Would you date him?

LiftedUp

LiftedUp

Well-Known Member
Scenario:

This guy asks you out. He's everything you want in a man: educated, moral, physically good looking, inwardly nice, goes above and beyond in his relationships, marriage minded, generous, ambitious, great job (perks, upward mobility etc.) etc. He's the epitome of an eligible bachelor.

But, he dated your friend in high school and he has 'groupies'. Some of your friends are/were his groupies :look:. You raise an issue about these "fans" and he addressed it.

He's not interested in causal dating and is more interested in courting. You are attracted to him.

Would you oblige? Or does 'girl code' triumph?
 
Why does he have groupies? I don't understand that aspect. I don't see what would prevent me from giving it a try, if I liked him, found him attractive, etc. Its basically just me letting him take me out,right?
 
I call them groupies lol! But it's basically grown women who throw themselves at him idk?

I asked because we were having this conversation last night about great guys we let slip away. This scenario occurred a couple years ago. Girl code prevailed for me but my friends thought that I was foolish :lol:
 
LiftedUp said:
I call them groupies lol! But it's basically grown women who throw themselves at him idk?

I asked because we were having this conversation last night about great guys we let slip away. This scenario occurred a couple years ago. Girl code prevailed for me but my friends thought that I was foolish :lol:
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If that's all groupies mena, then fine. I'd be less interested in he was actively keeping a harem or something.

But high school? Yeah, I'd date him
 
If he s ready for a relationship he would need to cut the fan base off . He can't possibly be ready for an exclusive relationship while keeping these "easy options" on the side .
I would not be able to trust him .
 
High School friends and associates will understand if you make a love connection I'm sure.

But, if there is any other type of connection (meaning strike out) then I would be weary of being foder for other people's jokes. (only added this part because of the way the question was asked concerning other people's opinion)

That being said; if I thought for a moment that it could result in a serious relationship then I would go for it.

When I was single I would date anyone I was attracted to as long as he was coming correct. But, as I got older I got better at vetting men so I trusted myself to move gracefully.
 
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How old is he now? High school (shoot college) was over a decade ago and people change, even the jocks/athletes in my class

ETA the groupies are present day? I thought they were in high school. What does he do to have groupies?
 
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he calls his them fans ?

No i wouldnt date him I personally dont like men that attract a lot of women or that have groupies or fans.

In my adult experience most men that attract a lot of women are men who PUT themselves in situations to be more or seem more available everywhere they go.

for example i have a cousin who is single and who attracts a lot of women but he puts himself out there everywhere he goes, he dates at church, he dates via facebook, he dates on his job, he dates online, he picks girls up at parties. Shoot he even dated one of my sons teacher. Everywhere he goes he knows someone that he has "dated" you should see the BBQ'S he throws in the summer lmao he is very handsome and successful in his own right. he is a low life to me and living in a family full of men i have seen a few of them like this and they are never truly faithful even after marriage.

I would stay away from men that court attention.
 
Kindheart said:
If he s ready for a relationship he would need to cut the fan base off . He can't possibly be ready for an exclusive relationship while keeping these "easy options" on the side .
I would not be able to trust him .
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He was never involved with any of them. I call them groupies, maybe it's the wrong term :lol:
 
danniegirl said:
he calls his them fans ?

No i wouldnt date him I personally dont like men that attract a lot of women or that have groupies or fans.
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That's my terminology. I don't know what he refers to them as. I don't like it either. It makes me uncomfortable.

Foxglove said:
How old is he now?
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We are all late 20s now. This scenario occurred a while back when we were mid 20s. Girl, idk, he has had girls fawning over him.

We had a girls night out and the conversation naturally went from career, fashion, gossip etc. then men/sex was our last and longest stop :lol:.

So he came up and I mentioned what a great guy he was and they were telling me then I probably should've given the entire thing a chance. However, I didn't like the scenario of him having these women fawning over him. I actually brought it up at the time and he did tell them that the friendship was platonic (hence the reason they knew the situation) but I was in full respect of the 'girl code' and 'dibs' aspect :look:.


Lymegreen said:
(only added this part because of the way the question was asked concerning other people's opinion)
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This was just and extension of our conversation last night. I was wondering what you ladies would've done given the scenario. The guy is serious about courting I tell you :lol: we knew each other for years (high school of course) and he approached me letting me know that he was willing to "put in the work for a serious and long term relationship" (his words) etc.
 
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LiftedUp said:
He was never involved with any of them. I call them groupies, maybe it's the wrong term :lol:
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Yes, groupie is a major turn off, makes you want to run. But even if they weren't really groupies that is how you felt about the situation. You felt uncomfortable at the time and maybe that's all that matters.
 
LiftedUp said:
He was never involved with any of them. I call them groupies, maybe it's the wrong term :lol:
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Well I wouldn't believe that, to be honest . If they stick around it means they re getting something from him or were sexually involved at some point . I m ready to bet he keeps in touch with them,he might not even initiate te contact but I m sure he replies to them . And the word "fans " makes me think he s has narcissistic tendencies .
 
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Well there's only girl from HS I'm loyal to like that and our tastes in men are soooooo different I don't think it would ever come up.:look: I have very different tastes in men and I was the weird one in HS so if I knew a guy I was interested in had dated someone I knew in HS I'd wonder how much we really have in common.:look: But if I really like him it wouldn't be a deal breaker.

However the big thing for me are the fans, groupies or what ever women are following him. It's a turn off.:nono: IMO a marriage minded man wouldn't be okay with a bunch of women pursuing him when he's supposedly only interested in one woman. So for that I'd say no.
 
Eh....in high school a LOT of guys (especially if they were "good-looking") had "groupies", girl "pals", and "side chicks".... :look: And a lot of times it didn't stop when they got to college lol.

To me, high school is so long ago, that I wouldn't even bat an eye-lash. Idk how old you are OP, but if it's been 10 years or more since you've been in HS, I wouldn't even fret or waste two seconds on what my friends thought. :rolleyes: Now if it's been only 3 years since you've been in HS , then MAYBE I would have some hesitation. :look:


But honestly?? I say just let him take you out. Who cares about the friends of yours that used to sweat him?? Were they even DATING him seriously?? Or were they just girls who liked him??

Let's get real, if a guy is good looking, he's GOING to have "groupies" lol :lol:. And if you think that an "eligible bachelor" type of man has has NOT had women after him or even your FRIENDS interested in him, then you're very naive!! :lol:


Girl, go out with that man!!! :lachen:


In time you will know whether or not he is a keeper. :yep:
 
Lol how far removed are you from hs? Also how close is this friend? Also were dude and the friend intimate and do you plan to be intimate?

The groupie thing depends on his actions to the groupies.
 
I don't want a man with gaggles of women hanging around him. If he is that attractive and charismatic he will have women attracted to him and pursuing him. But he cannot under any circumstanced date or have any relationship with these women.

I'm single and don't have any contact with high school friends.
 
I don't think the option is available now. But given these responses, I may consider it if it ever arises again and we're both single at the same time :)
 
Hmm.

Were these groupies throwing themselves at him while he was single?

I'm not keen on being with a guy that has this effect on a lot of women (where they will be direct and predatory). However, speaking objectively it depends if they calm down/he checks them when he's in a serious relationship.

If he fails to create boundaries while he's with someone that would be 100% no.

As women we all usually have fans swarming around us when single too:yep:, but most of them die down when attached, or will be cut off if inappropriate.
 
Sumra said:
Hmm.

Were these groupies throwing themselves at him while he was single?

I'm not keen on being with a guy that has this effect on a lot of women (where they will be direct and predatory). However, speaking objectively it depends if they calm down/he checks them when he's in a serious relationship.

If he fails to create boundaries while he's with someone that would be 100% no.

As women we all usually have fans swarming around us when single too:yep:, but most of them die down when attached, or will be cut off if inappropriate.
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Sumra I don't hang around him like that because I have no time for that and I don't want people to associate me with that mess. We are friends in a conversational way and group outings for big occasions like bdays etc. But I have heard stories from my friends who do spend more time with that group. For eg they went a concert, he, his bro, his cousin, his bff (all in long term relationships/married) then our mutual female friends then another set of girls who he told that he would be at xyz location :look:. My friends claimed that they felt "threatened" :lachen:. I got second hand information because as I said , I am really lazy and all of that crap seems like a lot of work. This is an example of the groupie behaviour I speak of.

I don't know about his relationships except the one with my friend.
 
^^^Yes I've been friends with her longer than the other friends I speak of. It's different circles with some overlap. We don't speak regularly but we are friends.


Also- this is a previous situation that we were speaking of, I already told him no thank you out of respect of my friend.

Also, not sure if it matters, but my friend (his ex) ended up with a his former friend.
 
Has he had sex with any of your current friends. If not I would have gone for it. I have a past so does he if they aren't current friends of either of us they don't matter.

If you don't like the women being after him don't date him. Sounds like a bit of insecurity and it will only likely get worse leading to mistrust deserved on his end or not.
 
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