Women who can't or won't move on...

[ElizaBlue]

Lol....I tried twice to type a post but the interweb God's kept deleting it....I gotta maybe take this as a hint.

Anyone got any stories and fixes they'd care to share?

 

[ElizaBlue]

Okay a possible scenario...like from another site of someone else not me asking for advice...

Said DH/SO has a couple of ex(s) two he was married to, the other one just a girlfriend. The latter of which has finally stopped with the emails as she didn't have the new number.

Now DH is remarried to new wife, but the two ex-wives just cannot or will move on and accept the fact that he does not want a relationship with either of them.

Last ex (no children from) constantly emails and ask third parties for DH's new phone number.

First ex (mother of child) constantly emails because that's her only form of communication, due to her number being blocked. At times she's taken the childs phone and used it to harass DH.

Said wife of said DH/SO has the means to deal with either of these women but knows it would change their lives/livelihoods forever...and for now doesn't want to go that route.

What say ya'll?

 

[hopeful]

Okay a possible scenario...like from another site of someone else not me asking for advice...

Said DH/SO has a couple of ex(s) two he was married to, the other one just a girlfriend. The latter of which has finally stopped with the emails as she didn't have the new number.

Now DH is remarried to new wife, but the two ex-wives just cannot or will move on and accept the fact that he does not want a relationship with either of them.

Last ex (no children from) constantly emails and ask third parties for DH's new phone number.

First ex (mother of child) constantly emails because that's her only form of communication, due to her number being blocked. At times she's taken the childs phone and used it to harass DH.

Said wife of said DH/SO has the means to deal with either of these women but knows it would change their lives/livelihoods forever...and for now doesn't want to go that route.

What say ya'll?

Don't understand the bolded.

Why can't the dh shut it down? Maybe give it a little time, I guess, as dh should handle it. But I know I would be so tempted to handle it. I imagine it must be very annoying to you, I mean the wife .

 

[ElizaBlue]

Don't understand the bolded.

Why can't the dh shut it down? Maybe give it a little time, I guess, as dh should handle it. But I know I would be so tempted to handle it. I imagine it must be very annoying to you, I mean the wife .

@hopeful Oh...lol...meaning the hypothetical now wife doesn't want to handle it herself because it would have long standing reprecussions for either of the ex-wives.

And yes it is very annoying to her...I would agree...if I were her.

 

[hopeful]

The wife sounds pretty powerful, those ex-wives better be careful.

 

[ElizaBlue]

The wife sounds pretty powerful, those ex-wives better be careful.

hopeful Well I think it's safe to say the wife doesn't want to address a mosquito with a hammer. And DH and her sort of agreed the best approach is to simply ignore the second ex. But yes the new wife is getting a bit annoyed with the boldness of it all.

The first ex has to have some communication because of the child, but she abuses that to no end. How would you recommend DH could shut it down?

Oh by the way add to the equation that the first ex kicked the child out over the holidays....so the child is now living happily with DH and new wife.

Drama...just drama I tell you...these imaginary folks and their drama...lol.

 

[hopeful]

Well, I imagine he's a gentleman and the ex is the mother of his daughter, so he's probably kinder to her than necessary, doesn't want to disrespect his daughter's mother. But she's disrespecting the wife. Okay I re-read, can only reach via e-mail or daughter's phone. So good job on blocking her number, nice move. I guess really isn't much more to be done until the daughter is a young woman and finished with college? But, I think in time she will give up, hopefully she will get a boyfriend .

 

[deltadreamland]

Exes need to grow up and move on....even if that means buying a dildo. I have no desire to even look at my son's father, who recently remarried, let alone communicate with him. I would rather watch white paint dry on a wall....ijs.

Off my rant....what is the worst that could happen if said new wife handles the matter? I'm a bit on the dramatic and direct side irl so I'd probably just go on and deal with the exes myself and let the chips fall where they may. Men have a tendency to tread lightly...too lightly with exes IMO, especially when offspring, child support, visitation, and other financial obligations are involved.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[ElizaBlue]

Well, I imagine he's a gentleman and the ex is the mother of his daughter, so he's probably kinder to her than necessary, doesn't want to disrespect his daughter's mother. But she's disrespecting the wife. Okay I re-read, can only reach via e-mail or daughter's phone. So good job on blocking her number, nice move. I guess really isn't much more to be done until the daughter is a young woman and finished with college? But, I think in time she will give up, hopefully she will get a boyfriend .

@hopeful Yeah well it's been 12 years...she begged him not to remarry but to instead come back to her. 12 years....with another marriage in between...no one can be that hopeful can they?

But you're right there are not a lot of options other than formally addressing the child's mother. And really who wants to be the reason a child has to visit their mama in jail. Well...it wouldn't be the new wife's fault but surely the child would have some feelings about it and somehow be maybe worse off for it.

Oh and she has boyfriends but they're at her level...not like the DH.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Exes need to grow up and move on....even if that means buying a dildo. I have no desire to even look at my son's father, who recently remarried, let alone communicate with him. I would rather watch white paint dry on a wall....ijs.

Off my rant....what is the worst that could happen if said new wife handles the matter? I'm a bit on the dramatic and direct side irl so I'd probably just go on and deal with the exes myself and let the chips fall where they may. Men have a tendency to tread lightly...too lightly with exes IMO, especially when offspring, child support, visitation, and other financial obligations are involved.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

deltadreamland Let me finish laughing...you are so right. I feel the same exact way about my exes. Trigger please...you will never ever get this again...ever never.

Well if the said wife were to handle it charges would be filed no doubt, the likes of which would probably lead to the play job being lost and at least 6 months confinement. The first wife has a way of saying she don't give a **** about the law and **** the police. That doesn't really work too well with cops locally....not to mention federally.

The second ex actually is a professional in the medical field. But prides herself on being the sneaky type. You know we're divorced and you re-married but we can still hook up.

On the site I read about this on...lol...it stated DH and new wife laugh at her antics and shake their heads.

So I was just wondering if any of you knowledgable ladies have some recommendations and then I would go back and share them on the other site....for the poster....

 

[hopeful]

12 years? Seriously? And even with a marriage in between and boyfriends? The new wife should just thank God she's got such a good catch. It will all work out over time, the ex-wife will have to be patient. Over that 12 years though he was not married to the new wife. I imagine he is colder and rougher with her than in the past now that he is happily married. She'll give up in time. And she isn't hopeful , she's crazy. But even crazy people get tired of looking like a fool.

 

[ElizaBlue]

12 years? Seriously? And even with a marriage in between and boyfriends? The new wife should just thank God she's got such a good catch. It will all work out over time, the ex-wife will have to be patient. Over that 12 years though he was not married to the new wife. I imagine he is colder and rougher with her than in the past now that he is happily married. She'll give up in time. And she isn't hopeful , she's crazy. But even crazy people get tired of looking like a fool.

hopeful Yep and yep. The sad thing is the new wife had hopes of having a cordial relationship with the first ex. Until she saw the text message sent to DH explaining how she was going to find out all she could about the new wife and make her life miserable.

Yeah after that it was pretty clear that was not going to happen. No lunches with the bio mom and child planning college tours and the like. No coffee and tea when one or the other dropped the child off....

Funny thing is the uh...ahem....article stated the child is quite fond of the new wife....and has no plans of returning to live with the bio mom...any time soon. Hence the uptick in emails and now blocked calls to the new wife.

Thanks Hopeful...the hypothetical new wife surely appreciates your input.

 

[hopeful]

Welp, she gave the wife no choice. Only a fool would continue to open themselves up to that. It's disappointing. It would be great if everything worked out, but it's simply a challenge to let go and surrender, something hard for those who enjoy being in control (like me, you, and the lady in the article). I'm just so happy you found love, it's just so wonderful ElizaBlue.

 

[Fine 4s]

Oh lawd...

I posted something a while ago about SO's child's mother constantly calling for various reasons not relating to the child. The last call was because she was on speaker (I think he did that to reassure me. However, I already know he's not going there, for me it's more about MAKE HER STOP calling PERIOD!) was to ask for a suitcase for her mother. Really?

This just made me recoil even MORE!

 

[ElizaBlue]

Hmmm...yeah I guess it's more epidemic than not. But why tho? And what can the man really do to make it stop. Especially if the ex is just doing it to be vindictive and she knows the man has not interest in her.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Welp, she gave the wife no choice. Only a fool would continue to open themselves up to that. It's disappointing. It would be great if everything worked out, but it's simply a challenge to let go and surrender, something hard for those who enjoy being in control (like me, you, and the lady in the article). I'm just so happy you found love, it's just so wonderful ElizaBlue.

hopeful Thank you mam...indeed it is!

 

[DarkJoy]

Pardon me, but I don't get why a man with not one, but TWO, ex-wives would be so appealing. Of course he would have excess drama. Look at his past relationships.

 

[ElizaBlue]

DarkJoy Well now let's see. Hypothetically he could be a great dad, a great provider and an excellent husband who has just had two marriages which ended. Bad marriages have a tendency to do that...the other option being folks stick around and just make each other miserable...and the children as well.

Hypothetically, someone could be in a wonderful relationship at the moment or not....and think that they deserve better. That if they had the chance to do it over again they would make sure it was more about compatibility than whatever reason they married for before.

I don't think God meant for man or woman...to be alone. So just because you got out of a bad marriage and found someone you really wanted to be with is no reason to have to sit out of the game.

And in my literal opinion, I'm more inclined to think from the exes actions that he wasn't the issue they were. And I'm not one to always take the side of a man.

Now according to the article the first ex gave the second wife holy h*ll throughout that marriage which lasted until the second decided she wanted to have an open relationship and that marriage ended.

But hey these are all just imaginary folks....so we don't really know what's going on. Thanks for your comments.

 

[TayMac]

No personal stories but I always thought they move on with they get their own man. I can't imagine almost middle aged women still causing such trouble. Find a hobby.

 

[Bublin]

@ElizaBlue simply put the DH is a great guy and they can't get over losing him for good. They are probably re-running all the things they would have done differently and really, really want another chance - but it's just too late.
After 12 years you would have thought they would've gotten over it but the heart is so delicate and easily be broen into a million pieces. She has no idea how to move on because she is still searching for someone exactly like her ex husband, not truely giving her heart to new man. Every relationship she has will be doomed until gets over her failed marriage.

I have a story - my supervisor at work met and is still with her SO. His ex wife has done the unthinkable to try and split them up. For legal reasons I can't say what but she stooped really, really low to try and get my boss sacked and ruin her reputation. ElizaBlue you know my profession and can probably imagine the strain it put on my supervisor but you know what, she and her SO are still together and the ex is pissed that her plan didn't work but has no choice now but to sit the hell down.
If that didn't break the two of them up, then nothing will. They are solid and so are the husband/wife in your story.

 

[ElizaBlue]

No personal stories but I always thought they move on with they get their own man. I can't imagine almost middle aged women still causing such trouble. Find a hobby.

TayMac You would think so right? But I suppose desperate and lonely and being vindictive transcends all ages. Sad....

 

[ElizaBlue]

@ElizaBlue simply put the DH is a great guy and they can't get over losing him for good. They are probably re-running all the things they would have done differently and really, really want another chance - but it's just too late.
After 12 years you would have thought they would've gotten over it but the heart is so delicate and easily be broen into a million pieces. She has no idea how to move on because she is still searching for someone exactly like her ex husband, not truely giving her heart to new man. Every relationship she has will be doomed until gets over her failed marriage.

I have a story - my supervisor at work met and is still with her SO. His ex wife has done the unthinkable to try and split them up. For legal reasons I can't say what but she stooped really, really low to try and get my boss sacked and ruin her reputation. ElizaBlue you know my profession and can probably imagine the strain it put on my supervisor but you know what, she and her SO are still together and the ex is pissed that her plan didn't work but has no choice now but to sit the hell down.
If that didn't break the two of them up, then nothing will. They are solid and so are the husband/wife in your story.

@Bublin Hey honey and yes I completely understand. You see the wife in the article is the same. So if she handles it the outcome is going to be pretty not so good. Sometimes you want to handle a situation and know you have the means...but have to tolerate nonsense...at least unless they go too far.

And to the bolded...chile yes!!!! I too think it's an unbearable loss for them and the wife in the article completely understands the regret these two women must be going through. Primarily because she can see...well I'm sure she knows what a value he is to her.

 

[TayMac]

TayMac You would think so right? But I suppose desperate and lonely and being vindictive transcends all ages. Sad....

It is sad. Bitter is not a good look on anyone. I'm sorry this person is having to expend energy to deal with this crap. The daughter is lucky to have a welcoming stepmom.