Ladies what would you do? Crushing hard.

:badidea:


Please stop visiting THAT Applebees. You appear desperate and he is priming you for the kill - HE WANTS TO HIT!!!

The lingering stares, the making faces when no one is looking, the constant reminder that he has a girlfriend.


Just let it be.
 
Aveena said:
?? He wants to F her???? I think it's the other way around. I think she just wants to f HIM! :yep: *runs out of thread :peek2:
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I beg to differ.....she's crushing hard, he knows it and is trying to use it as an opportunity to screw; his defense would be, "you knew I had a girl-friend but you kept coming around."

Sorry, I'm not putting this one all on her; is she wrong for keep going around, maybe, BUT he is the one in a relationship; why continue the flirtatious interactions? If he was acting like he was in a relationship, she would've gotten the message and stayed away!!!
 
I knew I was going to have an unpopular opinion but I can't help but wonder if OP has fantasized about having sex with this guy.

I know she probably wouldn't admit it. but to answer the original question "What would I do?" I would get this guy out of my mind. Nothing good will come from this.
 
@ zluvsnewzee The last time you saw him was 3 months ago? That's a long time to carry a crush without any encouragement at all from the guy. It seems you're doing more of your romancing in your head that in real life.

I get the impression that you might be in love with the idea of love, more than feeling anything for this guy in particular. You know how he looks, but not much more than that. Or maybe you just like the thrill of a chase? Please think about that. It isn't fair to you or to the guy you're crushing on. In real life, he could probably never live up to the expectations you may have of him in your imagination. I hope you will take the time to experience real relationships with people who are worthy of you.
 
OP its ok. I know how you feel. I crush hard too. But recently I have learned that some men don't take it as we would take it. They see it as clingy and needy. If you want to meet a nice guy wait for one to approach you and make the effort to get to know you. Otherwise you will keep getting dissapointed and hurt.
 
I'm sorry, WHAT flirtatious interactions? That would be:

Him giving his number back. : NEGATIVE. He let it BE KNOWN HE'S TAKEN (and that could be a lie)

Calling her with her number TWICE GIVEN.: FALSE! He hasn't even REACHED OUT! A guy knowing a desperate girl is after him and could potentially be a new bed partner (even if he's only interested in sex) would have at LEAST played the hem and haw game to REEL HER IN. He hasn't EVEN!!


He doesn't want her AT ALL!! I see no shadiness in his interactions, and I firmly believe OP is reading into his "lingering gazes" and what have you. If he REALLY wanted to be with her, have sex with her, even IF he was "noble" and said up front he has a gf but wanted more, he would have already ensured she didn't "get away" by keeping SOME LINE OF CONTACT OPEN.

HE HASN'T! Stop putting it on the poor guy when it's OP!

He came over and sat with us, told me in my ear, you know I got a girl. Instead of saying I know and I wasn't behind the number thing I told him there's something about you that I can't shake. He kept it very light, he listened. He asked why but I couldn't tell if it was a I don't like this why or an I'm flattered why. He did pay a lot of attention to my cousin but every guy does and it didn't bother me. He was pretty loud and obnoxious that night and I'm assuming because there were three other dudes including his co-worker who I spent a lot of time talking to there. He avoided eye contact with me while he sat across from me but he kept coming back to the table even though he was working and not working our station
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*CherryPie* said:
@Windsy , It doesn't sound like he wants her AT ALL to me. It seems like he feels stalked.
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Agreed. If he'd wanted to have her as a side piece, he'd have acted by now.

As someone who has waited tables, we smile at EVERYBODY like that. It's called "getting tips". And when people become stalker-ish on the job, it's very uncomfortable. He's likely being polite because he has to be.

Assuming he's being honest about a girlfriend, I'm sure she knows about you - and probably his manager and coworkers.

Move on, hun. And work on keeping your crushes in perspective. Don't attach your emotions to a stranger like that. It's not fair to either of you.
 
PPGbubbles said:
OP back away!

And for the record, we women are pursued tough by men like that are usually turned off.

Aside from this man it sounds like you need a healthy dose of self esteem!! It sounds like this isn't the first time you have pursed a man hard with a less than desirable result :nono: Also whoever keeps giving your number is a bad friend! She made you appear more desperate :/ with friends like that who needs enemies :(
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:yep::yep::yep::yep::yep: Thanks was not enough for this post.
 
Pursuit the right way or wrong way or not, the truth remains As SOON as he told you he was taken, you should have nipped that in the bud. The feelings would be there still, but out of RESPECT for HIS relationship, AND YOURSELF you should keep it moving.

While I've seen it give women some kind of smug joy in snagging a guy they fancied, especially if he was taken already as a boost to their already low self esteem, guess what? That same low self esteem and the way you got him would make you INSANE with suspicion wondering if he'll find someone "better" and leave you for her, example, a girl like your cousin.

You don't deserve second best. You deserve someone who is for you and you alone! This is going beyond observing a crush from afar, it's just getting too much. It's been months, please let it go...
 
Also, there aren't going to be many women who will co-sign with you attempting to woo another woman's (ficticious or not) man whether he wants you or not. So, I really hope you weren't expecting anyone to tell you to keep going after him.

ETA: I'm just sitting here thinking about how I'd feel if the Mr. came home and told me some chick kept coming to his job after he's told her he's not interested. Lawd. *grabs my sneakers*
 
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OP, leave him alone. You would hate if someone was all in your man's face coming to his job. You'll find someone that is interested in you and will act on it.
 
Exactly. I know it's a crush but I can't get with someone who is pursuing a taken man and potentially become a "side peace" at will. I know the number wasn't given by O.P but continuously going there intentionally and telling him there's "something about him she can't shake" means you were opening up the possibility of hoping something will happen, perhaps at his hand...

Assuming he speaks the truth about being taken; how would you feel knowing your boyfriend is doing his JOB, not at a club picking up chicks, at WORK and here comes this persistent girl and her family slipping him her number in an attempt to hook him up with her KNOWING he's with you. Would you like it?
 
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ZLUVSNEWZEE said:
I call him Mr. Applebees because he is a waiter at applebees and that's where I first saw him. I was having the worst day I could have, had been crying and stressed. I went into applebees with my mom and 3 year old with the weight of the world on my shoulders and I hear this beautifully musical distinctive deep voice. I look up and the face that goes with the voice stops my heart...literally. He's not Mr. fine of 2011 or anything like that but something about him just took me over. My bad day has gotten better just at the sight of him. I've been back to applebees several times since the first. The first time not much happened. But the second time my cousin took it upon herself to give him my number and put me on the spot. He took it and told me I had a beautiful smile. Never called. I went back and he told me that he and his girl got back together and he was trying to make it work and that's why he didn't call me. I told him I respect you and was fine with it. You ladies are going to frown upon me something fierce as I continue. So I continue to go back, for drinks and food. With girl friends and guy friends even though I know he has a girl I just love his face and his voice and I want to be around him. He makes googly eyes at me when no one is looking some times, other's he stays neutral and looks at me with a blank lingering stare. The last time I went was about 3 months ago I had 2 girlfriends with me, one of my girlfriends brought along 3 guy friends and another employee that I'd gotten to know (a guy) was all sitting at the bar of applebees. My girlfriend/cousin who tends to attract a lot of male attention captured his and attempted to give him my number again, completley against my will. He came over and sat with us, told me in my ear, you know I got a girl. Instead of saying I know and I wasn't behind the number thing I told him there's something about you that I can't shake. He kept it very light, he listened. He asked why but I couldn't tell if it was a I don't like this why or an I'm flattered why. He did pay a lot of attention to my cousin but every guy does and it didn't bother me. He was pretty loud and obnoxious that night and I'm assuming because there were three other dudes including his co-worker who I spent a lot of time talking to there. He avoided eye contact with me while he sat across from me but he kept coming back to the table even though he was working and not working our station. At the end of the night he did the same thing where he said goodnight, walked off then looked back at me with the unreadable lingering stare. I am not the type of girl who would ever try to get up under somebody else's man believe it or not. I just want to know what you ladies would do. I can't get him out of my head. I enjoy being in his environment just to hear that voice of his. Do you think that he is thinking I'm stalking his life? I really can't tell. I crush hard, always have, and I tend to have to have embarrassed myself as much as I possibly could before I get the hint. What do you think? Any similar situations? How pathetic do you think I am? If he didn't have a girlfriend would you pursue him?
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song_of_serenity said:
Exactly. I know it's a crush but I can't get with someone who is pursuing a taken man and potentially become a "side peace" at will. I know the number wasn't given by O.P but continuously going there intentionally and telling him there's "something about him she can't shake" means you were opening up the possibility of hoping something will happen, perhaps at his hand...

Assuming he speaks the truth about being taken; how would you feel knowing your boyfriend is doing his JOB, not at a club picking up chicks, at WORK and here comes this persistent girl and her family slipping him her number in an attempt to hook him up with her KNOWING he's with you. Would you like it?
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OP, knows what she is wrong.......
 
Ok ladies I slept on it and woke up to more comments but I'm not feeling beaten up anymore. I appreciate the truth and the mirror you guys have put up to my face. Nobody in my life will do that for me so I'm glad you guys did. I do appreciate the time you put in and now it all makes sense.
I am pretty introverted and I tend to live inside of my imagination so I probably was misinterpreting his looks for something it wasn't. I dont feel like I have low self esteem, I really like who I am and how I look but being so introverted I have a harder time meeting people and when I do see something I like I latch on to it relentlessly. I feel foolish for thinking we had a connection and after this I totally see the light. I'm feeling a little embarrassed and dissapointed in myself but its a good thing cause I get it and Im hoping it sticks so I can avoid this in the future.
Thank you all again for playing the role of my best friend and giving it to me straight.
Oh and BTW...I'm talking about the applebees in fairfield. It's inside the mall there and both me and my 3 year old love the fairfield mall. You all are right applebees food sucks but I like their drinks so I usually just get an appetizer and drinks. I have in fact fantasized about him sexually and otherwise however, Ive never just given it up just because I like somebody. I do have standards I just made a fool outta myself. I was trying to show intetest thinking he wanted me to, not trying to throw myself at him telling him I'm easy and he could have whatever he wanted. Anyway I'm done with all of it

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TrueToHair said:
You may not agree with every little thing but here is good general advice -

Three Reasons Not to Pursue the Man:


When you pursue him, you are being the man.

1. Men not only like the chase, then need it. If you take over, you're taking his "job" away from him. ONLY respond when he approaches you. The first time you meet, smile for 6 seconds. If he's interested, he'll approach. Then, if he does, let him say the first words. If you approach him and start the conversation, you have just stepped into the position of being the man. So respond to his questions, be impressed with him, don't try to impress him. Then, when you start dating a man, DO NOT email, text, or phone him. Only respond to his emails, texts, and phone calls. Reply to them all but don't initiate. This keeps things going in the right direction. You see, if you pursue him in any way, you never really know if he's really into you.
When you pursue him, you won't know if he's into you.

2. Men can be pretty lazy when it comes to women. If you initiate the first contact, and you're attractive to him, he'll be flattered and go with it. But you'll never really know if he's into you because once you make the first move, you're likely to keep initiating each step along the way. Men are more than happy to hang with you while they're waiting for something better to come along. In the meantime, you're getting emotionally attached. When he finally does leave, you are hurt and wondering what happened. When you let him lead the way, with each phase, you'll know from day one that he's into you.

3. When you pursue him you miss out on how good it feels to be a woman.
One of the wonderful things about being a woman is how good it feels when a man you're attracted to pursues and woos you. So let him initiate the first conversation, all phone calls, all invites to go out on dates, all emails, all texts. Your job is to respond to his overtures. The moment you start initiating emails, texts and phone calls, you start taking on male energy and it no longer feels good. And, if he begins to lose interest, you won't know because you're doing the work.
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Thanks for the post...very interesting

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And are you sure you even like him op? This is more than likely something you're playing up in your head because you are bored with your current love life and he gives you a little thrill.

Stay away for the restaurant and tell your pretty girlfriend, next time you dont need her help handing out your number.

I really think this is something you can easily get over and luckily you never have to see this guy again.
 
Exactly. I know it's a crush but I can't get with someone who is pursuing a taken man and potentially become a "side peace" at will. I know the number wasn't given by O.P but continuously going there intentionally and telling him there's "something about him she can't shake" means you were opening up the possibility of hoping something will happen, perhaps at his hand...

Assuming he speaks the truth about being taken; how would you feel knowing your boyfriend is doing his JOB, not at a club picking up chicks, at WORK and here comes this persistent girl and her family slipping him her number in an attempt to hook him up with her KNOWING he's with you. Would you like it?
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I wouldnt like it and I considered the karma that would come back and bite me. I honestly did not want my number given again and I promised myself I wouldnt dare try to come at him once he told me he had a girl but yes I did go there with intentions of seeing him and I made fun outof it. I shoudnt have out of respect of his relationship.

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God_Favor said:
And are you sure you even like him op? This is more than likely something you're playing up in your head because you are bored with your current love life and he gives you a little thrill.

Stay away for the restaurant and tell your pretty girlfriend, next time you dont need her help handing out your number.

I really think this is something you can easily get over and luckily you never have to see this guy again.
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After I got a little taste of his personality I knew he wasnt my kind of guy but I was having fun chasing him. And yes I am bored with my love life and that played a big role in it. Me and my cousin got into a fight behind the number giving and its one of the reasons we dont speak anymore.

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ZLUVSNEWZEE said:
Oh man...how about we just take me out back shoot my head off. GEEEESSSHHHH harsh harsh harsh. But I needed that. I can't tell how I look. I always think that someone would appreciate the attention but after reading what you guys think I guess not. How come a man can go after a woman over and over and over again and win but when a woman does it it's psycho and pathetic? I hate that. Granted he has a girl and that's reason enough to stop but just in general everyone thinks that it's creepy and pathetic and makes me a debbie downer with low self esteem. But when men do it he's confident and a go getter. It's not fair. I've seen this so many times when men get the woman who's not interested and he pursues and pursues and wins what he wants. Thanks for the overly blunt responses though. I will take it all in consideration and try not to cry myself to sleep from the bruises I've gotten from reading your responses.
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The issue is more so that you showed interest but he is taken. That is where you should stop. Women are not emotionally and mentally built for pursuit. Men are. Its the nature of life.
 
OP I hope you take this advice to heart :yep: Don't pursue men, especially men who have not given any indication that they are interested in you.
 
ZLUVSNEWZEE said:
After I got a little taste of his personality I knew he wasnt my kind of guy but I was having fun chasing him. And yes I am bored with my love life and that played a big role in it. Me and my cousin got into a fight behind the number giving and its one of the reasons we dont speak anymore.

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Are you sure this is a reason to cut ties with your cousin???? Was she trying to help or make you look desperate?

Going from your story and your response to him after the number was given again she was doing it to help you out. She was still VERY WRONG....

We live and learn so I don't want you to think this is some HUGE deal that will mark your life. It's was embarrassing situation and it sounds like you'll never get caught up like this again.

Good lucking in dating and finding your future mate chica!!
 
ZLUVSNEWZEE said:
Ok ladies I slept on it and woke up to more comments but I'm not feeling beaten up anymore. I appreciate the truth and the mirror you guys have put up to my face. Nobody in my life will do that for me so I'm glad you guys did. I do appreciate the time you put in and now it all makes sense.
I am pretty introverted and I tend to live inside of my imagination so I probably was misinterpreting his looks for something it wasn't. I dont feel like I have low self esteem, I really like who I am and how I look but being so introverted I have a harder time meeting people and when I do see something I like I latch on to it relentlessly. I feel foolish for thinking we had a connection and after this I totally see the light. I'm feeling a little embarrassed and dissapointed in myself but its a good thing cause I get it and Im hoping it sticks so I can avoid this in the future.
Thank you all again for playing the role of my best friend and giving it to me straight.
Oh and BTW...I'm talking about the applebees in fairfield. It's inside the mall there and both me and my 3 year old love the fairfield mall. You all are right applebees food sucks but I like their drinks so I usually just get an appetizer and drinks. I have in fact fantasized about him sexually and otherwise however, Ive never just given it up just because I like somebody. I do have standards I just made a fool outta myself. I was trying to show intetest thinking he wanted me to, not trying to throw myself at him telling him I'm easy and he could have whatever he wanted. Anyway I'm done with all of it

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Ok, OP I'm glad you realize that you made a mistake. LHCF ladies (especially the married ones) do not tolerate man snatchers, neither do I, so that's why we were so hard on you :spank:. I guess I kinda put myself in his girl's position and I would hate if some girl was aggressively pursuing my DH after he clearly stated that he was taken. Anyways, pick yourself up, dust it off as a lesson learnt and move on. Don't be too hard on yourself.:bighug:
 
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