How Do You Feel About Black and Mixed-Race Children Wearing Their Hair

[kblc06]

In "out" styles like blown-out afros or wash n gos. Or in hairstyles that do not require twists, braids or ponytails. Keep in mind I am not talking about kids of the 2b-3b variety whose hair grows downward in curls, I'm talking more on the lines of 3c/4a/4b/cnapp.

It may seem odd, but I get the feeling that for many black people, if children's with this type of hair is not restrained in an elaborate ponytailed or braided style, then it's unkempt or not presentable. Do you find this to be true? erplexed

 

[Lucie]

You can have 1a hair and look like a raggamuffin. I am tired and maybe I shouldn't say this but my DH is a prime example. He wakes up with Ned Flanders (from the Simpsons) devil horns in his hair. Not cute.

Your thread makes me think of Wayne Brady's daughter. Her hair looked like she thoroughly rubbed it on the carpet and than sat in the audience. Her hair didn't need to be in a ponytail for it to look cute. No matter what texture, neatness is important IMHO.

 

[Foxglove]

In "out" styles like blown-out afros or wash n gos. Or in hairstyles that do not require twists, braids or ponytails. Keep in mind I am not talking about kids of the 2b-3b variety whose hair grows downward in curls, I'm talking more on the lines of 3c/4a/4b/cnapp.

It may seem odd, but I get the feeling that for many black people, if children's with this type of hair is not restrained in an elaborate ponytailed or braided style, then it's unkempt or not presentable. Do you find this to be true? erplexed

I've noticed this sentiment on the board too

 

[Foxglove]

You can have 1a hair and look like a raggamuffin. I am tired and maybe I shouldn't say this but my DH is a prime example. He wakes up with Ned Flanders (from the Simpsons) devil horns in his hair. Not cute.

Your thread makes me think of Wayne Brady's daughter. Her hair looked like she thoroughly rubbed it on the carpet and than sat in the audience. Her hair didn't need to be in a ponytail for it to look cute. No matter what texture, neatness is important IMHO.

Her hair did look messy but every Henry and Zahara thread centers around the same thing

 

[Grow_it_out]

I will admit I like my dd's hair slicked and slapped down on her head, but I'm not for all the bobbles in the hair. That's just me. I do believe the hair should be styled in some way, either down, out or up...whatever.

 

[Natural Glow]

In "out" styles like blown-out afros or wash n gos. Or in hairstyles that do not require twists, braids or ponytails. Keep in mind I am not talking about kids of the 2b-3b variety whose hair grows downward in curls, I'm talking more on the lines of 3c/4a/4b/cnapp.

It may seem odd, but I get the feeling that for many black people, if children's with this type of hair is not restrained in an elaborate ponytailed or braided style, then it's unkempt or not presentable. Do you find this to be true? erplexed

I definitely find this true. Sometimes i put my daughter's hair in a wash n go. Now her hair is 3c maybe 3b I think and I find that people think if her hair isn't in a tight slicked back ponytail(s) or something it's just a mess and family members look at me sideways like why don't you do that girls hair. I just give them the face and KIM. Anyway she likes her hair "out" like Dora<--(that's what she says when it's out lolI have no idea why)

 

[Prudent1]

I actually don't like to see any hair type that is unkept looking. I think all hair types are beautiful. Always have. I don't like it when some advertising company comes up with their idea of ethnic hair and the child basically looks unkept.IMO maintained/ styled afros are beautiful!!

 

[LovinLea]

i can't imagine why anyone would vote no. eta: actually let me fix amend that. if the hair doesn't grow downwards and hang, they might get looked at twice.

i don't like the whole thing where as soon as it's for a nice event, the hair gets straightened. what kind of message is that sending? there's a member here with a formal natural style in her siggy that i just love.

 

[Natural Glow]

I think unkept is different from an blown out Afro or Wash n go. Yes I think a child's hair should look clean and moisturized and taken care of but I dont think a blown out afro or wash n go necessary=unkept so I don't see anything wrong with either.

Now if it was a wash n go that look like they slept on it for 2 days on a burlap pillowcase and just rolled out of bed that's different

 

[Cali*Rocks]

I think it's perfectly acceptable for children to wear wash n go's. I want my future children to love and feel good about their hair and wearing it out and not having it stretched and in ponytails is one way to do just that.

 

[msa]

I hate hate hate so many people (on the board and irl) feel that a child's hair is not "done" if it's worn in an afro or wash n go. It annoys the hell out of me.

Whenever I pick up my goddaughter the first thing I do is take out every rubber band, barrette, and bobble, and wash her hair. And then she wears it in a curly fro the whole time she's with me. It's the only time her scalp gets to breathe and be free, poor thing.

 

[Honey Bee]

I voted "maybe", because it really does depend on the time and place. In the house, casual settings, fine... I guess I'm old-school, but I believe braids or ponytails are the way to go for school, church (not that I go, lol), or special occasions. But I draw the line at hotcombs on babies (imo, any child under 7). That's takin it too far. Admittedly, I don't have kids, so I might change my lil tune...

btw, and only tangentially related, I was at Starbuck's and why-oh-why did I see a little white girl with a perm?!? Like, 4 years old?!? I know a perm when I see one, and my mother confirmed it. Lawd, lawd, lawd...

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

an afro is one thing...
a birds nest is another...

 

[kblc06]

You can have 1a hair and look like a raggamuffin. I am tired and maybe I shouldn't say this but my DH is a prime example. He wakes up with Ned Flanders (from the Simpsons) devil horns in his hair. Not cute.

Your thread makes me think of Wayne Brady's daughter. Her hair looked like she thoroughly rubbed it on the carpet and than sat in the audience. Her hair didn't need to be in a ponytail for it to look cute. No matter what texture, neatness is important IMHO.

Right, but for some people, I've noticed that children like Brady's daughter get a pass just because of the texture. I will agree that her hair did look uncared for as in not washed, conditioned, moisturized or groomed in general. But to me, there's a difference

I definitely find this true. Sometimes i put my daughter's hair in a wash n go. Now her hair is 3c maybe 3b I think and I find that people think if her hair isn't in a tight slicked back ponytail(s) or something it's just a mess and family members look at me sideways like why don't you do that girls hair. I just give them the face and KIM. Anyway she likes her hair "out" like Dora<--(that's what she says when it's out lolI have no idea why)

Hmm, I wonder if this in fact true for children with looser textures as well?

I think unkept is different from an blown out Afro or Wash n go. Yes I think a child's hair should look clean and moisturized and taken care of but I dont think a blown out afro or wash n go necessary=unkept so I don't see anything wrong with either.

Now if it was a wash n go that look like they slept on it for 2 days on a burlap pillowcase and just rolled out of bed that's different

But for the people I'm speaking of, the bolded is one in the same

I hate hate hate so many people (on the board and irl) feel that a child's hair is not "done" if it's worn in an afro or wash n go. It annoys the hell out of me.

Whenever I pick up my goddaughter the first thing I do is take out every rubber band, barrette, and bobble, and wash her hair. And then she wears it in a curly fro the whole time she's with me. It's the only time her scalp gets to breathe and be free, poor thing.

This is exactly the sentiment I'm talking about, unless the child has visibly "good hair" i.e. Kimora's daughters, Yara Shahidi, etc. While they have beautiful hair, I don't think people respond as kindly to more tightly curled hair such has Zahara's or Henry's but dote over how adorable Johan's curls are (when their parents probably have a similar regimen for both)- even when their hair appears moisturized. And many of us know that type 4 & cnapp hair may not appear moisturized when it is. Or maybe it's just because the latter children have non-black mothers.

But even then, I've noticed that that with type 3c and even moreso with type 4, if the hair isn't coiffed into some intricate style or does not look like an entire bottle of S-curl was devoted to wash n go in order to define curls the size of pen-springs and smaller, there is a lot more uproar about how unkempt and tattered it looks.

Many people have complimented my 5 day old wash n go when I know for a fact had my hair had been and looked neglected IMO . I also know for a fact had it been a tad kinkier they wouldn't have- but I've just noticed that the bias is much more apparent when children are involved. It's like with certain hair types you can get away with alot more simply because of the fact that you have curls even if it looks much more ragged than a well-coiffed penspring coils or cnapp hair

 

[Tafa01]

my daughter's hair (7yo) is type 4. I don't mind at all having her in a fro, but I never send her to school like that. I learned not to the hard way lol. We live in a "white" area...they are only 5 black kids in the whole school, 2 of them are mine. All the other kids are fascinated with her hair when she wears it out, and they put their hands in it, play with it, etc. It is just too much and she comes home with a tangled mess and headaches. So I usually avoid sending her to school without braids, cornrows, etc.

 

[FlowerHair]

I like it as long as the hair looks groomed as in moisturized and detangled.

 

[ThePerfectScore]

celebrity children seem to go by different rules than regula folks kids.... haha

I prefer kids to have healthy hair... and preferable well groomed strands if they are going to appear on camera or be in public. When they are at home, letcha children run free! But please make them presentable... especially on tv!

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I think they are fine and logically I can't find anything wrong with it (as long as it's neat), but I was taught that little girls are supposed to wear their hair in pigtails, whatever. Wearing your hair down was a rite of passage in my family. You were trying to be "grown" if you had your hair down. Heck, even wearing one ponytail was a little grown up. I didn't get to wear my hair down until I was a teen.

I know it probably doesn't make sense, but it's just the way I was taught. Maybe it will change when I have my own little girl.

 

[BostonMaria]

I think they are fine and logically I can't find anything wrong with it (as long as it's neat), but I was taught that little girls are supposed to wear their hair in pigtails, whatever. Wearing your hair down was a rite of passage in my family. You were trying to be "grown" if you had your hair down. Heck, even wearing one ponytail was a little grown up. I didn't get to wear my hair down until I was a teen.

I know it probably doesn't make sense, but it's just the way I was taught. Maybe it will change when I have my own little girl.

I feel the same way. Both of my daughters were in ponytails, braids or buns 80% of the time. They're lucky I let them do wash and go's, but even those were "well groomed" I am old school I guess. Both had tailbone length hair by the age of 7 so I guess I did something right! My niece is 4a with some 4b and the first thing I do when I visit her house is wet her hair and put it in a ponytail. She sees me at the door and the first thing she says is "you're not doing my hair" and I smile and say oh YES I am LOL My sister just had a baby so she doesn't have time or energy to do my niece's hair. So if my niece's hair looks crazy and messy (she's 9) you better believe I'm going to comb it.

BTW for the sake of political correctness you might not get people that will admit to wanting a child with combed 4a/4b hair. I don't see anything wrong with wanting your child to look well groomed.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

That's how my mom used to feel about my DD's hair. Then she saw I knew how to make it look neat while it's still down and she didn't feel that way anymore. The only reason I don't let her wear her hair down right now is because she's a little rough-n-tumble, and that's a detangling session neither of us want.

The wearing the hair down = grown thing is also something I was raised with lol.

 

[hairedity]

I find it refreshing to see a child w/very textured hair wearing it out. Yes w/some grooming, not just roll out of bed wild.
I believe it's because of all these "rules" where these children must wear their hair in some sort of ponytails or braids = 1)damage in many cases and 2)reaffirmation that their hair must be hidden (which = shame) and the ony way to wear it out is w/a perm.

 

[butterfly_wings]

Its weird I was talking about this with my fiancé uyesterday!

I think it looks lovely when children wear their afro hair loose, running around and playing. My future DD will wear a braid out with 3 large cornrows in the front to keep her hair out of her face

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

i wouldn't mind lettin kids wear their hair out. only for a few hours though. kids are to active and rough for it to look good any longer. i'd feel better about lettn them wear it out when they
re old enough to help me detangle.

but i agree op, i do see a bias. loose textures can wear their hair out everyday, but some folks prefer type 4 to jeep their hair hidden, or even relaxed.​

 

[LoveLongLocks]

We want to teach our children to love and respect themselves, as well as others. So, what is appropriate for one occassion may not be for the next - good judgement is called for to make a good decision. All textures and curl patterns are different, and as long as a child is well groomed with reasonable efforts then a wash and go may be appropriate. There is no reason to damage or destroy your childs hair with a blow out, or damaging styles. I do wash and go's for my daughter and I... ppl can love it or hate it, but this is the hair that we were born with...

 

[my1goodnerve]

I kinda feel like it's not my business to determine how someone else's child should wear his/her hair. Can you imagine being young and confident and finally convincing the grown up in your life to let you wear your hair loose and free regardless of texture, only to walk out of the house and see a bunch of adults shaking their heads in disapproval at your choice of style?

 

[wavezncurlz]

I have a 4 year old with 3bc hair and for the most part she keeps it in some kind of protective style. and it's not because I think it looks unkempt out but it's a helluva crying session when it comes time to finally comb it. She's very active and even when it's in twists or pony's, it looks like "who did it and why" at the end of the day. I'd never let her wear it out at preschool. She has worn it out for church and special occasions. Maybe when she gets older and figures that it is best to leave it alone during the day.

 

[pringe]

please this is my pet peeve. I dont care how u style it but it needs to be neat. i know kids mess up their hair but pull a comb through it and PLEASE put some moisturizer in it. that really is my pet peeve to see fly momma's and their children rnt as fly. to me ur children should be fly first and then u.

 

[venusd]

I have to agree with the 3bc hair, my youngest daughter is 6 and I feel as if I don't put it in a nice and neat ponytail or slicked back then she looks a hot mess. Not to mention, she has broken edges due to this style. Now my oldest daughter,14, has 4b hair very thick and I was trying to get her pretty close to natural, however over the summer she went to her grandmothers and they slapped a perm in her hair. I get tired of the "what their hair should look like" comments. Oh her hair is a mess, or why didn't someone do her hair? Get over it. I have two daughters with very different hair textures, I am not mixed, my husband is not mixed, but we get "well it's somewhere in your family" What? Granted children should be well taken care of and look presentable, but a lot of parents don't know the proper way of caring for their own hair let alone their children's. I know I had no clue until I found this site, grease was my way. Now I teach them to co-wash, condition and moisturize. And for Wayne Brady's daughter, totally cute, not her fault, but doesn't Wendy have hairdressers for her guests (even if it is the guests children) Just my thoughts, have a great day!!!

 

[Aspire]

This is a serious peeve for me, because I see this all the time.

I firmly believe that a child's hair should reflect care on the parent's part - not laziness. I hate to see a child's hair that is raggedy - up or down. Too often I see parents who are blinging from their hair follicles to their toenails dragging some poor dirty unkempt child behind them. I am not talking about dirty from a day at school, but unkempt as in there is no one that really gives a darn about them. Their hair is dirty, broken, and matted with puffy lazy locks/twists or half-asinine braids in the name of keeping their hair "natural" - and it did not matter the grade of the hair.

I have also seen little girls with very neat afros, twists, locks, braids, braid-outs, comb-outs etc. and it is clear that someone cares about how they look.

So to get back to the original question, I do not mind when biracial children have their hair out (or all black children for that matter) - but it needs to be clean and neat. Not left out because your lazy, selfish, butt does not have the desire to do, or learn to do your child's hair.

 

[BostonMaria]

This is a serious peeve for me, because I see this all the time.

I firmly believe that a child's hair should reflect care on the parent's part - not laziness. I hate to see a child's hair that is raggedy - up or down. Too often I see parents who are blinging from their hair follicles to their toenails dragging some poor dirty unkempt child behind them. I am not talking about dirty from a day at school, but unkempt as in there is no one that really gives a darn about them. Their hair is dirty, broken, and matted with puffy lazy locks/twists or half-asinine braids in the name of keeping their hair "natural" - and it did not matter the grade of the hair.

You couldn't have said it better! I send my 11 yr old DD to her father's house and she comes home looking a hot mess. He has no idea how to do her hair and I want to keel him LOL She has 3B hair but if you don't moisturize and detangle every day her hair will loc up and matte like crazy. I feel like if she's walking around the mall like that people must think her momma don't love her