'm getting old because I hate text messaging with a passion), from a guy I have loved from afar saying "gettin married". Whaaa???? Hold up, is this the same guy who SWORE up and down he would never marry? Marriage just ain't in it for him. I knew it was a lie. I knew he wanted marriage, a family the whole unit....He just didn't want it with me.

Guy #1-Son's father left me and immediately got married to someone else.
Guy #2-Proposed and almost got married immediately after he stopped seeing me but it did not work out. It's only a matter of time though. He'll be married soon.
Guy #3-Text message boy-is getting or has gotten married after he stopped seeing me.

They all said something to me in different ways but the same message: I'm not ready for marriage or I'll never get married...I guess the part I got def on was the TO YOU part!

So as of right now I'm chunking the deuces, the doubles, the pointer and the @#$@# you to menfolk for the moment. Obviously (DUH) I'm not doing something right.

It's the usual blah, blah, blah.....too eager, too fast, giving too much too early, not keen enough to realize when the "relationship" is a dud and going nowhere fast YET still sticking around hoping and wishin and praying for this thing to turn around....Only for that ninja to Diss you through the phone and marry some other broad.

*RASPBERRY* So I've cried (again) and have listened to my fair share of Amy Winehouse on repeat. No drinking on this one though..(I have evolved)...because I've been through this before. I'm old hat at this thing....this heart break thing. I've asked the questions..What's wrong with me? What am I not doing right? Why doesn't anybody want me? yadda, yadda, yadda only to realize I'm talking to the damn wall and still get no answer at all.

So now what....

I don't really want the regular advice. I'm pretty sure I know what I should be doing. You can give it anyway though iffin you'd like. What I'd really like are some actual real life "how I got over this and you can too" stories. I'm always inspired by others who have been there done that, got the t-shirt, shot the vendor and robbed the cash box, type stories....Did that make sense?....only in my head.


Your turn...
 
Girl, take it as a blessing...you could have been married twice, and divorced twice...Instead, you have the opportunity to do it ONCE and get it right...I know you're fustrated, but these men were not cut for you!


Take your time and get it right the first time! Don't rush it!

Good luck to you....
 
MzTami said:
Girl, take it as a blessing...you could have been married twice, and divorced twice...Instead, you have the opportunity to do it ONCE and get it right...I know you're fustrated, but these men were not cut for you!


Take your time and get it right the first time! Don't rush it!

Good luck to you....
Click to expand...

I got you. The first two....OMG you are so right. I would have killed the first one, gone to jail, got out some years later, met the next one and divorced him taking him for all his endz.

This one though is a lil harder to take. We were here on so many levels. Nothing between us was forced. It was so natural and easy. Not to mention he was fine as all get out and the coloring was OFF THE CHAIN!!!


*be strong...don't cry....you'll live to color another day*
 
FeelinIt said:
Hopeful...loved your post btw. I read it today at work. I was feeling real bad. It helped a little.
Click to expand...

Thanks. I can't imagine how you must feel. It's just so sad. I would have been crying too while listening Mary J. Blige. I probably would have gotten take out from Red Lobster too:look:. It sounds like you get so close...and then you are let down. I pray you are able to break the cycle soon, I don't think your precious heart can take much more of this. It would be one thing for them to leave then play the field or just get another girlfriend, but to get married is like a smack in the face. I wish I could find them and tie them up and force them to explain to me why, if I could do it without going to jail I would.
 
I don't have a story, but I want to say I understand. I'm the opposite though, they always want to marry me or tie me down. Then I look at them like, "Fool you ain't for me."

That's why I went on hiatus from dating/coloring. It's been 14 months and I'm peaking my head out. It still isn't working :perplexed. We'll make it though.

Keep your head up.
 
MzTami said:
Girl, take it as a blessing...you could have been married twice, and divorced twice...Instead, you have the opportunity to do it ONCE and get it right...I know you're fustrated, but these men were not cut for you!


Take your time and get it right the first time! Don't rush it!

Good luck to you....
Click to expand...


sorry for yelling, but....

I COULD NOT HAVE SAID THIS BETTA MY DERN SELF!!!

:bighug:
 
FeelinIt,

I have a sorta similar situation. I had a bad habit of daing "potential". Most of the time when dude is with me they have some quirk that drives me bonkers, or lack ambition, or don't know their own strength, potential, gifting etc.

Enter moi: with tons of encouragement, support, cheerleading.....then dude gets a revelation of who they REALLY are and dips -- only for the next women to benefit from the effort an input I provided.

I've decided that I am a KING MAKER. LOL.

...problem is, I've been aligning myself with entirely inappropriate candidates. They didn't deserve you, Sis. They weren't ready for what you have to offer. So...

my new approach?

WAIT FOR MY KING. Sit in the cut. Observe. Let them find me. And when the time comes again (post divorce) CHOOSE WISELY. Exercise my personal VETO power. Be picky --I'm worth it.

'Cause these skills are just too valuable and potent to waste on the unworthy.
 
Girl before I got married I thought I was gonna end up and old woman living with my mom and 20 dogs (don't really like cats, lol). I had no prospects. I always felt insecure about myself and because of that insecurity I was willing to take a lot trash from other people to get them to like me. Then I got my first real boyfriend. We made all these plans about marriage, we dated one year then he came at me with I don't love you and I want to break up.

Girl tell me why this dude called me a few months later to let me know he was getting married? Less than a year later they had broke up and he was engaged to a whole different girl and telling me he made a mistake and I was "the one". I chunked him the dueces changed my phone number and keep it moving. I started dating dh 1 week after we had broke up. We had already been friends for a while. My DH was suppose to be my rebound guy, lol, this is what we both thought.

We just had so much in common and I relationship was good from the get go. We didn't expect too much out of each other. Everything just fell in place. The thing about it is my DH helped me to appreciate myself and what I have to offer. I am me and I am so good with that. I appreciate every foul person I every met because it helps me appreciate the good ones.
 
MzTami said:
Girl, take it as a blessing...you could have been married twice, and divorced twice...Instead, you have the opportunity to do it ONCE and get it right...I know you're fustrated, but these men were not cut for you!


Take your time and get it right the first time! Don't rush it!

Good luck to you....
Click to expand...

I totally agree!
 
I have been there before...and I know this sucks to hear...but time is the only thing...

I hate saying that! People used to say that to me..and I would get so upset..because it doesn't help the pain that you feel then...and it's true it doesn't...but it's the truth..

When I was heartbroken..and believe me I was pitiful...I had to count my blessings..

I had to realize that though I may not have my "perfect" relationship. My heavenly Father had blessed me beyond measure! I was healthy..I had all my faculties about me..I had family and friends who cared...I wasn't wondering where I was going to lay my head..or what I was going to eat. I was SO BLESSED!

The thing about heartbreak is that..it can consume you..it is such a force! It's the only thing that you can focus on..you can't see past it. I want to try and encourage you to look past it!

I work in a hospital..and that always gave me perspective. I would go into the Burn unit and see people..with 3rd degree burns..covering their entire body. I would stop and thank the Lord..and say I'm blessed! I'm upset over this man..but look at these people. They are in so much more pain than me..and they have such a long road to recovery..if they even make it! They would probably kill to switch places with me.

Then I would go down to the Trauma unit..and see a doctor telling someone's parents that their child isn't going to make it..and watch the pain the family would go through..

Then I would remember that my child was at home safe..and I would say thank you Lord.

There isn't a quick fix...you aren't supposed to be happy..it's heartbreak. It's normal to feel down..but I encourage you to count your blessings..and ask the Father to give you strength..and ask Him to teach you what you are supposed to learn from this situation.

When you feel down..say " I hate this happened..but it's nothing that I can do about it..or control it..so I'm going to give it God..and keep on pressing forward.."

Don't just sit around thinking about it...because that only makes it worse..

I know it's not that easy..but it will get better...I promise!
 
<<<< H U G S >>>>> Sorry you're going through this. I am sure it sucks.

By the way, you write very well. Had me laughing while feeling sad at the same time. If you've thought about becoming a writer, what the heck, get serious about it. In addition to it being cathartic, perhaps you can make some money writing a woman's novel, so it wouldn't be a total loss after all. You can even give it a happy ending, with the heroine finally meeting mister right. Sort of rewriting your life, hehe. I am serious.
 
itismehmmkay said:
Why didn't #2 not work out?
Click to expand...

# 2 had issues. We would have never worked and early on I knew it. But he was the kind that looked GREAT on paper but our personalities just didn't quite fit, but I was still stuck on him. I was 22-24 going crazy for him.

But....he was def colorstruck and he had some serious self hate issues with himself and black people. Plus our interactions were not natural. It was like forcing blood from a turnip sometimes and he was kind of boring. He was also very traditional with his roles with regard to women and men i.e., I can be overweight but my woman better be in shape and fine all of the time....bs like that.
 
leona2025 said:
Girl before I got married I thought I was gonna end up and old woman living with my mom and 20 dogs (don't really like cats, lol). I had no prospects. I always felt insecure about myself and because of that insecurity I was willing to take a lot trash from other people to get them to like me. Then I got my first real boyfriend. We made all these plans about marriage, we dated one year then he came at me with I don't love you and I want to break up.

Girl tell me why this dude called me a few months later to let me know he was getting married? Less than a year later they had broke up and he was engaged to a whole different girl and telling me he made a mistake and I was "the one". I chunked him the dueces changed my phone number and keep it moving. I started dating dh 1 week after we had broke up. We had already been friends for a while. My DH was suppose to be my rebound guy, lol, this is what we both thought.

We just had so much in common and I relationship was good from the get go. We didn't expect too much out of each other. Everything just fell in place. The thing about it is my DH helped me to appreciate myself and what I have to offer. I am me and I am so good with that. I appreciate every foul person I every met because it helps me appreciate the good ones.
Click to expand...

See this gives me some hope. Things just fell into place with us. Everything seemed on point, but in the end, he just wasn't really feeling me the way I was feeling him. In everything else in my life, career, education, money, health, I can see a clear vision and have the motivation to work towards it.

When it comes to relationships though, the vision is not clear at all.
 
DragonPearl said:
<<<< H U G S >>>>> Sorry you're going through this. I am sure it sucks.

By the way, you write very well. Had me laughing while feeling sad at the same time. If you've thought about becoming a writer, what the heck, get serious about it. In addition to it being cathartic, perhaps you can make some money writing a woman's novel, so it wouldn't be a total loss after all. You can even give it a happy ending, with the heroine finally meeting mister right. Sort of rewriting your life, hehe. I am serious.
Click to expand...

I've thought about writing but I'm a lazy, rush, writer. Do you know how many times I edited that first post? LOL. Thanks for the encouragement. I may actually seriously consider writing as a side project.
 
I feel ya girl. My ex and I dated for 2yrs we broke up last Nov. and he moved his new girl in with him in Feb. of this year. But not to worry his brother told me that my ex knew he couldn't control me and that I'd never sell my house to live with him so he found someone who needed him to rescue her. :lachen: :lachen: :lachen: Girl that ish is still funny to me, it hurt at first but I know that he'll never have a stable relationship with that thinking. Guess I was too strong for him :rolleyes:.

ETA: Now mind you this ex still calls me and still wants to hug and kiss on me when we run into each other. The way I see it by the time he figures out what he lost it'll be too late and I'll be long gone. Stay up Mama, it'll all work out for you.
 
I hope so. I can't stop thinking about him though. I just had no idea he was seeing someone that serious to get married. It seems so rushed. Just three months ago, we were together...yanna...together. Men....jeez!
 
OP, you know if these men were married or engaged IMMEDIATELY after you broke up, they were probably seeing those women along with you, in which case, you WON.
 
MzTami said:
Girl, take it as a blessing...you could have been married twice, and divorced twice...Instead, you have the opportunity to do it ONCE and get it right...I know you're fustrated, but these men were not cut for you!


Take your time and get it right the first time! Don't rush it!

Good luck to you....
Click to expand...

Yep! I know its hard to hear but its the truth.
 
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