"We will not lose our love, our marriage, OVER HAIR"

Noryette said:
@naturalgyrl5199
Glad it worked out! Did you have any girlfriends say "Gyyyrrrlll, you need to leave his triflin behind and be single like us! :nono:
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You know it!!! People don't realize that leaving is easy. And if we would've broken up because of that, then that really would've been immature...And....he wouldn't have become my biggest natural fan....He learned a lot too.
 
Noryette said:
naturalgyrl5199
Glad it worked out! Did you have any girlfriends say "Gyyyrrrlll, you need to leave his triflin behind and be single like us! :nono:
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Why is every single woman who advises that someone leaves their SO/DH seen as thirsty/lonely/vindictive?

This isn't really directed at you, I have just noticed this tone here and IRL
I personally don't advocate telling wives to leave their husbands unless there is abuse or chronic disrespect....but the single women who do shouldn't be seen as jealous because of that. It is very easy to get a man. Any one of us could do that in a heartbeat....I think there is this misconception that if you are a single woman it's because you can't get a man which is straight BS
 
Here's my thing, I'm not going to tell anyone to leave anyone cause you can't come and stay with me.

And...if he's acting like a punk over some here he acts like one over other things I'm sure of. Now I'm sure he gave indication of acting like a little B before they got married and if you chose to deal with that, that's on you. YOU gotta deal with that monster.

I know my limitations and folks acting like little B's....I can't go for that.

But just like she is putting up with how he acts there are others putting up with some other stuff that their mates are doing. So make sure you pull the planks out of your eyes before pointing out the splinters in anyone else's.
 
lesedi said:
Why is every single woman who advises that someone leaves their SO/DH seen as thirsty/lonely/vindictive?

This isn't really directed at you, I have just noticed this tone here and IRL
I personally don't advocate telling wives to leave their husbands unless there is abuse or chronic disrespect....but the single women who do shouldn't be seen as jealous because of that. It is very easy to get a man. Any one of us could do that in a heartbeat....I think there is this misconception that if you are a single woman it's because you can't get a man which is straight BS
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I wish more single ladies were "pro-relationship" or pro marriage. I know when I was single I was always one of the few people saying, work it out...give him a chance, etc. I wasn't always like that...I had to grow into that. While many singles find it hard to be happy for their friends who are in relationships, its true that not all singles are like that. I know many singles who are sinlge, & lovin it, but are always open and hopeful for their own future-as far being in a relationship 1 day.
 
Some people on here are a bit ridiculous imho.

Is hair that serious? Granted there may be other issues which of course should be addressed (control issues, is he looking at other women, etc) but someone who would really break up with their husband before they relaxed their hair is a bit nutso to me.

I'm not saying that she should, but come on yall, leave him? Or my favorite ones - I wish my man would!!!!!!!!!

Like it's hair, its not that serious. Just my humble opinion.
 
Yes but sista is not the one who threatened to end the relationship, mista did. It is HE who took it so far as to say LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF! It's not like he said, "I don't like your hair" and she told him to start packing. She is PREGNANT with child #2 and HE said I want out! If anyone thinks a relaxer will put an end to their problems, I have a bridge to sell you! :look:

DaughterOfZion1 said:
Some people on here are a bit ridiculous imho.

Is hair that serious? Granted there may be other issues which of course should be addressed (control issues, is he looking at other women, etc) but someone who would really break up with their husband before they relaxed their hair is a bit nutso to me.

I'm not saying that she should, but come on yall, leave him? Or my favorite ones - I wish my man would!!!!!!!!!

Like it's hair, its not that serious. Just my humble opinion.
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And I wouldn't dare tell anyone to leave their spouse because my couch is occupied by my cat and you can't come stay with me. I can only state what I think I might do in a similar situation. You get to write your own story.
 
lesedi said:
Why is every single woman who advises that someone leaves their SO/DH seen as thirsty/lonely/vindictive?

This isn't really directed at you, I have just noticed this tone here and IRL
I personally don't advocate telling wives to leave their husbands unless there is abuse or chronic disrespect....but the single women who do shouldn't be seen as jealous because of that. It is very easy to get a man. Any one of us could do that in a heartbeat....I think there is this misconception that if you are a single woman it's because you can't get a man which is straight BS
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I'll agree, it is "easy" to get a man. What isn't so easy is for two people to make a life long marriage commitment to each other and maintain it through the good, the bad, the ups and downs, when the other person acts good and when they act ugly. Everybody is human, imperfect and has faults. When you are married you will encounter your spouses shortcomings at some point and at those times you have to dig deep to maintain your commitment rather than just say "lose my number" like I said to men when I was single and dating, Lol.

But it's true, when I was single, I was single by choice. I hadn't found the person that I felt had the qualities to be my life long partner. And I could have chosen to always be in a relationship just for the sake of having a man but I was mature enough, independent enough and had enough self esteem to be happy being without a man. But looking back now, as a married woman, I see there was personal growth that needed to happen within me so that I would be able to keep a good man once I met him.


I'm in my second year of marriage and when I look back on my "single self", there's been a lot of personal growth. As a married woman I had to become more tolerant, patient, selfless, slower to anger, more giving and forgiving. If someone told me this when I was single (and people did), I heard what they were saying but I didn't really understand it because I had not experienced marriage for myself yet.
 
yorkpatties said:
Yes but sista is not the one who threatened to end the relationship, mista did. It is HE who took it so far as to say LET'S CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF! It's not like he said, "I don't like your hair" and she told him to start packing. She is PREGNANT with child #2 and HE said I want out! If anyone thinks a relaxer will put an end to their problems, I have a bridge to sell you! :look:
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Thank you! The issue was never about him not liking her hair. I understand a man not liking his wife's hair (I dont understand hurtful putdowns), I mean if he doesnt like ti, he doesnt like it. I would advise people to try osme alternatives: flat ironing, different styles, wigs, give it time (as we see, some people's tune changes once the hair grows).

The problem here was about how he expressed himself. he walked up to a pregnant woman and said we need to split up b/c i dont like your hair. he spoke it into existance. Not her. That callousness would be enough to make me start wondering about our relationship b/c if you can pull this move with me over this, what else are you capable of? Is this really the issue? What are you hiding?

This was about waaaay more than hair (at least IMO)
 
LOL! I still say I WISH my man would! & I told him that last night and we had a good laugh. ...
"I work at pleasin' me 'cause I can't please u, and thst's why I do what I do"...Ms Badu 4 u :)

My husband doesn't wash dishes...EVER...i've told him over & over i'm gonna leave his *** and find a man that does dishes...LOL!
 
discodumpling said:
LOL! I still say I WISH my man would! & I told him that last night and we had a good laugh. ...
"I work at pleasin' me 'cause I can't please u, and thst's why I do what I do"...Ms Badu 4 u :)

My husband doesn't wash dishes...EVER...i've told him over & over i'm gonna leave his *** and find a man that does dishes...LOL!
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LMAO!! I'm so happy you brought up the dishes :grin:. It's only year 2 of marriage so I'm hoping by year 4 or 5 (or before kids) DH will finally help with the dishes on regular.

It's so funny because when I was single, I was like , I will never have the problem of cleaning up after a grown man, I'm not going to do it. Either he cleans up after his self or it will stay dirty... I had all the answers about how I'd handle that situation and many others. Hello...reality check. Ize murried now, and now I realize it's not quite that simple :lol:
 
Napp said:
Hmm i think she looks with it better straight.... it could be the makeup in the natural pics thats throwing me off...its a drastic change compared to her BC....
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I agree. She looks more youthful with straight hair. The pictures of her with shrunken natural hair on CurlyNikki's site make her look older, except for this picture:

1zedu7q.jpg
 
empressri said:
Here's my thing, I'm not going to tell anyone to leave anyone cause you can't come and stay with me.

And...if he's acting like a punk over some here he acts like one over other things I'm sure of. Now I'm sure he gave indication of acting like a little B before they got married and if you chose to deal with that, that's on you. YOU gotta deal with that monster.

I know my limitations and folks acting like little B's....I can't go for that.

But just like she is putting up with how he acts there are others putting up with some other stuff that their mates are doing. So make sure you pull the planks out of your eyes before pointing out the splinters in anyone else's.
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But with all due respect, (you know I love ya!) we're not asking for support and advice regarding our relationships (at least most of us are not). Lord knows I cant talk. I had a husband who abused me mentally, financially and physically at one time so if that's not a plank, I don't know what is. I dealt with it in due time, but if I were to air my dirty laundry out in cyberspace, I would have to had brace myself for whatever responses I got.
 
I don't see myself leaving a husband over this. I would no doubt be pissed about it, especially if he came to me with this b.s while I was pregnant, but sometimes men can be clueless and selfish.

Now, I can't lie - had he said to me "let's end this" or whatever he said, I might have been tempted to call his bluff and say "bye!!" At this rate, anytime he wants to get his way he'll be saying "let's end this." Although the op said she hasn't straightened her hair yet, so it seems they both are just talking out the side of their necks.
 
The times I went natural before I stayed with it forever, there were people in my life who were just as opinionated. I agree: this is more than just hair. There are other issues. I was given the same ultimatum. It didn't last!:grin:

Her husband may grow to love it, as mine did. He was almost very against it in the beginning. But now, fact, when I do blow my hair out, he complains!!:lachen::lol:
 
This would be akin to divorcing a man solely because he had a fade when you married but decided to grow dreads. It's too ridiculous to be credible. She seems to be taking his words too much at face value.

How about this? He says he's not being heard. Could this have anything to do with the fact that he's been put in a traditionally feminine role where he's the caregiver-even down to doing the child's hair? I noticed how she made it clear that she brings home the bacon, and cooks it. What does that have to do with anything? I wonder if she is unwittingly sending him the continual message that she's independent of him and that this hair thing is another expression of that. She might feel that he's wonderful because he fits into *her* life to support it, but maybe he's dissatisfied with that dynamic.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670
 
I do not like divorce. However, I'd let him go, just so I could present the case to a judge. Ma'am why are we here today? I'd say, "My husband left me over my nappy hair and my lack of desire to straighten it." The nerve of that man!

ETA: I am just kidding about the divorce. :lol:
 
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I told my cousin about this thread and she said the wife should tell him to grow his hair out and relax it ( a la Katt williams) too:lachen::lachen:
 
nicola.kirwan said:
This would be akin to divorcing a man solely because he had a fade when you married but decided to grow dreads. It's too ridiculous to be credible. She seems to be taking his words too much at face value.

How about this? He says he's not being heard. Could this have anything to do with the fact that he's been put in a traditionally feminine role where he's the caregiver-even down to doing the child's hair? I noticed how she made it clear that she brings home the bacon, and cooks it. What does that have to do with anything? I wonder if she is unwittingly sending him the continual message that she's independent of him and that this hair thing is another expression of that. She might feel that he's wonderful because he fits into *her* life to support it, but maybe he's dissatisfied with that dynamic.

Sent from my LS670 using LS670
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Never thought about that, but it sounds very feasible in this instance. What does her bringing home the bacon have to do with anything?? Very interesting point and I think you may be right.

It seems like he may be tired of not being heard in any regard, including how she chooses to wear her hair.
 
Ladybelle said:
Never thought about that, but it sounds very feasible in this instance. What does her bringing home the bacon have to do with anything?? Very interesting point and I think you may be right.

It seems like he may be tired of not being heard in any regard, including how she chooses to wear her hair.
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I get that:yep: but is there no other way for him to get his point across but to threaten divorce? It seems immature to me
 
lesedi said:
I get that:yep: but is there no other way for him to get his point across but to threaten divorce? It seems immature to me
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I'm only guessing, but I would assume it was a last resort because it seems he'd been trying to get her attention about it and she just wasn't listening. His dissent went in one ear and out of the other because she felt like she could do what she wanted.
 
ManeStreet married for 11 yrs and together for 10 before that...I can count on one hand how many times he's washed the dishes ...& although I cuss often about it this was never a deal breaker. Now i'm sure some chick is chicken neckin' talkin' bout "hayl to the nawww my man BET do some dishes OR ELSE.....everyone has their limits..
 
DDTexlaxed said:
This is nothing new. How many natural ladies state that they don't get male attention they used to when they were relaxed?:rolleyes: The poster's issue may be more bigger than that, but, ladies, just be REAL.:yep: I'd relax in a hot second if my hubby asked me to. I just don't think it is all that important to be honest.:look:
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But would you relax your hair for your husband or for you? I don't really follow this section that often but IIRC you fluctuate being BCing and relaxing. If that is the case, it's really not a major deal if you did relax to please him.

reeko43 said:
It is hard to tell what is really going on from the limited information provided in the story. I will say though, and it has been brought up, that we do need to pay attention to our spouse's needs.

My husband was against me going natural. Did I tell him to kiss my ***, kick rocks, roll my eyes and neck and tell him I don't care what he thinks? I took the time to educate him on my decision. I told him that what he feels about my decision does matter to me because I love him and I would hope he would consider how I feel in the decisions he makes. He asked for a compromise. DH asked that I do not cut my hair off but grow out gradually. He also asked that I straighten my hair once in a while.

Fast forward to today. DH no longer wants me to straighten my hair. He states he has grown to love my hair. He has done his own research on natural hair and asked for imiput from women at his job. I know that he really respects that I was willing to compromise.

If the story was true, the guy was dead wrong. However, I wouldn't be surprised if the wife had that same "I don't give a &*$# what you think attitude that is displayed in this thread. I believe they were both wrong and may need some outside help with communication and compromise.

With some of these attitudes and that not doing AA men comment, it is not hard to understand why there are so many single women. Doesn't matter about color. All men want respect as all women want love. We can't demand this and that without willing to give as well. Sisters, be mature, stop rolling your eyes and necks talking about what all you won't do and take time to educate the brothers on your hair choices. That will lead to far more success stories.
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I understand all that you wrote. Makes sense. However, why are you still debating on whether to keep being natural or to relax, as per your siggy? Is transitioning difficult? Do you miss straight hair?
 
Geminigirl said:
All I know is as much as ya'll down single mothers on here and uphold marriage so highly, ya'll tell a chick to leave her marriage in a heartbeat lol. That's all.
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That's because they waiting for her to leave her man, so they can take him to marry :lol:
 
Ladybelle said:
I don't see myself leaving a husband over this. I would no doubt be pissed about it, especially if he came to me with this b.s while I was pregnant, but sometimes men can be clueless and selfish.

Now, I can't lie - had he said to me "let's end this" or whatever he said, I might have been tempted to call his bluff and say "bye!!" At this rate, anytime he wants to get his way he'll be saying "let's end this." Although the op said she hasn't straightened her hair yet, so it seems they both are just talking out the side of their necks.
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BINGO!
SMH @ men...mine included.
 
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