Marriage with no sexual chemistry?

[hopeful]

Ain't it 2016?

good one Honey Bee.

 

[LiftedUp]

Ain't it 2016?

 

[Honey Bee]

Girl, I know, me too. I actually had to check the calendar on my computer before I got slick.

 

[Britt]

I couldn't do it. That sexual attraction is what softens my heart towards him. Makes me want to care for him when he's sick. Makes me not be repulsed by him and give in when he's coming at me fresh out the gym and sweaty and smelly as all hell. Makes me get up and cook for him when I'm too tired to cook for myself. Draws me to him and makes me stay when he's doing nothing wrong but still getting on my nerves.

Without that attraction, he/we would have been history long ago.

And this pretty much sums up how I feel about attraction. It's not just a sexual ohhh I want the person, it allows me to be able to tolerate the person and just be more warm and affectionate towards them overall. What may utterly repulse me with one person may still repulse me with the next, but it would be far more tolerable and bearable b/c I'm in love with the person and I'm not talking the early stages butterfly. TMI, but good example one ex use to fart and take dumps, and I'd actually stand there while he took a dump just to yap to him ... my other ex utterly repulsed me to no end. Like when he'd fart around me I wanted to kick his head off, I'd just be so disgusted and annoyed. One time he ate my plantain chips when I was getting ready to watch the Beyoncé doc on HBO and I was soooooooooooo upset! I probably cried and I sent him some really nasty text messages about eating my gawtdamn food! I went OFFF! It was all b/c deep down I didn't want him in that way and I felt kinda guilty for my feelings and being 'forced' to like him.

 

[Britt]

Oan, I went to the wedding of an old friend and the display of lack of romantic attraction on her end was palpable to me. It was just so obvious to me, especially since I've seen what she could be like when she's into the person. Her DH is a great guy and he is head over heels in love with her and he was a giddy bouncing ball of joy at the wedding... her... ummm, not so much at all. She loves him, she cares about him, but she's not in love with him and from the bit she's told me, he's just the safe choice for her. Right after she came back from her honeymoon I asked her how's married life, how was the honeymoon and her response was so odd.. she replied "I'm married, now what? time to decorate".. the tone of her response was just so cold, not warm at all. Their interactions come across as a man head over in heels in love with his woman and she just kinda tolerates him, she loves him, but there's no warmth there. I wouldn't want that to be me.

 

[caribeandiva]

Oan, I went to the wedding of an old friend and the display of lack of romantic attraction on her end was palpable to me. It was just so obvious to me, especially since I've seen what she could be like when she's into the person. Her DH is a great guy and he is head over heels in love with her and he was a giddy bouncing ball of joy at the wedding... her... ummm, not so much at all. She loves him, she cares about him, but she's not in love with him and from the bit she's told me, he's just the safe choice for her. Right after she came back from her honeymoon I asked her how's married life, how was the honeymoon and her response was so odd.. she replied "I'm married, now what? time to decorate".. the tone of her response was just so cold, not warm at all. Their interactions come across as a man head over in heels in love with his woman and she just kinda tolerates him, she loves him, but there's no warmth there. I wouldn't want that to be me.

I'd be counting down the days until the divorce announcement.

 

[Britt]

I'd be counting down the days until the divorce announcement.

LOL! I swear the way she speaks of him is just so odd, there is absolutely no love/adoration/affection for him there and he's so giddy over her lol ! Then we have a mutual friend who is married but been with her hubby for at least 12 years. When you see their pics together you can tell they still love each other. Recently she told me she still loves her DH. We'll be on group text and she'll be like "gots to go, DH just told me to put the baby down and come ride this D" Lol !

 

[PrissiSippi]

LOL! I swear the way she speaks of him is just so odd, there is absolutely no love/adoration/affection for him there and he's so giddy over her lol ! Then we have a mutual friend who is married but been with her hubby for at least 12 years. When you see their pics together you can tell they still love each other. Recently she told me she still loves her DH. We'll be on group text and she'll be like "gots to go, DH just told me to put the baby down and come ride this D" Lol !

Lol relationship goals!

 

[tru4reele]

She needs to go now. She will not be happy and won't end up staying in the long run. So basically staying now is a waste of time.

 

[Kindheart]

Mz DEE DEE I think in the big picture of life, chemistry is not a deal breaker, and I'm surprised some women make it such a big deal, as long as I'm not repulsed and a man treats me well, and can provide for a family......chemistry for me is over-rated.
I think offering her your opinion isn't out of line, after all she's discussing this with you and values your opinion, sometimes discussing with friends put things in perspective. I think it would be unfair not to share your thoughts but wise to distance yourself from the final decision making.

It is a HUGE DEAL . Trust and believe. It's often time a sign of lack of intimacy and the beginning of the end . Sex is not something that a couple can thrive without unless they both agree to abstain. Normally what happens next is a "settling friendship" .

 

[Britt]

It is a HUGE DEAL . Trust and believe. It's often time a sign of lack of intimacy and the beginning of the end . Sex is not something that a couple can thrive without unless they both agree to abstain. Normally what happens next is a "settling friendship" .

I think this is explains it perfectly!