Why haven't you called me

[Sapphire]

erplexed

Maybe its just the raggedy guys that I've been "dating" lately, but I seem to keep running into this. After a brief period (within the first couple convos/dates) the guy is quick to "turn over the reigns" so to speak when it comes to initiating phone calls. Maybe I have it confused, but it was my understanding that when a man is interested in you, he will pursue you by calling. I've been told lately by guys that I don't initiate contact enough. Has anyone else experienced this? What is the correct protocol here? How soon when dating/getting to know someone do you begin to initiate the conversations?

 

[phynestone]

I know ladies are more aggressive than in years past, but that's just a whole lotta hogwash. Don't be suckered into some bum's games about not calling him. It's just game. KIM.

 

[aribell]

I don't know what the "proper" protocol is, I usually just stop talking to them. I have experienced what you're saying, though. The ones who are really interested usually call again.

 

[BlackMarilyn]

i still find it a toughie and a bit tricky. maybe i can add to your question a bit.

i know the man should pursue the woman (and i assume by initiating dates/calls/etc) but doesnt it reach a point where he'd think he's doing all the work with not much reciprocation? unless he REALLY REALLY likes the thrill of the chase, how does a woman show she's interested without lookin like she's pursuing?
i assume maybe sending a text message in between calls is ok.
lol where's bunny77?

 

[Filmatic]

If I really like a guy I will call after he has called me 2-3 times or 2 dates. That way I at least show interest.

 

[Bunny77]

i still find it a toughie and a bit tricky. maybe i can add to your question a bit.

i know the man should pursue the woman (and i assume by initiating dates/calls/etc) but doesnt it reach a point where he'd think he's doing all the work with not much reciprocation? unless he REALLY REALLY likes the thrill of the chase, how does a woman show she's interested without lookin like she's pursuing?
i assume maybe sending a text message in between calls is ok.
lol where's bunny77?

Good morning!

Well, with my current boyfriend, he probably called me four times for every one time that I called him. We rarely sent texts (although we do it a lot now -- however, he still calls nightly), and he took the lead with making phone calls.

I didn't deliberately set a pattern of only calling once after every four times or anything like that... but I just kept the calls to a minimum. I think the way the woman shows that she's interested is by being very interested and gracious on dates IN PERSON, tells the man how much she enjoys his company and how she's looking forward to seeing him again, and accepting dates.

There shouldn't be a ton of phone calling anyway. Y'all need to be going out. I'd start to move on from a man if we spent all this time on the phone but didn't go anywhere or rarely went anywhere.

 

[fmnnity]

That crap drives me bonkers but I have to agree with nicola. I don't call. I believe in the pursuit and the woo. I'm not someone who likes to talk on the phone a lot meaning I don't like long phone convos but if a man is trying to get at me he needs to let me know. I don't mean stalker type . . . just a phone call saying hey or that he was thinking of me or something goofy like that. This is actually the reason for the decline in my most recent relationship. We were long distance and he couldn't see fit to call and say hi. So I sent him on his little way now.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I agree the whole calling me back thing has gotten more tricky...I don't have set protocols about calling...since the preference now and days seems to be texting and emailing.

I neva really came across a man who just called/liked talking on the phone. And technology seemed to only fuel the fire with this "texting" phenomenon. I may be old school in my thinking cause I hate texting and would rather hear a voice because I am great with emotion/voice inflection and texting takes that away from me...

Anywho, I say do a "text test". When he hasn't called and you thought ya'll had a great date just text a quick hello, hows work? how are you doing? had a great time the other night? and if he begins to engage right away...give him a break and some point let it be known that you prefer a phone call vs a text...now if he takes a half day to respond then go ahead and just give him the axe...he wasn't interested...

 

[Sapphire]

Well, the consensus seems to be what I originally thought, if the guy is truly interested he should be initiating most of contact. If not, I should keep it moving. Maybe its because I don't go on a lot of dates but men don't seem as willing to put in much effort. I find dating more frustrating then enjoyable, and I don't understand why it has to be so complicated. I'm always wondering if I'm doing too much or too little. I'm starting to think its not so much about what I'm doing right/wrong, its just the quality of men I meet are not good. I just need to stop wasting my time with these men who are unable/unwilling to make the effort in pursuing me beyond the first date/few phone conversations.

 

[msbettyboop]

If a guy likes you he will call you back again and again and again. When I met my SO he called me like 5 times a day and woke me up every morning with a text message. We've been together about 2 years and he still does most of the calling. Whenever I call him he's like, "hun, don't waste your credit. I'll call you back." My 3rd bf expected me to do most of the calling and after a while I realised it was a waste of time and moved on. If he likes you, he won't mind calling you a hundred times a week if necessary and won't wait for your call before calling you. IMO.

 

[Rastafarai]

Yup, if he's interested in you he will be the first to reach out. He will cater to your wants, your schedule, etc and not question why you aren't doing the texting, the calling, etc.

During the chase I do reach out but only after he has shown a sincere interest. So if he initiated calling the night before, in the morning I'll send a text his way to wish him a good day or just say good morning, just because.

As you get more serious, it should balance itself out.

But don't question your instincts. You're right on the money!

 

[panama_princess6]

Well, the consensus seems to be what I originally thought, if the guy is truly interested he should be initiating most of contact. If not, I should keep it moving. Maybe its because I don't go on a lot of dates but men don't seem as willing to put in much effort. I find dating more frustrating then enjoyable, and I don't understand why it has to be so complicated. I'm always wondering if I'm doing too much or too little. I'm starting to think its not so much about what I'm doing right/wrong, its just the quality of men I meet are not good. I just need to stop wasting my time with these men who are unable/unwilling to make the effort in pursuing me beyond the first date/few phone conversations.

Dating should be fun... and when it starts getting frustrating and irritating maybe you should take a break. The whole phone call thing i just go with the flow with it. Yes I LOVED to be chased, but so do men. So not every man is going to chase you down when you dont call or even txt. I mean I dont blow his phone up but I do txt and say hey how you are doing and hope your day went well. If responds and you two talk more cool... if not move on, but I'm serial dater too.