You Gals have inspired me to kick him the curb!

[hopeful]

Thanks, you definitely given me something to think about.. But he has made threats in the past if I ever tried to pursue that.. I'd rather live drama free.: but he does need to own up to his responsiblity..

I had a feeling that was the case. You made a mistake by getting involved with this guy. I think you should trust your gut on this. Some women end up dead not trusting their gut and "forcing" someone to take care of their kids. And like Iris said as well, if he is a jerk and you don't pursue these things, the jerk will not have access to your precious child. He will likely slink away and disappear into the night.

MSA I completely see your point but I personally think that the op has to trust her instincts on this. I thank God my mother did not pursue my father on this issue, I think it would have ruined her life and my life (and my brother's life) if he had been forced to be involved in our lives. There are some crazy men out there. And a lot of those men take out their anger toward the mother on the innocent child when they do have visitation. I know the police, etc. are supposed to protect us but so many times they don't.

 

[firecracker]

Well damn you were screwing with a broke butt loser unprotected and got preggos! Claude Hawmercy! Well its not like your the first or the last that has and will do this. Run for the hills and get as many states away as possible to keep that nuffin arse kneegrow outta your life for good.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

I had a feeling that was the case. You made a mistake by getting involved with this guy. I think you should trust your gut on this. Some women end up dead not trusting their gut and "forcing" someone to take care of their kids. And like Iris said as well, if he is a jerk and you don't pursue these things, the jerk will not have access to your precious child. He will likely slink away and disappear into the night.

MSA I completely see your point but I personally think that the op has to trust her instincts on this. I thank God my mother did not pursue my father on this issue, I think it would have ruined her life and my life (and my brother's life) if he had been forced to be involved in our lives. There are some crazy men out there. And a lot of those men take out their anger toward the mother on the innocent child when they do have visitation. I know the police, etc. are supposed to protect us but so many times they don't.

Thank you! I do not intend on forcing him to care for her. That whole thing of mAking him do somethig he didn't want to can bring out a very ugly person.

 

[Crystal]

Thank you! I do not intend on forcing him to care for her. That whole thing of mAking him do somethig he didn't want to can bring out a very ugly person.

I'm with you on this one. Why force a loser to be in your child's life? He has no job so I'm not sure what the little bit of money you MAY get will do and if he's forced to pay child support then he has the right to fight for visitation and it seems like you all may be better off without him. I personally wouldn't fight over $20 a month.

Follow your instincts and do what's best for you and your child.

But I disagree with you not going after him if he wins a million dollars... not that it's going to happen but in the event that it does... let's not be foolish now...

 

[*~Mocha~*]

I'm with you on this one. Why force a loser to be in your child's life? He has no job so I'm not sure what the little bit of money you MAY get will do and if he's forced to pay child support then he has the right to fight for visitation and it seems like you all may be better off without him. I personally wouldn't fight over $20 a month.

Follow your instincts and do what's best for you and your child.

But I disagree with you not going after him if he wins a million dollars... not that it's going to happen but in the event that it does... let's not be foolish now...

Thanks, LOL if he won a million I'm sure he'll think of her .. He loves her to death I guess not enough to get a job..

 

[Irresistible]

Thank you! I do not intend on forcing him to care for her. That whole thing of mAking him do somethig he didn't want to can bring out a very ugly person.

if you know it can actually get that ugly

then leave it alone, its not worth it

I paid a price for that order, it all worked out in the end for me, but I did go through some of his forcing his will on us and trips and misery. At times it just was not worth it. Now he cant do nothin, and he still owes the money, so yeah in the end Victory was sweet in my case. But thats not always the case

sounds like with threats and all, like firecracker said, run for the hills, the best next plan you can make is now get where he doesnt know where you and her are even at, wish I would have done that many years

 

[Makenzie]

OP, I know it was not easy actually cutting it off with him, but good job. You and your daughter deserve much much more than the drama and accusations he was bringing to the table.

 

[1QTPie]

i just want to add, #1 congrats for letting him go.

#2, congrats for realizing your self worth.

#3, before you jump into anything with anyone else, please make sure that YOU are where you need to be emotionally. When we stay in relationships that long with someone who is mentally and emotionally "abusive" we lose sight of who we are as an individual and will almost always return to the same type of man.

Spend some quality time with yourself, with your child and just get to know who you are. Right now is not about some new man or anyone else but you two. I don't care how lonely you get. Get you a bunch of new friends and just have fun.

Good luck.

 

[skatergurljubulee]

I'm happy to read that you're changing your life!
And I'm completely with you when it comes to being a shy girl! Half the time I think at least twice before posting because I'm afraid someone my disagree! lol
And you know what? There's nothing wrong with being shy. With me, it helps to hold my tongue and really think about what I want to say, in order to make an impact on the people I'm around and to help.
I'm with another poster, spend some time by yourself. Find your voice in the world and trust me, it'll be a lot easier to figure out when you're with a person that's worthwhile and when you're not (usually they see life in a similiar fashion to you).
I'm happily married and we have a four year old (born on April Fool's Day and more than a month early- long story!) little boy.
I can honestly say that because I spent such a long time being single- on purpose- that when I started dating, I used discernment when deciding who to date. I have never dated any guy that wasn't up to what I expect a mature man to be. I'm not married to a black man, but you know what? When I dated I only dated strong, intelligent, hard working, wise, financially independant, stable, college graduated men in general (THE MAJORITY OF THEM WERE BLACK) men. Society (and the news) likes for us to believe that there aren't any "good black men" out there, but that's just not true. For one, my brother is one! lol
I think you should have patience (like you said you're going to do) and keep on keeping on, take care of that precious baby and you'll be alright!
I hope this was encouraging and not detrimental!

 

[michelle81]

also remember

this depends on how you feel about having him in her life too, but a child support order can, does and also leads to a custody/visitation order

do what you know is right for you and your child

I ended up living for years on edge due to his craziness and fear of what he could/would do in the courts when she didnt want to see him at all anymore by the time she was old enough to know she didnt know him at all and wouldnt feel comfortable just going with him

for the that lil pittens of money it wasnt worth the stress

in fact I wished many times to just disappear, just to not live under his control and threat

That must just be in certain states, I got a child support order with automatic wage garnishment and absolutely no visitation requirements.

He did want any visitation/joint custody, and I didn't want him to have any. I was scared for awhile thinking he would want 50/50 custody to avoid any payments, but for over a year I kept a journal of every time he called to ask about the kids, how long the phone call lasted, and of the two times he kept them overnight for the whole year.

I was ready to prove that he had never showed any interest in seeking visitation before a child support order, and he shouldn't have any or very little after an order.

 

[angenoir]

Praying for you!

 

[nappystorm]

Good for you sweetheart

 

[NYAmicas]

I've come to find, from my own experiences, that men only accuse you of cheating when they are cheating themselves.

Yep, that's obviously what's going on here. He also sounds a bit deranged, so I hope you're safe. Congrats on being free of him, you and your daughter deserve so much better. He sounds like such a dead weight, and you'll probably find some more worthy people to be in your life once his behind is gone!

 

[Naturelle]

You must know he's cheating himself....just plain schizo...or both....just based on his behaviour... I couldn't even finish reading the whole thing my face just started to form a disgusted look...

Honey, you can find and deserve someone better with more to offer...don't waste your time nor your duaghter's caused based on what you saying....he aint offering anything of substance for either of you