caribeandiva
Human being
I love this!!! She’s preaching nothing but facts!
Here is the whole thing if you’re interested:
Why He Only Half Loves You
- Thread starter caribeandiva
- Start date
I love this!!! She’s preaching nothing but facts!
Here is the whole thing if you’re interested:
caribeandiva
Human being
I love the end: “Remember that men are life partners, NOT life savers!!”
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I kind of bristle at the approach/flirt first concept because way back when I met my ex that is what I did. I let him know I liked him first. Because of that I got married first, had kids first, etc. etc. But I also got my heart broken really badly. I decided that I would never do that again this time around.
But I had a breakthrough just now after listening to her. I didn’t just flirt first. I unknowingly pursued him. I was so young. I was purely following my heart. I didn’t know anything about leaning back, being pursued/chased, etc. I had no one to tell me there were plenty fish in the sea or that I truly deserved to be happy and to feel safe and respected. That what I should want and need was a partner.
He asked me out on dates and he asked me to marry him but in retrospect I was always on some level pursuing him emotionally and trying to please. And on some level he was always in charge of the relationship and enjoyed being chased emotionally. And on some level he was always emotionally unavailable throughout our entire marriage.
I now realize that I didn’t go wrong in flirting first. I just never allowed him to pursue/chase/win me over by being respectful, kind, and compassionate, etc. towards me. I made things too easy. If I had leaned back and allowed him to pursue me (not just with dates and sweet talk) but with really sharing who he was and how he felt about me, etc. we would not have gotten very far. I’m not blaming myself. I was just too young and inexperienced. But now I feel like I can let go of being afraid of flirting first. And I can just enjoy the dating process too.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My favorite part was “You choose, he chases.”
But I had a breakthrough just now after listening to her. I didn’t just flirt first. I unknowingly pursued him. I was so young. I was purely following my heart. I didn’t know anything about leaning back, being pursued/chased, etc. I had no one to tell me there were plenty fish in the sea or that I truly deserved to be happy and to feel safe and respected. That what I should want and need was a partner.
He asked me out on dates and he asked me to marry him but in retrospect I was always on some level pursuing him emotionally and trying to please. And on some level he was always in charge of the relationship and enjoyed being chased emotionally. And on some level he was always emotionally unavailable throughout our entire marriage.
I now realize that I didn’t go wrong in flirting first. I just never allowed him to pursue/chase/win me over by being respectful, kind, and compassionate, etc. towards me. I made things too easy. If I had leaned back and allowed him to pursue me (not just with dates and sweet talk) but with really sharing who he was and how he felt about me, etc. we would not have gotten very far. I’m not blaming myself. I was just too young and inexperienced. But now I feel like I can let go of being afraid of flirting first. And I can just enjoy the dating process too.
Thank you so much for sharing this. My favorite part was “You choose, he chases.”
Royalq
Well-Known Member
Love it! And the flirt method is very doable. Its not as direct but still leaves room for him to be interested if he wants
caribeandiva
Human being
@hopeful thank you so much for sharing! I’m glad you were able to get over the fear of flirting first. I have a question though: Do you mean if you had allowed your ex-husband the space to see if his words matched his actions and pursue you, you two wouldn’t have gotten very far in dating? If so that makes a lot of sense.
caribeandiva
Human being
Royalq
Well-Known Member
And its actually doable for a shy woman like myself. Because you arent straight up like would have to be. And its flows naturally if a woman needs help or ask a question about something.
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
Kind of. I’ve tried multiple times to reply to your question here but I keep ending up writing paragraphs and sharing too much. I think I’m saying that I now think it’s ok to choose or drop a hanky (in the beginning) but be careful to not lean in, over function, or chase/pursue a man (physically, emotionally, or energetically), etc. Allow space for him to pursue (or not). Figure out what you need in a relationship and see if he fits the bill. If he shows up in multiple and meaningful ways. Pay attention. Take note and act accordingly.
Hopefully that helps. I just don’t want to go on and on about me or my personal life you know?
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caribeandiva
Human being
Got it! Thank you!!
