You Gals have inspired me to kick him the curb!

[*~Mocha~*]

Oh my.. Where do I begin.If I typed all the details of this rollercoaster on here Id not only be here for days it'll take all the space on this whole site..

1st...After seeing all the beautiful pictures of beautiful black love relationships on here.. I realize that this is what I have been missing and wanting and forcing from a man that was not about to give it to me.

I have been with my daughters father since jr year in highschool. after 'dating' for a few years we had her"well I had her'' shes now 20months old. We have been together for about 7 years and honestly these eight years have been tough!!!!.

To make a real long story short.... (background info) Im one of the quietest, shy-iest, loneliest person in these world. I have virtually no friends, my life consists on me taking care of my daughter and going to school I have no job at the moment so I stay home.

This guy for years has verbally abused me, accused me numeruos times of cheating, told me that I had relations with his father, tells me that Im always messing with many men. He'll call me and hear my mom daughter, sister in the background and will argue with me and tell me that I am cheating.. which is bogus...

All these years together he has never done anything for me or our daughter. Whats worst is that he doesnt have a job and wasnt even there to see the birth of our daughter.

we have blow outs all the time.. He lives in another state so we do not see each other often. When he came down to see us recently, he was staying at a hotel and while I was coming to the room and carrying our baby with groceries he accused me of cheating with a nonexistant man on my way there.. Im telling you he will accuse me of cheating if someoone says hi, if someone walks near me just about anything... I am so sick and tired of it..

He is one of the dumbest person in this world.. He claims that the only reason im with him to play games and that one of his friends are paying me to play him.. WTF... oh yea he accuses me of sleeping with all his friends that are approx. 2000 miles away.. Im asking him how is it that im doing this being that we are literally 15 states away... he says i pay and fly them all here.. WTF... I realze that this ***** is either crazy or never really cared for me...

On top of that he still tries to call his ex. and talks all this nonsense about me.. I also found womens stuff in his house. ...all i get is excuses that make no sense...


So finally to my point.. LOL...

I realize that I need a real man at home.. Someone that works, someone that wants to make sure everything is ok and handled. someone that will do whatever it is that he has to do to make sure his child is ok.. and seeing some of these photos on here and reading stories on here and listening and disgesting what my mother and his mother (yes his mother) has been saying,..I am just settling for less with him.

As im typing this.. he is calling me.. I answered he is telling me.. oh my surprised I dont hear the slow music in th backgroud. did u just leave the room.. He HEARS MY MOM, MY BROTHERS AND MY SISTER AND DAUGHTER IN THE BACKGROUND.. and he's calling to accuse me of cheating..

I know he is just trying to get rid of me but he keeps trying to put the blame towards... I CAN HONESTLY SAY I HATE HIM... AND YOU GUYS MAY NOT KNOW IT BUT ALL THE PICTURES AND STORIES MADE ME REALIZE THAT IF IM PATIENT LOVE WILL NOT ONLY COME MY WAY, BUT A GOOD MAN WORTHY OF ME WILL COME MY WAY...

I can honestly say I am a good woman and I need to believe that and live by that.. LOL.. sorry for the LOOOONNNNGGG vent.. but thanks..

 

[JFemme]

Good luck to you, ((hon)) !!:Rose:

And Congrats in recognizing you need, desire, deserve a real man in your life...:Rose:

 

[firecracker]

Wow he sounds like a arse accusing you of screwing around with his father. I guess its good your shy because I would say "yeah I screwed yo daddy and he is better in bed than yo behind and his dangalang is bigger"! LOL
Congrats on dumping that fool and stay strong!

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Wow he sounds like a arse accusing you of screwing around with his father. I guess its good your shy because I would say "yeah I screwed yo daddy and he is better in bed than yo behind and his dangalang is bigger"! LOL
Congrats on dumping that fool and stay strong!

Thats one of the downfalls of being so quiet and shy, people tend to walk all over you because you wont say anything..

The father thing is a HUGE issue.. because he will not allow his father to ever see the baby.. which is a HUGE shame..

Thanks on the congrats.. and it had to been done.. and we have been thinking about marriage .. Oh goodness that woulve been thank goodness... and we were suppose to get 'engaged'

 

[daydreem2876]

Good Luck Sweetheart!!!

 

[queen928]

I've come to find, from my own experiences, that men only accuse you of cheating when they are cheating themselves. They are feeling guilty about what they are doing. They are not going to tell you so they accuse you of doing what they are doing to justify their actions. I'm so happy for you that you didn't go any further with that relationship. You will always have to have contact because of your daughter but at least you won't have to deal with his drama. I wouldn't keep my child's grandfather from seeing her either because of his craziness, but that's your child so you do you. You do deserve to be with someone worthy of your love...it took me a long time to realize that for myself. Congrats to you!

 

[sky_blu]

I'm glad your dumping him because he does sound like an arse! But have you thought about just being by yourself instead of having a real man at home? Just taking some time out for yourself because I know I would just need a break after 7 years of that. I think anybody would BTW your from my hometown

 

[*~Mocha~*]

I'm glad your dumping him because he does sound like an arse! But have you thought about just being by yourself instead of having a real man at home? Just taking some time out for yourself because I know I would just need a break after 7 years of that. I think anybody would BTW your from my hometown

Yes! i definately need time for myself and my daughter.. I look at it like this.. Im healthy and alive, my daugter is healthy and alive..what more can I ask of God.. If its ment for me to be with someone he'll come along....

 

[Nalin]

I'm glad you realized you do not have to take mistreatment in the name of love

 

[hopeful]

He sounds like he is abusive and psychotic. I'm glad you're breaking up for your sake and your daughter's. Be really careful with dating since you have that little girl though, I'm sure you already know this and are focussed on her well-being and safety, but I just know a lot of women's judgement gets clouded when they are lonely. I wish you the best.

 

[SouthernBeauty]

I am happy to hear u came to ur senses!! Congrats!! Like the other women stated take time and focus on yourself and ur daughter! Once u learn to appreciate yourself and know ur value... u will not accept anything less than a good man! And please believe me...there are still some out there!

 

[msa]

Make sure you get his current address and all his personal information and then go right on over to family court and file for child support. That way any money that comes his way, your child will get her part.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Make sure you get his current address and all his personal information and then go right on over to family court and file for child support. That way any money that comes his way, your child will get her part.

Before I had my daughter I said that I would never force a man to take care of my child.. If he doesn't want to be part of her life and help out.. That's his lost.. My child didn't ask to be here so I'm taking responsibility of my actions/consequences.. He'll just have to answer to the man upstairs when the time comes.. Thank God I was blessed with financial stability that I do not need to force him to provide for her

 

[BGT]

Eww... he sounds like a jerk. You got rid of the dead weight. Good riddance.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

He is beyond a jerk..'that's not even 1/4 of the things he has put me through.. Those are all minor

 

[msa]

Before I had my daughter I said that I would never force a man to take care of my child.. If he doesn't want to be part of her life and help out.. That's his lost.. My child didn't ask to be here so I'm taking responsibility of my actions/consequences.. He'll just have to answer to the man upstairs when the time comes.. Thank God I was blessed with financial stability that I do not need to force him to provide for her

I'm about to be frank so I'm sorry if this offends you...

GTFOOHWTBS.

As your child's mother it is your duty to make sure she is cared for. Her father may not want to provide for her financially, but that is his duty. Since he is choosing not to do it, we have a court system that will force him to do it.

No, your child did not ask to be here. She also didn't ask to have a deadbeat for a father. And she definitely didn't ask to have a mother who didn't make sure she got everything she deserved because she "said that I would never force a man to take care of my child". I don't care if she only gets 20$ a month, that is 20$ she deserves because it is her father's responsibility.

That's the problem these days, everyone letting kneegrows off the hook. You don't have to do anything but file the paperwork. As far as I see it, you don't have a choice in the matter. If you let him off the hook, you're just as bad as he is and you are just helping him be a deadbeat. You don't owe him anything, but you sure do owe your daughter everything that should be hers.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Yea makes sense but my daughter has everything she needs.. The kneegro doesn't have a job n doesn't plan on getting onne so I'll jus b waisting my time..

 

[msa]

Yea makes sense but my daughter has everything she needs.. The kneegro doesn't have a job n doesn't plan on getting onne so I'll jus b waisting my time..

I'm about to come through the computer. Girrrrrrrrrrrrrl...you got my pressure up.

Let me make this abundantly clear...
1. It does not matter if he doesn't have a job now or has no plans to get one.

2. It does not matter if your child has everything she needs and more.

3. It does not matter if she only gets 20$ a month every few months.

It is his responsibility to provide for his child. It is your responsibility to make sure she gets everything she is entitled. Not filing the papers because it would be "a waste of time" is the most selfish thing I have heard in a long time.

What happens if you can no longer provide? Or god forbid she gets sick and has a lot of medical bills? Or he wins a 100 million dollar jackpot? Or you need money for private school because you want her to have a good education?

You are not doing this for you. You should be doing it for your daughter. If you won't for selfish reasons then you are just as bad as he is for not supporting her in the first place.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Thanks for ur advice..

I honestly do not need him if I choose to put her in private school. My intentions was to have her go to private school without his help

If he wins a million and doesn't think of her then oh well..we didn't have the money yesterday so we won't miss it tomorrow..

Y would I force him care for a child he doesn't want to care for.. I'm not pressed for mney at all.. I dunno..

 

[LoveLiLi]

Congrats to you for leaving him - you and your child deserve much better and he sounds like he is abusive. From your original post it sounds like if you were to marry him he'd lie, cheat and continue to verbally/emotionally mistreat you. And a man who can't/won't get a job has no business with a wife anyway, jmo. I know there are the 'independent' women out here, but these men are getting away with murder.

I agree with the poster who said make him pay child support. I let men know before we even have sex, if I were to ever get pregnant the only way you're not paying child support is because you're either in a coma or in a coffin. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the men who help create these babies and then don't give a damn about them, some of these men are really worthless.

 

[msa]

Thanks for ur advice..

I honestly do not need him if I choose to put her in private school. My intentions was to have her go to private school without his help

If he wins a million and doesn't think of her then oh well..we didn't have the money yesterday so we won't miss it tomorrow..

Y would I force him care for a child he doesn't want to care for.. I'm not pressed for mney at all.. I dunno..

Because it is his responsibility.

It doesn't matter if you have a billion dollars, her father still needs to be held responsible for the child he helped to create. This isn't about feelings or him being a "daddy" and not just a sperm donor.

He helped to create her. He needs to help provide for her. There is a legal process in place to make that happen. It's not like you have to go beg him for money. Fill out the paperwork, turn it in, and then go on about your business. Do not let him get out of his responsibility.

If you get any money you can just deposit it into a savings account for her and let it earn interest. That could help with her college fund or a down payment for a house when she gets older.

Do not deprive your daughter of what is owed to her just because YOU have personal hangups about it. It's not about YOU and how YOU feel, it's about HER.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Thanks and you are 100% right.. I grew accustomed to him after al the years.. He was the bad boy type that intrigued me and I as a quiet catholic school girl that didn't know better.. I see where that left my mom and I'm glad I came to the realization now instead of later..

Congrats to you for leaving him - you and your child deserve much better and he sounds like he is abusive. From your original post it sounds like if you were to marry him he'd lie, cheat and continue to verbally/emotionally mistreat you. And a man who can't/won't get a job has no business with a wife anyway, jmo. I know there are the 'independent' women out here, but these men are getting away with murder.

I agree with the poster who said make him pay child support. I let men know before we even have sex, if I were to ever get pregnant the only way you're not paying child support is because you're either in a coma or in a coffin. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the men who help create these babies and then don't give a damn about them, some of these men are really worthless.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

Thanks, you definitely given me something to think about.. But he has made threats in the past if I ever tried to pursue that.. I'd rather live drama free.: but he does need to own up to his responsiblity..

Because it is his responsibility.

It doesn't matter if you have a billion dollars, her father still needs to be held responsible for the child he helped to create. This isn't about feelings or him being a "daddy" and not just a sperm donor.

He helped to create her. He needs to help provide for her. There is a legal process in place to make that happen. It's not like you have to go beg him for money. Fill out the paperwork, turn it in, and then go on about your business. Do not let him get out of his responsibility.

If you get any money you can just deposit it into a savings account for her and let it earn interest. That could help with her college fund or a down payment for a house when she gets older.

Do not deprive your daughter of what is owed to her just because YOU have personal hangups about it. It's not about YOU and how YOU feel, it's about HER.

 

[msa]

Thanks, you definitely given me something to think about.. But he has made threats in the past if I ever tried to pursue that.. I'd rather live drama free.: but he does need to own up to his responsiblity..

If he's making threats then y'all need to be in family court anyway so that he can't just pop up whenever he wants saying he wants to visit his daughter. If he really is violent, then a custody agreement could save you and your daughter a lot of heartache in the future.

Now I don't know him, but I do know a lot of cowardly, selfish, broke, good for nothing kneegrows make those types of threats so that their baby mama's won't file the papers. Scare tactics are an easy way to get out of your responsibilities.

Don't be lulled into believing that not filing the papers means you'll live drama free. If he's serious about following through on his threats, regardless of whether you file papers or not he will follow through. You have his daughter, and no matter what he will always have a claim to her. A visit to family court may be in your and your daughter's best interest to get their relationship legally organized so that you will have documentation and a legal recourse in the future if something does happen.

 

[michelle81]

Thanks, you definitely given me something to think about.. But he has made threats in the past if I ever tried to pursue that.. I'd rather live drama free.: but he does need to own up to his responsiblity..

Threats like what?

I kind of used to feel the same way about child support, but got over that kind of quick. My ex has the money, but doesn't want to give anymore than absolutely necessary. I get the max allowed for my state, as well as recently called him to let him know that they will need braces soon. Total cost $3500 for each child, you want to do a payment plan, lump sum, or have me go back to court to sue for it.

Either way my two kids are getting them and he's paying at least half.
Yeah my hubby and I have the money for all of it, but why should we. Don't let him off easy, if so he'll just go on to the next lady and leave another baby in the same situation.

Your baby won't love you any less for it, if anything she'll respect you more.

 

[Irresistible]

I'm about to come through the computer. Girrrrrrrrrrrrrl...you got my pressure up.

Let me make this abundantly clear...
1. It does not matter if he doesn't have a job now or has no plans to get one.

2. It does not matter if your child has everything she needs and more.

3. It does not matter if she only gets 20$ a month every few months.

It is his responsibility to provide for his child. It is your responsibility to make sure she gets everything she is entitled. Not filing the papers because it would be "a waste of time" is the most selfish thing I have heard in a long time.

What happens if you can no longer provide? Or god forbid she gets sick and has a lot of medical bills? Or he wins a 100 million dollar jackpot? Or you need money for private school because you want her to have a good education?

You are not doing this for you. You should be doing it for your daughter. If you won't for selfish reasons then you are just as bad as he is for not supporting her in the first place.

The winning the jackpot might be the only good reason, coming from a mother of a child born in wedlock with a child support order in place from the divorce that has now reached many tens of thousands of dollars by the time she reached 18 and I see pennies on it here and there when he goes on unemployment only, how they NEVER catch him on a job I DONT KNOW. I am glad I have the order , because we will always get the money when he files or goes on any state assistance, but other than that......useless!

 

[Irresistible]

Thanks for ur advice..

I honestly do not need him if I choose to put her in private school. My intentions was to have her go to private school without his help

If he wins a million and doesn't think of her then oh well..we didn't have the money yesterday so we won't miss it tomorrow..

Y would I force him care for a child he doesn't want to care for.. I'm not pressed for mney at all.. I dunno..

also remember

this depends on how you feel about having him in her life too, but a child support order can, does and also leads to a custody/visitation order

do what you know is right for you and your child

I ended up living for years on edge due to his craziness and fear of what he could/would do in the courts when she didnt want to see him at all anymore by the time she was old enough to know she didnt know him at all and wouldnt feel comfortable just going with him

for the that lil pittens of money it wasnt worth the stress

in fact I wished many times to just disappear, just to not live under his control and threat

 

[Irresistible]

If he's making threats then y'all need to be in family court anyway so that he can't just pop up whenever he wants saying he wants to visit his daughter. If he really is violent, then a custody agreement could save you and your daughter a lot of heartache in the future.

Now I don't know him, but I do know a lot of cowardly, selfish, broke, good for nothing kneegrows make those types of threats so that their baby mama's won't file the papers. Scare tactics are an easy way to get out of your responsibilities.

Don't be lulled into believing that not filing the papers means you'll live drama free. If he's serious about following through on his threats, regardless of whether you file papers or not he will follow through. You have his daughter, and no matter what he will always have a claim to her. A visit to family court may be in your and your daughter's best interest to get their relationship legally organized so that you will have documentation and a legal recourse in the future if something does happen.

True she could get a 'supervised visits' order, and ur right she still has to live with his rights to her no matter what she does, unless she disappears like I wished I would/could have so many years, the hell he put us through

but I survived and that mugg still owes me all that money, and has no rights to a now adult daughter

NOW I have no regrets ......but then? lordhammercy

 

[Country gal]

Cheers to a new beginning for you and your daughter.

 

[Ms_Delikate]

Before I had my daughter I said that I would never force a man to take care of my child.. If he doesn't want to be part of her life and help out.. That's his lost.. My child didn't ask to be here so I'm taking responsibility of my actions/consequences.. He'll just have to answer to the man upstairs when the time comes.. Thank God I was blessed with financial stability that I do not need to force him to provide for her

I am not trying to attack you. I applaud you for realizing your worth...BUT

I hate when women they will not force someone to take care of their kids...Lady you are not forcing him to take care of his kid...Him paying child support is NOT taking care of his kid...It is giving YOU some money so that YOU are able to take better care of YOUR child that he helped to create. And if you do not need the money put it in a college fund for her....Don't absolve him of his responsibility.