Would you invite your dad's girlfriend to your wedding?

F

formysanity

New Member
My dad met his girl friend about a year after he and my mum split. My mum hasn't gotten over the split. If she had her way, she'd be with my dad, but my dad has moved on. He and my mum have been separated for 3 years

My dad's girlfriend is cool but I keep my distance because I know my mum doesn't like the idea of her or want her kids being friendly with her.

Anyway, now I'm getting married, I know I can't have my dad's girlfriend at my wedding because it will upset my mum.

So, do I upset my dad by telling him girlfriend isn't invited or do I upset my mum by letting girlfriend come to the wedding
 
If *I* were in your position, I would not invite the girlfriend. It is your wedding, and she has no stake in that event, so it is not as if she is being denied a right. As far as your dad goes, he should be more concerned about supporting you on this day than whether or not his girlfriend is there. He might be upset, but in the grand scheme of things, his girlfriend being there is not what is important. I would not put a sour note on the event by having my mother upset and reminded of her broken marriage, simply so that the girlfriend can come. It's not worth it. It might be different if your dad was actually remarried, but he's not.

I wouldn't, however, give into the whole "don't be friendly with her" thing. That's your mom's own issue to deal with, not yours.
 
I cant say what I would do bc I have not been placed in that situation. I think it's unfortunate that you are in the middle when there is no drama.

I would talk to my mother first about how she would feel. I would be more inclined to invite the girlfriend but if my mother was just too dramatic about it I would just invite dad to keep peace. I just think as adult we should be able to be cordial at a celebration. it's about the bride and groom and two families coming together. This girlfriend may become wife one day. I could see if this girlfriend was during the marriage that it may cause issue..
 
I was in the same situation, but in your dad's girlfriend position and it sucked because I didnt get invited. Not to sound harsh, but it's been three years and time for your mom to move on. Unless the girlfriend was dating your dad while he was still married to your mom, I think it is unfair of your mom to expect you guys to keep your distance from the girlfriend just because of her own personal feelings toward the woman.
 
If she is the reason your father left your mother then no, I would not invite her. Otherwise I would invite my dad and let him bring whomever he wants to be his plus one. If your parents were separated 3 years and are now divorced, wait, are they divorced? Anyway, I'll try to stay on topic. It's been three years and there will be many events from here on that you will want your dad to attend and most people like to bring their gf/bf with them, so I think this a good time for everyone to move forward, including mom. If your parents are not officially divorced that may be what's keeping your mom from moving on. But none of that is really your business or problem. Talk to your mom about it, as well as your dad, and see what they say. Who knows maybe dad won't even want to bring her. Maybe your mom won't mind as much as you think. But it's not fair for mom to make her problem your problem. You deserve to remain close with both parents and to have some kind of relationship with their current and future SO's. And you're an adult so it's not like you'd start calling dad's gf mom or something. Let your mom know she has nothing to worry about and no other woman could take her place with you.
 
Congratulations!!!

I would and I did. Dad brought his girlfriend and mom brought her boyfriend. They were serious relationships at the time and they both remarried those same people.

It's not fair for your mom to expect you to dislike your dad's girlfriend unless your dad cheated on your mom with this woman. Otherwise, it's not going to work out well if your dad marries this woman and you are still trying to keep your distance to please your mom. Can you imagine, they get married and you want to take the grand kids over to see them. I see this turning into a big mess if your mom's feelings about this woman (if not supported by adultery of something) spill over to you and your dad's relationship.
 
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I would call my dad and tell him that I don't want to hurt Mom and would he and his gf be okay with her not coming. It's nothing against her but you don't wanna have any drama.

I would hear him out and if the gf was a deal breaker I'd probably call my mom to prepare her and tell her to get over it.
 
yes i would and have. both of my parents have moved on, but my mother moved on first. i think people just need to get over stuff and move forward. your mother needs to realize that your dad is with someone else and life goes on. he doesn't want her anymore. she needs some reality.
 
Respect your mother and don't invite the girlfriend. Your mom probably has a good reason to be mad and there are things you'll never know.
 
OP, was gf the responsible party for the break up? If no, then she should be invited with dad. Also are they divorced or seperated? Not that it matters, but your mother may need that final divorce to move on.
 
Please have some sympathy for the mom. Men walk out on women all the time for selfish reasons. The OP said that if it was up the her mother, she would have stayed with his dad. Marriage is supposed to be until death and it is sad that her dad left her mom at a time when her youth is gone. I would assume this woman is at least in her 50s. Moving on for her is not that easy. Letting go after being married to someone for a couple decades is easier said than done.
 
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Congrats on ur engagement OP!

But let me ask you a question, would you still consider not inviting her if she was Married to your father and not just a girlfirend? Just curious...
 
hopeful said:
If she is the reason your father left your mother then no, I would not invite her. Otherwise I would invite my dad and let him bring whomever he wants to be his plus one. If your parents were separated 3 years and are now divorced, wait, are they divorced? Anyway, I'll try to stay on topic. It's been three years and there will be many events from here on that you will want your dad to attend and most people like to bring their gf/bf with them, so I think this a good time for everyone to move forward, including mom. If your parents are not officially divorced that may be what's keeping your mom from moving on. But none of that is really your business or problem. Talk to your mom about it, as well as your dad, and see what they say. Who knows maybe dad won't even want to bring her. Maybe your mom won't mind as much as you think. But it's not fair for mom to make her problem your problem. You deserve to remain close with both parents and to have some kind of relationship with their current and future SO's. And you're an adult so it's not like you'd start calling dad's gf mom or something. Let your mom know she has nothing to worry about and no other woman could take her place with you.
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ITA

If you are allowing your other guest to bring a date, and not allow your father to bring a date, then you need to discuss this with your father. You also need to discuss this with your mother. It's time for her to work through her feelings. And you need to move into having an adult relationship with both parents.
 
FlyyBohemian said:
Respect your mother and don't invite the girlfriend. Your mom probably has a good reason to be mad and there are things you'll never know.
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Agreed. Yaa..Im gonna assume from your name, you're Ghanaian or at least half. Respect your mom and her feelings please. If she were his WIFE then I could see maybe inviting her, since she's not, I sure as hell would not. She deserves to be happy with you on your wedding day :yep:
 
As a general rule, I don't want to. Frankly I don't want or need their SOs or new spouses in my wedding pics. We'll see how that goes whenever that day comes. They're nice people and all, but I have no desire to share big moments with them at all.

Actually I'm mainly talking about the ceremony. But I'd want a very small intimate one with close friends and family. They can meet us at the reception or something. LOL
 
FlyyBohemian said:
Please have some sympathy on the mom. Men walk out on women all the time for selfish reasons. The OP said that if it was up the her mother, she would have stayed with his dad. Marriage is supposed to be until death and it is sad that her dad left her mom at a time when her youth is gone. I would assume this woman is at least in her 50s. Moving on for her is not that easy. Letting go after being married to someone for a couple decades is easier said than done.
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Just food for thought, I don't think folks would be up in arms if it was reversed ie mom left dad and wanted to bring a bf. I think folks for the most part would say dad should suck it up. Just sayin.
 
ThickHair said:
Just food for thought, I don't think folks would be up in arms if it was reversed ie mom left dad and wanted to bring a bf. I think folks for the most part would say dad should suck it up. Just sayin.
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Well that's not the way it usually is...
 
This happened to one of the Braxton sisters. The daughter did not invite dad's new wife (I think she was the former mistress) because it was too painful for mom and dad did not go to his daughter's wedding. Daughter and dad are still having issues because of it.
 
loved said:
This happened to one of the Braxton sisters. The daughter did not invite dad's new wife (I think she was the former mistress) because it was too painful for mom and dad did not go to his daughter's wedding. Daughter and dad are still having issues because of it.
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That was very selfish of the dad.
 
FlyyBohemian said:
That was very selfish of the dad.
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It is selfish for everyone all around. At some point the momma needs to pick herself up and stop pinning or getting hurt over a man who don't want you. The dad should not have cheated on the mom and the Braxton alienated her dad by not inviting the wife.

I always say this, but my dad cheated on my mom with my stepmom, they now have a daugther together. My mom is woman enough and grown enough to allow the daughter to come to her house if needed. Also, my parents are grown enough to know that it is my day and I want to share it with my mom and dad and hell my stepmom. my stepmom is an extenstion of my dad, and to not invite her because of some misguided since of loyalty is crazy. If I didn't invite my stepmom, i fully expect my dad not to be in attentance. But I don't have to deal with that because I am dealing with adults who can put aside their feelings for the greater good.
 
Your dad met her a year later you mom has no bone to pick with this woman. Invite your father and tell him he is welcome to bring the girlfriend. Warn your mother upfront that your dad is invited +1. If she loves and respects you she won't have any ill will towards you and your decision and she won't act up on your big day.

She doesn't have to right to say who comes to your wedding. Especially if you want your dad there.
 
I would invite the GF, you may be creating a lot of future drama with your father if you alienate this woman. I understand your mother's reaction and feel bad for her, but its not your problem. Your wedding is supposed to be a lovely day for you, mum may actually handle this well, and move on after this, discuss it with your mother, she may surprise you.
congratulations on the impending nuptial
 
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