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my WORRIES about natural Hair!

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I’ve been with my husband for 21 years. When he 1st met me I was in a weave. Then I stopped weaving around 10 years ago. Had short (8” – 10”) relaxed hair. Got tired of fooling with it. Had my last relaxer 9/2009; Announced my decision to my husband to stop relaxing. He said Okay! BC’d 4/2010. HE LOVES MY TWA and gives me my space to do my thing twice a week and twisting every night. (He’s so intrigued by the natural products I use and the oils, tea/herb rinses, etc., that he started letting me henna his ‘fro and using my products on his hair.)

I don’t know that I could have BC’d w/o his loving support. I guess the fact that he grew up with 4 sisters allowed him to know and see what afro-textured hair was all about. None of his sisters ever got relaxers.

I told him the loving relationship I’m having with my hair has freed me beyond belief and I don’t know if I’ll ever straighten my hair again. It is so easy to take care of. And the fact that my hair grows so slowly will allow me to get used to the length as I go along and I don’t anticipate any insurmountable problems as it gets longer.

I have no advice other than to be yourself and focus on your goals. You cannot change people’s mind in their stereotypical thinking and their dislike of our hair in its natural state.
 
tHeHaIRLaB said:
what? u wouldn't be suprised if who did? the baby? really? so that's how your family get's down?
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I think she meant it as, most people Relax their kids hair at an early age and some at 2-3 years old. So if your niece was relaxed she wouldn't be surprised. But I think it was just a general statement, not nothing to offend you or your Family.
 
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SignatureBeauty said:
OMG:nono: Girl, no he didn't, I am glad you are still on the Natural Board, he just don't like the Shortness, he will come around when it gets Longer, I am so sorry he said that to you, that had to have Hurt.:sad:
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Thanks ladies. That't the reality of chopping it all off. Honestly, chopping hair off isn't fun. He knows my reasons for doing so but yet can be so outright ignorant. It's cool though. I have LHCF to thank. His statement is only ignorance at it's best. I'm not going to change my hair because he doesn't like it. He's going to have to sit tight and deal with it like we do with everything else....meaning until it grows out.
I just so happen to be married to someone who does not like short hair and he just so happen to be married to someone who does....well I love long hair too but ya'll know what I mean.

BTW, in my weave wearing days, he thought my hair was long....I didn't know that he didn't know my hair was purchased. :fishslap::covereyes:lachen:
 
I have no advice...But this thread has made me love my dh so much more....because he tells me I am beautiful no matter what, short hair, nappy hair, tangled hair, matted hair, frizzed to hell and back hair...none of it phases him....Hell he even fluffs it up when I wake up in the morning and it is all flat.....He is very supportive and he knows it is just hair.....I think it bothers me more than it ever would him.....We have been married for three years but it was like this from onset
I think when two people can accept each other despite their flaws, bad hair days and such that is when you truly know this is the person that will always support me through it all....and that he is a keeper.
 
I've never had a problem with DH disliking my natural hair. Not that it matters because it's my hair and I'll do whatever the heck I want to do with it. I'm not natural for the sake of pleasing DH or any other man. I'm natural for ME. Anybody that has a problem with it can straight up kiss my :censored: on a day I have really bad gas.
 
Just go for it! I didn't even know how much my DF loved natural hair until I actually did it. He plays in my hair more than I do :giggle: I thought about when I was relaxed, and he never said anything about my hair, and never noticed if I did anything to it. I totally agree with ParagonTresses, as well.

And Diva...I'm soooo sorry you have to hear that from the person who should be a source of encouragement in your life. Hopefully it's like the other ladies have said and he's just not used to the length, but he doesn't have to say it like that.
 
DivaD04, have you ever had a talk with him about the things he says? Yes, I know it's just ignorance as you say, and you are not giving up on your natural journey :clap:, but it's gotta be hurtful! i mean, you shouldn't HAVE to slap on a scarf or a wig unless you want to....i know it's gotta be hot under that thang in the summertime!

my ex grew up in a family where if you didn't have a FRESH relaxer, you were looked down on...and he had a pretty negative reaction when i first bc'd....so i told him where he AND his brother in law could go. you're right, he's a lot better about it now that my hair is longer (esp since i make a special trip to, uh, "visit his mother" when it's blown out) but still...i had to let him know it was just one of those things he was gonna have to either get used to or at least shut up about in my presence.

take this with a grain of salt since i am not married, but if he loved you enough to put a ring on it, he should love your hair as well. i'm not saying he has to be one of these husbands bragging about his wife's natural hair and trying to check girls with short chewed-up hair on what they need to be doing, but bad-mouthing you? nuh uh!
 
My husband loves my hair because he loves me. He's a BM who consciously married a BW and I was natural when he met me so he knew what I was working with from the beginning. The only thing he has ever expressed about my hair is that he's glad I appreciate the way God made me. If it matters, I'm a coarse 3c/4a and my husband is a shiny 3a/3b. I've noticed, that women who are with men of a different ethnicity or who have a looser curl pattern struggle a little bit more with this issue.

Anyway, it's best you find out now so you can replace [him] if need be.
 
My DH was upset that I shaved my head bald, but if I could do it over again I would have Transitioned, because having a Twa can get frustrated after a while. But he likes my hair Relaxed,Texlaxed, Natural,In Rollers etc. But I know most don't have that support when they BC.
 
My SO is actually the one who incouraged me to stop relaxing. He was so happy when i cut my hair into that 1inch twa! He loves any kind of thick curly/afro hair. So i have always felt totally comfortable with wearing my hair shurken around him.

As far as swimming, i havent went yet. But i will probably be doin twist into a ponytail.. But when my hair gets longer i will probably wear it up in a very well moisturized top knot.
 
lilsparkle825 said:
DivaD04, have you ever had a talk with him about the things he says? Yes, I know it's just ignorance as you say, and you are not giving up on your natural journey :clap:, but it's gotta be hurtful! i mean, you shouldn't HAVE to slap on a scarf or a wig unless you want to....i know it's gotta be hot under that thang in the summertime!

my ex grew up in a family where if you didn't have a FRESH relaxer, you were looked down on...and he had a pretty negative reaction when i first bc'd....so i told him where he AND his brother in law could go. you're right, he's a lot better about it now that my hair is longer (esp since i make a special trip to, uh, "visit his mother" when it's blown out) but still...i had to let him know it was just one of those things he was gonna have to either get used to or at least shut up about in my presence.

take this with a grain of salt since i am not married, but if he loved you enough to put a ring on it, he should love your hair as well. i'm not saying he has to be one of these husbands bragging about his wife's natural hair and trying to check girls with short chewed-up hair on what they need to be doing, but bad-mouthing you? nuh uh!
Click to expand...
I'm not sure if I'm ready just yet. It's so hurtful that I can't be mad. I walk around like it's all good because I don't feel like fighting over bs. I will let it be known just not know since it's still a fresh statement. The very reason why I have yet to give him some lovin'

BlackMasterPiece said:
/\ Question, why didn't you do a long-term transition instead?
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Me? Because I was losing my hair from it itching so much that I'd scratched it to death. I lost hair all the way down to the scalp in patches. He knew I was dealing with that. My scalp was so bad that I would need immediate relief. I love having hair on my head but I was going through some major scalp issues. It's been almost 2 months since my scalp has itched. And my hair is growing back...slowly but surely.
 
@DivaD04

I got tha JUICE!
Me? Because I was losing my hair from it itching so much that I'd scratched it to death. I lost hair all the way down to the scalp in patches. He knew I was dealing with that. My scalp was so bad that I would need immediate relief. I love having hair on my head but I was going through some major scalp issues. It's been almost 2 months since my scalp has itched. And my hair is growing back...slowly but surely.[/QUOTE]
:drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk:

so how did you cure the itchies????
MY GOD THAT'S MY ISSUE....have tried everything
willing to donate my 1st born if you can offer me a REAL SOLUTIONS :lachen:
 
tHeHaIRLaB said:
@DivaD04

I got tha JUICE!
Me? Because I was losing my hair from it itching so much that I'd scratched it to death. I lost hair all the way down to the scalp in patches. He knew I was dealing with that. My scalp was so bad that I would need immediate relief. I love having hair on my head but I was going through some major scalp issues. It's been almost 2 months since my scalp has itched. And my hair is growing back...slowly but surely.
Click to expand...
:drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk:

so how did you cure the itchies????
MY GOD THAT'S MY ISSUE....have tried everything
willing to donate my 1st born if you can offer me a REAL SOLUTIONS :lachen:[/QUOTE]

:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:

I went to the derm "true story," I tried everything, on market, off market, homemade 2 dermatologists, seb. poos, Olux-E:nono:, acv, asprin 'n vodka/dk alchy, everything....She took a culture..no fungus but while waiting for my results, she prescribe 3 things....2 being steroids and one fungal(doesn't work for my situation so I don't use it +thx to the test we took to eliminate).

My dermatoligist is a godsend. I thought I was going to get the usual, crap that doesn't work...............WRONG! She said I have some things that may work and if we need to switch up or go stronger:bouncegre:kisses:All I can say is, I'm on :cloud9::cupid:
She gave me Capex (Fluocinolone acetonide .01%) poo 2x's a week now I'm using only 1x/week and Clobetasol Propionate .05% 2-3 x's/wk but I don't use this anymore...no need for it.
The capex is a weekly treatment now to keep things at bay. So far, so good and I love it. I'm now trying to nurse my scalp and regenerate a healthy environment.
 
Oh damn it my post got lost in cyber land :(
Stupid internet connection....

Anyway I'll sum it up here. My DH didn't/doesn't have a choice. My hair is what it is. I let him know what was going on during my transition and he was very supportive. It surely helped that he was supportive, but I was gonna do it anyway. It was between me and God, not between me and the DH. His opinion counts of course. I always go out of my way to look appealing to him. At the same time I can't base everything I do out of his approval. He knows better than to say ANYTHING about my hair. If he wants to eat and live in a nag-free zone he betta recognize LOLOLOL

I think that maybe you need to take a step back and wonder where these questions are coming from. Looks like you had a short transition and maybe that's why you're having these thoughts. My BC was in Sept and summer time was a few months away. By the time I was ready to jump in the pool I knew that conditioner before and after would help keep my hair somewhat moisturized. I don't care WHO looks at me in the pool, I'm jumping in! I can't be bothered with who's looking at me and wondering if my hair looks a HAM. I'm too busy swimming around and having fun! And you should be too!

Don't pick a man that's going to pass you a relaxer when you ask him to pass you the toothpaste. Hair is just one part of my life that I can't change. I have big lips, a big nose, brown skin, etc.. all the things that make me the black woman I am. If a guy doesn't look past the hair then he's not worthy to be your man. Me and my nappy hair are very happy. Whoever wants to break up this happy marriage can go kick rocks! LOL
 
thanks again, great post

girl i'm like this.....more often than not once he loves you he loves you
i'm dating.... but when that day comes ALL THE KEGEL EXERCISES IN THE WORLD won't
do you justice IF THERE ISN'T ANY RAW PHYSICAL ATTRACTION---- meanwhile chicks at work doing double to GAIN HIS INTERESTS!<---both hypothetical, accounts from convo's with my ex-fiance....and ( things "I" see at work, smh -->shameful)

I THINK WHEN I GET TO A POINT WHERE I HAVE SOME VOLUME $ LENGTH .....i may see/feel more comfortable with excess shrinkage around a guy I'm crazy about

even during those relaxed days....I wasn't cool with just having a washed frizzy fro when leaving the pool or after washing..(a little bashful) around a guy i'm head over hills about! So the afro-shrinkage is just an added combo of "run for the hills"! lol (jus kidding)

I probably will just plan braids for pool sessions....and wash days in private until the comfort level increases.... no biggy

But i know I am easily turned off by a few things (pet peeves) in men as well.... just depends on the guy if it's a deal breaker'
I'd rather "he" express a little dislike about my style than LIE TO ME ABOUT IT ANYDAY!

I often wonder about women in wigs....THE FIRST TIME YOUR GUY SEES YOU PULL IT OFF AT NITE... or whenever (pool, washday, etc.) wow, do tell????
 
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I think that may be a great way to meet a man (if you so happen to meet/date is in your natural curly state). At least he'd know what to expect when he sees your hair drawn up....I think when you have it straightened he'd also know what your looks lengthwise. At least there wouldn't be any sudden surprises. idk, I'm just saying. If I was on a natural path while in dating mode, I'd ask guys if they like natural hair.

by the way I like your curls....I wish my curls were defined like yours.
 
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gurl that was soon after my chop.....maybe 3-4 mnths ago....conditioner & oil

i'm not using heat unless it's my wedding day<---by the way told my fam that they fell on the floor laughing...(lol)<<idea of my marrying

but naah i'm braids, kinky twists until grow out
 
wow?? that's harsh.

DivaD04 said:
Make sure he's on board 100%.
It's a negative for me. Dh says I look like a dike and than he reworded it to I look butch. So I, on most occasions wear my hair scarf...everywhere or a wig. Unless I have hair down my back, to him, I look like a man.
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tHeHaIRLaB said:
gurl that was soon after my chop.....maybe 3-4 mnths ago....conditioner & oil

i'm not using heat unless it's my wedding day<---by the way told my fam that they fell on the floor laughing...(lol)<<idea of my marrying

but naah i'm braids, kinky twists until grow out
Click to expand...

i feel you.
i've aways wanted kinky twists...they're so cute. do you have a specific person you go to or do you do the yourself?
i would have a fotki but i always seem to neglect to upload pictures. :perplexed:lachen:

brownbean, yes it is. very hurtful and I hate that he never not one time said any of those things about his mom who wears her hair (now) just as short but had the gall to say it to me. it's too bad that i'm married to him, i would've left him for that comment in a heartbeat.
 
@diva04
diva...no girl i'm very very very picky about folks touching my hair

when relaxed, i've always had great length, but thinning from #1BRAIDS #2 SHEDDING
so now natural....i'm doing everything myself

i learned/learning from many but BRAIDS BY SABRINA is one of the best on youtube
i tried with both ways but i like sengalese twists better
you start them as twists....you finish them as twists (check her out, holla back)
also the africans are good (usually) but not all are the same
what area are u in? kinky twists are a little high for the cost, but there are so many other styles out now

i don't like stress on my hair...thus applying myself
check out --beautiful brown baby doll<< youtube
 
He's not quite my SO yet but he has a mohawk...'nuff said :lachen: He doesn't say anything bad about my hair, but when I told him I was natural he did question why i was (I don't think any woman in his family wears their hair natural and it's very rare to see a natural woman where we are from), but it wasn't asked in a disgusted tone, he asked in an intrigued tone and I heart his 'hawk, it's kinda short now but I want him to grow it longer lol.
 
tHeHaIRLaB said:
@diva04
diva...no girl i'm very very very picky about folks touching my hair

when relaxed, i've always had great length, but thinning from #1BRAIDS #2 SHEDDING
so now natural....i'm doing everything myself

i learned/learning from many but BRAIDS BY SABRINA is one of the best on youtube
i tried with both ways but i like sengalese twists better
you start them as twists....you finish them as twists (check her out, holla back)
also the africans are good (usually) but not all are the same
what area are u in? kinky twists are a little high for the cost, but there are so many other styles out now

i don't like stress on my hair...thus applying myself
check out --beautiful brown baby doll<< youtube
Click to expand...

OMG, so true. The cost make you feel like you have to donate and arm and leg sometimes.
I'm in VA. It seems like every time I let any africans in my head, they're always yanking the comb through like they've lost there mind and my braids are always half arse....:look:. I braid my own hair as well but i have never successfully done twists.
I shall check out bbbd and
 
I didn't read through all of the responses but let me say, I met my boyfriend ~1 year in my natural journey wearing braids most of the times and experimenting with my hair between braid jobs. My boyfriend was clean shaven, suit wearing guy.

The 1st time I twist my hair, he took one look at me and told me to never do that again. The 1st time he saw my hair after the wash he called me the scary lady (lol!). Basically saying he was scared.

Let me say that we have now been married 10 years, I'm the twist queen, he now wears locs as well as our 7 yo son.

I have been noticing the he doesn't like our 5 yo daughter's hair to be "nappy". I keep telling him that her hair is fine and won't lay down like he wants. Just go with it. But I see him trying to smooth her hair up and it's starting to piss me off. So after 10 years I still have to do a little more work on him.

I guess what I'm saying is be you! Don't worry about what he thinks. If he is meant to be your man, he'll be your man.
 
MAMATO said:
Dont worry about that Sweetie, unless your sweet one is from another race, he knows what natural hair is and wears a fro too some times.

BUT....:)

You better braid your hair before getting out of this shower to avoid SSK...;)
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My SO is of another race and he doesn't care. He knew what he was getting into when he met me.:lachen::lachen:
I wouldn't worry about it, OP. Sometimes, we as women overestimate the simplicity of male sexuality.
 
tHeHaIRLaB said:

HOW DOES YOUR MAN/SO FEEL ABOUT YOUR WASH DAY...SHRINKAGE....FRO ACTION????
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DH and various exs have been fine with afro hair au naturale. They either didn't care or really like it.

DO U DARE GO SWIMMING?
Click to expand...

YES. Please. Have spent years listening to male kinfolk lament the shortage of swimming sisters. The BM swimmers want us to forget hair and come play in the water with them! :surf: They're lonely! LOL

Think about it: a woman is soaking wet in a bathing suit. How many guys are looking at her hair?

What BraveNewGirl said is true. Fine points of style, etc are lost on the little head.
 
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