"Why you let your kids look nappy?"

[tthreat08]

Great Auntie was extra that day. It reminds me of one day I stopped by my MIL house for a visit, and I'd done a braid out on my oldest daughter. She has very healthy waist length hair (at the time it was but length). It was beautiful...well MIL says "Your mommy didn't have time to comb your hair today"? I just smiled and said, "She decided to she wanted to look fabulous today, and I decided she should"! Clearly her hair was styled (she had a very pretty ribbon tied in the front).

Older generation just don't "get it". But even still, they should not be allowed to insult our babies (or us for that matter).

 

[SelahOco]

OP, in your opinion, did the children look bad? Not excusing the great aunt. I'm just curious of how you thought the children looked.

 

[curlydrea]

Totally mean and ignorant. Aunt or not we would have had it out.

 

[Live4Me]

What length is your great aunt hair?

Girl it's the typical hairstyle. It's practically shaved in the back and blow dried up top with a soft bend on the ends. It's hair-sprayed to death too.

 

[JayAnn0513]

I'm not that polite...that would have been an ugly scene. Your great aunt had no valid points. I would have picked up my kids and bounced before it went that far.

 

[lawyer2be371]

I think your great was out of line, but I hear similar comments from my mom....so I know the frustration

 

[NikStarrr]

I'm sorry. I probably would have stepped in, if I were you OP. At least in helping to defend your Aunt.

 

[Shoediva]

Great, your great aunt just showed those girls that they have no self worth being themselves. Now they are going to think in order to be accepted and valued they must have straight hair.

Me personally who grew up respecting my elders. That day I would have probably snapped on Great Aunty and then scooped my children and rolled out!

 

[washize]

Thanksgiving a.k.a. WWIII took place at my family's so-called Turkey Day. I need some opinions here ladies. I just got off the phone with my aunt who has three little girls (11, 9, 7). All four of them are natural. My aunt is a 3b/3c mix and her children are 4a.

Anyway, my aunt went to T-Day dinner at my great aunt's home. The oldest wanted her hair pressed so she tried (still hasn't gotten the hang of it). Plus it was rainy so basically it was frizzy and poufy. Upon arrival, my great-aunt laid into her hiney about bringing her out in public so "nappy".
OFFENSE #1: Enjoying turkey while nappy.
The younger two had a modified twistout (she tried). My great-aunt then said they should never be in public either with "their naps showing."
OFFENSE #2: Showing your naps in public.
She then told my aunt that her wash-n-go is unprofessional and unless she has a certain type of hair, "Who told you that it's ok for you to wear your hair wet? You're not white."
OFFENSE #3: Wearing wet curls while not white.
My aunt replied that she co-washes and it's doing wonders for all of their hair. Well that really set her off then!
OFFENSE #4: Not using shampoo.
Well all h3LL broke loose after that. She immediately had the oldest girl escorted upstairs to have a thorough scrubbing followed by a press and curl. No deep condition, no rollerset, no braids, no ponytails, nada. A good old-fashioned press. She then told my aunt that she needs to immediately relax all of them (my aunt included) since she is so "lazy that you don't even shampoo every wash!" She said when you relax you don't have to do anything to your hair at all -- "it's what lazy women do." What in the world????
You can only imagine how much worse it stemmed from there....but that's the meat and potatoes of the conversation. I need your opinions ladies -- has my great aunt gone off the rocker or did she make some valid points??

The great aunt was very out of line! She sat at the dinner table talking about how horrible the children looked right in front of their face. Now those kids, if they haven't already, are going to start to "question" the quality of their hair.

Though from how you typed this, it didn't sound like the mother did a good job on any of the girls hair, you keep saying "she tried". She needs to learn how to do their hair correctly and quickly. Just because you are natural, dose not mean your hair has to look unkept. Especially if they don't live in an ethnically diverse place. The better the girls hair looks, the more confidence they can have about their hair. Maybe she should ask someone else to do their hair, or take lessons.

But the mother or someone should have told her to mind her buisness or something. I know in AA families there is a hiearchy of power as we go up the age ladder, but that is just rediculous, rude, abusive, and it was not the right conversation at the right time. Also the mother shouldnt have told the great aunt all of the childrens hair "biz" if she knows she's ignorant about proper hair care anyways.

I have family members like this, who have no hair, you just have to put them in their place.

 

[scotchbonnet]

Duppy know who fi frighten

tis all..............smh

 

[Lola Laughs]

This just breaks my heart for these little girls

Great, your great aunt just showed those girls that they have no self worth being themselves. Now they are going to think in order to be accepted and valued they must have straight hair.

Me personally who grew up respecting my elders. That day I would have probably snapped on Great Aunty and then scooped my children and rolled out!

Unfortunately, this thinking isn't just limited to that generation...

 

[aegis]

She's old and senile prolly. I wouldn't even listen to het.

 

[CurlyNue]

I am sorry you, your aunt and her babies (especially the babies) had to be bothered with this on what was supposed to be a festive day of giving thanks for all that the lord has given, including great auntie. These girls must have been having a wide range of thoughts about themselves as they were going through all this.
Your aunt made the mistake of not standing up for herself and her children. She allowed her aunt to control the situation, in turn teaching the children that there are certain situations where they should not stand up and defend themselves. Instead, your aunt, in the most dignified, love-filled way, should have told her aunt that she was worried about the wrong thing. My children are clean, well fed, receive all the love God gave me to give, and want for nothing more than video games and new Nikes (if that). If the worst thing in their lives is a bad hair day once in a while, they are doing better than a few folk in this room. Amen!
On the other hand this event can be turned into a teaching moment for all involved. You were placed in that situation for a reason. Like I read in a post earlier you have the information your aunt needs, give it to her. You know God wants us to share a good thang.
Now auntie will need to rebuild in her children what great aunt has broken, a healthy love for all that makes up these girls, especially their hair. Your hair care knowledge can help her do that.
:realitycheck:There are far too many black women who hate their hair based on what white folks have said, our mothers mothers internalized then trained us to believe. Do not allow this situation to destroy yet another young girls love for her only crown and glory.

 

[Diva_Esq]

I'm mad thinking about the kind of complex those little girls are going to have when it comes to their "naps" all due to your Great-Aunt's yapping.

Damn shame!

Great aunt was out of control. And no, she didn't have any valid points. There wouldn't have been a makeover because I would have left when she started talking crazy about my babies.

It would've gotten ugly with me and mine!

Not worth it. It's one thing talk about my "nappy head" but I'll be damned if you're going to insult my kids and plant that type of self hate in their head. I'm glad that she's decided not to go there for the holidays....but I would NEVER step foot in her house pointblank.

Damn that! KEEP ALL UNSOLICITED OPINIONS to YOURSELF!

Absolutely uncalled for, vicious, hurtful, ignorant, mean, immature and foolish.

I would have left with my children (I'm childless so take that as you will) with the quickness...after having some choice, firm, albeit respectful and eloquent words for her, my family standing by and words of encouragement for my daughters IN FRONT of every one, in the car and when we got home.

Then we'd have a Conditioner Party.

Furthermore, great-Aunt would get a follow-up call from me (in Christian love) on why she needs to keep her opinions to herself regarding my children and their appearance for the sake of family peace...and perhaps, her ego.

I wouldn't subject my children to being put down! No way, no how! ITA!

Great Auntie was extra that day. It reminds me of one day I stopped by my MIL house for a visit, and I'd done a braid out on my oldest daughter. She has very healthy waist length hair (at the time it was but length). It was beautiful...well MIL says "Your mommy didn't have time to comb your hair today"? I just smiled and said, "She decided to she wanted to look fabulous today, and I decided she should"! Clearly her hair was styled (she had a very pretty ribbon tied in the front).

Older generation just don't "get it". But even still, they should not be allowed to insult our babies (or us for that matter).

You handled that well! And I agree, older is not an excuse to be mean!

I'm not that polite...that would have been an ugly scene. Your great aunt had no valid points. I would have picked up my kids and bounced before it went that far.

Right! Full out argument!

Great, your great aunt just showed those girls that they have no self worth being themselves. Now they are going to think in order to be accepted and valued they must have straight hair.

Me personally who grew up respecting my elders. That day I would have probably snapped on Great Aunty and then scooped my children and rolled out!

Right, that was my 1st thought...now the girls will have a complex!

I am sorry you, your aunt and her babies (especially the babies) had to be bothered with this on what was supposed to be a festive day of giving thanks for all that the lord has given, including great auntie. These girls must have been having a wide range of thoughts about themselves as they were going through all this.
Your aunt made the mistake of not standing up for herself and her children. She allowed her aunt to control the situation, in turn teaching the children that there are certain situations where they should not stand up and defend themselves. Instead, your aunt, in the most dignified, love-filled way, should have told her aunt that she was worried about the wrong thing. My children are clean, well fed, receive all the love God gave me to give, and want for nothing more than video games and new Nikes (if that). If the worst thing in their lives is a bad hair day once in a while, they are doing better than a few folk in this room. Amen!
On the other hand this event can be turned into a teaching moment for all involved. You were placed in that situation for a reason. Like I read in a post earlier you have the information your aunt needs, give it to her. You know God wants us to share a good thang.
Now auntie will need to rebuild in her children what great aunt has broken, a healthy love for all that makes up these girls, especially their hair. Your hair care knowledge can help her do that.
:realitycheck:There are far too many black women who hate their hair based on what white folks have said, our mothers mothers internalized then trained us to believe. Do not allow this situation to destroy yet another young girls love for her only crown and glory.

Great comments!

You know, this reminds me of an aunt of mine when I was younger. My mother has 10 sisters, all shades, sizes, etc. Some natural, some relaxed. Anyway, when I was young, I was spending the summer in Chicago with my Nana. I was super excited to see my aunt (1 of my mom's sisters) and cousins who also lived there. She came and picked me up one day and we went out for an outing. I was having a great time until she remarked, "You're so pretty, but you'd be even more beautiful if you lost some weight." I was crushed. I still don't like her to this day for her crude comment. I was all of 10 years old. At that age, I weighed maybe 75-80 lbs soaking wet with a brick tied to my ankle! But she was convinced that she was a "model" and thought I should model, but was too thin. REALLY? A 10 year old? WTF???????? Luckily, my mother & father & Nana always instilled plenty of confidence in me, but the wrong comment on the wrong young, impressionable ears could create MAJOR issues for a child. My children wouldn't be around her anymore.

 

[destine2grow]

First I have to say that thanksgiving is about being thankful and spending time with love ones in a peaceful setting. Now your great aunt was dead a** wrong. I know I wouldn't have handled it well. Needless to say no one would have put their hands in my kids head. Your great aunt was very disrespectful, she had her kids and raised them the way she wanted too. She has no right to say anything about what your aunt does with her kids. After giving her a few choice words I would have left. Also your other family members she have interven.

 

[discodumpling]

Folks only go as far as you LET them...
LOL @ scotchbonnet...you mussa come fram YARD!

 

[Miss*Tress]

She has 2b/2c hair but relaxes it every 6 months or so! Plus every week she gets it "done".

Who on earth relaxes type 2 hair? I must be missing something. Oh, and to answer your question, she's "off her rocker".

 

[Miss*Tress]

Duppy know who fi frighten

tis all..............smh

Yeah that can be said quite a lot on this board, not just this situation.

 

[yaya24]

Yea great aunt has lost it.

 

[Ash25]

Sounds like your Aunt is a progressive thinker with a healthy open mind

No matter who the elder is in my family (parent, grandma, great anybody), I have the right to express my opinion, of course in a respectful manner! Ill ask that they respect my decisions, if they cannot then thats there problem....but you will not go against my will and do what you want to MY children. I WOULD NOT have allowed her to touch my child's hair. I will also NOT change how I live my life jus cause you disagree with it. If what Im doing is healthy mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally...then ima keep at it!!!

My fam is the same way....and I rock my hair, eat my vegetarian meals, take my herbs, do my detox, shop at Whole Foods, buy Organic, ect with Pride!!!! Lol...i think I flaunt it jus so they CAN say somthin!!!! My mom was kinda like your Aunt, (not quite as bad...sorry) but I kept at what I was doing...explained to her why I do this, or that in a nice way....and now...after 15+ yrs of relaxers...shes natural....AND changing her diet!!!

Hope your Aunt and You are ok after that!!! Stay Strong!!!

 

[goodmorningruby]

Is this how warm family holiday memories are made on the regular?

Your great aunt was extra bold that day and in all of her wisdom she didn't know better than put a mother and her children on blast like that? That's just outrageous, relative or stranger. You don't take someone else's child after you've decided you know what's best for his or her hair and then slap on a perm. I definitely would not have let it gone that far. Somebody would have got told.

 

[mscocoface]

I would NOT be the one and this probably happened in front of everyone, correct?

Someone would have been ticked off right along with me.

 

[my-my]

Your great aunt was dead wrong on this one.

Why did your aunt allow someone else to mess with her children's hair?
No disrespect, but if I was their mother things wouldn't have gone that far. I'm not going to allow anyone to do anything to my child that I didn't give permission for, I don't care who they are. And if someone stepped up with "respecting your elders" I'd have told them that she's been on this earth long enough to know better. I would have politely grabbed my children and left. I don't need that kind of ignorance and negativity in my life and children don't need to be exposed to it. And this isn't just a hair thing either, this could have been about any issue.

I don't have children, but you can be sure that I wouldn't let my child walk out the door if I didn't think they were presentable. Let alone going to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I think just about any parent is like that. If your aunt was happy with her children's hair then I'm sure it looked great.

I need to go for a walk. Reading that post got me upset.

 

[coconow2007]

Thanksgiving a.k.a. WWIII took place at my family's so-called Turkey Day. I need some opinions here ladies. I just got off the phone with my aunt who has three little girls (11, 9, 7). All four of them are natural. My aunt is a 3b/3c mix and her children are 4a.

Anyway, my aunt went to T-Day dinner at my great aunt's home. The oldest wanted her hair pressed so she tried (still hasn't gotten the hang of it). Plus it was rainy so basically it was frizzy and poufy. Upon arrival, my great-aunt laid into her hiney about bringing her out in public so "nappy".
OFFENSE #1: Enjoying turkey while nappy.
The younger two had a modified twistout (she tried). My great-aunt then said they should never be in public either with "their naps showing."
OFFENSE #2: Showing your naps in public.
She then told my aunt that her wash-n-go is unprofessional and unless she has a certain type of hair, "Who told you that it's ok for you to wear your hair wet? You're not white."
OFFENSE #3: Wearing wet curls while not white.
My aunt replied that she co-washes and it's doing wonders for all of their hair. Well that really set her off then!
OFFENSE #4: Not using shampoo.
Well all h3LL broke loose after that. She immediately had the oldest girl escorted upstairs to have a thorough scrubbing followed by a press and curl. No deep condition, no rollerset, no braids, no ponytails, nada. A good old-fashioned press. She then told my aunt that she needs to immediately relax all of them (my aunt included) since she is so "lazy that you don't even shampoo every wash!" She said when you relax you don't have to do anything to your hair at all -- "it's what lazy women do." What in the world????
You can only imagine how much worse it stemmed from there....but that's the meat and potatoes of the conversation. I need your opinions ladies -- has my great aunt gone off the rocker or did she make some valid points??

Absolutely hilarious - ur great aunt is of a different generation I doubt ur aunt could satisfy her with anything less than straight hair.

 

[Live4Me]

Omg, I hope your aunt doesn't relax her children's hair
That was so vicious and mean
I would be humiliated if that ever happened to me before I got my hair relaxed.

Well, now the girls are asking her for a relaxer. They think it's now the only way that they can wear their hair down "pretty and straight."

 

[Live4Me]

OP, in your opinion, did the children look bad? Not excusing the great aunt. I'm just curious of how you thought the children looked.

I wasn't there. I live overseas. This ordeal was relayed to me by several members of the family via telephone. Some of it was caught on film with an iphone.

But I have seen their hair get poufy after a visit to the dominican salon. Not cute. Loveable, but not cute.

 

[Bene]

I think maybe next holiday, seating the older aunt in a comfy chair and slipping her a sleep-aid would make things easier to bear. I hear valerian root helps. Just sayin'...

 

[Live4Me]

I'm sorry. I probably would have stepped in, if I were you OP. At least in helping to defend your Aunt.

Believe me I would have if I were there. Especially since I am transitioning and me and the girls have the same texture. But it's really sad that my great-aunt cannot appreciate that they all have THICK HEALTHY hair that's atleast BSL.

 

[Live4Me]

Who on earth relaxes type 2 hair? I must be missing something. Oh, and to answer your question, she's "off her rocker".

O she keeps a relaxer under her sink! I remember when I was a child, EVERY TIME I went over there I was immediately taken to the kitchen and TWO SUPER BOX PERMS were applied to my head. No wonder my hair was a tragedy growing up. Imagine going to someone's house for Sunday dinner and instead you're getting a touch-up at the kitchen table.

 

[LoveLiLi]

Well, now the girls are asking her for a relaxer. They think it's now the only way that they can wear their hair down "pretty and straight."

She just had to open her big mouth. Now those babies think their hair isn't good enough.

O she keeps a relaxer under her sink! I remember when I was a child, EVERY TIME I went over there I was immediately taken to the kitchen and TWO SUPER BOX PERMS were applied to my head. No wonder my hair was a tragedy growing up. Imagine going to someone's house for Sunday dinner and instead you're getting a touch-up at the kitchen table.

Who the hell does she think she is, the Nap Whisperer?! Taking charge of people's heads left and right. Someone needs to put a stop to her antics and quick before she ruins any more heads of hair.