Why on earth won't she leave!?

[Austro-Afrikana]

My SO's sister is with a complete and utter low life. He has cheated on her multiple times and just today she found out that he exposed himself to another woman and probably did more. He is 30 and still has canerows and wears baggy clothes and smokes weed in front of their child and she is 23. They've been together since she got pregnant at 16 even though during checks she found that he had given her Chlamydia.

I just dont understand. It doesn't even matter that EVERYONE has told her to get rid of him but why won't she do it of her own accord. Literally every few months she is crying about him talking to another woman and says she can't attend family functions anymore because he has slept with all the women there.

She can't give anyone a proper answer as to why she is still with him. Maybe it is because she's never worked or been alone with her child so she feels she needs him. I feel so bad for her. Why oh why won't she leave?

 

[Ganjababy]

No matter how badly some women are treated by their men, they never leave. It is something that I too don't understand myself. It is very painful to watch when it is someone who you care about.

The more you try and show them that there is a better way and they will be better off without dude, the more they seem to dig their heels in.

I cannot offer any advise except to say that you just have to be there for her- though it can be tiring and frustrating when things just repeats itself like the movie Groundhog day...........

 

[Hairsnob]

Unfortunately, a lot of women feel like all men cheat. So they feel like if they leave the one they're with they'll just end up with another one who will cheat also. So they stay with the familiar and say why start over?

I've been on the same side as you on this and it would drive me crazy because a good friend allowed themselves to be disrespected so badly. Hopefully one day she will build up her self esteem to see that he doesn't respect her and she'll move on. Most of the time women like this can't afford to live on their own so they put up with it just for that comfort zone. Even worse, some women pay all the bills and put up with stuff like that.

Just try to be a friend to her and listen when she needs an ear (I know, it's VERY hard to do) but try not to be too forceful in getting her to leave. I would remind her of how embarrassing that would be to have everyone know your man has been out there like that.

I would always tell my friend to weigh her options. If she stays with him she will have to know that nothing will change and she will have to put up with the way it is. In other words, don't complain because I don't want to hear the same story over and over. Not in those words but you get the idea.

 

[ThickHair]

She isn't sick and tired of being sick and tired. When she is, she will leave. That is the point when people leave toxic relationships.

 

[barbiesocialite]

My SO's sister is with a complete and utter low life. He has cheated on her multiple times and just today she found out that he exposed himself to another woman and probably did more. He is 30 and still has canerows and wears baggy clothes and smokes weed in front of their child and she is 23. They've been together since she got pregnant at 16 even though during checks she found that he had given her Chlamydia.

I just dont understand. It doesn't even matter that EVERYONE has told her to get rid of him but why won't she do it of her own accord. Literally every few months she is crying about him talking to another woman and says she can't attend family functions anymore because he has slept with all the women there.

She can't give anyone a proper answer as to why she is still with him. Maybe it is because she's never worked or been alone with her child so she feels she needs him. I feel so bad for her. Why oh why won't she leave?

I think the bolded is the answer.

Honestly, if I didnt have a family that takes care of me and handles the bills, I would have been stuck in quite a few miserable relationships. I'd def probably be on my third divorce and I'm in my mid-twenties.

Fortunately I've have a couple savings accounts and have made pretty good investments so when I do get married and start having children, I will be able to leave if necessary. I feel for your sister, I don't know what I wouold do if I were in her shoes.

 

[prettyinpurple]

She is young and needs to do some serious work on upping her self-esteem and knowing her self-worth. You know why she won't leave -- that seems pretty clear from your post. I'd steer the convo toward working on herself at this point.

No wonder she is in this state. Her own family members are sleeping with the BF? Several have slept with him? Are these the same ppl telling her to leave him?

Sounds like she needs to step away from her family (the trifling ones at least) and BF, and work on herself for a while. Sounds like she doesn't know much about the world outside of him and being with him since she was 15/16.

 

[awhyley]

Literally every few months she is crying about him talking to another woman and says she can't attend family functions anymore because he has slept with all the women there.

I'm hoping that she's exaggerating and that she's just embarrased that people know that he sleeps around. In any event, she's already caught one STD from this man, and sticking around for more?

Sounds like she needs to step away from her family (the trifling ones at least) and BF, and work on herself for a while. Sounds like she doesn't know much about the world outside of him and being with him since she was 15/16.

So tru. Also OP, does this woman have a job? Credentials of any kind? If not, she needs to start bettering herself, cause if something better comes along, she WILL be left by the wayside with nothing but a baby. At 23, she's young enough to move on from this man relatively drama-free and find someone that respects her.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I don't understand it either. At 23 she could be in college and creating a great life. Instead she's living like this.

There's nothing you can do for her. You cannot save someone's life against her will. I have come to the point in my life where if someone wants to wallow in feces, I'll leave them to it.

 

[MzLady78]

She isn't sick and tired of being sick and tired. When she is, she will leave. That is the point when people leave toxic relationships.

Pretty much.

Everyone has their breaking point, she hasn't hit hers yet, unfortunately.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

I don't understand it either. At 23 she could be in college and creating a great life. Instead she's living like this.

There's nothing you can do for her. You cannot save someone's life against her will. I have come to the point in my life where if someone wants to wallow in feces, I'll leave them to it.

dayum

 

[locabouthair]

Pretty much.

Everyone has their breaking point, she hasn't hit hers yet, unfortunately.

And that's a shame, if him giving her chlamydya (sp?) isn't a deal breaker than what is?

I really hope she leave God forbid he brings home something that's not curable.

And why hasnt she ever worked?

 

[MzLady78]

And that's a shame, if him giving her chlamydya (sp?) isn't a deal breaker than what is?

I really hope she leave God forbid he brings home something that's not curable.

And why hasnt she ever worked?

Yeah, you'd think that would do it, but I guess not.

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

With regards to the family functions it is his family not hers. He invites exes and random women to these functions that he has slept with.

She doesn't have any qualifications at all, not even high school. And when her SO was working he spent most of it on weed anyway so they were constantly without gas and electric. He even took her debit card and used up her £1500 overdraft.

 

[qchelle]

Are both of these people black?

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Are both of these people black?

stop it!!!!

but seriously OP...

if u feel so bad, why don't u let her move in with you and SO? what is she doing besides layin up under him?

 

[Austro-Afrikana]

She's mixed and he's black. The house is hers, the tenancy is in her name...i just wish she would send him back to his mum's

 

[Love Always]

This is so true, a relative of mine was in an abusive relationship and she called it quits several times but she always went back to her boyfriend. You would think she would get tired of his mess but the straw that broke the camels back was him throwing her clothes on top of the roof.

Everyone has their breaking point, she hasn't hit hers yet, unfortunately.

 

[LBoogie85]

So she got pregnant at 16 and he was 23? Her parents should have had him arrested. Poor girl. She was a baby when she got with him. That's all she knows. I don't really know what you can do, OP. She has to leave on her own accord.

 

[itismehmmkay]

At least she has time on her side. And it's so hard to restart w/o a support system. If she had some family to stay with she could probably break free a bit better.

 

[Triniwegian]

She must suffer from extremely low self esteem.
I know of women who allow men to treat them any kind of way just to say they have a man.

 

[Times2Times3]

Sounds like Daddy issues to me. Was her dad around when she was growing up?

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

The person I know is going to marry hers. Makes me want to cry when I think about it.

 

[online]

She has low self esteem and she doesn't want to be lonely.