White Adoptive Mom of Two African Little Girls

[JaneBond007]

I won't give the link, just have a question. The lady has great products to groom their hair such as Tangle Teezer, coconut oil, natural hair care salon products but she trims them every 2 weeks. Their hair is 1 inch resting, 4-5 stretched out. Thing is, it seems she prefers to keep it in a twa. I dunno, continuously cutting the hair so it's short but saying she wants them to enjoy their natural texture...??? Eh, maybe it's just me. No bands for little pony tails nor allowing it to grow out...hmmm. She means well but natural hair doesn't have to look quasi unkempt and unstyled, even in its natural state. Does that sound like she still needs help?

 

[nlamr2013]

I'd but short cut is probably easier for her to maintain

 

[BostonMaria]

Its probably easier for her to do their hair that way. I personally would never cut my DD's hair every 2 weeks. She'd literally be bald.

 

[LdyKamz]

I'm sure she knows cutting hair every 2 weeks won't get you any length. So it looks to me that she's keeping it that way because it's easier for her.

But her not doing any styles other than a twa may mean that she needs help in that area? Lots of people are style challenged...white and black alike.

 

[Dee Raven]

Some parents prefer their children with shorter hair. I'm always shocked by the number of little girls I see with not even a bob. They have little boy haircuts. So it doesn't necessarily mean that she's having an issue with maintaining their hair, she just may prefer to deal with the shorter cut.

 

[JaneBond007]

I got that, but these are Black girls and they still have the same orphanage hairstyle. Hm, they are literally "bald." How many Black little girls have boy haircuts like that? Not many I've seen. How many Black women have that type of hair "style" in their standard? It's pretty excessive to cut someone's hair back every 1-2 weeks. How we stretch hair and ponytail it etc. also preserves it. She might be washing daily. Shrugs.

BTW, the mother mentions low-maintenance, even for her much longer hair. I just wish people would realize that you plan to give more time with the care of our hair, simply that. It's not rocket science and can be quite simple. But they chose African girls and when I see them around in the community here, they have much longer hair at that age. That's my concern. This lady's girls are loved and well-cared for, not knocking that at all, but if you cross racial/cultural lines, aren't you are responsible to provide and maintain their community's values? The orphanage standards are not what should be maintained but the cultural ones.



From the very beginning, I was excited about the idea of parenting two Ethiopian children, but there was one thing that filled me with anxiety every time I thought about it: How was I going to take care of their hair?

Not only has my own hair always been straight as a board, I’ve never had much skill when it comes to styling it. Sure, I’ve got the messy ponytail thing down, but beyond that, I’m hopeless. I don’t even blow-dry it unless I’m going out somewhere special. My idea of hair care has always been not to think about it too much. Which is one reason it’s long: less maintenance this way.

I remember (am I going to admit this? I guess I am…) saying a silent prayer that our children would have “easier” hair. I didn’t know much about caring for curly hair, but I did know that it’s not all the same, and I’d seen Ethiopian children with everything from semi-curly locks to ringlets to afros.

When I first laid eyes on photos of S and H, their hair was cropped very short — common with orphanage children — and those curls looked pretty tight. But it was hard to know until I met them in person — and when the day came, I was swept up in so much intensity, hair care wasn’t foremost on my mind. But I did note that, yes, these gorgeous girls had pretty tight curls.

I was always determined not to be the clueless white mom who didn’t know how to care for her brown-skinned African kids’ hair, so over the years of waiting I bookmarked websites and resources. I still have lots to learn, but so far their hair care has been easier than I thought. Granted, the first few months were tricky: One of my daughters wouldn’t let me touch her head — the lightest touch seemed to cause her pain — and she would freak out every time I tried....

Using professional haircutting scissors, I trim their hair every week or two. I love their short hair, but both girls want their hair to grow out; the little trims help maintain the shape, keep it less tangly, and prevent little fuzzies from sticking to it — one of the hazards of super curly hair.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I don't see the issue.

 

[bebezazueta]

I see the issue in her last statement where she says both girls want to grow their hair out!

Short hair may be convenient for a parent but I'll be doing whatever I can to help my babies grow long hair regardless of the texture. Especially since that's what they want and I see nothing wrong with little girls wanting long hair. Heck that's why I'm here.

 

[JaneBond007]

I know, right? It's something in the culture. I doubt there is one mother here who would "maintain" her daughter's hair like that but have apl length hair herself, easy or not. BTW, the girls are Ethiopians. It's not the culture, it's a by-product of orphanages. When adopted, those kids become "normal" and they no longer have to wear the tattered clothing of the center nor shave their heads because there are too many kids to attend to.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

my friend and her sisters had type 3 hair, and their mom kept it short when they were younger. There were 4 girls though.

I don't see this a very deep issue if they're well cared for otherwise.

 

[BranwenRosewood]

I think she's keeping it short because she doesn't know how to deal with her own straight hair so their curly hair would probably overwhelm her. She needs to join LHC and LHCF and learn how to care for her hair and her daughters hair so she can help them grow it out like they want.

 

[momi]

There are plenty of websites for white adoptive parents with hair grooming tips. Most of these ladies can out-style me. She cannot keep this up...

 

[LdyKamz]

She says the cuts help maintain the shape so I am assuming she is cutting it while it's curly. I guess the girls will just have to wait until they get older for longer hair since mom only knows how to maintain it at this length.

Another thing, their hair looks so soft and moisturized in that pic. (I'm guessing the photo is of the woman and her two girls)

 

[PureSilver]

I love their hair texture, I can bet it would be really soft and beautiful once she get the right products, techniques on how to handle and styling options.

OP is this someone you know personally, maybe you could point her in the direction of Black natural hair forums and blogs.

 

[DoDo]

Armpit length is not very long at all when your hair is as straight as a board. Also, her hair looked liked the Sahara desert next to that of her little girls. Their hair seems to have soft beautiful sheeny coils. Perhaps she needs more time to learn? At any rate, even with their twa's she seems to be putting far more effort into their hair than her own. Not all parents do that much for their children's hair. I can say this, if you are letting that hair dry out and snap off and then proceed to comb it like you hate it even with no scissors you can end up with 4-5 inches of natural hair.

So is it really better for her to get overwhelmed with a new length/thickness and then have their hair looking neglected in addition to short?

I do prefer longer hair on myself and since those little girls want to grow it out I am in full support of them being allowed to grow their hair. I am just attempting to see where she might be coming from here. Long kinky hair is time consuming even for me and with the exception of my 5 year stint in braids, either my mother or I had to deal with my texture all my life. Something I have noticed is once my texture gets past twa length which is when it reaches about chin/neck length, the whole routine needs to change, and there is a time commitment whenever you need to detangle. It may come down to something as simple as she doesn't want to spend all that time detangling natural hair.

However, she chose to adopt Ethiopian children, so the onus is on her to allow her daughters to see the full capability of their hair texture.

 

[lux10023]

idk wouldn't one go to a black salon or try an attempt to do a braid--why keep cutting the children's hair

makes no sense to me....to adopt children and take the easy route of cutting a girls hair...

 

[CaraWalker]

lots of white women seem to keep their little girls with short groomed hair. they take it for granted that it will grow back easily. growing long hair for little black girls is probably not something she thinks is a goal.

 

[BostonMaria]

my friend and her sisters had type 3 hair, and their mom kept it short when they were younger. There were 4 girls though.

I don't see this a very deep issue if they're well cared for otherwise.

I'm sure she loves them. I am glad that someone actually cared enough to adopt them. The lady sounds pretty clueless in the hair department. I wish I could redirect her to Youtube where she'd have at least some help with curly hair. Maybe she should've adopted a few boys instead LOL

 

[krissyhair]

I've seen her videos before I think.

She as a mother has not just one head of hair to take care of, but three. That's a lot to deal with. Imagine these girls running, playing, swimming and napping with waist length afro textured curls. It's not practical for her to do all that. And a lot of white children do keep short hair.

As an auntie, combing my niece's hair is overwhelming. She's only three years old with the longest hair I can imagine. I much prefer to play with her baby brother's hair because it's shorter. I got to bond with him by combing his hair. There's also less pressure to make it look good, because at that short length, styling is easy. Maybe I'm not meant to have girls of my own.

 

[emada]

I got that, but these are Black girls and they still have the same orphanage hairstyle. Hm, they are literally "bald." How many Black little girls have boy haircuts like that? Not many I've seen. How many Black women have that type of hair "style" in their standard? It's pretty excessive to cut someone's hair back every 1-2 weeks. How we stretch hair and ponytail it etc. also preserves it. She might be washing daily. Shrugs.

BTW, the mother mentions low-maintenance, even for her much longer hair. I just wish people would realize that you plan to give more time with the care of our hair, simply that. It's not rocket science and can be quite simple. But they chose African girls and when I see them around in the community here, they have much longer hair at that age. That's my concern. This lady's girls are loved and well-cared for, not knocking that at all, but if you cross racial/cultural lines, aren't you are responsible to provide and maintain their community's values? The orphanage standards are not what should be maintained but the cultural ones.

Just to point out, in many places throughout Africa, girls usually have their either cut or braided. The thought is that girls shouldn't be concerned about their hair, especially while they are school age so parents will typically keep the hair short. I wonder if this woman believes it's a cultural thing and is comfortable keeping the hair this way (along with it being easier to maintain).

 

[prettybyrd]

idk wouldn't one go to a black salon or try an attempt to do a braid--why keep cutting the children's hair

makes no sense to me....to adopt children and take the easy route of cutting a girls hair...

Right! Just take them to a salon, a very sensible solution. She doesn't have to deal with washing detangling, braiding, etc., and she can ask the stylist how to maintain it. The stylist can even show the girls how to manage their own hair a little.

 

[Ogoma]

My only fear is she will pass her "fear" and apprehension about their hair onto them. Kids pick up on so much so she should get over it quickly so they don't develop a complex about their hair. Regardless of what she/they decide to do to it, that hair texture will always be growing out of their scalp.

 

[danniegirl]

I got that, but these are Black girls and they still have the same orphanage hairstyle. Hm, they are literally "bald." How many Black little girls have boy haircuts like that? Not many I've seen. How many Black women have that type of hair "style" in their standard? It's pretty excessive to cut someone's hair back every 1-2 weeks. How we stretch hair and ponytail it etc. also preserves it. She might be washing daily. Shrugs.

BTW, the mother mentions low-maintenance, even for her much longer hair. I just wish people would realize that you plan to give more time with the care of our hair, simply that. It's not rocket science and can be quite simple. But they chose African girls and when I see them around in the community here, they have much longer hair at that age. That's my concern. This lady's girls are loved and well-cared for, not knocking that at all, but if you cross racial/cultural lines, aren't you are responsible to provide and maintain their community's values? The orphanage standards are not what should be maintained but the cultural ones.



i fount the blog and the girls look very cute with there short hair cuts very cute so im not mad and its not unkeep so whats the problem.

 

[CarLiTa]

Aww I hope she learns how to grow out their hair. I saw many renditions of the Ethiopian traditional hairstyles last week and they're quite pretty and seem low maintenance. Large cornrows that are unplaited for the last 5th of the braid. Or small cornrows designed in a shape that can be kept for a while. All very nice and fitting for little girls.

 

[Urban]

Just to point out, in many places throughout Africa, girls usually have their either cut or braided. The thought is that girls shouldn't be concerned about their hair, especially while they are school age so parents will typically keep the hair short. I wonder if this woman believes it's a cultural thing and is comfortable keeping the hair this way (along with it being easier to maintain).

Thank you.

It's very normal in Africa, especially during school. A lot of schools even have it as a rule. So to answer your question about how many little girls have boy cuts? Millions.

 

[JaneBond007]

Thank you.

It's very normal in Africa, especially during school. A lot of schools even have it as a rule. So to answer your question about how many little girls have boy cuts? Millions.

and emada

Well, we all know Africa is not a country soooo, there are differences per region and country. Point being, it's NOT normal for Ethiopia. Of course, there are some hairstyles in the country that are partly shaved, but for most, the back of the hair is long. These girls might not be those tribes. And the reason their hair is that short is that they were orphaned and it takes a lot of care for each child. They keep lice down. Well, they're adopted now and rolling in the dough and can start to look like well cared for Ethiopian girls with long hair. My point is that it is not their culture but is a result of their misfortune. Now that that is corrected, I think the mother should hang around more Ethio children in the states and see that long hair is highly valued. The girls want their hair to grow so, evidently, they are basing this off the Ethios they do know here and other races of children. Those little ones just have no hairstyle at all because adopted mommy is keeping them looking like orphanage kids.


I'll start a new thread on the short cuts for African students where their white or Indian counterparts were able to keep theirs, or Black, if they had loose curls.

 

[msbettyboop]

Just to point out, in many places throughout Africa, girls usually have their either cut or braided. The thought is that girls shouldn't be concerned about their hair, especially while they are school age so parents will typically keep the hair short. I wonder if this woman believes it's a cultural thing and is comfortable keeping the hair this way (along with it being easier to maintain).

My sisters and I weren't allowed to do anything to our hair until we each passed our junior school exams into senior school. My parents felt books should be our priority and not hair grooming. Most boarding schools where I come from follow this rule as well.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[JaneBond007]

^^^That's another issue that I'm inviting people to come in a post in.

"What went wrong? Hair Heritage in Africa" in the OT.

 

[lux10023]

every little girl wants to have long hair or a ponytail or a pretty hair beret or something

i dont know any lil girl that luvs short hair while all the other lill girls are running around with pony tails or etc--i hate when ppl do things to convenience themselves--she adopted the kids--she wanted them

would it be thattttttt hard to learn how to maintain the hair of the children you adopted--seems extremely selfish--

so their going to grow up in a yt environment with short hair while--molly and mary are running around with locks down their back--setting them up for some real hardships already--it just doesnt sit well with me at all!!!

Right! Just take them to a salon, a very sensible solution. She doesn't have to deal with washing detangling, braiding, etc., and she can ask the stylist how to maintain it. The stylist can even show the girls how to manage their own hair a little.

 

[FlowerHair]

I don't really see the problem since they are well cared for with healthy heads of hair. It might be that the mother likes their hair short or that she doesn't know how to style it when it's longer, which is common for white people.

My hair was always kept short as a child. I didn't mind, even though my sister had long hair.