You can't get a tattoo...

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

But don't tell me I need to lose weight.

Huh.

Hey ladies. This is my first time posting here. I'm usually a lurker.

Anyway my friend came to me the other day upset about an argument she had with her husband.

She wants to get a tattoo but he doesn't want her to because he doesn't like them. However he has gotten super overweight he doesn't think she gets to have a say in that. He wants her to accept him like that even though he was much tremor when they got married.

She works out healthy. She cooks healthy meals but they go to waste because she is the only one that eats them. He doesn't work out and makes excuses all the time (no time, doesn't like to do it alone etc).

Now I asked her if she was doing this because he won't lose weight... If she's doing this to spite him. She said she is not.

I know she's been wanting to get one for a awhile. And he wasn't always overweight. She said she feels it is unfair and hypocritical of him to expect her to except him like that but tell her no tattoos because he doesn't like them. Lol she said she don't like man boobs but he wants her to like them. Lmao I just can't.

I asked my brother and he sides with my friend. My hubby said he thinks she's wrong.

Ladies what are your thoughts? ??

 

[Farida]

When I first read it I thought it was very unfair.

But it is so much easier to NOT get a tattoo than it is to lose weight. There are also so many feelings and self-esteem issues tied up in weight.

It does not excuse him letting himself go or discounting her feelings on the matter.

But I could see how someone may not see it as hypocritical because the two issues, while looks-related, IMO are not equal.

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

That's what I was thinking too. They're not really the same. But both should take into consideration their spouse's feelings.

 

[chassiecrane]

I agree with her.

 

[kupenda]

I think it depends on the tattoo. Is she getting something large/offensive etc? I think she should take his opinions to heart, but he should take hers as well. Man boobs, no matter how you slice them, are not the business. It sounds like she has tried to help him and he has refused. If the tattoo isnt something like a midlife crisis bowl of mess (ie a butterfly on her face or something to that effect) then he just sounds controlling. He doesnt own her. If he can do whatever he wants to his own body, she can do whatever she wants as well

 

[MD_Lady]

If you feel your spouse should/shouldn't do something solely based on your preferences, then you need to return the favor. You can't, however, insist that this person place your wants/needs above their own all the while doing what you please (regardless of what s/he thinks).

 

[nlamr2013]

I also agree with your friend. However, if this isn't their dynamic I do think see what the 0roper outcome would be.

I also agree it's easier not to get a tattoo than to not get fat, though when she goes to the gym she can invite him, when she cooks dinner she can healthify the meals. She can provide him with healthy snacks. Etc etc

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

I talked to her again and she said whenever she brings up the topic he just shuts down. She isn't getting anything crazy- she wants a flower on the back of her shoulder.

She continues to try to get him to join her when she works out but he refuses every time. And he does not seem interested in making healthier choices at all.

 

[Mai Tai]

Has she told her husband that his weight others her?

The conversation could be like...

Husband: I don't like tattoos...
Wife: I don't like men who neglect their physical appearance...

 

[NijaG]

I talked to her again and she said whenever she brings up the topic he just shuts down. She isn't getting anything crazy- she wants a flower on the back of her shoulder.

She continues to try to get him to join her when she works out but he refuses every time. And he does not seem interested in making healthier choices at all.

He sounds like he's just being stubborn and like someone mentioned controlling. Your friend should get the tattoo if she wants, since its going to be small. She should drop the topic of him losing weight and just continue taking care of herself.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

If she needs to love him the way he is, can he not love her the way she's going to be? She should just get her tattoo and keep it moving - why she even ask?

They aren't the same but if he's gonna go down that path, there's so much you can say to discredit his argument

 

[pinkchocolatedaisy]

Has she told her husband that his weight others her?

The conversation could be like...

Husband: I don't like tattoos...
Wife: I don't like men who neglect their physical appearance...

Lmao. She has and he gets all butt hurt she said.