Would you leave your husband if.....

:hug3:

#1 would have us in counseling.
#3 would have us in divorce court.

We would be in counseling for at least a year before heading to court, though. :yep:

Why did you never go back to the counselor? Have you tried finding one you can go to on your own? That might be a place to start, too. The mood swings would really, really, really bother me.

:hug3:
 
1 & 2 are not divorce-worthy. 3 is tough...but I think you could work through it in counseling. If he's been vacillating between wanting one and not wanting one...who is to say he won't change his mind yet again?
 
JustKiya said:
:hug3:

#1 would have us in counseling.
#3 would have us in divorce court.

We would be in counseling for at least a year before heading to court, though. :yep:

Why did you never go back to the counselor? Have you tried finding one you can go to on your own? That might be a place to start, too. The mood swings would really, really, really bother me.

:hug3:
Click to expand...

I considered going to counseling on my own, but I wonder if that would even work considering there wouldn't be any improvement (or effort) on his end. The mood swings are absolutely ridiculous and come out of no where. He won't talk to me for days at a time due to them and will literally treat me like ish while he's in them.
 
Mrs. Jackson2007 said:
I considered going to counseling on my own, but I wonder if that would even work considering there wouldn't be any improvement (or effort) on his end. The mood swings are absolutely ridiculous and come out of no where. He won't talk to me for days at a time due to them and will literally treat me like ish while he's in them.
Click to expand...

Wow.

Honestly? I would give him an ultimatum, I think. Either go to counseling and get this **** resolved, or sign these papers.

I've never thought it was fair for one spouse to drag the rest of the family down in their mental issues - esp. when they refuse to get help for them. And I know, POC have a lot of issues with the medical health field - but, untreated, it can be borderline abusive - if not out and out abusive.

And y'all haven't been married that long, either.

Why did y'all never go back to the counselor?
 
Okay he is in SERIOUS need of some counseling to keep bringing up the past like that. Like I am sure he was not living the life of a priest while you were separeted for those few years.

Number 3 I don't know about that is a tough one personally I would have been ghost
 
Do you think he's trying to punish you for something that happened in the past by not supporting your desires?

Is he having any money/job issues?

U don't have to explain and I apologize if I'm being too personal also. But men tend to act this way if they're not where they think they should be or have the access they need.
 
Smuckie_Slick said:
1 & 2 are not divorce-worthy. 3 is tough...but I think you could work through it in counseling. If he's been vacillating between wanting one and not wanting one...who is to say he won't change his mind yet again?
Click to expand...

deleted.....................................................
 
Last edited:
Oh my Goodness at all of that. Hummmm I would never advise anyone to leave their spouses but this is some kind of crazy right here. I don't know will he at least go to counseling
 
Is He bipolar?

My girlfriend is going through the same thing and when they went to the doctor about his mood swing they discovered it was bipolar. This man stopped taking his meds and lost his mind and broke into her house and kidnapped her son.
 
JustKiya said:
Wow.

Honestly? I would give him an ultimatum, I think. Either go to counseling and get this **** resolved, or sign these papers.

I've never thought it was fair for one spouse to drag the rest of the family down in their mental issues - esp. when they refuse to get help for them. And I know, POC have a lot of issues with the medical health field - but, untreated, it can be borderline abusive - if not out and out abusive.

And y'all haven't been married that long, either.

Why did y'all never go back to the counselor?
Click to expand...

As crazy as it sounds, the counselor told us to start from the beginning and fill him in on everything. When we did that, DH got mad again just thinking about certain things and almost blew up in the counselor's office. After that, he figured he could work on himself. It's a cyclical thing though....there's a huge blow up...we make up....then, some time later...there's a huge blow up....etc. Only the time in between the huge blow ups are getting shorter and shorter. Honestly, there's a huge blowup EVERY month consistently.
 
Naturefreegirl said:
Is He bipolar?

My girlfriend is going through the same thing and when they went to the doctor about his mood swing they discovered it was bipolar. This man stopped taking his meds and lost his mind and broke into her house and kidnapped her son.
Click to expand...

I talked to him about that too. I secretly wanted it to be bipolar (or some form of depression) because it would make me feel like he wasn't acting this because he didn't love me or didn't want to be married anymore. I sent him an entire listing of doctors near his job and he hasn't even looked at it. I told him I could make the appt for him and he keeps blowing me off. I can't bust him over the head and drag him in, so it's like my hands are tied.

ETA: I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. I hope the little guy was returned to her safely.
 
Almaz said:
Oh my Goodness at all of that. Hummmm I would never advise anyone to leave their spouses but this is some kind of crazy right here. I don't know will he at least go to counseling
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm the same way - I rarely say out and out - Dump your husband, because it's not my relationship - but damn.

Mrs. Jackson2007 said:
As crazy as it sounds, the counselor told us to start from the beginning and fill him in on everything. When we did that, DH got mad again just thinking about certain things and almost blew up in the counselor's office. After that, he figured he could work on himself. It's a cyclical thing though....there's a huge blow up...we make up....then, some time later...there's a huge blow up....etc. Only the time in between the huge blow ups are getting shorter and shorter. Honestly, there's a huge blowup EVERY month consistently.
Click to expand...

Okay, this, combined with the 'never giving in', combined with the kid thing........... yeah. I'm sticking to my ultimatum situation. Even though, since he's against 'giving in' - he might just flip the finger and jump on a divorce.

Have you asked him whether he still wants to be married to you?

Y'all need counseling. Like, majorly, seriously, and for at least a year. :yep: He's got far too much **** penned up, and he's not willing to let it go - from ten years ago!!!!! That's insane. :nono:
 
JustKiya said:
Have you asked him whether he still wants to be married to you?

Y'all need counseling. Like, majorly, seriously, and for at least a year. :yep: He's got far too much **** penned up, and he's not willing to let it go - from ten years ago!!!!! That's insane. :nono:
Click to expand...

He claims he wants to be, but his actions definitely don't correlate with his words. I've really tried to hold it all together in spite of, but it gets so so hard and it's so so draining.

I'm going to consult a counselor at least on my end. I'll offer it to him again and will continue to pray about it. I'll also remind him about the list of doctors that's currently sitting in his inbox too. I just can't believe any of this. After reading my post, I feel so darn stupid for even being in this situation. Thank you to all of you!
 
Number three is what stood out to me.

I don't want to urge anyone to have a divorce, so I'm just going to say that I personally wouldn't be able to live with that.
 
I'm sorry you're going through this Mrs. Jackson!! :bighug: I'm also hesitant to advise you to end your marriage, but I can say that I would have a difficult time staying married to someone for whom all three of these were an issue (especially if my husband weren't as willing to work on my marriage as I was). Since your husband isn't doing his part to work on the marriage, it is extremely unlikely, IMO, that your marriage will change for the better. Could you see yourself living like this indefinitely?
 
I'm sorry when someone shows you who they are believe them. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. He can live in the past alone and you deserve better.
 
I am a firm believer that marriages have their ups and downs that are worth working on...buuuuuuut...your husband sounds very manipulative.

There is never an excuse for a woman to accept this type of treatment from her husband just because she bears his last name.

I would give him a ultimatum with a time frame. Either shape up or ship out...
 
Mrs. Jackson2007 said:
Ya know, that makes the most sense doesn't it? I've asked the same thing and he won't admit it, but if you take his actions and his words it seems like it. Sometimes I wonder if he doesn't want to those things, just because I DO want to do them....it's so sickening though. We are grown as hex now....all that kiddie crap is for the birds.

He's not having any money or job issues. In fact, he's currently in the process of being promoted, which would actually give him a salary increase of approx 20K/yr. We do well financially. We aren't rich or anything, but we're doing well for our ages.
Click to expand...

I dealt with something similar, dude found something critical in everything I enjoyed.

He even said he felt partially responsible for a car accident my cousins got in (no serious injuries) b/c it was his idea to go to a club they were drinking at, so that was his excuse to take a year off of going to any of my family events. :rolleyes:

My church, forget about it, he claimed my Pastor was $$ laundering and was mad that he drove a Benz. :rolleyes:

He claimed my Bff SO tried to play him so no double dates. :rolleyes:

Facebook was for clowns and he didn't want to be involved = don't put up anymore pics of me (him) :rolleyes:

I love to travel, he finally got a passport and then decided going out the country was dangerous and he couldn't have fun b/c he had to be vigilant and protective of me :rolleyes:

Case in point, it was always something, I liked it, he hated it!! So I understand how frustrating that can be.

You guys are still young and if you believe in your heart that his actions are due to emotional immaturity, displaced anger and things that can be worked on, get the help needed and stick it out.

Either way I hope it gets better for you and that you find peace in whatever you decide!
 
If you think he's possibly having an affair, you shouldn't even be thinking about having a baby with him. I would not be having unprotected sex either.

If you think he's thinking about an affair, all the earlier things you said make a lot more sense. He's looking for flaws with you, picking a fight, and not trying to have another baby. You really need counseling because it sounds like both of you are drafting your exit plans.
 
ClassicBeauty said:
If you think he's possibly having an affair, you shouldn't even be thinking about having a baby with him. I would not be having unprotected sex either.

If you think he's thinking about an affair, all the earlier things you said make a lot more sense. He's looking for flaws with you, picking a fight, and not trying to have another baby. You really need counseling because it sounds like both of you are drafting your exit plans.
Click to expand...

I can't confirm he's had a physical affair
 
Last edited:
MD_Lady said:
I'm sorry you're going through this Mrs. Jackson!! :bighug: I'm also hesitant to advise you to end your marriage, but I can say that I would have a difficult time staying married to someone for whom all three of these were an issue (especially if my husband weren't as willing to work on my marriage as I was). Since your husband isn't doing his part to work on the marriage, it is extremely unlikely, IMO, that your marriage will change for the better. Could you see yourself living like this indefinitely?
Click to expand...

That's the hardest part to wrap my mind around. I'm a very optimistic person, but I'm realistic too. I definitely can't see myself living my life like this. I'd be so depressed, he'd eventually leave me because I was "bringing him down!"
 
Last edited:
Thank you for all your responses. I really just wanted to get the perspective of other, unbiased women....just to see whether I was missing something or if there was some "other" perspective that I had not yet considered. I'm not going to make any rash decisions or throw him out tomorrow. I have to first get my mind right and put on my "fighting gear" before I can do that. I can be a real bull when I'm pushed up against a wall, but once I hit that point.....there's really no coming back....so I gotta make sure that ALL the fight I have left in me has really been depleted. I'm going to seek Godly counsel and am going to continue to ask God to change and open his heart and to sustain and strengthen me for whatever is to come. I was really hesitant about writing this, this is my first time starting a thread (it's a shame it couldn't have been about hair or something), but I just wanted to say thanks to all you ladies!!!! I hope to have a wonderful (or at least positive) update real soon.
 
You seem like your faith is strong. I'd pray about it, ask God for an answer and be ready to accept it whatever that answer was.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
Would You CHEAT if you KNEW You Wouldn't Get Caught?!?!
Replies
0
Views
28
Syrah
S
pinkgreenmommie
What would you do? (long)
2
Replies
44
Views
1K
DayStar
DayStar
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Ladies what would you do? Crushing hard.
2 3
Replies
64
Views
1K
vevster
vevster
naija24
Would you have a child for your husband, even if you didn't want one?
Replies
22
Views
889
*CherryPie*
*CherryPie*
D
Would you be bothered with him?
Replies
27
Views
880
tocktick
tocktick
Back
Top