Would you be angry....

[nychaelasymone]

I've been separated from my husband for a while for good reason. My mother tells me that my husband contacted her to talk to her about how to get me back. I proceed to contact my husband to find out why he felt the need to do that but I was quickly told by him that he didn't contact my mother. My mother lied. She finally admitted that she initiated the convo and felt she should tell me now since she arranged to meet him for lunch. I also found out my mother has been contacting him behind my back for a while to try and find out details of our marriage and the details of why we are separated.

I told my mother she was wrong and that my marriage is my business and if ever I needed to talk or get her opinion I would however - she had no right to contact him. She feels she is owed an explanation and that I am disrespectful. I disagree wholeheartedly. I'm sure she means well but I don't owe her an explanation simply because she wants one.

I made the best decision for myself and my marriage and she needs to respect that. If and when I want to discuss the details with her or anyone I will but I don't owe anyone any information simply because you're related to me and you say you care. Its never a good idea to ever involve your family in your marital issues....barring physical and mental abuse....

 

[Urban]

Oh, I thought she was desparately trying to help ... But if she feels entitled to an explanation and feels you're disrespectful when you don't give her one ... I'd really be questioning her intentions.

Whatever her intentions were, I'd still be upset because it's almost as if my judgement is not trusted.

 

[calm_delight]

I'd be livid.

 

[lacreolegurl]

I think you have every right to be annoyed. She should respect your decision and she defintiely doesn't need an explanation.

 

[FlowerHair]

Your mother sounds a little nosy, just like my own dear mother.

I really hope your husband can stop talking to her and seeing her (even though he might be desperate for ideas on how to get you back).

I would be so disappointed. Why do they feel the need to talk about you when you're not there?

 

[JewelleNY]

I think you have every right to be upset. The decision is yours and your mom should be there for you for support and advice but not to butt in and meet with him without your knowledge.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Was your husband actually trying to reconcile, or is he just appeasing your mom? Either way, I'd be mad. Have you had good boundaries with her throughout your marriage? If you normally share with her, I can see why she would expect to continue to be in the loop.

 

[nychaelasymone]

Was your husband actually trying to reconcile, or is he just appeasing your mom? Either way, I'd be mad. Have you had good boundaries with her throughout your marriage? If you normally share with her, I can see why she would expect to continue to be in the loop.

My husband wants to reconcile however I do not. I never share any details about my marriage with her except for surface stuff that didn't matter. She was butting in and it angered me tremendously.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

My husband wants to reconcile however I do not. I never share any details about my marriage with her except for surface stuff that didn't matter. She was butting in and it angered me tremendously.

I get it. I'd be pissed if my mom did that. She's egging your DH on and giving him false hope when you've already made up your mind. It just makes thing messier for you.

 

[hopeful]

I'm sorry you're dealing with these problems. It sounds like your mother is very upset about the possibility of you getting divorced and really wants to try to help you and him, BUT she is so wrong for contacting him behind your back and lying. I hope you have someone with whom to confide though. Sometimes you do need a wise confidant. I think the most upsetting thing is that instead of being a support to you, she is focussed on her needs and has kind of betrayed you which is very hurtful. You need her love and comfort now. Praying everything works out for you.

 

[SoopremeBeing]

I would tell my mother to mind her own business. It is YOUR marriage, not hers.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

We don't know your relationship with your mom but presuming it's the average mother/daughter relationship and not estranged, it's normal for her to want to know why you and your husband are separated. If you choose not to tell her, that's your business. However, it's awful that she contacted him and gave him false hope and then lied about it. That was just being plain nosy.

 

[MizAvalon]

I'm sorry you're going through this, your Mom is flat out wrong. I'm confused about why she feels she is owed an explanation when you don't really share details about your marriage with her anyway?

What she is doing is unfair to both you and your husband.

 

[NOEChic]

I would have booked the hell outta my mom and told her to mind her own business. That's just me though.

 

[SmileyNY]

If you chose not to share ANY details of your marriage with your Mom, that's your choice.... But I see and understand how that could be frustrating for a mother who only wants the best for her child. She probably yearns for a more open and traditional mother/daughter relationship with you.

What she did was still VERY wrong... but I understand why she probably did it.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

This sounds like something my mom would do... in good faith though. I'd still be mad because she broke my trust and is acting like she doesn't trust my judgment. Bottom line: if she wants to know about my separation, ask me. But her talking to m husband about me and our marriage would have m blood boiling.

 

[BonBon]

If you chose not to share ANY details of your marriage with your Mom, that's your choice.... But I see and understand how that could be frustrating for a mother who only wants the best for her child. She probably yearns for a more open and traditional mother/daughter relationship with you.

What she did was still VERY wrong... but I understand why she probably did it.

This is what I think too.

I would be so pissed off about what happened.

At the same time I understand why she might want even a vague clue about the demise of the marriage. Maybe she's thinking she can mediate to fix it, or something and it's coming from a good place. Just a stupid way to do it.

 

[JadeFox]

Yea, don't be too mad OP. typical nosy mom behavior. Although she went about it the wrong way, she's coming from a place of love. Sounds like some crap my mom would do.