White man's guide to dating black women

[JollyGal]

The White man's guide to dating black women book sounds really good.

I purchased the book that adam wrote for black women about 5 years ago but still have not finished it. It's written like a dissertation for me. I guess it is harder for a white man to write for black women who want to date white men than it is to write for white men.

There are so many well written interracial (bw - non black men) books out there and I would love to read all. Don't forget bestselling author Brenda Jackson.

Some of the most recent books have come from black women who write BWE blogs I can't remember the names of all but their material is very good. The gist of the books are to empower black women and their dating choices.

Evia Moore
Roslyn Hardy Holcomb
Halima Sal-Anderson
Khadija Nassif
Christelyn Karazin (I think her book is due out this year)

and many more.

There is nothing wrong with these books. They are aimed at people who WANT to date outside of their race and black women who need the message that it is ok to love a man from another race. I really do not understand the outrage directed towards the books and authors. I honestly think that if people took the time to read some of the books they will see that the message is generally positive towards black women. There is no crime in empowering black women.

@lovely008 - why do you think that these books are embarrassing?
There is a need for books like this especially in the so-called black community where black women are usually seen as the saviours of all and have to take the blame for the wrongs within the bc.

I tell you what is embarrassing. Black people disgracing black women for their dating choices and even going so far as to physically cause black women harm just because they found love with someone who has a different skin colour.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I scrolled to the end and I thought I was going to be like "oh heylll naw!" but instead there was a reasonable bit about not making "assumptions" about black women from the media because not everything you see is correct, and rarely if ever is correct. That part I was okay with and I could leave "the taste for black women" part behind.

 

[abcd09]

The White man's guide to dating black women book sounds really good.

I purchased the book that adam wrote for black women about 5 years ago but still have not finished it. It's written like a dissertation for me. I guess it is harder for a white man to write for black women who want to date white men than it is to write for white men.

There are so many well written interracial (bw - non black men) books out there and I would love to read all. Don't forget bestselling author Brenda Jackson.

Some of the most recent books have come from black women who write BWE blogs I can't remember the names of all but their material is very good. The gist of the books are to empower black women and their dating choices.

Evia Moore
Roslyn Hardy Holcomb
Halima Sal-Anderson
Khadija Nassif
Christelyn Karazin (I think her book is due out this year)

and many more.

There is nothing wrong with these books. They are aimed at people who WANT to date outside of their race and black women who need the message that it is ok to love a man from another race. I really do not understand the outrage directed towards the books and authors. I honestly think that if people took the time to read some of the books they will see that the message is generally positive towards black women. There is no crime in empowering black women.

@lovely008 - why do you think that these books are embarrassing?
There is a need for books like this especially in the so-called black community where black women are usually seen as the saviours of all and have to take the blame for the wrongs within the bc.

I tell you what is embarrassing. Black people disgracing black women for their dating choices and even going so far as to physically cause black women harm just because they found love with someone who has a different skin colour.

my "outrage" wasn't about dating outside your race. my dislike was geared towards the "black women deserve better" and the narcissism implied from the title. it's not empowering, it's belittling. the other books are probably fine. I just say if a guy says he doesnt like black culture or belittles other blacks and then uplifts you or something, just be aware. sometimes it's hard to catch. for example, that title is subtle, but it says sooo much that people are overlooking because it's about interracial love. you still have to be aware. save yourself some heartache and mental anguish. ALL i'm saying is approach with caution. date who you want.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

The White man's guide to dating black women book sounds really good.

I purchased the book that adam wrote for black women about 5 years ago but still have not finished it. It's written like a dissertation for me. I guess it is harder for a white man to write for black women who want to date white men than it is to write for white men.

There are so many well written interracial (bw - non black men) books out there and I would love to read all. Don't forget bestselling author Brenda Jackson.

Some of the most recent books have come from black women who write BWE blogs I can't remember the names of all but their material is very good. The gist of the books are to empower black women and their dating choices.

Evia Moore
Roslyn Hardy Holcomb
Halima Sal-Anderson
Khadija Nassif
Christelyn Karazin (I think her book is due out this year)

and many more.

There is nothing wrong with these books. They are aimed at people who WANT to date outside of their race and black women who need the message that it is ok to love a man from another race. I really do not understand the outrage directed towards the books and authors. I honestly think that if people took the time to read some of the books they will see that the message is generally positive towards black women. There is no crime in empowering black women.

@lovely008 - why do you think that these books are embarrassing?
There is a need for books like this especially in the so-called black community where black women are usually seen as the saviours of all and have to take the blame for the wrongs within the bc.

I tell you what is embarrassing. Black people disgracing black women for their dating choices and even going so far as to physically cause black women harm just because they found love with someone who has a different skin colour.

I love this post and thank you for the suggesstions of other authors, too. I follow Christlyn. She's hilarious, too, lol.

 

[wednesday]

my "outrage" wasn't about dating outside your race. my dislike was geared towards the "black women deserve better" and the narcissism implied from the title. it's not empowering, it's belittling. the other books are probably fine. I just say if a guy says he doesnt like black culture or belittles other blacks and then uplifts you or something, just be aware. sometimes it's hard to catch. for example, that title is subtle, but it says sooo much that people are overlooking because it's about interracial love. you still have to be aware. save yourself some heartache and mental anguish. ALL i'm saying is approach with caution. date who you want.

.......ITA

 

[Thiends]

my "outrage" wasn't about dating outside your race. my dislike was geared towards the "black women deserve better" and the narcissism implied from the title. it's not empowering, it's belittling. the other books are probably fine. I just say if a guy says he doesnt like black culture or belittles other blacks and then uplifts you or something, just be aware. sometimes it's hard to catch. for example, that title is subtle, but it says sooo much that people are overlooking because it's about interracial love. you still have to be aware. save yourself some heartache and mental anguish. ALL i'm saying is approach with caution. date who you want.

I agree with your posts, although they may have the unintended effect of dissuading black women who do not have much experience with white men. As someone who has seen white men date a series of black women who all look alike, I think your warnings are very important. There are white men who see black women as clones of each other, with the result being that they do not really expend much effort on relationships with individual black women because they will just replace the black woman in question with another one who looks just like her. I am talking about the Bill Mahers of the world here. I am not sure, however, if these types of white men are in the majority of white men who date interracially.

Edit: In my experience, it is actually more common for white men who date Asian women to run through women without seeing differences among the Asian women they have dated. I have also, however, come across black, Indian, Asian, and Hispanic men who are guilty of harboring the same views and behaviors towards white and other race women they dated. There is certainly a need to be cautious when dating interracially.

 

[ambergirl]

I've read the blogs of some of the black women interracial relationship writers like Evia and Halima a few years ago and my biggest issue with them is that they encouraged alot of black man bashing including using the term DBR (damaged beyond repair) black men which I find offensive. Hope they've stopped that nonsense.

 

[lushcoils]

I've read the blogs of some of the black women interracial relationship writers like Evia and Halima a few years ago and my biggest issue with them is that they encouraged alot of black man bashing including using the term DBR (damaged beyond repair) black men which I find offensive. Hope they've stopped that nonsense.

Nope, they haven't stopped. They don't call it bashing; they call it being real.

 

[nikolite]

I've read the blogs of some of the black women interracial relationship writers like Evia and Halima a few years ago and my biggest issue with them is that they encouraged alot of black man bashing including using the term DBR (damaged beyond repair) black men which I find offensive. Hope they've stopped that nonsense.

No they still use it. I couldn't understand that either. Why being open about the possibility of loving a white guy has to also mean being closed or jaded towards black guys?

 

[anon123]

No they still use it. I couldn't understand that either. Why being open about the possibility of loving a white guy has to also mean being closed or jaded towards black guys?

It is precisely the thing we complain about on this forum when we wonder why black men have to bash us while they date white women.

 

[chickle]

The author says black people have a secret holiday they celebrate called Juneteenth, why was I not informed of this?

 

[qchelle]

The author says black people have a secret holiday they celebrate called Juneteenth, why was I not informed of this?

Its not a secret. You've never heard of Juneteenth?

 

[nikolite]

The author says black people have a secret holiday they celebrate called Juneteenth, why was I not informed of this?

LOL .

A lot of people far north don't know about it, but its the day the slaves were emancipated (or the last group of slaves in Texas or Georgia, I think). Its the black independence day. June 19th.

 

[BGT]

Its not a secret. You've never heard of Juneteenth?

I thought she was being facetious. Down here in Louisiana, Juneteenth feels like a month long celebration.

 

[DarkVictory]

I know guys who read books like these, though probably not the insulting "deserve better" title.

They are guys who read books/blogs about how to meet and date women, period. They're clueless and know it. They're geeks who prefer to read a manual before taking action.

Some are friends with Black guys or live in the neighborhood so they meet family, friends, etc, but know saying, "Hey, TJ, how can I get a date with your cousin?" is not the way to go.

There are fetishists or whatever out there, but I think a lot of the audience for these books are just your basic lonely/horny/hopeful males.

 

[Seraphina]

Wow! Really? Why'd he say that?

I just want to qualify this by saying that I'm not advocating or defending his POV. Just explaining it. Based on a lot of men in our families and other experiences, my brother has formed a strong prejudice that black men too many entitlement issues. It stems mainly from our father. He feels that he has seen too many women whom he loves being taken advantage of and taken for granted. That said, he's not opposed to me being with a good black man. He is just, sadly, under the impression that they are few and far between.

I've read the blogs of some of the black women interracial relationship writers like Evia and Halima a few years ago and my biggest issue with them is that they encouraged alot of black man bashing including using the term DBR (damaged beyond repair) black men which I find offensive. Hope they've stopped that nonsense.

Yeah, it's unfortunate that folks have not been able to simply expand their horizons without turning it into something negative. And it works both ways. We also have to learn how to not project our insecurities onto others. When I see a black man with a white woman, I assume that it is because he loves her opposed to assuming that he hates black women.

 

[Godyssey]

Amazon.com: Black Women Deserve Better (9781432721039): C W: Books

If you ain't white, you ain't right.
YouTube - Modern Family racist!

 

[JollyGal]

my "outrage" wasn't about dating outside your race. my dislike was geared towards the "black women deserve better" and the narcissism implied from the title. it's not empowering, it's belittling. the other books are probably fine. I just say if a guy says he doesnt like black culture or belittles other blacks and then uplifts you or something, just be aware. sometimes it's hard to catch. for example, that title is subtle, but it says sooo much that people are overlooking because it's about interracial love. you still have to be aware. save yourself some heartache and mental anguish. ALL i'm saying is approach with caution. date who you want.

@ abcd09 - IMHO I think that what you wrote above (bold) can and must be applied to all relationships not just IR.
How would you define black culture?

If a man were to belittle a group of people (blacks, whites etc..) and then uplift me I would not date him he wouldn't even be in my environment. Generally, you can't uplift someone by saying disparaging things about someone else. The best advice would be to stay away from men like that. However, if a man were to express his disgust towards the poisonous behaviour/actions of certain groups of people then I would date him. I don't agree with hate but I do agree with dislike.

Black women DO deserve better and I find nothing wrong with this title and the front cover. I guess it is about what you interpret from the front cover and title but what about the content of the book?
From my research I find that author is about empowering women so that they can marry a quality man of any colour and stay away from DBR's (which come in all shapes, sexes and colours as the bloggers state) and the NWNW mentality that is rising in the "western" world. Have you read CW's blog? It is now a private blog but there is a website dedicated to the idea behind black women deserve better. The blog is really interesting.

OT:

About DBR's do they really deserve to not be classed as unimportant? They have done nothing but destroy lives and families. Black women who have experienced their damaging behaviours continue to be the ones to bear the grunt and are still to this day seen as responsible for the state of BC's yet men are the ones with power and responsibility in all other groups. How can black women be seen as responsible when they never had any power to begin with? I can't get my head around it. The more I read about black women who have experienced the behaviour of those men the more I support the message of the bloggers.

I think the DBR term is about taking control of the situation (according to you) and saying that those men are damaged beyond repair just leave them to carry on and get out while you still have.
Another great term that has been used to empower black women is NWNW. No wedding No womb.

 

[JollyGal]

No they still use it. I couldn't understand that either. Why being open about the possibility of loving a white guy has to also mean being closed or jaded towards black guys?

I also read the blogs and posts thoroughly. I don't see this "black man bashing". I do however see bad man bashing.
The bloggers are about finding quality men from all backgrounds for black women to marry.
DBR means damaged beyond repair which comes in all colours.
If they use the term DRBbm then yes it is aimed at black men who fit the description of DBR (men who refuse to work, men who refuse to take responsibility for their actions, men who continue to have OOW children, men who are happy to shack up with bw but not marry her and a whole other list of descriptions).
Do you or another lhcf member mind sending me a PM of the post(s) where you see black man bashing?

 

[chickle]

I thought she was being facetious. Down here in Louisiana, Juneteenth feels like a month long celebration.

I must have fell of a turnip truck because this is the first time I am hearing of this

I am quite embarrassed, lol

 

[ArrrBeee]

Don't most men fantasize about women they're attracted to because of physical features? Whenever someone asks a black man what he loves about/why he wants a black women, he'll say something like (personality) her sass, attitude, strength and (physical traits) her full lips, hips, big breasts, big thighs, and juicy tits (all though all bw don't have these traits, that's another topic, but that's what we're known for). And it's okay for him to say that. But if a non-black men says these things, it's not okay?

My little sister is dating a white guy. Super white, complete opposite of Eminem type. He tells my sister all the time that he loves her locs.

 

[Angelicus]

aw man I want some white chocolate. Where is Vanilla Bean when I need him!

 

[TrueToHair]

.........................

 

[Ganjababy]

I would be turned off if I was dating a white guy and found out he owned any of these books. I would find it a bit unsettling in many ways.

 

[ConsiderCamille]

The authors name is "Adam WHITE" lmao, sorry this made me giggle...

 

[abcd09]

@ abcd09 - IMHO I think that what you wrote above (bold) can and must be applied to all relationships not just IR.
How would you define black culture?

If a man were to belittle a group of people (blacks, whites etc..) and then uplift me I would not date him he wouldn't even be in my environment. Generally, you can't uplift someone by saying disparaging things about someone else. The best advice would be to stay away from men like that. However, if a man were to express his disgust towards the poisonous behaviour/actions of certain groups of people then I would date him. I don't agree with hate but I do agree with dislike.

Black women DO deserve better and I find nothing wrong with this title and the front cover. I guess it is about what you interpret from the front cover and title but what about the content of the book?
From my research I find that author is about empowering women so that they can marry a quality man of any colour and stay away from DBR's (which come in all shapes, sexes and colours as the bloggers state) and the NWNW mentality that is rising in the "western" world. Have you read CW's blog? It is now a private blog but there is a website dedicated to the idea behind black women deserve better. The blog is really interesting.

OT:

About DBR's do they really deserve to not be classed as unimportant? They have done nothing but destroy lives and families. Black women who have experienced their damaging behaviours continue to be the ones to bear the grunt and are still to this day seen as responsible for the state of BC's yet men are the ones with power and responsibility in all other groups. How can black women be seen as responsible when they never had any power to begin with? I can't get my head around it. The more I read about black women who have experienced the behaviour of those men the more I support the message of the bloggers.

I think the DBR term is about taking control of the situation (according to you) and saying that those men are damaged beyond repair just leave them to carry on and get out while you still have.
Another great term that has been used to empower black women is NWNW. No wedding No womb.

I define black culture as a long history of endurance, importance of the family, strength, and positivity towards others, as well as fearlessness for fighting for one's self.

I do understand what you are saying, but I dont think it matters what I define as black culture, but rather the guy you're dating. If he thinks being black is about being "ghetto" and rap music, gang violence, clubbing, and unwed mothers, run. If he makes a comment like "Blavk men dont deserve back women because theyre too busy being thugs and making kids with too many different women"...how would you feel about that? To me, it sounds like He has no idea and you will be battling his ignorance one way or another. There are people like this out there who feel like they have to save you from the dangers of being black. I find it offensive like I find those anti-abortion "The most dangerous place is the womb" for black kids posters. Ignorant and damning even though they seem like theyre trying to help you.

That being said, all I said was be careful who you date. Dont try to change a guy and listen to all of what he is saying, no matter his race.