"We will not lose our love, our marriage, OVER HAIR"

[naturalmanenyc]

Hubby says it's BS. Assuming this is a true story, this guy is playing on her emotions about hair to be manipulative.

Clearly he was attracted enough to her natural hair to make a second baby. JERK!!!

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

you decided to make some adjustments huh...lol

 

[danniegirl]

A man choosing to live as a woman is not just a change on the outside. It is a change in perspective and how he views himself. An outside or outer change would be growing a beard, long hair, locing his hair, adding weight. You cannot compare those more trivial items to a sex change or a person feeling like they are in the wrong gender.

Very true but what if their is no sex change involved what if he only likes to dress as a women


Sent from my iPod touch using LHCF

 

[curlyninjagirl]

From the small peek I've gotten into these two people's lives, I'd conclude that this dude is a disgusting pig and I really wouldn't care to know anything else about him.

DISCLAIMER: Notice I've given no advice about whether she should stay or go. Not up to me and I don't really care.

 

[chebaby]

I read this post over at Curly Nikki and it pissed me off. I just wanted to share. I left my commet over there already. ANNNNND GO!

Autumn writes:

I don’t even know what to call this. But it happened – FOR REAL.
Background:
I’m married – 5+ years – to a wonderful husband and father. I’m pregnant – 5 months now – with my second child and I’m an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been natural – almost 1 year – and, although it took some time for me to feel this way, I LOVE my curls.
The Drama:
My husband works from home and has watched our 2-yr old daughter from birth (SN: She has curls too and he washes and styles her hair very well during the week). About a month ago, he sent me a text at work saying we needed to talk when I got home. So, I come from work on my lunch break like I normally do. We decided to leave the house to run some errands. In the car, I asked him what he wanted to talk about. Then he said the six words that literally threw me into an immediate emotional breakdown: “WE NEED TO SPLIT UP.” Huh? What? Where is this coming from? Instant flood of tears and hyperventilating.
He never wanted me to go natural. He doesn’t like “nappy” hair. He likes straight hair. He felt that I had totally ignored his feelings by going natural in the first place, but the fact that I’ve stayed natural, despite his disdain, is even worse. It doesn’t matter that everyone else around us likes my hair. He is my husband and his opinion should matter most. When he married me I had long, straight hair. He’s not attracted to me anymore because of my hair, and therefore he felt that the best solution was to split up, instead of being disgusted with the sight of me daily. But if I straighten my hair (it doesn’t have to be a relaxer), then everything will be ok and go back to normal. Blah, blah, blah. SN: Just the week before, his close friend’s wife chemically relaxed her hair after a year of being natural because she couldn’t stand the negative feedback from her husband.
Ok, ok, ok. He probably didn’t use those exact words. But I’m pregnant, so that’s what it sounded like. I emailed my boss from my phone and said I couldn’t come back to work for personal reasons. After running our errands, I dropped him and our daughter back off at the house and drove off to clear my mind. I won’t go into all the thoughts that led me to my next actions, but I will tell you what happened.
I LOVE THIS MAN. I CANNOT IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT THIS MAN. I WILL NOT LOSE MY HUSBAND OVER HAIR. But I felt this was a deeper issue than hair, and I also felt that some information was missing from his little rant. So I went back home. I grabbed a pen and paper and went straight to our bedroom. I got in the bed under the covers and started writing. Right after I jotted down my last thought, he came in to check on me. He gave me a big hug, and waited for me to speak. Here’s what I wrote/said, and his answers.
-I have more going for me than the hair on my head. YES YOU DO.
-I’m beautiful, intelligent, stylish, in shape, a good mother, I bring home bacon just like you, and I cook it too. YES I AGREE.
-I’m pregnant with your child, how dare you bring this to me right now. I FELT LIKE YOU WERE IGNORING HOW I FELT ABOUT YOUR HAIR.
-My hair is beautiful and *I* LOVE it, no matter what anyone else says. I KNOW.
-Our daughter’s hair is beautiful, are you going to request that she straighten her hair? NO, HER HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL.
-Is your friend’s wife a better woman than I am because she relaxed her hair for her husband to make HIM happy, even though she will be unhappy? YES, I FEEL THAT WAY. BUT SHE IS NOT MY WIFE AND I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER WOMAN.
-Are you willing to give up our love, sex, family, home, future plans… all because of my hair?! NO, NEVER.
My response was: Then I cannot, WILL NOT get a chemical relaxer. So what is your REAL problem?
His response was: Well, it’s just that all the “different” styles you have been doing have been “nappy” styles. Can you please do some straight styles, and do them more often?
Of course! Why didn’t you say that in the first place boy?!
Ever since then, we’ve been back in love like usual. He touches my “nappy” hair and tells me I’m beautiful. And I still haven’t done a straight style yet, although I do plan to keep my promise – to prevent another childish rant.
Conclusion:
Turns out, he just did a really horrible job of expressing his feelings. And I did a really horrible job of acknowledging his feelings. We will not lose our love, our marriage, our life together… OVER HAIR.

Weigh in!​

so nobody is going to talk about the bolded.

 

[mscocoface]

The math in this is all JACKED!!!

Stay tuned, if this is real there will be more to tell in the future.

 

[MizzBrown]

Uhhhh... what?

First off, who said the husband was black?

Second, douchebags come in all colors. It ain't just black men who act a fool.

If this isn't the most foolish, ignorant thing I've read...

Quoted for more emphasis. Never seen such disdain for black men as I have seen on this board..

 

[lovegymnasts]

What happens if a man whats to live as a women just on the outside could you still be with him the same exact way your were with him before.

1. Wow, I'm getting a homophobic vibe.
2. If, he's transgender then that is what he is and there is nothing you can do or should do to change that. Transgender, homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual...you are who you are and that can not be changed.

 

[greenandchic]

Quoted for more emphasis. Never seen such disdain for black men as I have seen on this board..

Maybe I haven't been paying attention, but this is like, the second time I've seen it after several years of lurking. Hope that's rare.

 

[qchelle]

With some of these attitudes and that not doing AA men comment, it is not hard to understand why there are so many single women. Doesn't matter about color. All men want respect as all women want love. We can't demand this and that without willing to give as well. Sisters, be mature, stop rolling your eyes and necks talking about what all you won't do and take time to educate the brothers on your hair choices. That will lead to far more success stories.

I was waiting for this!

Oh, and is Guitarhero even AA? I didn't think she was. Let's all assume that she's not and calm down about that lol

 

[Guitarhero]

HUH?? I'm Black, is that good enough? Calm down about what? I cuzzed that dood out in my post...and well, for the sake of the CF...erased it. Now, what are you all mad about? Cuz I called him a trifling a$$ *****? He is...if he's Black

Uhhhh... what?

First off, who said the husband was black?

Second, douchebags come in all colors. It ain't just black men who act a fool.

If this isn't the most foolish, ignorant thing I've read...

Mind you, you must have missed all the other posts saying the same basic thing, right? Alluding to the fact he is black...and that black men can have stupid a$$ issues when their hair is also the same? But you chose mine for some reason. Hmmmmm....

 

[Guitarhero]

Let's not lump all AA men in one pot, cuz **** arseness is not limited to AA men

Oh, this issue. Of course not. However, I have NEVER seen a black population of people diss their own women like AA men talking about haiting how they look. I'm sorry, truth is truth. They can be some hating punk beatch a$$es... Oh, the CF ...the CF!!!! I just had to say it...I hate this situation, truly. And the woman is stupid! Sowee for the cuzzing...but I just didn't hold back! You rarely see any other ethnic group of men act like this against their own race.

With some of these attitudes and that not doing AA men comment, it is not hard to understand why there are so many single women. Doesn't matter about color. All men want respect as all women want love. We can't demand this and that without willing to give as well. Sisters, be mature, stop rolling your eyes and necks talking about what all you won't do and take time to educate the brothers on your hair choices. That will lead to far more success stories.

Psst! There are more Black men in the world other than just AA's...but they seem to have the overwhelming "problem" with their own women...

 

[yorkpatties]

Oh, this issue. Of course not. However, I have NEVER seen a black population of people diss their own women like AA men talking about haiting how they look. I'm sorry, truth is truth. They can be some hating punk beatch a$$es... Oh, the CF ...the CF!!!! I just had to say it...I hate this situation, truly. And the woman is stupid! Sowee for the cuzzing...but I just didn't hold back! You rarely see any other ethnic group of men act like this against their own race.




Psst! There are more Black men in the world other than just AA's...they seem to have the overwhelming "problem" with their own women...

Not saying I AGREE with what you said at all, but when I read your post I didn't assume you meant BLACK men in general because you specifically said AA men. There are black men from all over the world, hell, some would debate whether our President is technically AA. But I'm still going to respectfully agree to disagree with your original statement, though I do see why someone would feel this way.

 

[ladysaraii]

Oh, this issue. Of course not. However, I have NEVER seen a black population of people diss their own women like AA men talking about haiting how they look. I'm sorry, truth is truth. They can be some hating punk beatch a$$es... Oh, the CF ...the CF!!!! I just had to say it...I hate this situation, truly. And the woman is stupid! Sowee for the cuzzing...but I just didn't hold back! You rarely see any other ethnic group of men act like this against their own race.




Psst! There are more Black men in the world other than just AA's...but they seem to have the overwhelming "problem" with their own women...

Guitarhero

What's CF?

 

[Precious_P]

He probably did not want to separate. He wanted to throw some mess at her that was so hard that she would feel like she had no choice but to straighten her hair and he would get his way. (control issues) And it was probably based on some sorry advice that he got from the friend that gave his wife enough grief to relax her hair. Some men can play some serious games with a woman's emotions just to make a point or to get their way.

 

[tru4reele]

...and I'm attracted to guys with bigger penises. Ur right we need to split up.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

HUH?? I'm Black, is that good enough? Calm down about what? I cuzzed that dood out in my post...and well, for the sake of the CF...erased it. Now, what are you all mad about? Cuz I called him a trifling a$$ *****? He is...if he's Black

way too fuggin far... way too fuggin far

not even humorous

 

[Guitarhero]

Guitarhero

What's CF?

Christian Forum...like Mel Gibson, I lost my religion...

 

[snillohsss]

....................................................

 

[Guitarhero]

way too fuggin far... way too fuggin far

not even humorous

Then charge everybody else as well and spare me your selective disdain...

 

[againstallodds]

way too fuggin far... way too fuggin far

not even humorous

I agree... I usually try to respect what everyone says on the board and just SMH if I need to because every has the right to say what they want, everyone paid $6.50 to post like I did... but that comment was tasteless :/

 

[Guitarhero]

Not saying I AGREE with what you said at all, but when I read your post I didn't assume you meant BLACK men in general because you specifically said AA men. There are black men from all over the world, hell, some would debate whether our President is technically AA. But I'm still going to respectfully agree to disagree with your original statement, though I do see why someone would feel this way.

Rather than taking issue with another black woman, which I am...don't know how you missed that fact...take issue with AA men who, by the hoardes, are despising AA women by all the attitudes many are having and demonstrating as mentioned on LHCF and in the world in general. Some of you are reaching and trying to put a color spin on this. Put one on the other BLACK women who have also chimed in on their nasty behavior. I stand by my statement...any Black man who would dare mention the D-word to his wife cuz her hair is kinky... Self-hating knee-grow...or creeping on the side and using any old excuse. Y'all are tripping...and ignoring the thousands of comments elsewhere all over this forum utilizing the term.

 

[Cendra]

"Well, it’s just that all the “different” styles you have been doing have been “nappy” styles. Can you please do some straight styles, and do them more often? "

My body was tense until I read this passage. That's when I thought that, as you said, it was a simple lack of communication.

However, now I'm thinking, as some of the other ladies have said, that there's a deeper issue here. My question is: is he always jumping the gun and miscommunicating......or is this a one-time thing? If the former, I'm inclined to think that miscommunication/lack is the issue. If the latter......I'm not so sure. erplexed

 

[yorkpatties]

Rather than taking issue with another black woman, which I am...don't know how you missed that fact...take issue with AA men who, by the hoardes, are despising AA women by all the attitudes many are having and demonstrating as mentioned on LHCF and in the world in general. Some of you are reaching and trying to put a color spin on this. Put one on the other BLACK women who have also chimed in on their nasty behavior. I stand by my statement...any Black man who would dare mention the D-word to his wife cuz her hair is kinky... Self-hating knee-grow...or creeping on the side and using any old excuse. Y'all are tripping...and ignoring the thousands of comments elsewhere all over this forum utilizing the term.

He was a trifling MF no matter how you sliced it. You're right, I don't believe the husband in the stories race was mentioned. How would we all have felt if the husband in question was a White, Indian, Asian man married to a "nappy-headed" black women.

And I agree that all too often the hate we get is from our own, but don't forget, there is plenty of hate for us out there on the other side too. Some of us here date outside our race too but still have love for our brothers, fathers, friends.

Did I mention that this fictional man from this fictional story is still a piece of sh!t? Got us all talking sh!t too.

 

[reeko43]

I was waiting for this!

I wish I could say it 100 more times. Some lessons are hard to learn because most of us feel we already have the answers. I see my former mindset in many posts on this thread. There are many reasons why there a lot of single women that are not the fault of women. However, there are certainly reasons and ways of thinking that are our own undoing.

 

[Bluetopia]

what a sad little story. i wish i could go back in time and unread it.

this can't be real life

 

[reeko43]

Psst! There are more Black men in the world other than just AA's...but they seem to have the overwhelming "problem" with their own women...

Psst, I am well aware that AA men are not the only Black men in the world. However, as one who has a father, husband, two brothers, other relatives, friends and many many roll models who happen to be AA men, I find this statement to be an insult not only to AA men but to AA women as well.

 

[Guitarhero]

He was a trifling MF no matter how you sliced it. You're right, I don't believe the husband in the stories race was mentioned. How would we all have felt if the husband in question was a White, Indian, Asian man married to a "nappy-headed" black women.

And I agree that all too often the hate we get is from our own, but don't forget, there is plenty of hate for us out there on the other side too. Some of us here date outside our race too but still have love for our brothers, fathers, friends.

Did I mention that this fictional man from this fictional story is still a piece of sh!t? Got us all talking sh!t too.

Hell, even angrier...I just got through dealing with this Lakota fool (fullblood) who has a BLACK INDIAN wife...helllloooo! She has kinks. He made a stupid comment to another black women about her "nappy" hair. We tore him to shreds...So, why did he marry one then??? OP-man, he ain't all that fictional, I hear people saying these things from time to time...and they are, well.......freaking trifling. But then again, I know of a white man whose wife was a red head for the longest...then she allowed her blond to grow out...he became disinterested in her. Equally trifling...but see, there were no common "naps" between them. I hear Black men with their general complaints all the time, thinking they are confiding in someone who understands....ach! I give up.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

With some of these attitudes and that not doing AA men comment, it is not hard to understand why there are so many single women. Doesn't matter about color. All men want respect as all women want love. We can't demand this and that without willing to give as well. Sisters, be mature, stop rolling your eyes and necks talking about what all you won't do and take time to educate the brothers on your hair choices. That will lead to far more success stories.

There is a thin line between compromise and encroaching on someone's personal freedom when it comes to hair and personal preferences in general. I had a talk with my dh and educated him as much as I could during my transition. My natural hair was best for ME, it is on my head after all, and if had the nerve to threaten me if I didn't perm it I would have to reevaluate my choice in a husband.

At what point do we as women get to draw the line?? It is NOT ok for a man to dictate your hair choices, the same way no man would allow his wife to tell him how to shave or cut his hair. You can talk all you want but the choice belongs to you.

 

[reeko43]

likewtr4chklit, I do understand what you saying and yes there is a line. I don't know the whole story between the couple in the story. However, my point is, before we get ready to go off, kick someone to the curb, etc. we need to examine our own behavior to see how we may be contributing to the situation by our actions.

My post was not about allowing a man to dictate. It is about letting your spouse know you hear and acknowledge their objection whether you agree or disagree. The man wanted to be heard. Obviously, he felt that his opinion didn't matter. His negative reaction wasn't warranted but it got him heard. The wife has now reinforced a negative behavior. I am sure that if they sat down and talked her decision out as oppposed to "this is my hair and I can do what I want with it", it may not have resulted in what happened.

My grandmother always told me, enough is enough only after you have done ALL in your power to make it right. Once you've done that, you can walk away with no regrets.