Why does/can Sex Hurt?

[freshlikemoi]

Disclaimer: This isn't a sex forum but I figured it had to do with relationships and that we were all mature.

Ladies, I am 22 and I have never had an orgasm with another person. I know how to please myself but it just doesnt work with my SO. Orally or vaginally. It's crazy, because he works it right, and he's not about self. But somehow, I can't come while having sex. (I'm not sure if it's a mental, or physical thing). Furthermore, sex for me hurts most times. Is there something wrong with me? Do you think I should check with my gyno or something? Tips Please.erplexed Is this happening to anyone else.

 

[HWAY]

Please talk with your doctor. Sex should not hurt at all! As far as not having an orgasm, maybe you're not relaxed enough.

 

[Much2much41]

Disclaimer: This isn't a sex forum but I figured it had to do with relationships and that we were all mature.

Ladies, I am 22 and I have never had an orgasm with another person. I know how to please myself but it just doesnt work with my SO. Orally or vaginally. It's crazy, because he works it right, and he's not about self. But somehow, I can't come while having sex. (I'm not sure if it's a mental, or physical thing). Furthermore, sex for me hurts most times. Is there something wrong with me? Do you think I should check with my gyno or something? Tips Please.erplexed Is this happening to anyone else.

Since you're able to orgasm alone, it should be possible for you to have one w/another person. After seeing the doctor and have any issues ruled out, then it could be simply not enough foreplay, or the positions you're having sex in. If he is very endowed, you might have to keep the acrobatics to a minimum . Also, as was mentioned, you might not be relaxed enough to enjoy it. Are you thinking about the laundry that you haven't gotten to yet? Are you comfortable with your body, or are you worried he might notice one of your toes on your right foot is bigger than the same toe on the left? Were you told sex was dirty as a child? Any of those things or others could keep you from having orgasms. Relax, relate, release!!!

 

[indigodiva]

Hmm, I guess it depends. My first time hurt b/c I didn't let on that it was my first time. Maybe if I had spoken up, it wouldn't have. Other than that first time, pain could be due to lack of lubrication. I would say ask your gyno.

As far as the big O..hmm, well I think it is an mental/emotional thing. If you are not "there" mentally, its not going to happen. JMHO

 

[Cincysweetie]

MOST women don't experience orgasms through vaginal intercourse. I would encourage him to work on his head game a little more and I'd invest in a few toys that you might be able to incorporate into your activities with your SO. Also, try different positions...you may not have found your...spot...eh hem...yet.

Sex can hurt for many reasons. If you aren't relaxed, aren't lubricated enough, or if your SO is packin...those are all reasons. There may also be medical reasons. First, I'd try to relax...body and mind. Take things slow, allow time for foreplay. Consider purchasing lube, like KY Jelly and see if that helps.

 

[Colliecole]

Disclaimer: This isn't a sex forum but I figured it had to do with relationships and that we were all mature.

Ladies, I am 22 and I have never had an orgasm with another person. I know how to please myself but it just doesnt work with my SO. Orally or vaginally. It's crazy, because he works it right, and he's not about self. But somehow, I can't come while having sex. (I'm not sure if it's a mental, or physical thing). Furthermore, sex for me hurts most times. Is there something wrong with me? Do you think I should check with my gyno or something? Tips Please.erplexed Is this happening to anyone else.

I do think you should see your gyno.....but I had a similar issue a few months ago and I had to improvise (no current health insurance...long story) I came to realize that I was allergic to the soap I was bathing with (summers eve) and it was making me very irritated, thus causing sex to be painful. I started using only warm water and the sensitivity stopped in a week or two. (don’t worry; the vagigi is self-cleaning, I’m just as fresh clean down there with only water) I also got on BC because condoms were causing irritation too. I’m off BC now, and condoms are fine; I only stopped to give myself a rest down there. I still use only water to clean.

I too had the problem of not having an orgasm doing sex with my SO. Main thing I realized is that I have to be warmed up really good before intercourse. SO used to just rush into it but I need 10-15 minutes minimum foreplay time.

Go to the gyno if you can, but if not just do some research on common vaginal problems like vaginitis, yeast infections etc. and make these small changes like I did. It could be something minor causing your problem...

 

[locabouthair]

MOST women don't experience orgasms through vaginal intercourse. I would encourage him to work on his head game a little more and I'd invest in a few toys that you might be able to incorporate into your activities with your SO. Also, try different positions...you may not have found your...spot...eh hem...yet.

Sex can hurt for many reasons. If you aren't relaxed, aren't lubricated enough, or if your ex is packin...those are all reasons. There may also be medical reasons. First, I'd try to relax...body and mind. Take things slow, allow time for foreplay. Consider purchasing lube, like KY Jelly and see if that helps.

I agree with the bolded. Also sex can hurt if you have fibroids. 22 is a little young for fibroids (i think) but you should go to the doctor. just in case.

 

[blackmaven]

Sex can also be painful if you have a tipped uterus.

 

[Colliecole]

MOST women don't experience orgasms through vaginal intercourse. I would encourage him to work on his head game a little more and I'd invest in a few toys that you might be able to incorporate into your activities with your SO. Also, try different positions...you may not have found your...spot...eh hem...yet.

Sex can hurt for many reasons. If you aren't relaxed, aren't lubricated enough, or if your ex is packin...those are all reasons. There may also be medical reasons. First, I'd try to relax...body and mind. Take things slow, allow time for foreplay. Consider purchasing lube, like KY Jelly and see if that helps.

I'm with Cincys on this one...

I bought this magic wand to assist me, and sex-life has never been better

 

[foxxymami]

MOST women don't experience orgasms through vaginal intercourse. I would encourage him to work on his head game a little more and I'd invest in a few toys that you might be able to incorporate into your activities with your SO. Also, try different positions...you may not have found your...spot...eh hem...yet.

Sex can hurt for many reasons. If you aren't relaxed, aren't lubricated enough, or if your ex is packin...those are all reasons. There may also be medical reasons. First, I'd try to relax...body and mind. Take things slow, allow time for foreplay. Consider purchasing lube, like KY Jelly and see if that helps.

Hey Cincy, what did you mean when you say if the ex is packin? YOu mean like, the ex might have messed you up inside for future sex or was that a typo to say if the SO is packin?

 

[Cincysweetie]

Hey Cincy, what did you mean when you say if the ex is packin? YOu mean like, the ex might have messed you up inside for future sex or was that a typo to say if the SO is packin?

My bad, that was a typo! I was still caught up in another relationship thread. Lemme edit out the word ex.

 

[Cincysweetie]

I'm with Cincys on this one...

I bought this magic wand to assist me, and sex-life has never been better

I can't click on the link b/c I'm on my work computer...but I'm sure it's great!

I have 3 toys, two of which I got from PureRomance. Once is your average vibrator and I LOOOOOOOOVE it. The other one I have is more complex...it actually used to scare me. Now that I've figured out to use it and enjoy it, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it...as in more than the first one. It has the little rabbit ears and it has vibrating pearl action. I also have one that has interchangeable tips and it's water proof. I don't really use that one at all. The last 2 can be purchased at PureRomance (both are blue) and they have something similar to the first one on their site also (I think on there it's purple).

The only one I use during sex is the first one. In conjunction with intercourse...whew baby.

Ummm...mods, please let me know if I need to edit this post. I can send it to PM if need be.

 

[STLCoverGirl]

MOST women don't experience orgasms through vaginal intercourse. I would encourage him to work on his head game a little more and I'd invest in a few toys that you might be able to incorporate into your activities with your SO. Also, try different positions...you may not have found your...spot...eh hem...yet.

Sex can hurt for many reasons. If you aren't relaxed, aren't lubricated enough, or if your SO is packin...those are all reasons. There may also be medical reasons. First, I'd try to relax...body and mind. Take things slow, allow time for foreplay. Consider purchasing lube, like KY Jelly and see if that helps.

ITA, there are quite a few reasons why intercourse could be painful for you. I would schedule an appointment with your doctor and explore possible medical reasons first.

 

[freshlikemoi]

Since you're able to orgasm alone, it should be possible for you to have one w/another person. After seeing the doctor and have any issues ruled out, then it could be simply not enough foreplay, or the positions you're having sex in. If he is very endowed, you might have to keep the acrobatics to a minimum . Also, as was mentioned, you might not be relaxed enough to enjoy it. Are you thinking about the laundry that you haven't gotten to yet? Are you comfortable with your body, or are you worried he might notice one of your toes on your right foot is bigger than the same toe on the left? Were you told sex was dirty as a child? Any of those things or others could keep you from having orgasms. Relax, relate, release!!!

This is a great point. Thanx for the advice. I think I will go and see my gyno....but you did indeed make some excellent points..I am so worried about coming that I forget that I need to come.

 

[freshlikemoi]

Thank all of you for your help. I think I will make an appointment first thing tomorrow morning. When I say hurt, I mean not the act itself but the dryness, which I think is the answer to my question...BUt thanx all.

 

[MizzBrown]

Woww, i used to think something was wrong w/ me because I couldnt orgasm va*inally either. It's only happened twice. Probably because my EX just was so patient and he listened when I said "DON'T MOVE".

Why dont men believe that a LOT of women can't orgasm the traditional way? My other EX had a REAL problem with it. It hurt his feelings/ego and he thought i was holding back on purpose. Out of the blue he would just ask me "why can't you come?" LOL

I really have to concentrate and everything has to be right and he must do exactly what i say at the time or else it wont come. I was shocked that i did those 2 times. I think i told him "I love you" afterwards cause i was so in shock. .. LOL

 

[winterinatl]

Thank all of you for your help. I think I will make an appointment first thing tomorrow morning. When I say hurt, I mean not the act itself but the dryness, which I think is the answer to my question...BUt thanx all.

My bc pills can make me less excited ---> less lubricated. Pills can be drying; you might check/ask about that, too.

 

[trini_rican]

If you have a doc visit and they rule out the physical then it's just mental. Try making love with the room completely dark. That way you can release all inhabitions and "let go", stop thinking about what you look like - what he could be thinking about and get into what he's doing. Foreplay is a must. Not just right before you start. You have to "set the tone" we aren't built like men so with most women you can't just turn us on with the touch of a button. Try having a hot and heavy make-out session, not in or near a bed. Think "high-school". Then maybe massage the shoulders, then proceed to the bed for your "foreplay". Pre-foreplay should be implemented to relax you. Try it with the lights off. If can really be mind blowing if you allow yourself to go there. With proper lubrication - no matter how "equipped" he is it shouldn't be painful. Foreplay = lubrication, it literally gets things flowing, HTHs. Good luck.

Umm- if this needs editing someone please pm me.

 

[Nola Darling]

After you have ruled out and health problems...

Try getting on top. This is how I learned to to get mine Also, if something is feeling good to you tell your partner to keep doing it and make sure you are very vocal about it.

Typically I can get mine but usually if I'm in a bad mood or if it's a day or two before my cycle I can't get there. So make sure you relax yourself.

 

[DayStar]

this made me laugh!

Woww, i used to think something was wrong w/ me because I couldnt orgasm va*inally either. It's only happened twice. Probably because my EX just was so patient and he listened when I said "DON'T MOVE".

Why dont men believe that a LOT of women can't orgasm the traditional way? My other EX had a REAL problem with it. It hurt his feelings/ego and he thought i was holding back on purpose. Out of the blue he would just ask me "why can't you come?" LOL

I really have to concentrate and everything has to be right and he must do exactly what i say at the time or else it wont come. I was shocked that i did those 2 times. I think i told him "I love you" afterwards cause i was so in shock. .. LOL

 

[carcajada]

If you have a doc visit and they rule out the physical then it's just mental.

I agree. After her gyno checks her out, she needs to go to a sex therapist.

 

[Extremus]

MOST women don't experience orgasms through vaginal intercourse. I would encourage him to work on his head game a little more and I'd invest in a few toys that you might be able to incorporate into your activities with your SO. Also, try different positions...you may not have found your...spot...eh hem...yet.

Sex can hurt for many reasons. If you aren't relaxed, aren't lubricated enough, or if your SO is packin...those are all reasons. There may also be medical reasons. First, I'd try to relax...body and mind. Take things slow, allow time for foreplay. Consider purchasing lube, like KY Jelly and see if that helps.

I really hope I'm not one of them!! I thought a vaginal orgasm was different from an "clit" orgasm. So you mean to tell me both orgasms should feel the same??? I'm screwed! No wonder why I have a low sex-drive