would you be ok with sexual jokes/references?

[sunshinebeautiful]

My friend would like some feedback. She's trying to judge if she's overreacting to this situation (and apparently I'm no help ).

She met this guy, went out on a couple of dates about a year ago, and then he disappeared off the face of the Earth without an explanation at the time of what had happened. He reappeared about one month ago and they've been in regular contact with each other since. At this time, he's working abroad temporarily, so their only contact has been over the phone.

Recently, he's been making some sexual references/jokes in conversation. She feels taken aback when he brings it up and she's not sure if she's being overly sensitive, given some negative past relationship experiences. Mind you, they've never even kissed before.

She's wondering if she's feeling too prudish... or if this is just part of the regular dating scene nowadays? At what point would you feel comfortable with making or receiving sexual references, innuendos, or jokes with someone you're dating? Has anyone had an experience like this? What did you do?

 

[Poobity]

I'd be okay with it to an extent......like we're conversing on a regular basis.

But dude disappears with NO explanation, reappears and is talking to her again like nothing happened.........no. He'd have to go somewhere with that mess.

 

[PaperClip]

I don't think it is appropriate (at this time), not because of being prudish, but because he doesn't know her like that, esp. with him dropping off so quick and without explanation.

Guys do the sexual jokes and references (I think) to gauge the tolerance level of a female, like if she's less tolerant of the jokes, then she's probably not going to be tolerant of getting physical quickly. If she's more tolerant of the jokes, then there's the higher chance that the guy will get some or he can talk her into it...with decreasing effort....

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I don't think it is appropriate (at this time), not because of being prudish, but because he doesn't know her like that, esp. with him dropping off so quick and without explanation.

Guys do the sexual jokes and references (I think) to gauge the tolerance level of a female, like if she's less tolerant of the jokes, then she's probably not going to be tolerant of getting physical quickly. If she's more tolerant of the jokes, then there's the higher chance that the guy will get some or he can talk her into it...with decreasing effort....

I get where you're coming from, RR. I would think this too, but I didn't know if it was just me.

 

[calm_delight]

In this situation, I think the sexual references/innuendos are inappropriate. The timing and the nature of the relationship are not at the point of sex talk IMO. I am FAR from a prude but I'm really funny about things like this. He is likely testing her and her response to his remarks are likely to set the tone of the relationship. It makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't put up with it.

If I were her, I'd let him know I felt uncomfortable, tell him why and ask him (= tell him) to stop - we're not "there" (yet). If he continued or seemed upset that I didn't like it, I'd likely end it right then and there or at the very least, put him on ice for a while...long enough for him to see that I really mean business.

Let us know how she handles it.

 

[loved]

If she feels taken aback then it is inappropriate. She sets the standard.