"Wow, your hair is *that* long... it looks so much shorter in your ponytail"

[♦K.O♦]

I have been helping this girl that I just met a few months ago with her hair.

She is really receptive to everything I'm saying and she asked me for assistance. So today she comes over and my hair is in a curly ponytail. She asked me how long my hair is and I said toward the bottom of my bra-strap. She said "it looks so much shorter in your ponytail... that's weird." She said it like she didnt believe me. So I was like "well, my hair has a lot of NG and my ponytail is puffy curly. She was like "with all you know, your hair should be down your back."

That kinda pissed me off. Like she thought I was lying or posing.

It was really hard for me to not say anything snappy. Am I overreacting?

 

[God_Favor]

No, she was being a smart a**, why is she worried about your hair length??? Hope that comment made her feel good about herself!!! I think you should just pay her comment no attention, looking at your siggy (your hair us beautiful!!)you will always get little off the wall comments!!

 

[Empress Yahudah]

Okayyy why did she even make that comment. I dont think ur overreacting . I would have looked at her crossways to or said something, but sometimes folx just dont know what to say out thier mouth

 

[mscocoface]

Remember this lady can only go by what she see's not by what she knows based on what you have said.

It is ignorance talking more than anything. A novice. Don't take offense yet! hang in there, show her, help her, then she will understand, new growth, shrinkage in new growth and everything else that goes with the journey.

Stay strong Teach and help this one so that she can help someone else down the line.

She does not know what she is saying and who she is saying it to.


NOW ON THE OTHER HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If she continues with these types of comments while you are trying to show her like in 9 months to a year from now then you know this is part of her character and something waay deeper like the crab in the crab barrel mentality. That is a whole other issue to asses and determine if you want to deal with.

Take it a month at a time and see if she changes.

 

[♦K.O♦]

Thanks for the replies, ladies.

It totally came off as a smart ass comment to me, but it COMPLETELY caught me off guard. I'll give her another chance, I guess. I mean, I went shopping with her for new products, gave her new products, and even did hair hair FOR FREE the other week. Made up a regimen and everything. She seems really receptive.

mscoco, she is already helping her family and friends. She called them and told them that they should be using leave in conditioners and that they should get rid of their plastic brushes and seamed combs. lol. When she told me that, I was happy! This haircare thing is like a movement. Like you said, we learn, we help others and then they spread the knowledge.

But that comment was horrible. OH YEA, and the worst part! When I told her I had a bunch of new growth, the chic came and patted the top of my head and made a stink face. And OH YEA, I just remembered, this is the SAME girl who pulled my ponytail 2 weeks after I met her. She isnt acting like a grown woman.

 

[chicacanella]

Oh, you are a good one for that. I don't know if she will be able to stretch relaxers and what not if she is frowning at new growth.

 

[mscocoface]

But that comment was horrible. OH YEA, and the worst part! When I told her I had a bunch of new growth, the chic came and patted the top of my head and made a stink face. And OH YEA, I just remembered, this is the SAME girl who pulled my ponytail 2 weeks after I met her. She isnt acting like a grown woman.

Okay, you left out some key information. Remember it is okay to set boundaries and ground rules. If she don't like it then so be it. Not sure why I assumed this was a young lady maybe because the comments sounded immature.

Set your ground rules and your boundaries, you don't owe her anything!

Rule one, no more snide remarks either say something positive or in a constructive manner or keep it to herself.
Rule two, she only touches your head when she ASKS permission and you give her approval to do so.
Rule three, when she gets confused again, see rules number 1 and number 2.

Girl, do not play with this grown woman and don't take no mess from her either.

In short, get out of your comfort zone of keeping the peace and holding your tongue. Believe me if you don't, she will continue to do this until she hears from you that you don't like it and it needs to stop.

Okay, going back to nice mscocoface!

 

[senimoni]

And you are helping this chick b/c why again?

 

[berry87]

Okay, you left out some key information. Remember it is okay to set boundaries and ground rules. If she don't like it then so be it. Not sure why I assumed this was a young lady maybe because the comments sounded immature.

Set your ground rules and your boundaries, you don't owe her anything!

Rule one, no more snide remarks either say something positive or in a constructive manner or keep it to herself.
Rule two, she only touches your head when she ASKS permission and you give her approval to do so.
Rule three, when she gets confused again, see rules number 1 and number 2.

Girl, do not play with this grown woman and don't take no mess from her either.

In short, get out of your comfort zone of keeping the peace and holding your tongue. Believe me if you don't, she will continue to do this until she hears from you that you don't like it and it needs to stop.

Okay, going back to nice mscocoface!

ITA

 

[cocosweet]

Thanks for the replies, ladies.

It totally came off as a smart ass comment to me, but it COMPLETELY caught me off guard. I'll give her another chance, I guess. I mean, I went shopping with her for new products, gave her new products, and even did hair hair FOR FREE the other week.

That was a smart ass comment. You're the one extending yourself to her which you don't have to do. The least she can do is exercise some humility. What's it to her how long your hair is? I bet dollars to donuts you have more than she does and it's in better health overall.

She needs to ixnay on the invasive hair touching too.

 

[Wanderland]

That was a smart ass comment. You're the one extending yourself to her which you don't have to do. The least she can do is exercise some humility. What's it to her how long your hair is? I bet dollars to donuts you have more than she does and it's in better health overall.

She needs to ixnay on the invasive hair touching too.

I totally agree. I would have gotten smart right back at her but made her silly in the process: her: "oh I would think your hair would be down your back"...me looking honestly confused: "but it IS down my back". Girl you are below BSL, to me 2 inches below BSL is midback. And midback is pretty long on any race black or not, and ESPECIALLY for blacks, lets be real. I would give her another chance but too many snide comments and your out (at least on me trying to help you).

 

[DivaRox]

I wouldn't know which way to take this girl. I'm glad she's receptive and she obviously believes you're giving good info, so maybe the off the wall comments/actions are just her immaturity showing through. IDK but she got what-'bout one more time to be playing with Nikos' cousin like that

 

[Ladylyn]

IDK, I would keep an eye on this chik. If she is really receptive then you should see a diffence in the health of her hair. If you don't then she's just playing u and more than likely talking behind your back as if this is something worth while to gossip about. Remember ur enemies will portray themselves as ur allie. You were good to stay calm not once but twice. She doesn't deserve a third time, I would make that clear. And Ur hair is down your back "duh" so yeah she was being a smart allick

 

[KnottyGurl]

Ummm, the bold part is what I was thinking.

I would have two questions for her:

1)Who's hair is longer/healthier, yours or mine?

2)Did I come to you for advice or did you come to me?

Until the answers to those two questions are reversed, keep your haircare opinions to yourself.

I totally agree. I would have gotten smart right back at her but made her silly in the process: her: "oh I would think your hair would be down your back"...me looking honestly confused: "but it IS down my back". Girl you are below BSL, to me 2 inches below BSL is midback. And midback is pretty long on any race black or not, and ESPECIALLY for blacks, lets be real. I would give her another chance but too many snide comments and your out (at least on me trying to help you).

 

[newflowers]

I have learned so much about hair and hair care this year, and I wish sometimes that I had someone with whom to share all of my new knowledge. I have been helped so much by the ladies here, it would be great if I could return the favor.

I think I understand why you are helping her int he first place, but....

Okay, you left out some key information. Remember it is okay to set boundaries and ground rules. If she don't like it then so be it. Not sure why I assumed this was a young lady maybe because the comments sounded immature.

Set your ground rules and your boundaries, you don't owe her anything!

Rule one, no more snide remarks either say something positive or in a constructive manner or keep it to herself.
Rule two, she only touches your head when she ASKS permission and you give her approval to do so.
Rule three, when she gets confused again, see rules number 1 and number 2. Girl, do not play with this grown woman and don't take no mess from her either.

In short, get out of your comfort zone of keeping the peace and holding your tongue. Believe me if you don't, she will continue to do this until she hears from you that you don't like it and it needs to stop.

Okay, going back to nice mscocoface!

IF, and I mean if, this woman has reached adulthood and still acts like this, I question that there is not something mentally wrong with her - like a delayed development or something. One can make allowances for mental illness. Otherwise - there is no excuse for her behavoir then or now.

 

[♦K.O♦]

Thanks for all of the responses.

She is only one year younger than me, I am 23 (24 in March), but she needs a lot of guidance. Dont get me wrong, she's not a "slow" girl. She is a 1st year law student, so she is obviously very bright. I've taken on a "mentor" role... well, I was thrown into the role if we want to be technical.

She's a little crazy, but I will definitely call her on her mess the next time she pulls something concerning my hair. What she did was rude and all of her hair touching was uncalled for.

 

[ladylibra]

Thanks for all of the responses.

She is only one year younger than me, I am 23 (24 in March), but she needs a lot of guidance. Dont get me wrong, she's not a "slow" girl. She is a 1st year law student, so she is obviously very bright. I've taken on a "mentor" role... well, I was thrown into the role if we want to be technical.

She's a little crazy, but I will definitely call her on her mess the next time she pulls something concerning my hair. What she did was rude and all of her hair touching was uncalled for.

please do... otherwise she is going to be confused as hell when you snap one day four years from now cuz she thought it was okay to treat you like that.

hopefully you will enlighten her and this nonsense will stop...

 

[Maynard]

And you are helping this chick b/c why again?

Right....two seconds after she pulled my ponytail, she would have ceased to exsist in my world...erplexed

 

[Isis]

If it doesn't feel good to be helping this person with her hair, it's best not to. It's a loving gesture on your part but you are certainly not obligated.

When situations feel uncomfortable (you can feel it in your gut) or someone says something off or reveals an expression that makes you feel bad (like her "stink face" while patting your head), those are strong clues that something ain't right. It's possible she's using you and your kindness to get hair information while jealous of your beautiful, long hair.

Always trust your feelings, they are there to tell you what is really going on. The fact that you created this thread means the situation is not feeling good to you.

 

[determined_to_grow]

The question is Mizz - did you tell her (them) about the various hair forums!!!!!!! J/k - don't let her foolish comment deter you from helping her. Is she your friend? If yes, you should talk to her about that comment!!!!!!

Thanks for the replies, ladies.

It totally came off as a smart ass comment to me, but it COMPLETELY caught me off guard. I'll give her another chance, I guess. I mean, I went shopping with her for new products, gave her new products, and even did hair hair FOR FREE the other week. Made up a regimen and everything. She seems really receptive.

mscoco, she is already helping her family and friends. She called them and told them that they should be using leave in conditioners and that they should get rid of their plastic brushes and seamed combs. lol. When she told me that, I was happy! This haircare thing is like a movement. Like you said, we learn, we help others and then they spread the knowledge.

But that comment was horrible. OH YEA, and the worst part! When I told her I had a bunch of new growth, the chic came and patted the top of my head and made a stink face. And OH YEA, I just remembered, this is the SAME girl who pulled my ponytail 2 weeks after I met her. She isnt acting like a grown woman.

 

[EbonyHairedPrincess]

Perhaps she didn't understand BRA STRAP. I think I would be cutting her off and referring her to find her own answers like you did.

 

[MissLawyerLady]

Pulling your ponytail and patting the top of your head shows that she lacked home-training!!!

 

[ubavka123]

If it doesn't feel good to be helping this person with her hair, it's best not to. It's a loving gesture on your part but you are certainly not obligated.

When situations feel uncomfortable (you can feel it in your gut) or someone says something off or reveals an expression that makes you feel bad (like her "stink face" while patting your head), those are strong clues that something ain't right. It's possible she's using you and your kindness to get hair information while jealous of your beautiful, long hair.

Always trust your feelings, they are there to tell you what is really going on. The fact that you created this thread means the situation is not feeling good to you.

Truer words were never spoken. I could have applied this last week to something totally unrelated to hair and I would have had a much better day. I agree with this 100%.

Don't try to overanalyze her reactions. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. A little tact and gratitude could go a long way on her part.

 

[chicacanella]

Pulling your ponytail and patting the top of your head shows that she lacked home-training!!!

My friend did that in high school cause she thought it was.....*drum roll*- FAKE! So maybe when she first met you, she thought it was fake. IDK, just guessing.

 

[pistachio]

That was a smart ass comment. You're the one extending yourself to her which you don't have to do. The least she can do is exercise some humility. What's it to her how long your hair is? I bet dollars to donuts you have more than she does and it's in better health overall.

She needs to ixnay on the invasive hair touching too.

Exactly! I wish I knew someone with nice hair like the OP who would've sat with me and taught me about proper care. Ungrateful ******!!!

 

[♦K.O♦]

If it doesn't feel good to be helping this person with her hair, it's best not to. It's a loving gesture on your part but you are certainly not obligated.

When situations feel uncomfortable (you can feel it in your gut) or someone says something off or reveals an expression that makes you feel bad (like her "stink face" while patting your head), those are strong clues that something ain't right. It's possible she's using you and your kindness to get hair information while jealous of your beautiful, long hair.

Always trust your feelings, they are there to tell you what is really going on. The fact that you created this thread means the situation is not feeling good to you.

Isis, I was talking to my mom about this and she said pretty much the same thing. It's in my nature to "help" people, but because of these hair situations and other things, my mom is of the opinion that this woman is a NUT. I feel like someone should show her how to act like she has some sense... but then again, I am NOT her mother, so it shouldn't have to be me. If she crosses me one more time, she is going to have to learn how cook, do hair, and relate to people like she has some sense ON HER OWN. For crying out loud- we're practically the same age!

 

[♦K.O♦]

Pulling your ponytail and patting the top of your head shows that she lacked home-training!!!

This isnt the only area where she lacks it.

Dont get me wrong, she appears to be very nice at times, but other times I cant stand to be around her. I'd avoid her, but I cant.

 

[♦K.O♦]

My friend did that in high school cause she thought it was.....*drum roll*- FAKE! So maybe when she first met you, she thought it was fake. IDK, just guessing.

Your friend did that to you? How long had you known her at that point? It takes a lot of chuztpah to do that in any situation, but when this girl pulled my ponytail, she had only known me for TWO weeks! I was going to say a few choice words to her, but she ran out of the door before I got a chance to. Are we in grade school?

ETA: Thanks, Pistachio.

 

[chicacanella]

Your friend did that to you? How long had you known her at that point? It takes a lot of chuztpah to do that in any situation, but when this girl pulled my ponytail, she had only known me for TWO weeks! I was going to say a few choice words to her, but she ran out of the door before I got a chance to. Are we in grade school?

ETA: Thanks, Pistachio.

Oh, yeah. Forgot to add that I thought she was my friend but wasn't. I think my hair was a little past APL. I was in the DECA store where you buy all your junk food before class and a few people were behind me, she was one of them. I didn't really know the other people. So, I feel someone tug my hair like they are trying to pull a track out or something. I turn around and she was looking right at me with a smirk or kind of jealous look on my face. The nerve of her. thinking about it makes me kind of angry cause what if I would have just start fighting her and what if it had been weave, was she trying to pull it out if it had been. If I was going to get a weave, it would've been MBL, not some APL. But anyway, we stop talking before that and I guess she was mad.erplexed

 

[DSP]

Exactly! I wish I knew someone with nice hair like the OP who would've sat with me and taught me about proper care. Ungrateful ******!!!

You know it! If I knew someone like MizzEsq when I was struggling with my hair, I'd be taking her to lunch, buying her gifts, baking her cakes, etc. MizzEsq, you have a beautiful spirit and she should be treating you with respect and gratitude. I say cut her off.