Why Do You Want to Get Married?????

Country gal

Country gal

Well-Known Member
My co-worker asked me this question. He is married with 3 kids. I was telling him I want to get married. He was like for what, you are single you should be having fun and dating. Dating is overrated. I want to settle down with someone and build on a relationship. ALl of my exes are married well two and I want to have a family too. Marriage means stablity and security. The stability of having someone to come home to every night.

What does it mean to you?
 
To build the life I've always wanted and share that with my future husband and children. I can be secure on my own. I can vacation alone until the cows come home. Go out and 'date' just for the hell of it.

But to look up one day and be surrounded by my kids, my hubby, my family... the most important people in my life....that is priceless.
 
I want to get married because I want to make the commitment to be with that one person I love and who loves me. And I want to do it in front of God, my parents, family, etc. Plus, I just want that companionship. I want to spend the rest of my life loving and living with my best friend. I want to build a family with this person and share our ups and downs. I'm sick of dating (I hate to say that at 22) but there are really no great options, at least not in Chicago. Thank God I'm with my SO. SMH. IDK what I'd do if I had to date now.
 
I hate when married people make statements like that.

Next time, say if being single is so great, then why did HE get married and ask him if he'd like to rejoin you in the single world since it's soooo much better. :rolleyes:


All the reasons the others gave are my reasons as well. I want to have a family that includes a husband and children. Most people want that, so why should it be questioned like it's something strange?

People kill me with that mess... acting like you said you wanna go smoke crack or something.
 
cupcake said:
To build the life I've always wanted and share that with my future husband and children. I can be secure on my own. I can vacation alone until the cows come home. Go out and 'date' just for the hell of it.

But to look up one day and be surrounded by my kids, my hubby, my family... the most important people in my life....that is priceless.
Click to expand...

I want the same scenario too.
 
Honestly I never wanted to get married until I started dating MisterMan. I think a lot of it depends on who you're with. :yep:
 
I want to build a life with my so,grow old with him,go through good and bad,happy and sad times.I want security and commitment,and love that will only get stronger each day.When or if that day comes that we do ever get married only time will tell.
 
I want to have and raise children with my FH. Unconditional love, commitment, friendship and support will be there regardless of whether we get married or not, but I would like to be married before we begin having children.
 
I mean y not. I would love to spend the rest of my life with my soul mate and pop out a kid or 2 or maybe 3:look:
 
I think that most UNmarried folks have this romantic storybook picture of married life.. they know there will be ups and downs but still have this "it will be all worth it in the long run" mentality...

I think a lot of married folks know better and thus tell people to enjoy their singlehood... marriage means giving up a LOT and a lot of folks, despite loving their wife and kids, miss & need that missing part back

I celebrated my wedding Anniversary just yesterday... I got married simply because I got pregnant... and I didnt want to be a single mother by choice. I didnt want to be that example to my child. ( and yes, I know I just offended some folks but I cant think of any other way to say it)... I have regretted getting married MANY times but I also know I wasnt doing it just for ME

Today Ive grown and matured... I love and respect my husband a LOT more than I did when we got married.. I cant say I did when we got married, though at the time I thought I did...When we got married, he had a job, didnt cheat, didnt beat, was willing to marry me, wasnt bad looking, had a good personality and he made me toes curl nightly.... so I thoiught that was all I needed... Today I am totally engrossed by him and his being... I love his faults more than his goodness...

anyhoo, Would I do it over again.... Probably not because I had other options that couldve made my life a lot easier ( financially & otherwise) but at the same time I aint going nowhere and we are both in it for the long haul...... and he still makes my toes curl, though not nightly anymore
 
Why get married? Means to an end. Everything I do, I must see a means to an end or else I'll go crazy. It must stop somewhere.

Marriage is a blessing to me. To be able to find someone who CHOOSES to put up with me FOREVER? AND make that vow under GOD? People have no idea how special that is.

I hope i get that blessing.
 
Thanks for your honesty PassionFruit.

I never, ever thought about getting married until I turned 30. I don't want children so I never felt that kind of urgency like a lot of people. But when I turned 30 it was like some kind of switch went off in my head and I realized that I would really like something special and commited with someone. I still have never met anyone that made me want to be married to THEM but I would like to be married for most of the reasons you ladies have stated.
 
MizzBrown said:
Why get married? Means to an end. Everything I do, I must see a means to an end or else I'll go crazy. It must stop somewhere.

Marriage is a blessing to me. To be able to find someone who CHOOSES to put up with me FOREVER? AND make that vow under GOD? People have no idea how special that is.

I hope i get that blessing.
Click to expand...

Stated beautifully. :yep:
 
MizAvalon said:
Thanks for your honesty PassionFruit.

I never, ever thought about getting married until I turned 30. I don't want children so I never felt that kind of urgency like a lot of people. But when I turned 30 it was like some kind of switch went off in my head and I realized that I would really like something special and commited with someone. I still have never met anyone that made me want to be married to THEM but I would like to be married for most of the reasons you ladies have stated.
Click to expand...

GIRL!!!! That's what happened to me! Hit 30, and bam!

Now I'm all about wanting to get married when a few years ago, I didn't care one bit!
 
PassionFruit said:
I think that most UNmarried folks have this romantic storybook picture of married life.. they know there will be ups and downs but still have this "it will be all worth it in the long run" mentality...

I think a lot of married folks know better and thus tell people to enjoy their singlehood... marriage means giving up a LOT and a lot of folks, despite loving their wife and kids, miss & need that missing part back

I celebrated my wedding Anniversary just yesterday... I got married simply because I got pregnant... and I didnt want to be a single mother by choice. I didnt want to be that example to my child. ( and yes, I know I just offended some folks but I cant think of any other way to say it)... I have regretted getting married MANY times but I also know I wasnt doing it just for ME

Today Ive grown and matured... I love and respect my husband a LOT more than I did when we got married.. I cant say I did when we got married, though at the time I thought I did...When we got married, he had a job, didnt cheat, didnt beat, was willing to marry me, wasnt bad looking, had a good personality and he made me toes curl nightly.... so I thoiught that was all I needed... Today I am totally engrossed by him and his being... I love his faults more than his goodness...

anyhoo, Would I do it over again.... Probably not because I had other options that couldve made my life a lot easier ( financially & otherwise) but at the same time I aint going nowhere and we are both in it for the long haul...... and he still makes my toes curl, though not nightly anymore
Click to expand...

Passionfruit, thanks for your story. I do think a lot of unmarried folks have this romantic notion of what marriage is like and need to know the full deal before rushing into it.

That being said, I think it's a lot different to tell a 21-23 year old (or maybe slightly older) to enjoy his/her singleness and freedom, but quite another to tell that to someone in their 30s and over who've had a decade or more of "freedom" and are rightfully ready for a change.

I believe that Countrygal is in her 30s and she has a child as well. I'm just thinking that it was rather insensitive for this married father of three to tell her, a single mother, to "enjoy life" and not rush or whatever, when she's clearly in a place and position where marriage would be a benefit for her and probably her child as well.

I mean, there's only so long that most of us want to "enjoy our single period" anyway... I don't think most of us are trying to stay single into our 40s, 50s and 60s here.

And also, maybe this is me being naive, but I think that if you marry well, it doesn't have to be so difficult. I have heard and talked to people in successful marriages who say it was the best thing to ever happen to them and they would do it again 70000000 times... but they were very careful and meticulous and did their homework before getting married and it paid off for them.
 
MizAvalon said:
Thanks for your honesty PassionFruit.

I never, ever thought about getting married until I turned 30. I don't want children so I never felt that kind of urgency like a lot of people. But when I turned 30 it was like some kind of switch went off in my head and I realized that I would really like something special and commited with someone. I still have never met anyone that made me want to be married to THEM but I would like to be married for most of the reasons you ladies have stated.
Click to expand...

It's so funny cause I actually went the opposite way around 30.

All through my 20s I wanted to get married, have babies, etc., and probably jumped the gun with certain people because of that desire.

Now, I really don't know if want to get married at all. My sister (in all her 19 year old wisdom :rolleyes:) thinks I'm just jaded because of my last relationship but I don't think it's just that, I think there are other factors.
 
JenFleets said:
Honestly I never wanted to get married until I started dating MisterMan. I think a lot of it depends on who you're with. :yep:
Click to expand...

YES! That is so true.

It's weird. I have this recurring dream that I'm getting married. No matter who I'm dating, I'm standing at the altar ready to say I do. Then the priest (I'm Catholic) asks does anybody object. So about 5-6 of my exes stand up at the same time and start yelling and fighting with one another. Crazy thing is, I could never see the groom's face. It was always this blur.

I started dating my SO and I never thought of marriage until he came along. Then I had the dream again. Only this time, I saw him as the groom & now I can't see what my exes look like. Cheezy, but it's true. Even my Aunt Jo (who is 65 years young) says we should get married. And if she thinks it's a good idea, then it probably is. :yep:
 
i will come back and answer in more depth but i wanted to be married for all the wrongs reasons until recently. Just to be married, have a big wedding and get a beautiful ring. i didn't think about the work involved in sustaining a loving relationship.
 
Country gal said:
My co-worker asked me this question. He is married with 3 kids. I was telling him I want to get married. He was like for what, you are single you should be having fun and dating. Dating is overrated. I want to settle down with someone and build on a relationship. ALl of my exes are married well two and I want to have a family too. Marriage means stablity and security. The stability of having someone to come home to every night.

What does it mean to you?
Click to expand...

:lachen: @ your coworker. It's easy to go forward with your relationship status, but hard to go back.
 
Sweetg said:
i will come back and answer in more depth but i wanted to be married for all the wrongs reasons until recently. Just to be married, have a big wedding and get a beautiful ring. i didn't think about the work involved in sustaining a loving relationship.
Click to expand...

I think this is what gets a LOT of women excited about marriage. People focus on how many carats their ring is going to be, and how that shows how much a man loves them, etc. while they're still single!!! It blows my mind.
 
filthyfresh said:
I want to get married because I want to make the commitment to be with that one person I love and who loves me. And I want to do it in front of God, my parents, family, etc. Plus, I just want that companionship. I want to spend the rest of my life loving and living with my best friend. I want to build a family with this person and share our ups and downs. I'm sick of dating (I hate to say that at 22) but there are really no great options, at least not in Chicago. Thank God I'm with my SO. SMH. IDK what I'd do if I had to date now.
Click to expand...

Replace that with 23 & Detroit. Picked right from my brain. :yep: ​

Passionfruit, thanks for your very different outlook. That was extremely interesting for me to see someone speak so openly like that. A lot of people can't admit to the things you've spoken of. I know about the downsides to marriage, and have prepared myself as much as an unmarried person can. Bad comes with good in all aspects of life. We can't appreciate the good without having the bad to compare it to. There are just some things you have to experience for you to understand, marriage is one. No person, married or unmarried, can tell you what to expect and it plays out exactly as told.
My SO and I argue constantly. :lachen:I'm talking daily, but it's usually trivial also. We know we love each other very much and we usually make each other laugh when all is said and done. We make sacrifices on the regular to make our love work. He works extremely long hours, we don't share a child, but I'm just as involved with his children as he is; sometimes even more. I refused to date him for 3 years because I wanted a nuclear family. I'm glad I finally opened my heart. There is no storybook ending and I'm sure we won't have fairytale wedding, but nothing would make me happier than to be his wife. And I know the feeling is mutual. Hell, he may love me more than I love him. :laugh:​
 
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