Would you date an atheist?

[StarScream35]

Guys I've met the most wonderful guy ever!!!! I mean he makes me so happy and comfortable. Words can't describe how wonderful he is but there is one problem..............I'm Christian and he's atheist. We don't discuss religion at all but I wonder how long we can keep this going. I don't know what to do. I feel I have found a good man and I wanna hold on to him cause lord knows I do not wanna get back out there in that drought.

 

[meesch]

it is a requirement for me.

so, on the flip side, i wouldn't date a christian, no.

 

[Rastafarai]

How important is your religion to you? If you intend to marry and have children with this man, do you think your religious differences would pose a problem? For instance, he may want to raise children in an atheist household. It's something you'll both have to eventually confront and discuss seriously.

But to answer your question, no, I would not.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

That's tough. But I don't think I could.

 

[Theo]

nope, not an atheist. that's hardcore.

i've never even seen it work out with a christian and an agnostic. a gf of mine tried.... they really tried. she had the same attitude "theo, he's such a good man", but we found out later he was not so good . it didn't work out in the end. for multiple reasons... not just the religion thing.

my last boyfriend had an agnostic dad and christian mom who are divorced, and he was wavering btwn the two. we argued abt things in the beginning, but we got over it. in the end, i became a little more relaxed and evolved abt certain things, and he now identifies as christian, so... in that regard, it worked out for us. clearly, we're not together anymore, but we remain good friends.

but i realize you asked abt an atheist. no. i would not date an atheist. I mean, even if you do work it out between the two of you, is marriage on the table? How will y'all manage things in your marriage? Are you interested in having children? how will you raise your children?

Either way, these are convos you should have before you get in too deep.

 

[StarScream35]

Yes it is tough, very tough. And my religion is very important to me but on that note I'm sick of meeting lousy no good men, many who have claimed to be Christian. This guy treats me so wonderful and hasn't pressure me about sex or anything. I just don't know what to do. If there were an abundance of good men out there to date, I would stop talking to him and not look back but I feel I have found a good one and I'd better hold on.

 

[Syrah]

Guys I've met the most wonderful guy ever!!!! I mean he makes me so happy and comfortable. Words can't describe how wonderful he is but there is one problem..............I'm Christian and he's atheist. We don't discuss religion at all but I wonder how long we can keep this going. I don't know what to do. I feel I have found a good man and I wanna hold on to him cause lord knows I do not wanna get back out there in that drought.

What does he think about Christianity? Is he a Bill-Maher "Religous people are delusion, crazy and dumb" atheist? Or just someone who subscribes to more philosophical ideas about life (i.e. Buddhism, Taoism etc)?

I don't think I could, but I think I'd be more open minded depending on his philosophy and beliefs about religion and religious people...

 

[Rastafarai]

Yes it is tough, very tough. And my religion is very important to me but on that note I'm sick of meeting lousy no good men, many who have claimed to be Christian. This guy treats me so wonderful and hasn't pressure me about sex or anything. I just don't know what to do. If there were an abundance of good men out there to date, I would stop talking to him and not look back but I feel I have found a good one and I'd better hold on.

Then hold on. Maybe his viewpoint might change and then again, maybe it won't. So long as he isn't demanding you conform to his beliefs, all is good. But I would definitely ask him how he feels about raising children in a Christian household. Good luck!

 

[cutiepiesensei]

mmm.....your situation is hard. Y'all might want to talk about it because it could get messy in the future. Is he just confused about how he feels about religion or is he straight up one of those people that says "the Bible is a fairytale book" <---- those people disgust me

Personally, I could not date someone that didn't have the same values or beliefs as me. But *shrug* people can change.

 

[Theo]

Yes it is tough, very tough. And my religion is very important to me but on that note I'm sick of meeting lousy no good men, many who have claimed to be Christian. This guy treats me so wonderful and hasn't pressure me about sex or anything. I just don't know what to do. If there were an abundance of good men out there to date, I would stop talking to him and not look back but I feel I have found a good one and I'd better hold on.

you sound like my friend. are you sure you're not settling? religion is a big deal, no? how long have y'all been dating?

 

[meesch]

Yes it is tough, very tough. And my religion is very important to me but on that note I'm sick of meeting lousy no good men, many who have claimed to be Christian. This guy treats me so wonderful and hasn't pressure me about sex or anything. I just don't know what to do. If there were an abundance of good men out there to date, I would stop talking to him and not look back but I feel I have found a good one and I'd better hold on.

i know you didnt mean it that way, and im sure he's just as great as you say, but holding on to something that causes you to compromise yourself or goes against your core beliefs is a form of desperation. he's not the only good guy out there, and you shouldnt hold on out of fear of not meeting another great guy.

 

[StarScream35]

He is very open minded and doesn't pounce on Christians or religious people at all. His entire family is atheist but he is quite respectful of my views as a Christian. It's such a difficult issue because I have always thought and felt the man I would be with would be Christian and God fearing and devout and unfortunately that hasn't happened which is why I feel I should stop being so choosy.

 

[Rastafarai]

He is very open minded and doesn't pounce on Christians or religious people at all. His entire family is atheist but he is quite respectful of my views as a Christian. It's such a difficult issue because I have always thought and felt the man I would be with would be Christian and God fearing and devout and unfortunately that hasn't happened which is why I feel I should stop being so choosy.

Is he open to attending services with you ? It appears he is atheist based on what he was taught and not by choice. Maybe you can invite him to a sermon one day and see what he thinks. Even atheists can become devout Christians. He seems open to listening which is great.

 

[StarScream35]

Theo
meesch

I wish it were that easy but really, the pickings are slim for black women and quite frankly, I'm tired, real tired! I've been a lady in waiting for years and years and I can't do it anymore. I'm older and I have no more fight left! Am I settling? I don't feel like I am. He has everything I ever wanted in a man. The job, the education, no children, comes from a good family, he treats me with respect, hasn't been to prison, no questionable sexuality issues, doesn't play mind games, isn't a player, is on time when he picks me up, tells me how he feels vs trying to play all hard etc. The only thing is, he's an atheist. That's only one thing!

 

[StarScream35]

Rastafarai

Thats a good idea! Thanks. Will give it a try!

 

[StarScream35]

Theo, we've been dating for a month.

 

[BrandNew]

Nope, I personally would not.

 

[Theo]

@Theo, we've been dating for a month.

Well you don't even really know if he's a good guy for sure at this point. Like I told you before, my friend had a similar attitude as yours but we found out later this dude had some serious problems, so it ended being a moot issue. The first two months were amazing, they were all in love, 6 months later they almost hated each other and couldn't even be in the same room with one another. so wait and see, lady!

 

[BobbieDoll]

I personally wouldn't do it but it sounds like you really want to stick with him. If you feel like it's not going to be an issue then it shouldn't be a problem. God could be using you to bring this man closer to Him anyway.

 

[meesch]

I wish it were that easy but really, the pickings are slim for black women and quite frankly, I'm tired, real tired! I've been a lady in waiting for years and years and I can't do it anymore. I'm older and I have no more fight left! Am I settling? I don't feel like I am. He has everything I ever wanted in a man. The job, the education, no children, comes from a good family, he treats me with respect, hasn't been to prison, no questionable sexuality issues, doesn't play mind games, isn't a player, is on time when he picks me up, tells me how he feels vs trying to play all hard etc. The only thing is, he's an atheist. That's only one thing!

i don't know how "hardcore" of an atheist he is (probably less than me due to the fact that he's even dating a christian to begin with) but most of the time people do not take kindly to proselytizing. how would you feel if he tried to convert you to atheism? would you be open to it? would there be any chance that you would switch beliefs? it's not as if atheists are going from "nothing" to "something" so they might become believers. being an atheist often times means belief in other things that religion directly contradicts.

im one of those atheists that is about religion, and for me it's just a dealbreaker because i wouldn't be able to take it seriously. religion is a core belief system for most people, and it is absolutely bound to come up in the long run. it's easy to look at right now and say you'd be able to overlook it, but when you're ten years down the line and all the typical issues have cropped up and started to chip away at your relationship, you're going to say "i knew from the start it wasn't going to work with our religious differences and now i'm stuck."

if it were me i would sit down and have a very serious discussion about the issue, laying out my plans and lifestyle choices as it relates to religion and having him do the same. if he is open to your demands and you are open to his, at least you guys have a shot. it's better than pretending the religion issue won't be a factor and thinking "well i can just overlook it" like it won't matter. that way you guys will be able to say you did all that you could. people with different faiths can make it work (or i've seen a true life episode to that effect. but i think they just had different religions, not religion vs. no religion.)

good luck!

 

[RS1976]

I wouldn't.

 

[UrbainChic]

It depends on his attitude. One of my professors in college was an athiest but a world reknowned scholar in christian literature.

You can not believe in something and still believe it has value, and is beautiful.

Why don't you see what he's about and talk about how he forsees himself raising his children. Usually discussions like that bring out the core valuea and you can figure out quickly of you are a long term marriagable match or not.

Sent from my iPhone

 

[LiftedUp]

No way. I do not think that a Christian should consciously be in the a relationship with an Atheist.

I do not think that God will send a man who is an Atheist for you. If anything, this may be a test of faith.

 

[hopeful]

I say enjoy yourself. Like you said, you are tired, so don't stress about this right now. One month is not long at all, you really don't know him that well yet or where the relationship will go. I can't imagine dating an atheist but if I were single and tired I would just relax a bit and enjoy spending time with him. If there is going to be a major issue regarding your religious views it will reveal itself and then the two of you can go from there.

 

[Fine 4s]

i don't know how "hardcore" of an atheist he is (probably less than me due to the fact that he's even dating a christian to begin with) but most of the time people do not take kindly to proselytizing. how would you feel if he tried to convert you to atheism? would you be open to it? would there be any chance that you would switch beliefs? it's not as if atheists are going from "nothing" to "something" so they might become believers. being an atheist often times means belief in other things that religion directly contradicts.

im one of those atheists that is about religion, and for me it's just a dealbreaker because i wouldn't be able to take it seriously. religion is a core belief system for most people, and it is absolutely bound to come up in the long run. it's easy to look at right now and say you'd be able to overlook it, but when you're ten years down the line and all the typical issues have cropped up and started to chip away at your relationship, you're going to say "i knew from the start it wasn't going to work with our religious differences and now i'm stuck."

if it were me i would sit down and have a very serious discussion about the issue, laying out my plans and lifestyle choices as it relates to religion and having him do the same. if he is open to your demands and you are open to his, at least you guys have a shot. it's better than pretending the religion issue won't be a factor and thinking "well i can just overlook it" like it won't matter. that way you guys will be able to say you did all that you could. people with different faiths can make it work (or i've seen a true life episode to that effect. but i think they just had different religions, not religion vs. no religion.)

good luck!

I knew it!!!! You remind me of my ex who was agnostic and something about your views and realism reminded me of him. It's a compliment btw.

 

[HoneyA]

For sure but my bf is Christian. We have great debates though.

 

[Cichelle]

I am not an atheist or an agnostic but yes, I have dated atheists. I would not, on the other hand, date a Christian. One of the main reasons is that I have a very low tolerance for proselytizing. I consider it an assault and will retaliate in a way that would most likely doom a relationship. I know that, so when I was dating, I didn't put myself or the other person in that situation.

I suggest you think hard about whether you can truly accept this man as he is. Don't get into a relationship banking on him becoming a devout Christian. He might, but he might not. Can you accept that?

 

[CrissieD]

That's actually my preference but as an Agnostic religion not a deal breaker as long as they are not psycho about it.

 

[Aicer]

I don't think one month is really enough time to truly know that he's a good man. They usually try to be on their best behavior and do everything right at the beginning stages. So continue to date other people while you're dating him.

But to answer your question no I don't think I could.

 

[MamaBear2012]

No, I wouldn't. How important is your faith to you? For me, as a Christian, it impacts everything that I do and don't do. I couldn't imagine not talking about it. That would be depressing to me. And if I couldn't share my faith with the one person who is my partner, I'd hate it.