White man's guide to dating black women

[Syrah]

We really need to let go of these complexes about dating interracially. Everytime there is an interracial dating thread, there is a bunch of side eyeing the intentions of those who are proponents of it. Meanwhile, talk to any black man and they generally view irr relationships as far more acceptable. We are still the ones clinging to an illusory loyalty that is unreciprocal. If it's not right for you, fine. But, there are sincere people out here, bw and wm who are open to dating each other or are contemplating it and therefore, there is a market for these books. It's not exploitative. WM, AM and BW have issues doing what WW and BM and AW have had absolutely NO QUALMS about doing....expanding their circle and exploring love in all places.

Black men are unapologetic. They go for whatever suits their tastes. And yet, here we are, being irritated and side eyeing people who are interested in loving black women and want to share that as a positive endeavor with others. Odd.

100% agree.

The only thing I (continually) side eye is how the dating "trangressions" of black women have become such a topic of frequent public (read: non-black) discussion.

 

[abcd09]

Beware the white man, or any man who thinks he's saving you from the ravages of the black man. The minute you slip up, he'll tell you you should be glad you have him since "no one else wants black women...not even black men."

And beware the white man, or any man or woman, who thinks all black men act a certain way while black women (or just you) are the exception, because the moment you slip up, you're "one of them."

 

[CurlyMoo]

We really need to let go of these complexes about dating interracially. Everytime there is an interracial dating thread, there is a bunch of side eyeing the intentions of those who are proponents of it. Meanwhile, talk to any black man and they generally view irr relationships as far more acceptable. We are still the ones clinging to an illusory loyalty that is unreciprocal. If it's not right for you, fine. But, there are sincere people out here, bw and wm who are open to dating each other or are contemplating it and therefore, there is a market for these books. It's not exploitative. WM, AM and BW have issues doing what WW and BM and AW have had absolutely NO QUALMS about doing....expanding their circle and exploring love in all places.

Black men are unapologetic. They go for whatever suits their tastes. And yet, here we are, being irritated and side eyeing people who are interested in loving black women and want to share that as a positive endeavor with others. Odd.

Yep pretty much how I feel and others will praise us for staying to one race while dating the rainbow themselves:

YouTube - Vonetta McGee Interviewed by Don Cornelius on Soul Train

Fast forward to 2:09 then look at what he ended up with:


But this is how he turned out:


Po Thang!

 

[CurlyMoo]

i knew we were special but i didn't realize it took a "guide(s)" to date us... learn something new everyday

Nope, writters are watching the rising trends and banking on them or at least trying.

 

[CurlyMoo]

@ Charlotte York & Raspberry: THANK YOU!

I'm not mad in the slightest. Oh, what a horrible thought that white men want to overcome social obstacles in order to love and uplift black women! What could be worse than that?

BM do them, all day every day, no matter who gets hurt or doesn't like it. But BW are supposed to give up on our options? Why exactly? Because it might hurt BM's feelings? ok.....

eta: A taste for BW just means a preference or an appreciation for BW, why get all up in arms about that? I LIKE when someone prefers me, it means they have good taste

And judging from how quickly lots of BW get all angry, suspicious and persnickety with every.single.thing a WM says (but will put up with all manner of BS from BM) I can see why a guy would like some instructions.

Like I saw a WM advise another WM on askmen dot com about how to meet BW, and he told him to ask the lady if she knew how to cook collard greens!!! he was serious, too! Now I like WM but I'd be if a WM asked me how to cook greens. So really it may be needed for some men to check out a book like the guide to dating BW.

@ the bolded, not trying to be funny but. Who else would he ask? Because I've never tasted good greens except out of a Black womans kitchen. I'm not saying he should approach like that but come on now.

 

[CurlyMoo]

100% agree.

The only thing I (continually) side eye is how the dating "trangressions" of black women have become such a topic of frequent public (read: non-black) discussion.

We opened the door, I swear Black Americans have a serious case of diarrhea of the mouth. In private fine, but on television and radio?? This has been going on for years, years. Books have been written, film so forth and so on.

Nothing has changed except the world now knows or think they know our personal business. Look at the sad state of Youtube. So many complainers, especially Black men vs. Black women. It's a mess.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Beware the white man, or any man who thinks he's saving you from the ravages of the black man. The minute you slip up, he'll tell you you should be glad you have him since "no one else wants black women...not even black men."

And beware the white man, or any man or woman, who thinks all black men act a certain way while black women (or just you) are the exception, because the moment you slip up, you're "one of them."

Beware of ANY man telling a woman she's no one unless he loves her.

Interesting because I don't believe most BW/WM relationships are based on WM telling the BW he's the best thing for her including BM. Especially when our fierce loyality is so legendary, the guy would be afraid to offend. In fact from what I hear many are intimated with being able to measure up to the BM.

I must have imagined all this bemoaning of Black women about their unhappy relationships with BM. If it ain't working do someone else is my motto.

 

[Seraphina]

But you know what, a ton of black men would buy that book and not be the least offended.

It's kind of interesting.. we'll complain all day amongst ourselves about black men but if we get a hint of white people belittling black men the hackles come up and it's all 'no they didn't'... black women are loyal to the core..

ETA: Just read Charlotte York's post - and yea, I concur . Im' not saying everyone needs to get a white man, just sayin all that suspicion and loyalty isn't paying off..

You know, I've noticed this sort of female loyalty expectation in a lot of cultures. A good friend of mine has an Armenian father and white mother. Even though he married out of the culture, he considers non-Armenian men off limits for his 2 daughters. He doesn't at all care what her brother does. It's interesting to see that pattern

These books seem weird to me but I didn't read them. I do agree, though, that black women need to expand their horizons. I think we as a grou have allowed ourselves to be railroaded into a lonely corner where we are the defenders and care takers of others and find that no one has our back.

My brother has said several times that he would prefer tosee me with a nonblack man. I date all races so we'll see.

 

[qchelle]

You know, I've noticed this sort of female loyalty expectation in a lot of cultures. A good friend of mine has an Armenian father and white mother. Even though he married out of the culture, he considers non-Armenian men off limits for his 2 daughters. He doesn't at all care what her brother does. It's interesting to see that pattern

These books seem weird to me but I didn't read them. I do agree, though, that black women need to expand their horizons. I think we as a grou have allowed ourselves to be railroaded into a lonely corner where we are the defenders and care takers of others and find that no one has our back.

My brother has said several times that he would prefer to see me with a nonblack man. I date all races so we'll see.

Wow! Really? Why'd he say that?

 

[nikolite]

We really need to let go of these complexes about dating interracially. Everytime there is an interracial dating thread, there is a bunch of side eyeing the intentions of those who are proponents of it. Meanwhile, talk to any black man and they generally view irr relationships as far more acceptable. We are still the ones clinging to an illusory loyalty that is unreciprocal. If it's not right for you, fine. But, there are sincere people out here, bw and wm who are open to dating each other or are contemplating it and therefore, there is a market for these books. It's not exploitative. WM, AM and BW have issues doing what WW and BM and AW have had absolutely NO QUALMS about doing....expanding their circle and exploring love in all places.

Black men are unapologetic. They go for whatever suits their tastes. And yet, here we are, being irritated and side eyeing people who are interested in loving black women and want to share that as a positive endeavor with others. Odd.

But do you think its a coincidence that by and large, BLACK MEN are basically the only ones who are unapologetic and going for whomever? With the exception of AW, you don't see white, Latino, Asian or any other men OR women dating/marrying so much out of their race than you do black men (they statistically marry outside of their race more than any other group while black women have the lowest marriage rates of all women), and black men dating outside are especially overrepresented in the media. In this way, black women are pretty normal compared to everyone else, its really black men that are quite different.

I agree with your post. I'm very open to IR dating, but lets not ignore that there are real reasons as to why many black women are bothered by it. As are tons of Asian men, because next to black men, Asian women are also dating outside of their race unproportionately. I'm not saying that IR dating is a problem, but there's something more going on than just Suzie just happened to fall in love with Tyrone when there are specific interracial pairings that are the most prevalent while others are more rare. If it was really about innocent preferences and pure sexual attraction then white men wouldn't be so closed to it at the same time that black men are so open to it. And the WW, BM, and AW you listed are all portrayed as sexually desirable in our society--they aren't just more open than everyone else, they artificially have more options.

So when a white guy writes a book about having specific taste about black women, this doesn't seem like a "I fell in love with a woman who just happens to be black" type of thing like what your post portrays. These books are about people looking specifically for a race and then finding love with them--which I think is much more of a problem. Its exactly what a lot of BM and AW are doing (not all) and this isn't about being open but about seeking out specific races of people to address some deeper issue within that individual and/or fulfill some stereotypical fantasy.

Look at this informal study that was conducted by OKcupid.com (online dating site): How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get

It shows that whites aren't nearly as open to IR dating as blacks are, and there's a lot more going on than black men just happening to be more open than black women. Black women are more likely to be rejected while white men and women are more pursued by all races, but prefer their own race. Black men are just as likely to be rejected, but actually pursue outside of their race much more. None of that looks good, nor some pollyanne-ish world of open acceptance to IR dating.

ETA: I agree that many BW are stupidly loyal to the core and should start dating outside their race much more, but I take issue with this idea that BM are simply being more open and we're not, when there's a lot more going on outside of our community that influences our decisions. I also don't have much of a problem with the books OP listed.

 

[nikolite]

Nope, writters are watching the rising trends and banking on them or at least trying.

Good point. These are nothing but trends that people are harping on for money. Just like all the re-hashing "news" stories about BW being so bottom of the barrel as not to be able to find a man.

 

[ambergirl]

But do you think its a coincidence that by and large, BLACK MEN are basically the only ones who are unapologetic and going for whomever? With the exception of AW, you don't see white, Latino, Asian or any other men OR women dating/marrying so much out of their race than you do black men (they statistically marry outside of their race more than any other group while black women have the lowest marriage rates of all women), and black men dating outside are especially overrepresented in the media. In this way, black women are pretty normal compared to everyone else, its really black men that are quite different.

I agree with your post. I'm very open to IR dating, but lets not ignore that there are real reasons as to why many black women are bothered by it. As are tons of Asian men, because next to black men, Asian women are also dating outside of their race unproportionately. I'm not saying that IR dating is a problem, but there's something more going on than just Suzie just happened to fall in love with Tyrone when there are specific interracial pairings that are the most prevalent while others are more rare. If it was really about innocent preferences and pure sexual attraction then white men wouldn't be so closed to it at the same time that black men are so open to it. And the WW, BM, and AW you listed are all portrayed as sexually desirable in our society--they aren't just more open than everyone else, they artificially have more options.

So when a white guy writes a book about having specific taste about black women, this doesn't seem like a "I fell in love with a woman who just happens to be black" type of thing like what your post portrays. These books are about people looking specifically for a race and then finding love with them--which I think is much more of a problem. Its exactly what a lot of BM and AW are doing (not all) and this isn't about being open but about seeking out specific races of people to address some deeper issue within that individual and/or fulfill some stereotypical fantasy.

Look at this informal study that was conducted by OKcupid.com (online dating site): How Your Race Affects The Messages You Get

It shows that whites aren't nearly as open to IR dating as blacks are, and there's a lot more going on than black men just happening to be more open than black women. Black women are more likely to be rejected while white men and women are more pursued by all races, but prefer their own race. Black men are just as likely to be rejected, but actually pursue outside of their race much more. None of that looks good, nor some pollyanne-ish world of open acceptance to IR dating.

ETA: I agree that many BW are stupidly loyal to the core and should start dating outside their race much more, but I take issue with this idea that BM are simply being more open and we're not, when there's a lot more going on outside of our community that influences our decisions. I also don't have much of a problem with the books OP listed.

^^^ Very insightful post. Even still, I don't find these books a problem. I don't think we can assume that the only white guys picking up this book are those who are only looking to date black women. It's very possible dude met some sister who rocked his world and he's trying to learn how best to be in relationship with her.

Personally, I wish more white people would take the initiative to spend some time learning about us on any level. Most are woefully ignorant and it shows. As a person who has dated several white men it can be a different experience. His friends and family may have issues with it, he may be treated differently when he's with a black woman, not to mention that on more then a few occassions I've had black men straight up insult and threaten my dates (although I wonder if these books address this issue).

Unless these books are perpetuating harmful or offensive stereotypes about black women I don't have a problem with them.

 

[lushcoils]

With topics like these the blame is always put on black women (as usual) for their problem of not being in relationships and blah blah. I know some BW are against IR, but I feel that many would be open to it if a non-black expressed interest, but how often does this happen? As Glib Girl says, I know 99% of the women here are dimes and all, but for the average black woman are white men really coming out in droves to date (and eventually marry) her? I don't believe that it is all of OUR fault that our IR numbers are so low.

 

[nikolite]

^^^ Very insightful post. Even still, I don't find these books a problem. I don't think we can assume that the only white guys picking up this book are those who are only looking to date black women. It's very possible dude met some sister who rocked his world and he's trying to learn how best to be in relationship with her.

Personally, I wish more white people would take the initiative to spend some time learning about us on any level. Most are woefully ignorant and it shows. As a person who has dated several white men it can be a different experience. His friends and family may have issues with it, he may be treated differently when he's with a black woman, not to mention that on more then a few occassions I've had black men straight up insult and threaten my dates (although I wonder if these books address this issue).

Unless these books are perpetuating harmful or offensive stereotypes about black women I don't have a problem with them.

I completely agree. I was actually responding more to Charlotte's post, and not the OP's books, which I don't see a problem with. That was unclear though.

I think its good to see white men attempting to break those mental barriers, and since there's such a shortage of them doing so, I can see why some white men come out with those types of books/websites. But I question anyone seeking to date a specific race in general, because it always seems like more than just them seeking love.

Like your example, I think if a white guy buys the book after he started crushing on a BW he works with and wants to know how to approach her, I can understand that. No problem. But the white guy who fantasizes about black women because there's something particular about their physical features (fetishizing her) picks it up to specifically find a black woman, I'm not so sure about that.

 

[mw138]

Amazon.com: Mr. Fix-It (Indigo Love Spectrum) (9781585713264): Crystal Hubbard: Books

I read this book. It's fiction and the reason it's call Mr. Fix It is because, IIRC, the guy is a super in an apartment building.

 

[lushcoils]

But the white guy who fantasizes about black women because there's something particular about their physical features (fetishizing her) picks it up to specifically find a black woman, I'm not so sure about that.

Don't most men fantasize about women they're attracted to because of physical features? Whenever someone asks a black man what he loves about/why he wants a black women, he'll say something like (personality) her sass, attitude, strength and (physical traits) her full lips, hips, big breasts, big thighs, and juicy tits (all though all bw don't have these traits, that's another topic, but that's what we're known for). And it's okay for him to say that. But if a non-black men says these things, it's not okay?

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Don't most men fantasize about women they're attracted to because of physical features? Whenever someone asks a black man what he loves about/why he wants a black women, he'll say something like (personality) her sass, attitude, strength and (physical traits) her full lips, hips, big ***, big thighs, and juicy tits (all though all bw don't have these traits, that's another topic, but that's what we're known for). And it's okay for him to say that. But if a non-black men says these things, it's not okay?

I've heard this double standard before as well.

 

[chocolat79]

We really need to let go of these complexes about dating interracially. Everytime there is an interracial dating thread, there is a bunch of side eyeing the intentions of those who are proponents of it. Meanwhile, talk to any black man and they generally view irr relationships as far more acceptable. We are still the ones clinging to an illusory loyalty that is unreciprocal. If it's not right for you, fine. But, there are sincere people out here, bw and wm who are open to dating each other or are contemplating it and therefore, there is a market for these books. It's not exploitative. WM, AM and BW have issues doing what WW and BM and AW have had absolutely NO QUALMS about doing....expanding their circle and exploring love in all places.

Black men are unapologetic. They go for whatever suits their tastes. And yet, here we are, being irritated and side eyeing people who are interested in loving black women and want to share that as a positive endeavor with others. Odd.

@bolded: You ain't speaking nothing but some truth!

 

[MzLady78]

All Black women are not the same so please tell me how a person benefits from reading a book on how to date one?

 

[abcd09]

Don't most men fantasize about women they're attracted to because of physical features? Whenever someone asks a black man what he loves about/why he wants a black women, he'll say something like (personality) her sass, attitude, strength and (physical traits) her full lips, hips, big breasts, big thighs, and juicy tits (all though all bw don't have these traits, that's another topic, but that's what we're known for). And it's okay for him to say that. But if a non-black men says these things, it's not okay?

Curious as to if you've ever been with a non-black guy who did this?

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't see the problem with white men who think they may want to try dating black women. I don't see why they need to first meet one they really like and THEN become interested. That seems like an arbitrary and unrealistic stipulation.

If a white man is used to dating white women and decides maybe he'd like to date a black woman one day, why is this different than a black woman who has solely dated black men who one day decides she is going to expand her experience and "cross over"? Is she of questionable motives because she hasn't yet met the one? Could it be she's always been attracted to them but was always apprehensive because she was conflicted about whether it was 1) ok and 2) possible that it could be reciprocal? Believe it or not, those wm who are attracted to bw are feeling the same way. They are afraid we are not checking for them out the gate. (which, by and large, we haven't been)

In this very thread, there's a lot of "wm ain't checkin' for us" talk. BW have been consistently opposed to the possibility that wm could be mates and that they're even attracted to us in the first place. Why are we even harping on "they ain't checking for us like that" in a thread about books written specifically for wm who really ARE interested? It's like we have this constant block, man and it doesn't serve us well.

All men are going to be attracted to you physically. They are going to notice you physically. They are going to "like" your physicality. Probably early on. Men love women because they are women physically! So, I'm not getting why we are again setting up roadblocks for the wm to like us when we know good and damn well, black men are the KINGS and CONNOISSEURS of booty, lips, hips, big legs, etc, etc, etc. We aren't mad then. Why are we mad when some other man likes it too? They find things they like in their own women physically, why would we be different again ?

 

[lushcoils]

Curious as to if you've ever been with a non-black guy who did this?

I've never been with a non-black man (I'm interested, but like I said above it's not like they are coming out in droves, but that's another topic anyways) , but from what I read/hear/observe... many of the Eminem-ish types of non-black men* are the most vocal about saying that those traits are the reasons why they love them some black women. I would not go with a man of any color who says those things because I'm not into thug type of men and I don't have most of those traits.

I don't think I've ever heard a BW complain about BM describing them in this way, only when a non-BM does it. Actually, most BW flaunt and talk about these traits the most and mention how it makes us "unique" from other women. So I find it interesting when they get offended other men notice it and call it a fetish.

Usually when I hear non-Eminem-ish types of non-black men say they like black women it's because of our skin color or natural hair, or that they just happened to fall in love with a woman who is black who he has a lot in common with.

*disclaimer: I know there are non thuggish non-black men out there that can apprieciate a thick sassy sista, but I'm just describing a general pattern that I have noticed in my limited viewings of BW/non-BM interactions.

 

[MissYocairis]

All Black women are not the same so please tell me how a person benefits from reading a book on how to date one?

The same way bw have threads and discussions and books and blogs about what it is like to take the plunge and cross over. It's not dealing specifically with black women as far as I can tell as much as it is dealing with the person's mental blocks that have prevented him from acting on his attraction to black women in the past. Same as the blocks black women have that prevent us from considering any other race romantically other than black.

There are threads discussion this. Why is it ok for us to discuss and not them? I don't think the book has things like, "be sure you bring her some Green Apple NowLaters, Grape Soda, and a bag of Yaki on your first date. All black women love this!"

I think it's more....from what I read in the first chapter....it's more like, "explore why you've never acted on your attraction when you've seen a bw that interested you....think about where you got those beliefs and how they serve or limit you now..." It's that type of talk.

 

[abcd09]

Please dont quote this. I want to delete in the future...
Well i think you have to be careful, because it's different with black men. Black men have full lips, dark skin, curly hair, and they are just similar to black women. They know you. White men on the other hand, who want to date you because of some fantasy "black" trait, are more likely to see you as ALL black women, and date you because of what you represent. I just have seen that once you fall off the pedestal of a white dude who fetishizes you, it becomes racial and weird. It's like the friend who constantly points out you being black, at some point you wonder if something is really going on in there....This, of course isn't every white guy, but I would just question the guy who says he like you for your black booty or whatever and get to know him better before anything takes place. Maybe something is up, maybe everything is cool...

 

[SUPER SWEET]

Well I wish someone would have given the WM that tried to date me...he could have stand to learn a few things.

 

[lushcoils]

^^^
I still don't see how that's different from a black man who wants to date me because of my black booty. Not all black men have dark skin, medium sized lips, dark brown eyes, and tightly coiled hair like me. So are the black men who don't the same physical traits as I do trying to date me because of some fantasy "black" trait as well?

Also, abcd, isn't your fiance white? Just wondering, why you seem to try to discourage BW from dating WM so much?

 

[MzLady78]

The same way bw have threads and discussions and books and blogs about what it is like to take the plunge and cross over. It's not dealing specifically with black women as far as I can tell as much as it is dealing with the person's mental blocks that have prevented him from acting on his attraction to black women in the past. Same as the blocks black women have that prevent us from considering any other race romantically other than black.

There are threads discussion this. Why is it ok for us to discuss and not them? I don't think the book has things like, "be sure you bring her some Green Apple NowLaters, Grape Soda, and a bag of Yaki on your first date. All black women love this!"

I think it's more....from what I read in the first chapter....it's more like, "explore why you've never acted on your attraction when you've seen a bw that interested you....think about where you got those beliefs and how they serve or limit you now..." It's that type of talk.

And I question these as well. IDK, I've never dated interracially and don't have much interest in doing so, but is it really that serious that folks need to read books and do all this extra exploration about it?

 

[abcd09]

It's different because the black guy isn't saying he dislikes black men. Look at it this way, if a white guy thinks black men are thugs, unintelligent andlazy, but thinks black women have nice butts, does he truly like you? It sounds to me likehe likes ebony porn and does not like/stereotypes essential parts of your culture. If he thinks black men aren't good enough and black women are wonderful, which is I perceive is the story behind black women deserve better, then howwill hetreat yourfuture kids? Your father? Your relatives? Your brother? I think it's fine to date a white guy who loves your black features and makes it known, but if he hates/disrespects black men, that should raise your eyebrow at least a little

ETA:I'm not discouraging against dating wm (where did I say this?). I'm discouraging against dating a guy who has an issue with black culture and black behavior and sees you or your gender as an exception. These books are saying black guys don't get it,and when someone says thatit makes me think something is wrong. My fiance does not fetishize my race,and respects black men to thefullest. I could NOTdeal otherwise. I am black and ifyoudont like black people,dont talk to me.

 

[nikolite]

Don't most men fantasize about women they're attracted to because of physical features? Whenever someone asks a black man what he loves about/why he wants a black women, he'll say something like (personality) her sass, attitude, strength and (physical traits) her full lips, hips, big breasts, big thighs, and juicy tits (all though all bw don't have these traits, that's another topic, but that's what we're known for). And it's okay for him to say that. But if a non-black men says these things, it's not okay?

That's not at all what I mean. There's a difference between seeing a beautiful woman for who she is (a woman) and fantasizing about her, and then fetishizing a particular aspect of her in a sexual way connected to her race/culture. Some men may fantasize about an Asian woman because they view her as a stereotype--some submissive/passive, child-like sexual partner--but not looking at her as a woman for who she is.

I'm sorry, but I'd be pissed if some guy fetishized my skin color or dreamed of me as some sexually-aggressive jungle bunny rather than viewing me the way he would view other women of his own race that he was attracted to. I'm not talking about a white guy liking a particular black woman's full lips, I'm talking about a white man fetishizing full lips in some kind of way and overly-sexualizing black women in general for this reason (thus seeing them as sexual partners and not life partners). If we're talking pure IR sex then I get you, but we are talking about IR relationships, right?

And do you think its okay for a black man to say he particularly prefers blond white women because they skin appears more dainty/delicate/"fresh" to them? (I've heard this before and that's pure fetishism IMO and not at all the way women should be viewed).

To the bolded: I never said it wasn't okay for white men to say that, nor that it was okay for black men to. I think you're reading too much into my posts.

 

[nikolite]

I don't see the problem with white men who think they may want to try dating black women. I don't see why they need to first meet one they really like and THEN become interested. That seems like an arbitrary and unrealistic stipulation.

If a white man is used to dating white women and decides maybe he'd like to date a black woman one day, why is this different than a black woman who has solely dated black men who one day decides she is going to expand her experience and "cross over"? Is she of questionable motives because she hasn't yet met the one? Could it be she's always been attracted to them but was always apprehensive because she was conflicted about whether it was 1) ok and 2) possible that it could be reciprocal? Believe it or not, those wm who are attracted to bw are feeling the same way. They are afraid we are not checking for them out the gate. (which, by and large, we haven't been)

In this very thread, there's a lot of "wm ain't checkin' for us" talk. BW have been consistently opposed to the possibility that wm could be mates and that they're even attracted to us in the first place. Why are we even harping on "they ain't checking for us like that" in a thread about books written specifically for wm who really ARE interested? It's like we have this constant block, man and it doesn't serve us well.

All men are going to be attracted to you physically. They are going to notice you physically. They are going to "like" your physicality. Probably early on. Men love women because they are women physically! So, I'm not getting why we are again setting up roadblocks for the wm to like us when we know good and damn well, black men are the KINGS and CONNOISSEURS of booty, lips, hips, big legs, etc, etc, etc. We aren't mad then. Why are we mad when some other man likes it too? They find things they like in their own women physically, why would we be different again ?

I'm guessing that most of this is addressed to me, but I haven't in anyway put any stipulations on how a WM can be attracted to a BW or set up any blocks. I simply gave an example. I'm also not saying that black women shouldn't date white men, I've said more than once that they should and that I had no problem with the books the OP listed.

I was only addressing your original post stating that black men are more open to dating than black women and that our loyalty is why we aren't seeing happiness. There are just a lot of other things going on in society that causes this that IMO aren't as benign as what you made it seem.

My problem isn't with interracial dating but with the way people follow trends in dating particular races because they are following stereotypes without actually openly dating whomever they make a connection with. I think the whole idea that people can be preferred or sampled like ice cream flavors to see which one you like is disgusting. We're all individuals.

I don't think I've ever heard a BW complain about BM describing them in this way, only when a non-BM does it. Actually, most BW flaunt and talk about these traits the most and mention how it makes us "unique" from other women. So I find it interesting when they get offended other men notice it and call it a fetish.

I'm not one of those black women who flaunt stereotypical parts so maybe you shouldn't be equating the things I am saying with women who do so. We're not the same.