"You need to get a weave" (convo with a friend)

[locabouthair]

My friend sees my hair and she's like "your hairs breaking, you should get a weave, don't act like you don't know". So I'm like well damn, I know my hair wasnt fly but I just put some steam rollers in it and I thought it looked ok. I do have breakage but it's slowly growing back. In fact I was in the mirror looking at my hair today thinking it was getting healthier and she tells me its damaged.

So she's like you need to get a weave but deep condition every week. And I'm thinking I do that already, I been doing that for two years I didnt say that though. She also asked why my hair was so brown and I told her it was sun damage and the relaxers that lightened it.

Then she's like your hair is dry (ok true) and you need to grease your scalp (I cringed at that one) and use grease or pink oil moisturizer

Then she says I should cut it off and I'm like shoot I got it trimmed two weeks ago (didnt say that though) She said you know when you cut it it will grow back real fast and I'm like oh boy

Now I never said anything about LHCF, cuz she wouldnt listen to nothing I said cuz my hair looks damaged to her.

Positive: she told me to take my vitamins

Now I know my friend means well. I'm not mad at her.

But I can not do weaves. For me to wear a weave, means I am ashamed of my hair. Thats not the case with everyone who wears them but thats just how it is for me. When I wore weaves it was because I HATED my hair this was just before LHCF. I thought I had bad hair that could never grow and thats why I wore a weave.

I'm trying, I mean REALLY trying hard not to hate this hair of mine. I trying hard not to go back to my way of thinking that my hair is this bad ugly thing. But why is this so damn hard? I mean I'm not asking for BSL or MBL I just want a nice healthy shoulder length. I feel like such a loser for struggling with this. I'm crying as I write this. Her comments today made me feel so ugly and unattractive. If hair wasnt something that framed my face, I'd given up a longggggg time ago. I just cant take this.

I was trying to take a break from the board (see siggy) because I was become too consumed with the hair thing. But its like damn, why whenever you are trying to get this things right someone reminds you of how bad youre doing.

BTW, I've havent seen this friend in over a year and she does not know about my hair goals or the site. Just needed to vent. sorry about writing a book.

 

[locabouthair]

MY REGIMEN

wash and DC every week usually with moisturefuse
moisturize every night before bed with wave nouveau and seal with castor oil
relax every 8 to 9 weeks
put lots of conditioner and oil on my ends when I relax

 

[VirtuousGal]

Tell your friend to go scratch her arse on a tree! Sometimes people mean well or are using the guise of "I mean well" to give them the excuse to be as crass and feisty as they feel. If she is your true friend she wont be to offended when you tell her to watch the way she comes at you.

Secondly, sweetie, if you see the improvement in your hair, than you know you are doing right. Its all about the health! Trimming your ends little by little as it grows out is the way to go. You also said you had been gone for a while, see if you have missed out on any new pj goodies or methods you like to try. A personal favorite of mine has been "Kiyafizzle". I've been experimenting with it and I am having a blast playing in my softer, more supple hurr.

Keep doin you toots! Get your shine on Locabouthair

 

[locabouthair]

Tell your friend to go scratch her arse on a tree! Sometimes people mean well or are using the guise of "I mean well" to give them the excuse to be as crass and feisty as they feel. If she is your true friend she wont be to offended when you tell her to watch the way she comes at you.

Secondly, sweetie, if you see the improvement in your hair, than you know you are doing right. Its all about the health! Trimming your ends little by little as it grows out is the way to go. You also said you had been gone for a while, see if you have missed out on any new pj goodies or methods you like to try. A personal favorite of mine has been "Kiyafizzle". I've been experimenting with it and I am having a blast playing in my softer, more supple hurr.

Keep doin you toots! Get your shine on Locabouthair

Thank you. I really want to give up. I have damage from stylists that I am still dealing with but its slowly getting better.

 

[Solitude]

Don't let it get you down!!! Growing hair is just like any other goal; it takes hard work. True, it is easier for some than it is for others, but you WILL achieve your goals. She probably did mean well, but you know what's best for your hair.

I had a convo with a friend just now who thinks I am crazy for washing my hair 3 times this week and for not using flat irons and for being "addicted" to hair products (I promise, my supply is minimal, just enough to do various styles at home), but I know that it will all pay off!!!

I have difficulty with weaves, too, even though I think they are very pretty and if you look @ my fotki, I have certainly worn my share of weaves. Don't feel guilty if you do decide to get one- you may have worn them because you were "ashamed" in the past, but now it will be because you are trying to PROTECT your hair, not hide it.

I hope this helps, keep us updated on your progress!

 

[Menina Preta]

Hey Loca,

I've experienced similar from a friend. Next time, tell her something like "thanks, but it's my hair and I'll do what I'll like. Let's change the topic please," to shut her arse down. Ignore her and continue doing what you're doing.

 

[Neith]

Firstly I would like to say...

I'm not sure how good of a friend she is. Yes, she was trying to give advice and help you out... but from the way you described it, she wasn't very compassionate. It seemed like she was putting you down instead of genuinely trying to lift you up.

I could be wrong, but that's my interpretation of it.

I also would like say don't be discouraged! I have grown out a whole head of extremely damaged hair... it takes TIME.

You just have to be very patient, hon. Do your research... and it takes a lot of trial and error.

If you ever need someone to listen or even talk about hair one on one, don't hesitate to PM me.
​

 

[Solitude]

Firstly I would like to say...

I'm not sure how good of a friend she is. Yes, she was trying to give advice and help you out... but from the way you described it, she wasn't very compassionate. It seemed like she was putting you down instead of genuinely trying to lift you up.

I could be wrong, but that's my interpretation of it.

I also would like say don't be discouraged! I have grown out a whole head of extremely damaged hair... it takes TIME.

You just have to be very patient, hon. Do your research... and it takes a lot of trial and error.

If you ever need someone to listen or even talk about hair one on one, don't hesitate to PM me.
​

So true! You should keep doing what you're doing. I'm just saying that if you do decide to get a weave or braids, don't feel bad about it.

 

[sikora]

Different perspective here, but perhaps it can be beneficial to you. I kinda felt like you did about weaves (being ashamed of my hair) and my hairdresser suggested that I wear weaves for a year to help my hair and after only about 6 months I've seen a bigger difference in my hair for the first time in about 18 months. (I see you mentioned that you've been deep conditioning for 2 years and still suffer breakage and dryness--I can definitely empathize).

She was a bit harsh with the "don't act like you don't know" bit and maybe you might disagree with some of her methods, but overall I think she was just trying to help and maybe that's just her way.

You don't have to get hair down your back. I wear a shoulder length weave and no one can tell.

 

[Dposh167]

um...i don't know what she's talking about. the last time i saw u loca ur hair definitely got healthier. i definitely noticed that. i don't remember if i told u or not.

maybe she's just jealous...like in a way that she noticed ur hair getting better, but didn't want to admit to it, so she exaggerated any negatives she could find about ur hair (maybe b.c. she's not too happy with her own perhaps)

 

[locabouthair]

Different perspective here, but perhaps it can be beneficial to you. I kinda felt like you did about weaves (being ashamed of my hair) and my hairdresser suggested that I wear weaves for a year to help my hair and after only about 6 months I've seen a bigger difference in my hair for the first time in about 18 months. (I see you mentioned that you've been deep conditioning for 2 years and still suffer breakage and dryness--I can definitely empathize).

She was a bit harsh with the "don't act like you don't know" bit and maybe you might disagree with some of her methods, but overall I think she was just trying to help and maybe that's just her way.

You don't have to get hair down your back. I wear a shoulder length weave and no one can tell.

I feel you. I do believe people can get great growth from weaves. I've seen it here and IRL.

But to be honest, I rarely see a weave that I cant tell. That doesnt mean they look bad, some of the styles are fly but I can tell.

Yes I do believe she was trying to help. Its just that I was trying to forget about my hair struggles and then she tells me this. I'm not mad at her just upset that my hair looks so bad I need a weave Its like my own hair is not good enough.

 

[ImFree27]

I wouldn't let her or anybody make me feel down, you shouldn't let other people's words determine how you feel. Just ignore and keep it moving and keep a smile on your face and think positive thoughts, you lose so much energy worrying about things, but if you have seen a difference in your hair then thats good, it will take tiime and the more time you put in it, the better the results..

 

[WomanlyCharm]

The way she was going on about what bad shape your hair is in (supposedly). It sounds like she may be a little jealous.
You say you've seen improvement...well, she probably sees it too. And it probably makes her feel insecure, because then her hair won't outshine yours.

With friends like that...
BTW, what does her hair look like?

 

[sikora]

I feel you. I do believe people can get great growth from weaves. I've seen it here and IRL.

But to be honest, I rarely see a weave that I cant tell. That doesnt mean they look bad, some of the styles are fly but I can tell.

Yes I do believe she was trying to help. Its just that I was trying to forget about my hair struggles and then she tells me this. I'm not mad at her just upset that my hair looks so bad I need a weave Its like my own hair is not good enough.

Hey loca, here's a pic of my hair with the extensions in. It's prob not the best, but it's the quickest I could find. Tell me if it looks obvious to you.
extnsns.jpg

 

[hopeful]

I know you have been struggling for sometime now. You are just going to have to be strong and positive for a little bit longer, okay? You just hold on. If you keep babying your hair, and trimming off that damage, you will eventually get to your goal. I so know how you feel about just wanting healthy sl hair. I just met that goal and it feels so wonderful, but I have been on LHCF for 3 1/2 years and I have been trying to get sl hair since I was 13. I was telling my dd's the other day that it took me like 30 years to get here, 30 years, that takes a lot of persistence and optimism, it would have been so easy to just throw in the towel.

I don't know much about weaves, but I will tell you this, don't sleep on wigs. So what if it looks a little fake, so what if everyone in the world knows it's a wig. I wore a wig for about 4 months two years ago. I got the fastest and best growth! My hair was a hot healthy mess underneath. I babied it and moisturized it non-stop. The focus was not on combing my hair and looking cute, it was all about giving myself and my hair a much needed break.

Do not give up and ignore your friend.

((((((HUGS))))))) to you.

 

[locabouthair]

um...i don't know what she's talking about. the last time i saw u loca ur hair definitely got healthier. i definitely noticed that. i don't remember if i told u or not.

maybe she's just jealous...like in a way that she noticed ur hair getting better, but didn't want to admit to it, so she exaggerated any negatives she could find about ur hair (maybe b.c. she's not too happy with her own perhaps)

Thanks poochie. I think I got my hair done that day I saw you.

I havent DC in almost two weeks, (bad I know), so I guess thats why my hair wasnt looking that great today.

 

[locabouthair]

WomanlyCharm, my friend wears weaves. The last time I saw her real hair it was a little longer than neck length but it looked healthy.

Sikora, your hair looks great I can't tell at all.

Hopeful, I've been on this board for three years and I always remember you being so sweet and encouraging. thank you. I saw your flat iron pics and your hair looked beautiful! If I had that length and thickness I'd be very happy I guess I dont have any choice but to take care of it huh? Cuz if I dont, it'll definitely be in worse shape. I thought about a wig before but I was scared it would mess up my hair line.

Thank you everyone. I really needed to vent. Ill continue doing what I know, and just hoping for the best. When my hair was at its worst, I justtried putting it off my mind and it grew. Hopefully that will work again.

 

[NYAmicas]

Everyone else made great posts.
I've had people tell me all kind of things and make such rude comments about my hair throughout the years but it's really funny these same people have so many hair issues themselves while mine is getting somewhere. Your friend sure said a lot of negative things considering she hasn't seen you in about a year.....can it be jealosuy like someone else suggested?
Whether it is or isn't you know everyone on here has been through the ringer about our hair and we support each other so Hugs to you and keep doing what you're doing!

 

[SoAnxious12]

I think that your friend was a little harsh in giving her "help" and opinions. But I also think that maybe you should look into more protective styles... phony ponys, half wigs and the like so that way you can still be cute and very versatile.
There's nothing wrong with the hair you have but sometimes I think we all just need a break like hopeful said...
Shoot.. I'm finna to save up my dollas and get some kinky twist.

 

[delray712000]

My friend sees my hair and she's like "your hairs breaking, you should get a weave, don't act like you don't know". So I'm like well damn, I know my hair wasnt fly but I just put some steam rollers in it and I thought it looked ok. I do have breakage but it's slowly growing back. In fact I was in the mirror looking at my hair today thinking it was getting healthier and she tells me its damaged.

So she's like you need to get a weave but deep condition every week. And I'm thinking I do that already, I been doing that for two years I didnt say that though. She also asked why my hair was so brown and I told her it was sun damage and the relaxers that lightened it.

Then she's like your hair is dry (ok true) and you need to grease your scalp (I cringed at that one) and use grease or pink oil moisturizer

Then she says I should cut it off and I'm like shoot I got it trimmed two weeks ago (didnt say that though) She said you know when you cut it it will grow back real fast and I'm like oh boy

Now I never said anything about LHCF, cuz she wouldnt listen to nothing I said cuz my hair looks damaged to her.

Positive: she told me to take my vitamins

Now I know my friend means well. I'm not mad at her.

But I can not do weaves. For me to wear a weave, means I am ashamed of my hair. Thats not the case with everyone who wears them but thats just how it is for me. When I wore weaves it was because I HATED my hair this was just before LHCF. I thought I had bad hair that could never grow and thats why I wore a weave.

I'm trying, I mean REALLY trying hard not to hate this hair of mine. I trying hard not to go back to my way of thinking that my hair is this bad ugly thing. But why is this so damn hard? I mean I'm not asking for BSL or MBL I just want a nice healthy shoulder length. I feel like such a loser for struggling with this. I'm crying as I write this. Her comments today made me feel so ugly and unattractive. If hair wasnt something that framed my face, I'd given up a longggggg time ago. I just cant take this.

I was trying to take a break from the board (see siggy) because I was become too consumed with the hair thing. But its like damn, why whenever you are trying to get this things right someone reminds you of how bad youre doing.

BTW, I've havent seen this friend in over a year and she does not know about my hair goals or the site. Just needed to vent. sorry about writing a book.

another friend that claims she means well but if you know that you are making progress she probably knows too. just because you have not seen her in about a year does not mean she doesn't notice that you are doing something to benefit you. those friends will get you every time. you did exactly what i would have done, let her talk and not share lchf with her because she is going to say something like lchf ain't helping you out at all.
t

 

[delray712000]

CHANT EVERYBODY. JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY, JEALOUSY

 

[Kurlee]

man black girls are the worst when it comes to hair haterationerplexed. Just stick to your goals and keep working at it and your hair will get to where you want it to be

 

[Kutie85]

I have an associate like this key word associate not friend. I limit conversations with her because she always nit picks and has something negative to say about any and everything I do. She's very self centered and loves attention and she often compares herself to other women and focus's on their flaws to make herself look better. She's just there for chit chat but I don't value anything she says or take it to heart.
Your friends comments were rude and unnecessary and if she tries it again tell her, her two cents are not needed.

 

[danigurl18]

Don't let anyone get you down! If you see the improvements, than keep doing what you're doing because it must be right!

 

[Mis007]

Really pay her no mind good intentions or not. I have learnt being on this site that you can grow hair by any means possible not only by wearing weaves, braids, wigs etc. Taking care of your hair is a journery and a long one at that, but one that you will get to enjoy each step record progress girl pics help so much. And look at others progress on this site also (in particular those who did the BC wow talk about progress). If you say your hair is looking better it must be after all you should know, stay focused this time next year you would be complaining about it being too much to handle hth..​

 

[DarkAngell]

You know something?you sound like me about 1 1/2 ago.I got pics in my fotki to prove it too! lol Everyone gave me the speeches and i just listened and said nothing. I thought "if i tell these people how well im taking care of my hair they'll just tell me that i must not be doing it right since my hair is still short/broken."
The good things you do to your hair now may take a while to really show, but they will.

Regardles of what they say don't pay attention. Keep telling yourslf people are gonna talk now, but i KNOW they won't be saying that a while from now. Having that "yea, you'll see" attitude is what got me by all the dogging people were doing on my hair. Just smile and nod lol

You'll get there don't worry just keep doing what you're doing and ignore all the ignorance.

 

[hopeful]

I have an associate like this key word associate not friend. I limit conversations with her because she always nit picks and has something negative to say about any and everything I do. She's very self centered and loves attention and she often compares herself to other women and focus's on their flaws to make herself look better. She's just there for chit chat but I don't value anything she says or take it to heart.
Your friends comments were rude and unnecessary and if she tries it again tell her, her two cents are not needed.

This is my pet peeve, people who nit pick--drives me crazy, I am always like leave me alone!

 

[KathyMay]

My friend sees my hair and she's like "your hairs breaking, you should get a weave, don't act like you don't know". So I'm like well damn, I know my hair wasnt fly but I just put some steam rollers in it and I thought it looked ok. I do have breakage but it's slowly growing back. In fact I was in the mirror looking at my hair today thinking it was getting healthier and she tells me its damaged.

So she's like you need to get a weave but deep condition every week. And I'm thinking I do that already, I been doing that for two years I didnt say that though. She also asked why my hair was so brown and I told her it was sun damage and the relaxers that lightened it.

Then she's like your hair is dry (ok true) and you need to grease your scalp (I cringed at that one) and use grease or pink oil moisturizer

Then she says I should cut it off and I'm like shoot I got it trimmed two weeks ago (didnt say that though) She said you know when you cut it it will grow back real fast and I'm like oh boy

Now I never said anything about LHCF, cuz she wouldnt listen to nothing I said cuz my hair looks damaged to her.

Positive: she told me to take my vitamins

Now I know my friend means well. I'm not mad at her.

But I can not do weaves. For me to wear a weave, means I am ashamed of my hair. Thats not the case with everyone who wears them but thats just how it is for me. When I wore weaves it was because I HATED my hair this was just before LHCF. I thought I had bad hair that could never grow and thats why I wore a weave.

I'm trying, I mean REALLY trying hard not to hate this hair of mine. I trying hard not to go back to my way of thinking that my hair is this bad ugly thing. But why is this so damn hard? I mean I'm not asking for BSL or MBL I just want a nice healthy shoulder length. I feel like such a loser for struggling with this. I'm crying as I write this. Her comments today made me feel so ugly and unattractive. If hair wasnt something that framed my face, I'd given up a longggggg time ago. I just cant take this.

I was trying to take a break from the board (see siggy) because I was become too consumed with the hair thing. But its like damn, why whenever you are trying to get this things right someone reminds you of how bad youre doing.

BTW, I've havent seen this friend in over a year and she does not know about my hair goals or the site. Just needed to vent. sorry about writing a book.

Tell girl to step off, do your thing it is your hair believe me I have been there done that, my hair has been damaged here and there and we have survived I was NL in 2003/2004 and am claiming APL (you can check my fotki I think the link is in my profile) it just takes time and patient and finding what works for you. what does her hair look like???

 

[tenjoy]

MY REGIMEN

wash and DC every week usually with moisturefuse
moisturize every night before bed with wave nouveau and seal with castor oil
relax every 8 to 9 weeks
put lots of conditioner and oil on my ends when I relax

ITA with everyone.

But may I think you are relaxing too often.... try every 12 weeks. Happy Growing!

 

[Lexib]

My friend sees my hair and she's like "your hairs breaking, you should get a weave, don't act like you don't know".

She also asked why my hair was so brown...

Then she's like your hair is dry

Then she says I should cut it off.

Well, damn your friend was just full of support wasn't she?? Just curious, what does her hair look like?

Babe, I agree with the others: if you see a positive chang ein your hair then that's all you need. Keep at it and eventually the changes will be apparent to everyone. And when that happens, just remember to tell your friend as you toss your hair in her face, that maybe its about time she cut back on the pink oil...